postpartum

My Tips For Preparing For Your 4th Trimester
Postpartum Anxiety & DepressionPregnancy

My Tips For Preparing For Your 4th Trimester

by Jill
written by Jill

There was a brilliant piece on Bust circulating earlier this year about why you should skip a baby shower and have a 6 week long Postpartum Party instead. It was mostly popular with my mom friends who had been there, birthed that, and knew how very real this advice was. The postpartum period- also referred to as the 4th trimester- can be REALLY hard, but moms are expected to “bounce back,” host visitors, and be so happy all the time because their baby is such a special gift and they are hashtag blessed.

Photo credit Kelly White Photography

Some things about having a baby got easier for me the more I did it, but the 4th trimester was never one of those. In fact, it only got harder. My last recovery period was so brutal that I wrote I wished someone would please take my ovaries out and EAT THEM so I would never experience that again.  You can read about that here.

I am really glad that by the 4th time around I realized I needed to stand my ground and put up some boundaries when it came to guests, and that I thought ahead to plan out what I’d need in the house to keep me comfortable and occupied. It didn’t shorten the time it took me to get through all of that, but it certainly helped me feel in more control.

Here are some things I recommend you do to prepare for your 4th trimester:

1. Make a postpartum mental health plan
I wrote about this for Today earlier this year, and I have an entire chapter of my book dedicated to it. Become familiar with the signs and symptoms of perinatal mood disorders, and share them with your partner and support people. Be sure they are watching out for them, too. Discuss with your medical provider before you have your baby about what you should do and who you should call if you begin to notice any symptoms.

By the time I had my 3rd and 4th babies, I had prescriptions already written for me that I could go fill because we knew to expect my postpartum anxiety to return.

2. Come up with a plan for visitors
If you have a lot of friends and family that live nearby, you’re probably going to have a lot of people who want to come over as soon as possible to hold your baby. I’m not saying to tell them no, but keep some things in mind:

  • You need to keep your newborn baby healthy. If it’s cold and flu season, you gotta be super strict about who’s coming around with the sniffles.
  • A happy visit can suddenly exhaust you, and you need to feel comfortable telling visitors you need to go rest.
  • Too much time passing baby around and keeping you separated can interfere with your baby sending your body cues to make milk if you’re trying to establish a good breastfeeding routine. At minimum, too much between feedings can make you engorged and uncomfortable.

If you’re going to have visitors over, I highly recommend having some kind of word or phrase you can mention to your partner that will signal to them that they need to come up with a reason to get everyone to leave. This shouldn’t have to be on you. If you discover that you just passed a clot that warrants calling your doctor about, or if you are just suddenly really overwhelmed, you shouldn’t have to tell that to everyone in the room if you don’t want to.

 

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Finally a sweet snugly #WallaceAustin pic with @kelly_skelly She’s been so busy cleaning and cooking and holy shit I owe her so big.

A post shared by Baby Rabies (@babyrabies) on

Some guests may even want to come from out of town and stay at your house. No matter what anyone says, no matter how helpful they promise they will be, here’s what I suggest is your test for if someone can stay overnight with you those first few weeks: Are you required to be fully dressed in front of them? Are you okay with them seeing your nipples hanging out? If you blow up at your partner and scream-cry at them because you’re so overwhelmed and exhausted, would that be awkward for them to witness? There are exactly two people in my life who pass this test- my mom and my sister. Those are the two people who get to come stay the night with us in the weeks after I have a baby.

3. Stock your nest
While you’re filling your home with bottles and diapers and anything else for life post baby, don’t forget to think of yourself! Be sure to stock up on the following:

4. Plan ways to entertain yourself
Fact: Your baby will be the most beautiful baby ever created. Also fact: You will eventually tire looking at them while they sleep/eat. Make a list of podcasts and shows you want to binge and audiobooks you want to listen to. Consider asking for gift cards to your nearest movie theater when people ask if they can get you anything. Once you get the hang of feeding your baby and figure out their nap schedule, you very well could sneak in lots of new releases while your newborn naps and nurses or bottle-feeds through them. (Of course, sit near an exit so you can step out if they start crying.)


