weaning

I Can’t Be Bothered To Care About A Pacifier In My Toddler’s Mouth
School Age DaysToddlers

I Can’t Be Bothered To Care About A Pacifier In My Toddler’s Mouth

by Jill
written by Jill

My 21 month old still mostly drinks from his favorite bottle, and I’m in no hurry to change that. Honestly, he’s the only baby to ever really use a bottle by choice. My first flat out, 100% refused. I made sure to fully wean the other two from their occasional bottle use by the age of 1, like a good mother.

I wish I could find a damn to give about my nearly 2, 4th baby still drinking his cow’s milk from a cheap stainless steel bottle we picked up at Walmart, but I just can’t. If a bottle of milk helps him sleep for 6 hours before waking and rolling over to me for an early, EARLY morning boob buffet snack, then I’m here for it.

He’s still sucking on that pacifier, too. We are trying to make it a “sleepy time” only thing, except when we’re in places where he’s sticking random disgusting crap in his mouth. A toddler sucking on a pacifier as we glide through Target seems better to me than a toddler picking up the flu from licking the cart handle, and then passing that on to the rest of us.

The fucks are non-existent when it comes to this issue. I overspent my fucks about pacifier use on my daughter, who was nearly inseparable from hers until she was 4.

We weaned her from it, FYI, by going on a cruise and “forgetting” them, except OF COURSE we actually brought them because we weren’t about to be in the middle of an ocean and realize that idea backfired. It didn’t, though, and she came home from the Caribbean without a MAM in her mouth.

Fast forward a few years, she talks all the time, and she inherited my gap-toothed smile, so braces are probably in our future anyway. All that stressing over the freaking pacifier was pointless. I’m just going to book a cruise again a couple years from now. I can not be bothered to care this time.

Maybe some of you are thinking, “Wow. That’s so sad that she’s, like, given up.” And yeah, there are probably some valid reasons why I should totally try to get my toddler to stop doing these things, or to go to bed earlier, or to sleep through the night, or think about potty training him.

(BTW, he’s going to have to come to me with a dissertation on why he’s ready for underwear before I put any effort into potty training this time.)

I know that I recently blogged about him not speaking as much as our others did at this age, so I want to clarify that he’s not walking around with a paci or bottle in his mouth ALL the time. We’ve worked to restrict these things because of his speech.

But also:
My 10 year old needs to really grasp what’s going on with his math lessons, and my 7 year old needs to get over her fear of imperfection and read aloud to me more, and my 5 year old needs many lessons about how he can get into serious danger if he wanders off and doesn’t tell us where he’s going.

 

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All of my kids need to learn about empathy, inclusivity, racism, sexism and history. They all need us to model healthy emotional coping skills, and they need to learn from us what porn is and why they actually can’t chat with people they don’t know online, even when they think they are “just kids” playing video games.

They need our help navigating friendships and hurt feelings. They need to know we will love them no matter who they love. They need to know why alcohol and drugs could hurt them or kill them, and they need to know that mental illness and suicide run in their family, and that they can always come to us with whatever struggles they have.

 

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I could look for fucks to give about the bottles, bedtimes, pacifiers, and other toddler challenges, but I’m too busy trying to deal with issues that make sleep training and weaning look as insignificant as teaching a puppy to balance a treat on their nose. Sure, if I had the time, that would be fun. Not much is going to come from worrying about it, though.

Bigger kids, bigger problems indeed.

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My Top 10 Breastfeeding Tips
BabiesPopular PostsThe Story

My Top 10 Breastfeeding Tips

by Jill
written by Jill

Image courtesy of Jessica Marchetti Photography

My top 10 breastfeeding tips and tricks… things that worked for me.

1. Build a varied support network. It’s not enough to just plan to meet with the hospital lactation consultant before you come home. It’s not enough to just have a good friend or relative who’s breastfed. You need to have support on many levels, and you need to remember that a lot of the time the advice others give you will be greatly affected by their own, unique experience. Get second and third opinions. If you need a friend to encourage you to keep going, tell them that. Sometimes friends don’t know how to best support you, and may encourage you to quit. If what you really need is a cheerleader, tell them that.

