travel

My Trip To Israel, Part 1
BloggingParenthoodPhotographyTravel

My Trip To Israel, Part 1

by Jill
written by Jill

Man, I’m overwhelmed right now.

To start, my blog has been down, off and on, for over a week, thanks to some kind of hack and malware. I’m so sorry if you got a warning when visiting here last week. I’m told by my host that it’s really, for real, totally fixed now. Seriously. They mean it. They better mean it.

I lost my first post about Israel, and I have SO much to tell you all about it! I don’t even know where to start.

I’m going to re-cap what I said in that post that was lost, I guess.

Basically, did you know I went to Israel for a week at the beginning of the month? I did! And it was life changing. Just beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.

So here’s how that came about. I got an email from Vibe Israel last spring, asking me to apply for a “mommy bloggers” trip. They could only bring a very small group of mom bloggers from around the world, so I thought my chances were really slim, and I was REALLY scared to actually get accepted. But I applied anyway.

And after a couple months of waiting and an interview, I got the email with the invitation. Eeep!

Why was I scared and why did I decide to go? I’ve got a whole other post for that coming up.

Who else went?  from the US- Jamie and Janessa, from the UK- Amanda, and from Australia- Kelly.

What is Vibe Israel all about? What was their intention in arranging this trip? This video explains it far better than I could.

To sum it up, it wasn’t for political or religious reasons. Vibe Israel is a non-profit dedicated to working with influencers to highlight the Vibe of Israel in all aspects.

Where did we go, what did we do? Here’s a rundown in pictures. I’ll elaborate more in future posts:

Day 1 was a travel day, ending with dinner in Old Jaffa in a building from the time of the Crusades.

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Day 2 was Jerusalem with a group of Israeli mothers and a phenomenal female tour guide (one of the very few women offering tours of Jerusalem).

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Photo by Tamar Avara

Then a traditional Shabbat dinner with 2 families in a Tel Aviv home (this was SO special!).

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Day 3 began with a visit to the first children’s museum in all of Israel (and a REALLY spectacular one, at that).

ShaniChildren's Museum

Photo by Shani Sadicario

Then the Dead Sea!

ShaniDeadSea

Photo by Shani Sadicario

Day 4 started with a visit to Google Campus Tel Aviv to meet and talk to local entrepreneurs and start ups focused on women and families.

ShaniGoogle2

Photo by Shani Sadicario

Then an afternoon with my “Israel Buddies”- two moms who welcomed me, and talked with me in one of their homes for hours. I’ve got an entire post coming up just for this!

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Then dinner on a rooftop in Tel Aviv with 3 powerful and inspirational Israeli women and mothers.

ShaniTelAvivRooftop

Photo by Shani Sadicario

Day 5 began with a visit to the Sarit Shani Hay design store, where we met with the designer herself, and got to play with all her creative designs. I NEED this massive alligator for our playroom!

ShaniSarit

Photo by Shani Sadicario

Then it was time to drive north. We stopped at a kibbutz that’s home to adults with special needs, and those who need a little help in life. It’s a working organic farm!

FarmEggs

Photo by Shani Sadicario

We collected food and made a delicious dinner with Paula Rosenberg, an Israeli TV personality and natural lifestyle champion.

Paula

Photo by Shani Sadicario

Day 6- After waking in our historic and stunning hostel in Nazareth, we took a walking tour of the city. This was the day a HUGE sand storm covered the country. It was pretty crazy.

ShaniNazerethWalkPhoto by Shani Sadicario

After that, we headed to a children’s boutique- Tuty- to chat with local child and baby brands.

ShaniTuty

Photo by Shani Sadicario

And finished it off with an interview with a large newspaper! Did you remember the part about how we started the day walking through a humid city drowning in sand?

newspaper

That night we played with Mamanet, a sports organization solely for mothers, where they play something very similar to volleyball, except you throw and catch the ball instead of bumping and spiking it… which didn’t help me much at all. (But it was fun!)