5. Stock up on transition clothes
Promise me you won’t let yourself believe you’ll be back into your pre-pregnancy clothes anytime soon. If that happens, great, but it’s not that norm and you should plan for it to take a while. Hopefully some of your maternity clothes will serve you well as you shrink back down. Here are a few more items to see if you can buy or borrow from friends:

  • Inexpensive sports bras make great sleep-bras and nursing bras while your breasts are still engorged and leveling out. I like the V-neck ones. They wouldn’t support me in any kind of athletic activity, but they are great for nursing.
  • Black yoga pants or leggings are so multipurpose. You could get some really cheap ones sizes bigger than you usually wear, or you could invest in some awesome postpartum leggings, like these from BLANQI, that will stretch and shrink down with you, taking you all the way through that postpartum period and beyond.
  • Kimonos and cardigans are awesome to have on hand. You can easily throw them on over a clean nursing tank or regular tank top, pair them with your leggings, and you’re ready to look presentable!

6. Set realistic expectations
I’m not saying that everyone’s postpartum recovery experience is awful and hard, and I’m not trying to be alarmist about this. I just think it’s better to go into it with realistic expectations than to experience these real and valid feelings of being overwhelmed and exhausted and like you have no idea what you’re doing, and then wondering if something’s wrong with you.

Photo Credit Kelly White Photography

Yes, your baby is amazing, and yes, you are so blessed and lucky. But also, it might not feel magical, and that’s okay.  It doesn’t have to be. Feeling like the 4th trimester is in some ways worse than any other part of pregnancy doesn’t make you a bad mom. Hopefully you can spend a little time before you have the baby, communicating with your partner and support team, laying out clear expectations, and then prepare to take good care of yourself in those weeks and months after baby is here.

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Photos Are A Life Treasure
Postpartum Anxiety & Depression

I Thought I Was Dying, But I Had Postpartum Anxiety

by Jill
written by Jill

The Postpartum Support International help line phone number is 1-800-944-4733. Keep reading for more resources you can bookmark or share with friends and family.

If you’ve been reading this blog over the last 7 years, you’ve likely heard me at least mention my struggles with postpartum anxiety and OCD at some point. I’ve tried to be open about it for nearly as long as I’ve recognized it in myself.

I first wrote about it back in 2011.

I feel a sense of obligation to talk about this because I may have never sought treatment had it not been for the women who came before me and shared their own stories.

The Ultimate Baby Rabies Book Launch Giveaway

I never realized postpartum ANXIETY or OCD were real diagnosis. I didn’t ever feel “depressed” so it never occurred to me the anger and the worry and the obsessive fear I felt had anything to do with my mental health. I assumed that I was just a BAD MOTHER. How awful, right?

So you can imagine my relief when I read this and recognized, finally, that what I was feeling was actually something that could be treated. I wasn’t a bad mom, I was sick. PLEASE BOOKMARK THIS and share it and refer back to it!

THE SYMPTOMS OF POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION & ANXIETY (IN PLAIN MAMA ENGLISH)

I white knuckled my way through it with my first baby, and I regret that, but I didn’t even know something was wrong with me then. I finally got help when my 2nd baby was 9 months old. I had plans in place after the birth of my 3rd and 4th baby- prescriptions on hand and ready to fill.

It never got easier to get through it, but it did get easier to fill those prescriptions.

If you recognize any of these symptoms in yourself or someone you care about, please reach out to a medical care provider- your family physician, your OB, or even ask your pediatrician for a recommendations if you need one.

PLEASE NOTE that PPD/PPA does not always hit those first few weeks. Mine never hit until my babies were between 4-6 months old, long after I “aced” that 6 week postpartum screening.

Postpartum Resources:

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The First Thing You Eat After Giving Birth Will Taste Like Magic
Pregnancy

The First Thing You Eat After Giving Birth Will Taste Like Magic

by Jill
written by Jill

The best sandwiches and pizza of my life have been devoured right after I had babies.

I think one was literally white bread, a slice of soggy cheese, and some questionable ham and IT WAS AMAZING. And I was always grateful for the snacks we brought in. I consumed an entire bag of Dove caramel filled chocolates right after I had Wallace.

This photo, by my friend Katie Lacer (MommaKT Shoots), is the perfect illustration of that post-birth food-euphoria.