2. Have a pump from day one. Even if you don’t plan on ever feeding your baby from a bottle, you need a pump. I didn’t have one when we brought Kendall home, and within a few weeks I had to explain to Scott what to buy at Target while I laid in bed with a 103 fever and my first round of mastitis. With Leyna, I had to pump an engorged breast before she would latch. You don’t have to have an expensive electric pump. A manual pump will do the trick, and you can usually get them for less than $30 or $40.

3. Stock up on one-handed, healthy snacks. You’re going to be spending the majority of your time sitting down with your baby. It’s really, really hard to find time to eat a proper meal. Get cheese-sticks, protein bars, have your partner make you some sliced fruit, or a quartered sandwich. Smoothies are another great option.

4. Don’t be afraid of teeth, BUT... Teething babies don’t always bite, but in my experience, it’s happened with both of mine. They’ve never drawn blood. It still hurts like hell, though. While the natural reaction may be to pull the baby away from your breast quickly, DON’T. Instead, hold them very close to you, smooshing their face to your breast. This should make them unlatch very quickly. (Obviously don’t hold them there very long.)

5. If you want your baby to take a bottle, don’t wait too long and keep it up. I guess this is conflicting advice, because I know some say you should wait 6-8 weeks before introducing any sort of artificial nipple, so do what works best for you and what you feel comfortable with. That said, Kendall took a bottle when he was very young because he had to. I had mastitis and needed the rest. Then we took a few months off, and he never took one after that. I wish we would have kept it up. It was very stressful not being able to leave him. With Leyna, we started bottles and pacifiers within the first couple weeks/days. The bottles were only every now and then, as a means to give me a break, but the pacifier was and still is a frequent thing for her… and I am completely, totally fine with that.

6. Nurse when and where and how YOU want.  If you want to nurse in public without a cover, ROCK ON. If you feel more comfortable covering up, go for it. If you would rather bring a bottle of pumped milk or nurse in your car, that’s totally your call. Don’t let anyone else make you feel bad about HOW you feed your baby. If you desire to nurse in public but are too nervous to jump into it, bring your baby and a good friend to a quiet park or bench to practice first. If you never find yourself comfortable enough to nurse in public without a cover, that’s fine! Don’t feel like you have to, but please don’t judge other moms who do. And please, never ever let anyone make you feel like you have to feed your baby in a bathroom… unless, I guess, you want to?

7. Know your rights. Breastfeeding in public, covered or not, is a legally protected right in most states. Go here to find out what your breastfeeding rights are, both in public and in the workplace, if that’s applicable.

8. Learn to nurse laying down as soon as you can. I know, I know, it’s scary laying down to nurse a newborn. They are so tiny, and what if you roll over them?! You won’t. Use safe co-sleeping practices, and even if you don’t ever fall asleep, you can still rest while laying down. It took me a couple months before I was comfortable doing this with my first. With my second, I was nursing her in the side-laying position in the hospital bed her first day of life (which felt much better than sitting up at the time).

9. Plan to keep the baby in your room for a few months. Oh, those nurseries are so fun to decorate, but, to me, they’re completely useless (or at least very expensive rooms to change diapers in) the first few months. Even if you don’t plan on co-sleeping, it will still be so helpful to keep the baby next to your bed in a Pack & Play or, even better, an attached Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper. Breastfed babies tend to wake more frequently at night (not always, though, and formula fed babies can wake frequently, too), and you’re not going to want to trek across the house to their beautiful nursery every time they wake.

10. Take care of yourself. All new moms need to do this, but if you’re breastfeeding, it’s really, really important you’re staying hydrated, eating enough and getting enough rest. If you start to get a fever or feel flu-ish, check your breasts immediately for hot-spots and hard lumps. It could be the beginning of mastitis, which will knock you on your ass SO. HARD. if you don’t catch it early. Call your doctor right away to see if you need antibiotics. In the meantime, hop in a hot shower and express your breast and massage the hard lump as much as you can stand. Drink a ton of water and get some rest.

Do you have anything you’d add?

By the time Kendall, my first, turned one, I had an end date in mind for our breastfeeding relationship. He had self-weaned down to 2 times a day at that point, and I was just… done. The 13.5 months that I breastfed him were a struggle at times, especially the first few months. I was very aware of every day that I breastfed him one day longer.