ShaniMamanet

Day 7- A few of us walked through the local market in Tel Aviv, or “the shook.”

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Then it was off to the Daniel Rowing Center (had you any idea that Tel Aviv has a thriving rowing community?)

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for a final farewell cocktail party.

ShaniFarewell

Photo by Shani Sadicario

That last picture is me hugging Vibe Israel Founder/CEO Joanna Landau. It was an emotional goodbye. I so admire her and all the women on team Vibe Israel.

I feel like I have family there now. One that I fully intend to visit again soon.

I plan to blog about my trip for the rest of the week, and I’d love to hear if you have any questions you’d like me to try to answer for you! Did you know Israel is the #4 country to raise children, according to a 2015 poll by Internations, and the US isn’t even in the top 20. Why do you think that is? I don’t have the answers, but I have some theories I’ll try to get into in the coming days.

Look forward to a LOT more pictures, too! That is if I can finally finish editing them all.

Here’s a peek at what’s to come tomorrow- An afternoon in the life of an Israeli mother.

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6 Tips For Great Summer Photos
PhotographyTravel

6 Tips For Great Summer Photos

by Jill
written by Jill

Summertime just screams “BEAUTIFUL PICTURES!” to me. So did our Carnival cruise. In fact, when I told Carnival we’d be happy to jump on their ship, Carnival Magic, for 7 days, I knew I wanted to write this post for them after we got back because it would be so easy and fun for me. I took this trip to 1. have fun with my family and 2. take beautiful pictures.

I have 6 tips for getting great summer vacation photos (and really, these tips can apply to any and all photos). Move beyond having the family pose next to the palm trees, and awkwardly clustering themselves on a beach. These tips will help you take your vacation photos from snapshots to framers.

1. Look for the lines. Let natural lines lead your picture and help you compose your subjects. Instead of getting your kids to look at you, and centering them in the frame as they force a smile, try placing them along the shoreline as it cuts diagonally through the picture:

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Or use vertical lines to draw the eye up through the image:

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Docks are great for adding visual interest with natural lines:

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2. Look for repetition. The repetitive planks in the dock pictured above are one example. Repetition adds visual interest and gives you something to focus on. Here’s a row of empty chairs we found on the deck of Carnival Magic. This shot would be pretty blah without them:

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3. Find natural frames. Shoot from beyond door frames and through windows, even between railings and ropes. This was taken from inside our boat as we made our way back to the ship from Starfish Island in Belize:

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4. Redefine the family portrait. Sure, there will be plenty of friendly, fellow tourists to shoot a picture of your whole group for you, but get creative with ways of including yourself in other shots. This picture is one of my favorites from the trip. I got us all in the same frame without having to get anyone’s attention, all while sipping a tropical drink.

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And take advantage of shiny sunglasses! Look close, you can see he’s got an eye on me AND the kids in the pool.

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5. Crank up your shutter speed and capture the action. So much about vacation involves lots of movement. Make sure you increase your shutter speed – or put your camera on the action setting (usually an icon of a running man)- so shots like cannonballs into the pool don’t come out blurry, and you freeze every drop.

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This works great for capturing high-speed exits from water slides, too.

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6. Work some magic into the editing when you get home. This is a bit of an advanced tip, but here are a couple pictures from the trip that I played with to make spectacular by editing.

I took this…

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And made it this…

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I increased the temp (white balance), highlights, clarity, vibrance, and exposure (just a bit). I applied another increased exposure mask just over the bottom half of the picture so I didn’t blow out the details in the sky. Then I added color to the sunset with various tinted graduated filters that I pulled from the top of the picture, halfway down. I also saturated the oranges and blues a bit.

This picture…

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Became this picture after some time post processing…

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I increased the temperature (white balance) and added graduated filters in shades of blue to both the sky and the water. I increased the clarity, vibrance, and contrast, deepened the dark tones and sharpened it up a bit. I also saturated the greens a little.