When we shared this photo on the Baby Rabies Facebook page, we asked you to share your favorite postpartum meals and snacks. Here’s what you said:

“I had a bagged lunch from the hospital. Turkey sandwich with lettuce and mayo with some chips and let me tell you mayonnaise never tasted sooooo good on a sandwich then it did at that point in my life.” – Victoria

“With my oldest daughter it was a chicken bacon ranch grinder from a place called Mancino’s and it was amazing. With my youngest daughter I hadn’t eaten in almost 36 hours and although I was told it was a bacon egg and cheese bagel from Einstein brothers with an iced caramel latte from Starbucks it could have been cardboard and water lol. I ate it so fast I’m not even sure I tasted any of that one.” – Jayne

The First Thing You Eat After Giving Birth Will Taste Like Magic

“In the UK you’re always given tea and toast with jam. However, best thing I ever had was my husband brought me pretty much the whole McDonald’s breakfast menu. It was AMAZING.” – Heather

Related: You Don’t Have To Invite Anyone To Your Birth… Unless You Want To

“When I had my first, my sister was in charge of bringing me tasty things. Then I wasn’t allowed to eat for two days after. Then they put me on clear liquid and it still wasn’t real food. I finally got released to try normal foods right when they were switching me from a more monitored floor to a regular floor annnnnnnd forgot to give me lunch. The nurse then rounded up food for me which was so nice of her but it was clear liquid. Totally called my Mom crying and she brought me a burger. It was really the best thing ever.” – Laura

The First Thing You Eat After Giving Birth Will Taste Like Magic

“My husbands reenactment of our second’s birth- push, grunt, push (kid out), ‘I need a cheeseburger!’ It was the most amazing (hospital) cheeseburger I have EVER eaten.” – Laurie

“I was asking for food before they were done closing after [my daughter]. I’d been monitored all afternoon so by that time I’d gone like 11 hours without anything but the six packages of fruit snacks I ate clandestinely. At about 2am they finally brought my mom and I each a packaged sandwich and I don’t think I chewed either.” – Jessica

“When the doctor came in for me to push with my last one he asked what that smell was. I pointed to the counter and said ‘that’s a calzone waiting for me to be done here’. He laughed and gloved up and said ‘don’t let me stand in your way’.” – Jen

“I called room service as soon as possible. I ordered a Belgian waffle, scrambled eggs, extra bacon, fruit and yogurt parfait, cheese danish, orange juice, and ginger ale. Then asked my husband what he would like and his face pretty much said it all.” – Amanda

What was your favorite postpartum meal? Share in the comments or here on Facebook!

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The Mom Center: A Place Where Mothers Are People
Parenthood

The Mom Center: A Place Where Mothers Are People

by Désirée
written by Désirée

Motherhood is hard. There’s no doubt about it. And it can be made harder by a society who views you as just that: a mom, but not an individual.

Self care is something that gets talked about a LOT these days, but are we all doing it? The sacrificial mom trope gets thrown around a lot, especially online, but let’s be honest. You matter. And you deserve that same level of care that you dish out for others.

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I Just Had A Baby And My Period Is Already Back Because Life Is Full Of Surprises
BabiesParenthood

I Just Had A Baby And My Period Is Already Back Because Life Is Full Of Surprises

by Jill
written by Jill

I’m not going to bury the lede here. This post is about how I got my period back when my baby was only 2 months old, and how that sucks. Do with that information what you will now. This post is about periods and it’s only going to get more period-y from here.

Okay, if I still have you, YOU GUYS OMG WHAT.

I stopped bleeding postpartum right before my 6-week checkup. It wasn’t heavy at all toward the end. That probably only lasted a couple weeks, but then I started bleeding again around 8 weeks out. It had been at least 2 weeks of nothing, so this totally surprised me, but it was within that 10 week timeframe when you can expect to bleed postpartum. So. Okay, whatever. I thought maybe I just… had to get more out.

That lasted for, like 4-5 days, not super heavy, not super light. When it stopped, I thought surely that was it.

I haven’t started my period after the last three kids until at least a year after having them… I think? Details are fuzzy, but it’s definitely nowhere near the first few, or six, or even eight months of their lives. I get a nice long break! I love not having my period!

I guess it’s worth mentioning that I’ve exclusively breastfed all of them. They don’t start solids until 6 months, and I nursed them in the middle of the night for a long time, too. I am also breastfeeding Wallace, and, given that he just turned 3 months old yesterday, I’m breastfeeding him quite frequently. He is certainly not sleeping through the night. Not even close.

Welp, I guess none of that matters this time because I had an actual period last week. It lasted 5 days. It was not crazy heavy like my usual 2nd postpartum period is. (Naturally, I have blogged about this phenomenon a couple times before.) But, I did have to dig around and find my old Diva cup. 

This was about 3 weeks after that last round stopped, and as much as I want to believe it was my body just… still… postpartum bleeding, it’s not, is it? This is it? It’s back? It will be back next month?