This time around, my experience has been much different. We had a small challenge at the beginning, getting Leyna to latch to my left breast was a battle the first few days. Once we moved beyond that, though, it was smooth sailing. Leyna, now a year old, still nurses 6 or more times a day (and night). She loves solids, she drinks cows milk, but she’s just not ready to give up nursing, and I haven’t felt the need to press the issue. 

So all that is to say I’ve breastfed for a combined total of nearly 26 months now, and I’m still going. I’ve been through a few struggles, and have learned a lot. Maybe you can learn something from me, too.

Kendall is 3.5 years old and Leyna is 1 year old.

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BabiesThe Story

Even the Miracle Bra can’t help me

by Jill
written by Jill

A lot of blog posts come to me in the shower. This one was literally inspired by  the view looking down in the shower today. It is a sad state of affairs between my neck and my belly button, people. Sad like two deflated balloons the day after a birthday party. Sad like an empty, dusty house that used to be home to a couple rock stars. Sad like the show Trash Can of Skin that I once saw on the Discovery Channel. Sad.

The girls were at their peak of disparity by the time I fully weaned Kendall, looking very much like fried eggs and everything like I was afraid they would become. I was happy to see over the summer that they started to get a little mass back in them, a little more fluff. I was hopeful they would continue to….uh… puff back up as time went by, but I think it’s safe to say we’ve reached a stand still. They may not resemble fried eggs so much anymore, but they aren’t the fun bags they used to be either. They are smaller and… shiftier (?) than they were in their glory days. It’s kind of like they just exploded, got really fat, did a lot of yo yo dieting, and then had gastric bypass. The loose skin, the stretchmarks… it’s all very “Trash Can of Skin”-ish.

I saw a commercial today for a “Bra Makeover” at a nearby mall. I think I shall save up and seek out their assistance. Not a single bra of mine fits correctly, and by correctly I mean not a single bra I own works miracles and defies gravity. This commercial looked like it had some that might do just that… for a price.  It’s probably one of those places that will have no bras under $150, but that’s only a fraction of the price of a boob job, so that’s a steal, no? Not that I’m against boob jobs. I just don’t see the point until the baby factory is officially shut down for eternity.  And when that day comes, hopefully not too far in the future, I will get something done. Oh, yes, I will.

I am actually really quite interested in this procedure I heard about in a radio news program last week. I don’t know why it has taken plastic surgeons this long to perfect such a technique. Seems pretty obvious to me that this is a BRILLIANT solution, and had I gone to school to be a plastic surgeon this would have been my Capstone project, my thesis… or whatever. They take fat from your belly and/or thighs and… GET THIS… they fill your boobs up with it. Wham, BAM, thank you surgeon! You get a boob job and a flatter stomach all at the same time. It’s genius.

Really, the point of this post is the old gals ain’t what they used to be, I’m sorry to report. And even though I saw this coming two years ago, I’m still saddened by it. I’m still mourning their loss.

::pours a 40 out for my once awesome rack::

Kendall is 18 months and 3 days old (Oh, and at his 18 month appointment today, he showed off his awesome new trick – bashing his head against the wall super hard on purpose. Awesome. Scared the shit out of the nurse.)

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BabiesPopular PostsThe Story

Breastfeeding- in like a lion, out like a lamb.

by Jill
written by Jill

Truth be told, I hated breastfeeding with every fiber of my being for the first two months of Kendall’s life.  I dreaded it, cried about it, and fought back the urge to chuck my delicate and helpless infant son across the room every time he clamped down on my sore, cracked, bleeding, chunks of flesh missing nipples while shouting out strings of obscenities (I blame it on the same reflex that would cause you to punch a shark in the eye mid-attack).  Many times I would grab the nearest tube of lanolin or prescription steroid cream and, instead, pitch that across the room.

 It was not pretty. It was not enjoyable. I did not sit there, lovingly looking into my baby’s eyes while feeling a deeper connection with him and creating some sort of magical bond. I practiced deep breathing and counted down the seconds until he had his fill. Then I started to dread the next feeding, only two hours away.  In fact, sometimes I wonder if Kendall would have been less fussy if I was in less pain and willing to breastfeed more frequently. But, I NEEDED that two hour break to heal and recover.  

This isn’t painting a very good picture of breastfeeding, I know.  And, I know that all you breastfeeding enthusiasts out there are reading this thinking of what a bad image I’m sending and all the things that I was obviously doing wrong to justify the first 8 weeks of breastfeeding hell.  However, that was my honest reality.  It was terrible.