So don’t go deleting “bad” pictures too quick. Invest a little time learning a basic photo editing program, and you can bring a lot of life out of them.

This post was created for Away We Go with Carnival, the destination for getting in the getaway state of mind. Head on over.

 

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10 Things People Who Fly With Small Children Will Totally Understand {contributor}
contributorsParenthoodToddlers

10 Things People Who Fly With Small Children Will Totally Understand {contributor}

by Jill
written by Jill

Contributor Julie Forbes is back today, breaking down the realities of flying with small kids. Y’all, I have wanted to cry for her sometimes when I read her adventures of taking 2 littles on long flights all by herself! She’s a total pro, and I have a feeling her sense of humor helps her survive what, to me, sounds awful.
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1. That joke of a changing table: 
If you don’t know about the “changing table,” it’s usually in the bathroom in the front of the plane.  You know, that bathroom that you can’t wait in line for.  Instead, you have to sit at your seat, wait for the occupied sign to turn off, and then dart down the aisle before someone else gets there.  Once you finally win the race to the bathroom, you can find the “changing table” over the toilet.  It’s about the size of a skateboard.  I’ve attempted to put both of my kids up there several times.  Each time, they panic and scream.  It’s as if they know, as well as you do, that this contraption was not designed to actually hold a child.  Be certain that while you’re in there, your child will hit the emergency call button that brings a flight attendant running.

2. So long, soft drinks:  
Say good-bye to the days when flights mean that you get to leisurely sip on mini cups of ginger ale or tomato juice (side note: why do people always order weird drinks on planes?).  When the flight attendant pulls up with the drink cart, just tell them to keep on walking.  Because if a drink is put within a foot of me or my children, it will be on the kids, me or the seats within minutes.  Sometimes, if I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll order water, with no ice, a lid and straw.
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3. The absurdity of a lap child:
Don’t get me wrong, I love not having to pay for an airline ticket for the first two years of a child’s life.  But once your baby turns 1, they take up so much room on your lap, there’s not room to do anything else.  That tray table is staying stowed in the upright and locked position for the duration of the flight.  Good luck trying to reach anything in that bag below the seat in front of you.  And, don’t even get me started about flying with a lap child while pregnant: that makes for 3 bodies stacked up on one tiny little seat.

4. The eternity of the seatbelt sign:
It never fails, as soon as that sign comes on, my potty-training child says he has to go to the bathroom.  Now.
I once made the mistake of taking him to the bathroom while the sign was on, during take-off.   I got yelled at by the flight attendant and we sat back down.  Sure enough, my son wet his pants before we were free to move about the cabin. 

5. All nutrition rules go out the window: 
I’m very strict about what my children eat.  I’ve even been known to torture them with things like kale porridge for breakfast.  But, when we’re on the airplane, it’s a free-for-all.  Shortbread cookies, cheese nips, pretzels, I don’t care.  When the flight attendant comes by with a basket full of goodies, I’m not about to give a lesson on nutritional food choices and its health benefits.  There are hundreds of ears confined into a tiny space that would be subjected to the toddler fit that would follow.  If it will entertain my children for 5 minutes, have at it.  In fact, letting my kids gorge on processed foods is about the only guaranteed way I know to keep them occupied.

6. The frustration of any change of plans: 
My best friend once got her son to sleep before the flight even took off.  She was so thrilled that she was going to have a nice, easy flight back home.  Then, they announced there was a problem with the plane, and they’d all have to get off the plane, go to another gate and re-board.  She actually started crying.
One time, I was traveling alone with my 1 & 3 year olds on a 7 hour flight on Christmas Eve when the fire alarm went off and we had to make an emergency landing in Las Vegas.  The longest day of my life just got a whole lot longer.  I actually started crying.