Ugh. I’ve been meaning to try a new menstrual cup because the Diva cup is just not the most comfortable thing for me. I’ve been using it since before I got pregnant with Lowell, and I mostly love it, but I feel like it could be a more comfortable (and less leaky) experience, and cups have come a long way in the last few years. So after that last period, I went to PutACupInIt.com and took their quiz and found out I should get a LENA cup. I ordered it from Amazon, and it should be here tonight, in plenty of time for next month.

LENA cup for periods after baby | BabyRabies.com

But if the universe wanted to be like, “Oh, you just bought a new cup? Well, now you won’t get your period again for another year!” I’ll be fine, that would be great. Can someone arrange that? Ugh. Periods.

*Okay, but more about PutACupInIt.com– 1. This is not sponsored. 2. Put A Cup In It is run by a couple friends and I just love what they are doing. I have long been a menstrual cup convert, but there is still such a stigma around it. I love that they are not putting up with any shame surrounding using one, or any period shame. Period. They are super informative, and they’re funny. If you’re at all intrigued by switching to a cup from pads and/0r tampons, I think you should plan to have a drink and spend an hour on their site. Take the quiz to see which one would work best for you. Read their blog. Watch their videos. Empower yourself. Go team! 

 

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The Case For A Menstruation Hut
BabiesParenthoodPopular PostsPregnancy

The Case For A Menstruation Hut

by Jill
written by Jill

I’ve been through this 3 times now with the same results, so I think I can consider myself an expert at this point. The 2nd period postpartum, for me, is something I’ve learned to fear and respect. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced in all of my time as a woman.

Let me pause and state the obvious for a sec. This post is going to be ALL about woman stuff. And blood. Lots of woman blood.

With my first two kids, I got my period back when they were both 9 months old. I figured that was a pretty good run. This time around, it didn’t show itself until my baby was 14 months old. It was like winning the lottery. I didn’t have a period for almost 2 years. GLORIOUS.

Each time, the first period back is pretty average- heavy. Nothing insane. It’s a bummer because, obviously, I enjoy it’s absence. But, I settle into the 7 day routine quickly and accept my fate.

Then the 2nd one comes, and I’d be wise to just not even leave the house. (Though there was that one time I had to, complete with undies full of toilet paper.)

Can I just get one of those menstrual hut things? I can totally see the appeal. Banish me to a private room for a week, call me unclean if you must. Just give me wine, chocolate, Hulu Plus, and 5 gallon orange bucket from Home Depot for me to hover over. Any other method of collecting and disposing of this situation is futile.

The seclusion appeals to me mostly because I don’t have to try to hide horrific blood stains and splatters from my children before I have time to clean them. Yes, I could be, like, a really in-touch, honest mom and explain bodily functions to them. But, no, I don’t want to. It just comes down to that.

I’ve moved on to the Diva Cup since I had my 2nd baby. I mostly like it more than tampons. I did a very poorly lit video review of it (talking only, I swear, no demonstrating) years ago.

Part of the appeal for me was it holds more.

(Note: I have deleted several very descriptive sentences that make me laugh out loud because I think they might make a percentage of you vomit. I’m losing my edge.)

But I don’t think it would matter if I could shove a red Solo cup up there, I’d still have to deal with a homicide scene every. hour. The weird part about a menstrual cup is I get a VERY clear idea of just how much I’m expelling from my body. It’s a pretty precise visual.

More deleted stuff about Carrie and buckets…

It’s A LOT.

I was going to type something about how I had to have lost 5 lbs in uterine lining alone over the last 2 days, but then I just jumped on the scale and saw I’ve actually gained a pound. So I’m just going to stop tying now and go cry and eat some more Halloween candy.

Is this a thing other women experience? Is your first or second period postpartum just plain terrifying? I feel like this is something we need to talk about more, especially so expecting moms can secure a menstrual hut for themselves. Perhaps add it to a registry of some sort… along with a Home Depot bucket.

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Postpartum Realities
BabiesPopular PostsPregnancyThe Story

Postpartum Realities

by Jill
written by Jill

“Why do I always forget how miserable I am after having a baby?” I asked Scott with tears in my eyes.

It was a rhetorical question. I mean, obviously your mind erases memories of that hot hell to protect the human species. It’s nature.

If I could vividly recall what it’s like to experience sleep deprivation, engorged breasts, raw nipples, night sweats, a patched up vagina, and this…

postpartumrash

I would have never had a 2nd or 3rd child.

That is a horrific postpartum rash. I get it every. single. time. I have a baby. And each time it starts all up in my crotch and spreads further down my legs, up onto my stomach, and even onto my arms.

