worms

It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just WORMS!
Toddlers

It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just WORMS!

by Jill
written by Jill

Parenthood is the most disgusting thing ever.

You know what? If you can’t change a diaper bursting with a river of chunky & runny poo, wash your hands, then go right back to eating the beef stew you made for dinner, you simply won’t survive. You’ll starve.

I’ve caught vomit in my hands. I’ve wiped runny noses with my sleeve. I’ve inspected mystery rashes, and I’ve cleaned cups of milk so curdled it’s more solid than liquid.

Nothing has shaken me quite like hearing, “Jill…. Jill! Come here. I think Lowell has worms.” 

Picture-Of-Nothing

Needless to say, I did not go there to see. Nope. What if one leapt from his butt cheek and attached itself to my face? Crawled up my nose? No. I made Scott handle diapers all weekend. I’ll take your word for it!

Pinworms. That’s what they are. No doubt, a lovely souvenir from Disney World. THANKS, FLORIDA.

I mean, I couldn’t keep him from sucking on ALL the handrails at Magic Kingdom. You can’t pour hand sanitizer in their mouth, you know. (But someone should really get to work on that breakthrough.)

I just deleted the description from WebMD that I pasted here for you. I’m so sorry for that momentary lapse in judgement. You don’t deserve that.

I’ll just say that one of the symptoms of pinworms is a very itchy butt (I’ll let you imagine why), and you know how when your kids have lice and suddenly you start scratching your head out of fear that you also have them? In my experience, it’s exactly the same when your kid has pinworms, except it’s not your head with phantom empathy itching.

What is my life that this is even a normal thing for me to write on the internet?! 

So we’re treating him for it, of course. But also? Treating the whole family because, as it turns out, it’s pretty contagious. I mean, I don’t think anyone else has them, but I’d rather treat everyone than have to go looking for them… in the other places they would be.

So maybe the itching is not… phantom? OMG. No. I just… I’m fine. It’s fine. WE’RE FINE.

 

 

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BabiesParenthoodStuffThe Story

Some things really bring out the crazy in me, like worms.

by Jill
written by Jill

This story is too funny not to blog. I’ve already spoiled it for my Facebook Fans (What? I have a Facebook Fan Page? YEAH! Check it out.), but I really feel like I need to share it with the rest of you because I can’t stop laughing. Last night I was trying to rock Kendall to sleep, you know, acting like serious/subdued mommy, and I almost peed my pants trying to stifle the laughter just thinking about it. I need to stop building it up. It might not be funny to anyone else. Okay, I’m rambling… I blame the wine… blog.. now.

So I took Kendall to the pediatrician yesterday because he had a bit of an icky diaper rash. I’d seen it look like this before and just wanted to stop it before it escalated. The first thing the doctor did was check his ears because, well, that’s standard procedure. “Hmmm…uh oh,” she says after looking in one. “Ooooh… not good,” she says after the second. “Looks like he’s got a double ear infection,” she says.

“SHUT. UP.” I instinctively reply because apparently I’m not used to communicating with professionals in real life and talk to people like I would on Twitter.  Good thing is she’s young, she’s hip, she gets me.

I seriously had no freaking idea he had an ear infection. She asks if he’s had a runny nose lately, and yeah, he has, but it’s been cold and wet outside. I didn’t think anything of it. He was a little cranky the day before, but I chalked that up to him not taking a long nap at Mother’s Day Out. Ugh. Observation fail.

“Alright, let’s take a look at that diaper rash,” she says. I undo his diaper and, OF COURSE, he just loaded it minutes before. I step over to the diaper bag to grab some wipes while she holds him on the table, diaper wide open.

Okay, I’m still reeling from not knowing my kid had a double ear infection when I swear to God I hear her say, “We have a worm.”

“WHAT?!” I yell, running across the room. “WHAT?!” I say again while looking over the poop in his diaper.

She looks up at me, eyes as wide as saucers, a look of fear washes over her face. She says nothing.

“Did you say he has WORMS?!” I ask.

::blink, blink::

“No…I said he’s a wiggle worm,” she says very slowly and quietly.

I took a deep breath, apologized profusely, and then thanked the dear LAWD I was not officially the World’s Worst Mother for taking my kid to the pediatrician for a diaper rash only to find out he has a double ear infection AND WORMS.

Then she and I had a good, hearty belly laugh over her reaction to my reaction.

“I was thinking, ‘Oh no! Does she not like him to be called that? Is that not politically correct?” she says.

While I may not have won World’s *Worst* Mother that day, I think I might have won World’s Most Psychotic.

Kendall is 21 months old and 2 days, and is worm free.

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