7. Unsolicited advice:  
Some sweet lady with good intentions always walks up at some point in the flight and says, “You may want to try nursing the baby during take-off and landing.  It’ll help with her ears.”  I want to respond with, “NO!  Get out!  When was this discovered, and why didn’t someone tell me that on our first 50 flights?”  But, I usually just smile sweetly, and say, “Thanks, I’ll try that.”  I usually don’t have a problem with well-meaning advice, unless I’m tired, the kids are tired and I’m on my 6th hour of trying to keep them entertained in a 3 foot space.

8. Pottying is a group affair: 
Because of my husband’s work schedule, I’m usually traveling alone with both kids.  So, when my 2-year old son would have to go to the bathroom, I couldn’t very well leave my newborn sitting in the seat alone, so we all go to the bathroom together.  People who join the mile high club think they’re flexible?  They’ve got nothing on us.  Picture me holding my newborn daughter, while trying to squat down in front of my son to pull down his pants and put him on the toilet…. all in that tiny little bathroom.  It’s enough to convince myself to never potty-train the other kids.

9. I’ve got baggage, lots of baggage:   
It is astounding how much gear such a tiny person requires.  Take a look at everything I had with me on a recent flight.  That’s a stroller, a pack ‘n play, 2 car seats, and four suitcases.  Granted, we were moving across the country, but a weekend trip wouldn’t have required much less.
Traveling with 2 kids | BabyRabies.com

10.  Short-term memory loss: 
It doesn’t matter how many mid-flight vows I make to never fly with children again, I always end up booking another trip.

*****
Make sure you like Julie’s page on Facebook to follow along as she navigates life through her 3rd pregnancy. 

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Things To Avoid While Road Tripping With Kids
The StoryToddlers

Things To Avoid While Road Tripping With Kids

by Jill
written by Jill

We are a reluctant group of road warriors. With family spaced out up to 10-12 hours in 3 different directions, we spend a lot of time making road trips to get in some quality time with them because we don’t have a small fortune to invest in (or an extra child we can put on eBay to fund) plane tickets. And also because you can force me to drive 12 hours with 2 kids (4 and 2) any day before you will ever get me to agree to trap myself in an airport and on a plane with them.

That’s not to say roadtrips are easy. No, it’s just easier to tell the captain to pull over so you can get some fresh air and scream. And I’d argue truck stop potties are a step above plane potties when it comes to dealing with kids and public restrooms.

So learn from my mistakes. Here are some things to avoid while road tripping with kids.

Exhaustion

Some parents do the drive-all-night-thing in an effort to enjoy as much silence on the road as possible, and that can be a fantastic plan IF you are certain you will be awake and alert enough for the drive, and IF you remember that when you pull up to Aunt Suzie’s at 7 a.m. the next morning, the kids are going to be refreshed and ready to hit the ground running and you? Well, you’re going to feel like you drove all night without sleeping. Fingers crossed Aunt Suzie is down with babysitting all day!

No matter when you take off on your trip, be sure YOU have had a nap, or at least a full night’s sleep. It’s never a good idea to be carrying such precious cargo while slapping yourself to stay awake, no matter how quiet it is in the back seat.

That sketchy looking roadside burger place that is the only place to eat for miles.

Never, ever, ever trust that you will come across some amazing, kid-friendly, clean establishment to eat at while on the road unless you’ve been that route before. And even then, things happen, trips get delayed and off track, and there’s no way of knowing you’ll be to your favorite Cracker Barrel in time for dinner. It’s always a good idea to have some healthy snacks, a few kid-pleasing easy meals (like PB&J sandwiches), and yes, some instant coffee with you if you’re the type who needs it to function. Believe it or not, some states only have, like, 5 coffeehouses. It’s like traveling back in time to the early 90s. ::shiver::

Parental martyrdom

Now is a great time to cave on that “no more than 30 minutes of TV a day” policy.  Get yourself a kid-proof cover for your tablet, download some movies, and be prepared to hand it over. Invest in a DVD player for the car, or borrow one from a friend. Bring a stash of educational shows with you if it makes you feel better, but embrace the goodness of technology, friends. Even if you can’t/won’t go the screen route, load your mp3 player up (or burn a bunch of CDs full of) kids audio books. If you chose the latter option, make sure you bring a separate audio device and headphones for yourself so you don’t start kicking the windows upon hearing the same song or book the 1 millionth time.