After Kendall, it was suspected I had contact dermatitis from Always pads, and that’s probably true. I likely had that all up in that area where the pads actually came in contact with my skin. Looking back, though, I think I also had a small reaction to the narcotics I was prescribed as pain relief (following an un-medicated birth). I had no idea I was allergic to them at that time.

After Leyna, that narcotic reaction got a little worse, but cleared up with a steroid pack. Still, I hadn’t put 2 and 2 together that it was the pain meds causing this.

After Lowell, for the first time ever, I took a prescription for narcotic pain meds home with me because I have 2 other kids to keep up with now. (I just took high doses of Advil once I got home after Kendall and Leyna were born.) So this mystery rash came, spread, tortured me, and persisted even after I finished a steroid pack (because I was following those pills up with my pain meds).

Once we finally figured out the cause, I immediately stopped taking them, and the rash cleared up within a few days.

Imagine, if you will, your crotch is being held together by stitches, that entire area is so sore and swollen you have to use a gentle stream of water to clean yourself after using the bathroom, and all you want to do is SCRATCH THE ITCH AWAY, except no, because who wants to even look down there after having a baby, let alone scratch. And every time you take a hot shower, which you crave because your muscles are so sore, the hives get worse. The itch is so intense you cry and writhe around just to keep yourself from scratching it because even if you can get past the thought of accidentally scratching off a stitch down there, scratching just makes it WORSE.

Oh, this is so much of my hell after I have babies.

When I was about 4 days postpartum, my curiosity got the best of me, and I looked at myself in the mirror below the waist. My rule after having babies is usually to NEVER LOOK DOWN. For a long, long time. But this time, I really wanted to know what was happening with that cystical. (A cyst on my labia the size of a golf ball that showed up while I was pregnant because the universe is hilarious.)

What I saw… oh my God… what I saw was a scene from a horror movie.  I looked deformed. I thought for sure I would never go back to normal. I sobbed in the bathroom in the middle of the night.

8 weeks later, I’m happy to report things are looking much less like they’re about to explode down there. I should have stuck to my original plan to NEVER LOOK DOWN for a long, long time.

In addition to all the physical BLECH that goes on after having a baby, for me, I have those pesky hormones to deal with.

I love all my children so so much. Promise. But when I come home from the hospital with a tiny, fresh baby, I just can not with the older kids crawling on me and touching me, smearing me with their germs.

Of course, outwardly I am loving and excited to see them. I tell them how much I missed them and hug and kiss them. I’m not a monster on the outside, y’all.

Just on the inside.

Just inside my brain, where I’m like, “Oh good God, go to bed. Please leave me and your innocent new sibling alone in our quiet, dark room. No, you can not touch him or kiss him or even LOOK at him while he is slowly demolishing my nipples and killing me quietly. GO. AWAY.”

Nipple pain is real, and can make me blind with rage in the beginning.

IMG_5011

Breastfeeding can hurt. Bad. Is it supposed to? Technically, if you have a “perfect” latch, no. Reality? You might not start out with a perfect latch. Should you strive for that? Yes. Should you get help from an LC as soon as possible? Yes. Is it likely you will have someone help you perfect that perfect latch in the first 24-48 hours before any damage is done? In my experience, no. 

Nipple pain DOES go away. You CAN make it through. The quicker you work to get a good latch, the faster it will get better. I say these things not to discourage anyone from breastfeeding. I say these things because not many people do, and it helps to be prepared so you can work through it and stick with it, knowing it will get better.

**************

All of this isn’t to scare anyone or make anyone feel bad for me. This is just the reality that so many gloss over, forget to mention, or just plain forget when it comes to life after baby arrives. Those last few weeks leading up to having a baby are usually mega uncomfortable.  This plus labor seems to get all the focus when it comes to talking to expecting moms about how to cope.

Oh sure, there is some talk of preparing freezer meals and arranging for help post-baby. But, in my opinion, this is a transition period in a woman’s life that is grossly neglected. I can see why, honestly.

It’s hard to recall the exact pain of labor and delivery, but there is enough of a dialogue about that to remind moms most of the time that just because we can’t physically remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. It also seems more socially acceptable for a woman to experience pain and to reach out for help during this time.

8 weeks out from having a baby, and it really is hard to recall exactly how awful those first few weeks postpartum were, and nobody is talking much about it. People don’t seem to want to hear how a mother of a 2 week old is absolutely miserable and not at all “enjoying this time.” It’s not so acceptable for a mother of a newborn to tell people to please hold off on visiting because she’s in misery and would rather sit on a pack of ice with her shirt off all day.

