Without snapping before naptime. I would have made it a whole half a day without losing my shit.
I woke up purposefully positive today, on a mission to make good things happen, to get serious work done, the house cleaned, and dedicated to focusing positive attention on my attention hungry toddler.
He is so needy lately. He is so demanding. He is so headstrong. He is so sneaky.
It’s a challenge. Every day is a challenge to not loose it, and most days I really, really fail, but I was going to do it today. I was going to work extra hard, employ every trick I’ve ever picked up from Super Nanny.
And I did. I praised the positive, ignored the negative, redirected, had to use a few timeouts, but it was going okay. We made it out to Satan’s Playground where I nearly melted in the 92 degree temps (IT’S SEPTEMBER!!), then I chased him around as he dug in the dirt for rocks. I even held back my urge to wipe his hands every 5 minutes, to tell him to stop getting dirty. I just let him play, dirt and all. After a couple more errands, we came home, had a great lunch and began to get ready for nap.
He does this thing now when I try to put on his diaper. We got rid of his changing pad on top of the dresser a couple weeks ago and now change him on his big, full size bed. He takes advantage of all the extra room and will. not. stay. still. I can’t even express how infuriating it is to struggle with a toddler for 5 minutes to put on a damn diaper. It is the STUPIDEST thing to get worked up over from the outside looking in, I know, but come naptime, I’M EXHAUSTED. I don’t have it in me to redirect, to distract, to coordinate the flailing limbs with the quick motions of my hands. Every single one of my requests, no matter the tone or how I phrase it, is met with laughter and defiance. And it pisses me off.
I lost it today. I ripped the diaper off and screamed at him, the calm demeanor I worked so hard half this day to maintain vanished, and I left the room for a second because I felt I needed to. And I could hear him cry, big sad cries. And when I returned he laid still, and he looked hurt, and I felt like an ass.
I talked to him about why I was upset, we both calmed down and he let me put his diaper on him and put him to bed. I apologized and kissed his head. And now I’m sitting here wondering if it’s just me that can be pushed to the edge so fast by a defiant 2 year old. How is it that he can push my buttons so hard? And why do I let him?
Kendall is 2 1/3 and don’t even get me started on the rage that boils from my belly when he does that limp-jelly-body thing anytime we’re in a hot parking lot.