Listen, I promise the kids precious little brains will survive the trip, no matter how long they stare at your iPad. And you can still tell your friends you filled the time with books, flashcards and arts and crafts on the road if you’d like. I won’t expose you.

The empty front seat

Oh sure, you want to be comfortable up front. I get it. But you’re going to have to sacrifice some… a lot of space to make your life a whole lot easier.

Try to get as many essentials into the front seat with you. Within arms reach, keep small baggies of low-mess snacks, wipes, sippy cups of water, small toys, a couple blankies, lovies, and SO MANY EXTRA PACIFIERS if your kid is attached to them. That way you can just reach into your magic Mary Poppins bag and hand back whatever will (hopefully) avert the next major interstate meltdown.

A tight schedule

If you think you’re going to leave your house, drive 5 hours straight, and arrive at Aunt Suzie’s in a timely manner, do yourself a favor and stop thinking that. What would take you and another adult with an average sized bladder 5 hours, will now probably take at least 6.5 or 7 hours with kids. Plan for that. Give yourself plenty of time for extra stops to change diapers, clean up messes, have snacks and meals, and let the kids run. You’ll have far fewer meltdowns, and naps will be easier to count on if you give your kids opportunities to expel some energy along the way. Many major interstates even have playgrounds at a few rest stops. If you see one, pull over! It’s road trip gold.

This post is part of BlogHer’s Family Fun on Four Wheels editorial series, made possible by Mazda CX-9.

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ReviewsTravel

#NintendoEnthused And Loving It! My Solo Seattle Trip Re-cap

by Jill
written by Jill

I’m sure you all can gather that everyone survived my trip to Seattle last week. I am actually NOT needed to produce the oxygen that keeps my children and husband breathing, it seems. Though, I could argue that in my absence my children end up looking a wee bit ridiculous (or we could just call it “cute”).

"Dad? Is this really appropriate attire for the batting cages? On that note, BATTING CAGES?"

Don’t worry, I’m told he actually didn’t take them *inside* the batting cages. I don’t know what’s cuter, the above ensemble or the dress she wore to pick me up that was on backwards.

You know how I was saying I sort of hoped my husband wouldn’t have an “easy” time with them? I got a lovely dose of validation in the form of text message the 2nd night I was gone.

Going to bed early. Kids wiped me out. Preparing for tomorrow.

I received it while sitting at a super fancy sushi dinner with hilarious, inspiring bloggers I idolize. It was a pretty great moment, knowing I wasn’t the one in the trenches by myself this time, but instead the one networking and talking shop over an alcoholic beverage in an outfit that was completely free of any and all baby spit up.

And that wasn’t even the coolest part.

Nintendo really outdid themselves for this Nintendo 3DS Summit. We stayed at the lovely Bellevue Hyatt. I had an entire king sized bed and, most importantly, bathroom all to myself for two nights.

"Squish!" That's what it sounded like when I fell onto it. So soft. So fluffy. So obviously missing wandering pacifiers and bed-hog dogs.

And the view!! Beautifully gray. Yes, the gray was actually charming. People from Seattle kept apologizing for the weather, which confused me. Isn’t rainy and gray to be expected in Seattle? Let me tell you, if you come to Texas in August, I’m not going to feel compelled to apologize for our 95+ temps. You, after all, get to leave.

So, the whole point of the trip actually wasn’t to send me on a sanity saving vacation (but super awesome bonus!). It was actually to show me and about 100+ others the MIND BLOWING new Nintendo 3DS. This thing is not your grade school Game Boy. I am not exaggerating one bit when I say this is the coolest game playing device ever (at least in my opinion). It’s 3D without the glasses. And yeah, it may make you feel drunk sometimes (although I learned it’s easy to control this feeling by turning down the amount of 3D on the device by the slide of a switch on the face).