We don’t blog or tell recovery stories like we do birth stories. By the time most of us come out of the haze of recovery enough to talk to others about it, we either don’t want to re-live it, or we are too drunk on fresh-new-baby smell to recall the details. (Nature has powerful amnesia drugs.)

I asked my Facebook page if I was alone in feeling unprepared for postpartum recovery each time. Turns out, I’m not. Hundreds chimed in, and most agreed that postpartum recovery can really knock us on our ass unexpectedly.

Some people report that their postpartum experiences went great. They were back to life as normal within days. I’m not saying you’re guaranteed to have a brutal recovery, but be prepared for the possibility. Give yourself a lot of time, a lot of grace, and have a plan. Don’t be afraid to tell people no. No, you’re just not ready to come out and meet them yet. No, they can not come visit yet.

Take your time. It takes more than a few days, for most people, to return to a shade of “normal” after having a baby. And that’s okay. You’ll forget it eventually (mostly), but that doesn’t make living through the discomfort in that moment any better.

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BabiesCharitable

In Austin? You’re Invited to the Pregnancy & Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas Wine Social

by Jill
written by Jill

It’s been almost exactly a year since I broke down and got help for what turned out to be postpartum anxiety.

This time last year, I was in a lonely, scary, dark place. Like a hole I couldn’t find a way out of. I thought I’d be stuck there forever. It really didn’t seem like there would ever be a logical way out.

And I can’t say I’m safe from falling back in again just yet. There are days I dance on the edge, days I lose my footing and barely catch myself from tumbling down again.

There are days I get tired from balancing, from pushing away from it.

But, mostly, I’m a long way from where I was at the bottom of that dark hole last year.

Postpartum Progress’s Katherine Stone was interviewed on CNN recently, and I found it to be such a hopeful message. Postpartum mental health disorders are not forever. You can get help. You can get better. You can live a normal life again. Give it a watch if you need a healthy dose of hope.

One year later, I’m beyond honored to be speaking at the Pregnancy & Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas’ 2nd Annual Wine Tasting Social this Thursday, the 25th in Austin, TX.

I’m still firming up my speech, but I think my message will focus on hope, on overcoming, on how important it is to realize that’s a possibility even when you can’t see out of whatever dark hole you’re in.

If you’re in the Austin area and have some free time this Thursday evening, I would be thrilled if you’d join us. Come have a glass or two of wine with us and support an important cause. Support moms who need help seeing the way out of postpartum mental disorders.

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ParenthoodPopular PostsStuff

Because Nothing Says Welcome Back To Fertility Like Toilet Paper In Your Undies

by Jill
written by Jill

People, this is your warning. This post is all about menstruation, in gory, graphic detail. Feel free to click away now…

we’ll wait…..

Alright, moving on.

At almost 9 months postpartum last month, I got the first period I’ve experienced in 18 months, nearly exactly as long as it took to get it back after having Kendall. However, unlike last time, there was no “nice” period to welcome me back to the world of menstruation.

No, I just went straight to the horrific murder scene in my toilet bowl as I soaked through a super plus tampon and super plus maxi pad every hour.

Only now, after looking through my archives for period related posts, do I recall describing the ordeal in such fantastic detail last time.

I did a little research last month on the Diva Cup because, just by looking at it, I could tell it would hold a hell of a lot more… stuff than a super plus tampon. Lots of my readers on Facebook had fantastic things to say about it, but everyone kept warning about a “learning curve.” I had every intention of getting one to try out before I got my period again. But, well, you know… time and chaos and life and excuses.

Whatever the reason, when my period showed up last week for the 2nd time since having Leyna, I was utterly unprepared. Sure, I had a handful of tampons left over from last time. I had a couple pads. But, I’d planned on getting a Diva Cup, and didn’t bother stocking up on other supplies because, well, it’s easy to forget to do that when you haven’t had to for 18 months.

As I mentioned earlier, it started like a full on tidal wave of menses. By the time Scott got home from work, I was down to my last tampon. I’d soaked through every pad.

I was doing that thing where you roll up toilet paper and shove it in your panties, and then you do the Super Soaker Shuffle back to the bathroom to replace it every 15 minutes because WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SUBSTITUTE FOR A MAXI PAD IS TOILET PAPER?!

I couldn’t go to Target with toilet paper in my panties. My God, what if it fell out? Suddenly, I remembered the kind folks at Luna Pads sent me some cloth pads to try out after I had Leyna, but by the time I got them in the mail, I was pretty much done with bleeding, so I never used them.