Now, with all that being said, can you believe that I actually stuck it out and made it over 1 year and 2 weeks exclusively breastfeeding?!  That’s right.  Not only did we survive the first two awful months, but we stuck it out and found our groove (and Kendall’s teeth found their groove in my numbed nipples).  My breasts turned into calloused bags of steel, and I was a regular old milk making machine. It is believed that I may have been a dairy cow in another life.

My best friend said to me not too long ago, “Can you believe you made it a year? I remember talking to you when you would say that there was no way in hell you were continuing much longer.” It brought to mind all those memories of the late nights, the pain, the cans of formula samples sitting in the kitchen, staring at me.  The temptation to just give up.  But, I didn’t.  With the amazing support of so many people, including some of you crazy bitches, I pushed through, and after 2 long months, it seemed to magically get better.  Much better. So I figured I had worked so hard to survive all that, I might as well stick with it for the long haul.

While it started out as one of the most challenging things I have ever done in my life, it became one of the most natural and rewarding.  Not only did it get easy, but it was free! And I didn’t have to wash bottles! And I could do it while sleeping! Heck, I could do it anywhere at anytime, which was perfect since my son has about as much patience as I do. I did start to experience the bonding that people talk about around the time Kendall was two months old, and it sure did help melt away that baby weight (cuz, let me tell you, the lack of exercise and excessive Dr. Pepper consumption should have turned me into Jabba the Hutt).

I was blessed that I had no supply issues.  If anything, I had TOO MUCH milk, as I would often squirt anyone and anything in my path and spent the first ten months rarely without a bra and nursing pads on. (For those not familiar with my Blockbuster leakage story, click here.) I was also very lucky that I could breastfeed on demand since I spent all day, every day with Kendall.  I’m not so sure I would have been as successful if those two factors were different, especially since I detest pumping.  In fact, I’ve sworn it off altogether because it always leads to a case of mastitis (something I’ve dealt with three times).

As we approached Kendall’s first birthday, I began to think about weaning.  I was teetering on the fence, thinking of trying to push for two years, but my body was tired… I was tired.  As shallow and selfish as this may sound, a weekend at the river with the girls for a bachelorette party in June was what tipped me over the edge.  That was it.  I had to be done by the time he was 13 months.

Now, I make this decision sound all simple and final, and of course, it wasn’t.  It was colored with guilt and many shades of gray.  Maybe I could just keep up nursing at night? Maybe I could pump while I’m at the river? What if this is traumatizing for him?  He’s such a boob-aholic! I’m being selfish.. or am I? No.  You’ve done what you set out to do.  You’re done.  It’s okay to be done.  But is he done?

After many internal conversations, and a very sloooooow weaning process that started at 11 months, we are officially weaned. I began by introducing whole cow’s milk in the sippy once a day, gradually dropped daytime sessions by the time he was one, dropped morning sessions the week after, and quit night time nursing the beginning of this week.  Throughout it all, I stuck with the “don’t offer, but don’t refuse” method and it worked wonderfully.  Surprisingly, my big guy, who I thought would just fall apart without nursing before each nap and going to sleep at night, was just as content to rock for a few minutes in the chair while cuddling a soft new bamboo blanket his grandpa got him for his birthday.  As with many things on this crazy parenthood path, it seemed to be much harder on me than it was on him.

Toward the end, I found myself thinking, “Wow. You have become that mother.  That mother that will be sad when this is done.  How did this happen?  You are such a sucker.  It’s just a boob.  It’s just food.  He’s still your baby.  He still loves you.”  Of course, deep down, I know it’s more than food from a boob.  It was an awful, wonderful thing we survived and experienced.  It was a moment in time, and I’ll never get it back. But, the guilt is slowly fading, although, I wish I could say the same for the size of my engorged breasts.  While not super painful, it is a tad irritating and a little too pornstar-esque for my liking, but I’m assured they will start to deflate into the glorious fried eggs they should be in no time.

So there you have it, my tribute to breastfeeding.  Painful, uncomfortable, hard, turned beautiful, natural, easy, perfect breastfeeding. Cheers.

*Note- for a deeper look at my battle with breastfeeding, be sure to check out all the hyperlinks I’ve included.

Kendall is 1 year, 3 weeks and 1 day old

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