After a super secret behind the scenes tour of the Nintendo building, including a welcome from President and COO Reggie Fils-Aime, and some time trying out a few of the new 3DS games (Nintendogs & Cats makes me wonder if I could convince the family to adopt just virtual pets from now on), we all came home with our very own Nintendo 3DS!

The best part about having a toddler and a newborn is I don’t have to share! Actually, I do plan on letting Kendall play a few games every now and then, especially on long car trips, but I’ll be sure to go into the parental controls first to completely disable the 3D option since it’s not advisable for children under 7 to be exposed to 3D, according to Nintendo.

Y’all, have I told you how much I love this blog and the opportunities it keeps brining me? It has been a dream to align with Nintendo over the last 6 months. They are a brand that’s really doing social media and blogger outreach right. And that is so refreshing, not to mention an honor to be a part of.

Now, I know I still need to get that EA Active group together for those of you who want to workout with me on your Wii. It’s making it’s way back to the top of my priority list, and I’ll let you all know when I have more details. For now, I’m going to sign off, still riding my high from my child free 2.5 days, and go help my husband get the kids in bed. Yeah, okay…. so maybe I missed them. A lot.

Kendall is 2 years 11 months, Leyna is 3 months old, and that Nintendo 3DS is allllll mine!

**Disclosure- Nintendo flew me out to Seattle, all expenses paid, and also provided me the Nintendo 3DS at no cost. All opinions are completely my own.

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ReviewsTravel

Look At Me! I’m An Ostrich! #NintendoEnthused

by Jill
written by Jill

I’m burying my head in the sand right now. I’m ignoring the fact that in less than 24 hours I will be in Seattle… by myself.

Well, not *really* by myself. I’ll be there with a whole bunch of other Nintendo Ambassadors for the launch of the Nintendo 3DS, but I will be there without my husband, without my toddler, and without my baby.

You know? The one who relies on me for 100% of her nourishment? The one who empties my boobs every few hours? The one who was only born 3 months ago? She is going to be half way across the country from me.

::excuse me while I take a minute to breathe through the anxiety::

When Nintendo invited me to this launch last month, I was over the moon thrilled. At first, I figured I’d bring Leyna with me and ask my sister-in-law, who lives up there, to babysit for me, but just thinking about all that would entail made things seem very complicated. I’d have to either bring pumped milk with me or pump enough when I got there to leave with her while I was out, and, after reviewing my packed itinerary, I realized I’d be out a lot. Then there was the whole stress of bringing her on a plane with me and packing the baby gear.

I briefly contemplated retracting my acceptance to the event, but my husband encouraged me to go. He will watch both the kids, he assured me. They will ALL be fine without me, he promised. “Go, have fun, enjoy the break,” he said.

And so he will. And so I am.

The freezer is full of pumped milk, and I’ll be bringing along my Hygeia Enjoye double electric pump to maintain my supply while I’m gone. I’m trying to decide on a bag that I can carry through Nintendo HQ that’s big enough to fit my pump in without screaming, “LOOK OUT! LACTATING MOTHER COMING THROUGH!”

Picking out my wardrobe is overwhelming, but I get the added perk of not having to plan my outfits around easy access to the boobs. It will be difficult, though, to make myself take pumping breaks. I’m thinking I’ll set timers on my phone to go off every 3 hours during the day to remind myself (or maybe I can get away with every 4-5 if I pump both sides at once?).

I still have no clue what I’m going to do with the milk once it’s pumped. I hate to think of dumping all of that, but I also hate to think of the hassle of bringing it all home. This trip is already stressing me out more than I’d like it to, and I think I’d feel better if I allow myself to un-complicate things a bit and not worry about the logistics of storing and traveling home with a cooler of breastmilk. We’ll see. I may dump the stuff I pump while out, and keep the stuff I pump at the hotel as a compromise.