They sent me several types. Some that doubled up, some that went in a special pair of undies. I didn’t quite understand how they all worked, but I  got resourceful, stacked all those bad boys on top of each other, shoved them in the special undies, and shimmied into that. I was sporting quite the package.

I never intended to use them on such… er… messy days, but I have to say, it was nice to have a backup stashed away in my underwear drawer.

As I was trying to escape to Target, Scott (who was leaving to take the kids to the park) kept rattling off other things for me to get.

“Scott, I have to go. Right. Now.”  I said while glaring at him with my very serious eyes as Kendall tugged at my pants, begging to go with me.

Meanwhile, Leyna started crying… and I started lactating. Oh, but guess what? I was out of breastpads, too. So I had to change out of my shirt,  and shove a couple cloth breastpads in my bra (which I normally can’t use for a great amount of time because, in case it hasn’t already been established, I was a dairy cow in another life, and make milk like it’s my fucking job).

Now, I still want to try the Diva Cup, but this was not the time to a. search for it at a local retailer or b. get elbow deep all up in myself, trying to overcome some sort of “learning curve.” So I was on the hunt for more super plus tampons and super plus pads (because, yes, I absolutely needed both if I ever wanted to leave the house anytime in the next 6 days).

I can’t imagine how hard it was for the hipster male Target cashier to keep a straight face as he scanned the items in my cart:

Halloween Oreos (What? They were on the end cap across from the tampons.)
Super plus tampons
Chocolate ice cream (I’m on my period. It was a necessity.)
Super plus maxi pads
Breastpads

I couldn’t have been more clear that I was hormonal and could leak and/or spray bodily fluids at any moment if I screamed it over the intercom.

Honestly, I was happy to make it out of there without hearing, “Clean up on aisle 9. Bring the biohazard kit.”

Kendall is 3 1/2 years, Leyna is 9 months, and I am 3 days away from needing a blood transfusion.

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Birth StoriesStuffThe Story

The Rest of The Story, Take 2

by Jill
written by Jill

I firmly believe one of the least discussed parts of the whole pregnancy, childbirth, becoming a mom experience is the part that follows immediately after that baby exits your womb. The world, with all it’s warm and fuzzy ads and Lifetime movies, would have you believe that once that baby is out, all is perfect with the world. The pain leaves, you heal up, you go about your blissful existence with your newborn… at least until colic sets in.

Not. TRUE.

I was so blindsided by what followed Kendall’s birth that I feel like the days/weeks after I had him were far more traumatizing than the pain of delivering without an epidural. The Pitocin in the thigh, nearly passing out, the catheter, the blood, the stitches, the rash, the mastitis, the chunks of flesh falling off my bleeding nipples… NOBODY WARNED ME ABOUT THAT SHIT.

Now, looking back, and after experiencing things the 2nd time around, I have to think that maybe my experience was a little on the extreme side the 1st time (and I’m so sorry if I scared the living hell out of you). That said, it wasn’t all rosy and baby powder scented diapers of puppies and bunnies this time, either.

Each time I’ve pushed out a baby, my mind has rejoiced momentarily that the “pain is over.” And then, minutes later, I’m reminded it’s not. Sure the pain level has decreased, but it’s not over. First, there was the delivering of the enormous placenta I was carrying around that was, apparently, about the size of my baby.

Then, though I only had a small 1st degree tear this time, I still had to have stitches, meaning I had to endure several shots of local anesthetic to the part of my body I wish to not be touched for the next year. And then? That doesn’t completely numb the area, just dulls it slightly, leaving me still able to feel the sensation of the thread and needle weaving in and out of my delicate and already battered nether regions.

On the bright side, I didn’t bleed nearly as much after having Leyna as I did Kendall. There was no need for the shot of Pitocin to the thigh, and I didn’t pass out on my way to the toilet, either. I did, however, leave a lovely, murderous looking trail from the bed to the bathroom, which I nearly slipped on.

Oh, a side note, the poop I left in the toilet while in labor (have you read my birth story yet?), was still there after I had Leyna and I saw Scott silently slink over to the bathroom and flush it. I think it was really bothering him that it was still sitting there, in all it’s nasty germiness. What a gentleman.

I was really nervous about my first pee. I sat on the toilet, again in front of the whole room, and wished with all my might that I would pee. Y’all, that catheter I had to have after Kendall was the WORST part about childbirth last time. I was more afraid of that than pushing. And as the urine started to trickle out, I shouted from my throne to every soul in the room, “I’M PEEING!! YES!! I’M PEEING!” I was met by many congratulations and my nurse even made a call up to my recovery nurse to share the good news. I don’t think anyone was looking forward to the catheter possibility.