I’ve been avoiding actually getting ready for this trip all week. I don’t know why. I really am quite excited about it. I’ve never been to Seattle, the launch is going to freaking rock. I’m hoping to see my brother and sister-in-law there, and I can’t wait to see Nintendo HQ and be a part of the fun and tell you all about it when I get back. It’s just… deep down… well, I’m a mom, and I worry, and of course, I feel like nobody in this house can survive without me, which I get is ridiculously egotistical on my part.

I’m sure Scott will be fine. The kids will be fine. Everyone will be happy when I get home. Nothing disastrous will have happened.  I must admit, though, the last reaction I want to hear from Scott when I get home was that everything was “easy.” Because, for me, 2.5 days by myself with both the kids leaves me wanting a one way ticket to a tropical island or a treatment center. I sort of hope he experiences just an ounce of that same frazzled feeling. I’m a mean wife like that.

So, here I sit. It’s nap time and I really must start packing, but instead I’m blogging. I should color my hair, but I’ll probably return some emails. I should coordinate all my details and print out itineraries, but I’ll probably work on this yarn wreath I’ve been making. (Note- none of my distractions involve cleaning this house. Procrastination doesn’t work that way for me.) And then, sometime around 10 tonight, I’ll probably be an emotional, ridiculous, bitchy mess getting everything together.

It’s probably best that way. Then everyone will be really happy to see me leave.

I leave you all with a question- What would you wear for such an event when the temps in Seattle are in the 50s and rain is predicted the entire time I’m there? I was thinking some boots over my new Yummie Tummie leggings (wheee!! skinny!!!) and some sort of top with my jean jacket??? But, alas, I am fashion clueless and am open to all suggestions. Also, there will be a night we go out to a fancy dinner. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.

I guess I need to give some disclosure on this post. Nintendo is sending me to Seattle for the launch of the Nintendo 3DS at no cost to me. I’ll be blogging and tweeting about it as I see fit.

 


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ParenthoodStuffThe Story

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”

by Jill
written by Jill

Really, the most obnoxious, sarcastic, mocking song, which always seemed to come on at perfectly timed moments this week, like when I’m screaming four letter words at my husband for nearly sending Kendall (who was still getting over a cold I was convinced would turn into pneumonia) out in the tundra with SOAKING wet hair, or when my toddler is screaming at me for MORE ORANGES and/or COOKIES NOW!!!1

The child has eaten nothing but oranges and cookies this week. He is a citrus-y little ball of sugar that spontaneously combusts every 20 minutes and is totally using his powers of cute for evil, but, let it be known, he won’t get scurvy.

He has gone from charming and adorable to clingy and apocalyptic with his “I only have eyes and arms and whining for mommy” bit.  I couldn’t even pee this week without hearing him outside the bathroom door, wailing, “MaaaamaaaaaAAA!!” Leave the room? How dare I. What if I was sucked in by the toilet monster, never to fetch another orange or cookie again? OH, the humanity! It’s far too much to ask that he could be soothed by one of the hundreds of other family members floating around here, all itching to scoop him up and smother him with love and kisses.

And there is little to no sleeping going on… for any of us.  God love the in-laws, they carved out a space in their already packed house for the three of us and our two huge dogs to stay. Granted, this space is the size of a large walk in closet with not much more than a twin bed in it, but it’s a place… and it’s free… and they let our dogs sleep on their couch, except at night when they sleep in the room with us. So that’s the three of us and two dogs (did I mention these are very LARGE dogs, over 230 lbs combined?) in a small room with a twin bed and a pack and play, from which Kendall likes to scream at us frequently throughout the night. Are you getting the visual? I won’t even describe the smell.

Of course, this is a bit more room than we had in the Jeep for the 15 hour drive to St. Louis from Dallas. The smell, though, is pretty much the same.