By the time I got to my room to recover, I was, honestly, feeling pretty good. In fact, Scott and I sat there and looked at each other like, “that was way too easy.”

And then… the cramps started.

Cramps as painful as the most painful menstrual cramps that once sent me to the ER and many times sent me home early from work. Maybe worse. Definitely worse than the cramps I experienced last time as I breastfed Kendall (they come when you’re breastfeeding because it makes your uterus contract… so I’m told).  Cramps so bad I hunched over and cried many times, all while trying to perfect my newborn’s latch.

The good news is I was was given a lovely cocktail of narcotics to dull the pain, which I dutifully took each time I was up for another dose. This girl may push babies out with no pain meds, but I sure as hell want them after I deliver.

We came home 24 hours after having Leyna, and I was all kinds of hormonal and crazy by then. As we pulled up to the house, I saw the neighbor kids running amok across our yard. I could see them peering into the Jeep. I KNEW they were going to pounce on us and ask to see the baby the minute we opened the doors.

“Your mission is to keep those punk-ass kids AWAY from me and AWAY from my baby. I’m not kidding, Scott. I’m going to kick them in the teeth. Do NOT let them near me. Do NOT let them talk to me, and so help me, DO NOT LET THEM TOUCH MY BABY.”

I think it took a good week for my hormones to level off.

In the meantime, just as I thought breastfeeding was going really well this time around (minus the standard nipple pain that comes from a Hoover attached to tender breasts for 20 out of 24 hours suddenly), Leyna suddenly decided to absolutely refuse to latch on my bitch-ass, giant, malformed left nipple. Tears fell from my eyes and landed on her sweet little head as I struggled for up to 30 minutes to just get her to latch. Just PLEASE LATCH. Oh God, I did NOT want to have latch issues. We battled for 48 hours and I’m happy to report I WON. I mean, the conditions do have to be just so. She has to be positioned just right. The boob can’t be too full or too empty. I have to squeeze it and start it for her. She doesn’t want to work for it at all, but I finally got her to latch and we’ve been good to go ever since.

The upside to all of this is my nipples look nothing like they did with Kendall this far out. No scabs. No blood. No chunks of flesh falling off. Okay, so she’s picky, but at least she’s kind. So breastfeeding is definitely a win this time around.

And then the rash returned. Oh yes, remember my lovely crotch rot? Just a few days out of the hospital and it erupted all over my butt, thighs and everything in between. AGAIN.

Confession- Like an IDIOT, I didn’t stock up on pads before I went into labor. I came home with the hospital pads, and they ran out sooner than I expected… in the middle of the night. What did I have left? Oh, only the ALWAYS PADS OF EVIL AND DOOM from my last postpartum experience that gave me contact dermatitis. But I didn’t think it would be that  big of a deal. I would only need to wear one for a few hours before we could get out to the store.

Flash forward to the end of the day, and I’ve got another raging, itching, burning, red, bumpy rash all over the parts I wish not to be touched. My name is Jill, and I’m a dumbass.

Or am I… because shortly after, after I quickly switched to Kotex pads, continuing for many, many days after that, I began to see this rash spread up my stomach, inside my stretch marks, and down my legs, behind my knees and even on my calves. Last time it didn’t spread, that I can remember. Contact dermatitis is just supposed to erupt where the skin actually comes in contact with the irritant. Those pads may have been big, but they certainly didn’t touch my knees.

I consulted Dr. Twitter and Dr. Google (since it was a weekend and I couldn’t consult my midwife until Monday), and the diagnosis ranged anywhere from PUPPPS to an allergy to my husband’s DNA in the placenta and amniotic fluid. <<< No, really. That was a for real issue.

I never found out what caused the rash this time around. My midwife called in a steroid pack for me that Monday after I delivered and it seemed to clear up about 95% of the rash within a few days. Next time, I’m just going to assume this is going to happen to me and be on the lookout.

It’s 2 weeks out now, and I *think* the worst has passed. All in all, it hasn’t been that bad this time around, at least when I compare it to recovery with Kendall. I was up walking around much faster this time, the weight seems to be coming off faster this time, breastfeeding is 80% less painful.

So doesn’t that give you all hope?! Hopefully, it at least doesn’t scare you nearly as much as my 1st Rest of The Story did.

Kendall is 2 1/3 and Leyna is 2 weeks.

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