“But…how will we get him in there?” I asked Scott as I looked at the mounds of shit presents and luggage stacked on either side of the carseat, nearly reaching the ceiling and held back by strategically placed and tucked blankets.

“From the front,” he said quickly and as nonchalantly as possible, knowing already what was coming.

“Oh my God, Scott! We can’t travel like this! We could surely get a ticket… or… something for child endangerment. And I don’t even want to THINK what would happen if, oh my God! What if we get in an accident? We will NEVER find him!” Our trip was off with a bang.

Oh wait, the “bang” hadn’t happened just yet. That came moments later when Kendall face planted into the driveway, clinging tightly with both hands to his precious sidewalk chalk, not even thinking to break his fall. Ah, yes. It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas, or just child abuse, across the top of my kid’s face.

Kendall's Christmas bump

And then there was Oklahoma… the land of those lost in time and trans fats. Is it so much to ask that a McAlisters Deli be located in McAlester, Oklahoma? Or hell, something, anything that doesn’t serve everything with a side of fries?  We are to never travel through McAlester again, for fear of an impending divorce. Something about being forced to eat at McDonalds makes me a stabby wife.

A mile before we entered the Oklahoma toll road we pulled off at a gas station to get cash for the tolls.

I headed to the cash register with some Hostess Cupcakes and a Dr. Pepper, a small price to pay for $20 cash back.

“Sorry hon, we aren’t set up fer that here,” the cashier said very slowly.

Of course you’re not. I left my goodies at the counter and spent the next 15 minutes scouring the bottom of the Jeep (or at least the parts of the floor we could get to) looking for coins, but mainly finding Goldfish cracker corpses. We barely eeked out $1.75, the cost of the toll according to the GIANT SIGN at the entrance.

“That’ll be two daw-lars,” the toll-taker said, again very slowly.

“Huh? No, it’s a dollar seventy-five” we both chimed back in unison.

“No. It’s TWO daw-lars. The sign says so.”

“No, no it does NOT  say that. It says one seventy-five. I saw it,” i insist.

::blink, blink, silence, blink::

“We don’t HAVE two dollars. We just spent 15 minutes trying to find every penny we have in this car. There is no way we have two dollars. Will you take a credit card?” I reply as calmly as possible.

“No. We only take cash and check,” she says.

Who the hell travels with checks anymore?! Hello? Oklahoma? The 1990’s called. It wants it’s forms of currency back.  And, of course, she was unwilling to take Goldfish crackers, too. I have no idea how we managed to get through that toll because I know damn well we did not have two dollars. So she either took pity on us or she was really shitty at counting. If it was the former, Merry Christmas to her, too. If it was the latter, she should probably find a different job.

And to think, we get to brave that super fun drive all over again tomorrow. I’m giddy with the holiday spirit just thinking about it.

Complaining aside, when I subtract the travel and bury the sounds of the screeches, still ringing in my ears, deep somewhere in my soul (or the extra layer of holiday fat I’m packing now), I can concoct a bit of a picturesque, merry scene. It’s hopefully what I will remember years from now, like a perfect postcard. You know, there is a reason why holiday pictures aren’t interactive. It’s great that they don’t make noise, or capture the moment just before or just after. They are just a little slice of  perfect-happy, even if the reality is that perfect-happy only existed for a fleeting moment when someone pressed the shutter button.

family christmas

Of course, then there are the pictures that capture the moments of truth and preserve them forever, never to let you forget how your toddler errupted into a fit of cranky with a side of extremely unhappy and difficult to please the moment he laid eyes on the presents Christmas morning.

cranky kendall

::cue the music!::

“It’s the most WONDERFUL time of the year!”

Hope you all had a merry little Christmas/Hanukah/holiday of your choice 🙂

Kendall is nearly 20 months old and is even more fascinated with his grandparent’s Christmas tree than ours.

Edited to add: Gah! This post is so whiney!

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