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OBGYN

You Don't Have To Invite Anyone To Your Birth... Unless You Want To
Pregnancy

You Don’t Have To Invite Anyone To Your Birth… Unless You Want To

by Désirée May 17, 2018
written by Désirée

Birth is personal and different for every single family and when it comes to who will be present when your baby (or babies!) arrive, every mom should be able to choose who gets in the invite.

Some moms feel comfortable with a crowd, some want only their spouse, and some would rather have their mom present.

Whatever makes you feel most comfortable should be the choice you make.

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May 17, 2018 1 comment
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Don’t Feel Supported By Your OBGYN Or Midwife? Leave
BabiesBirth StoriesPregnancy

Don’t Feel Supported By Your OBGYN Or Midwife? Leave

by Jill February 23, 2017
written by Jill

My very first OBGYN’s office was lined with framed magazine pages and plaques. The Best Of The Best! Top 10 Best OBGYNs! Another Important Award! I can’t remember exactly how I chose this office, but I do remember feeling really proud of (smug about) that choice when I saw all these accolades at my first visit.

When I was 20 weeks pregnant, I sat in the award-winning OBGYNs office, and I said to the “accomplished” male doctor who appeared to be in his 60s, “I’ve been thinking about trying for a med-free birth. Do you know where I should start as far as books to read or classes to take?”

He shrugged his shoulders, swatted his hand in the air like I was a fly, and said, “You know who gives birth without meds? Cows. We’ve come a long way from having to give birth like a cow. You don’t want to give birth like a cow.” 

And that was the exact moment in my head that I told myself, “WELP. No way this asshole is getting anywhere near my vagina again.” 

Shortly after, I found a local Bradley Method class, and the instructors told me about a lovely midwife practice in the neighboring suburb. They delivered in a hospital! I had no idea midwives did such a thing.

And so, halfway through my first pregnancy, I left a practice that I knew wouldn’t support me in labor the way I wanted them to. I’m really glad that doctor was so blatant about his disinterest in helping me through a med-free birthing experience. That would have been an awful thing to discover at 5 cm dilated.

I went on to have the best birth experience for me– a med-free birth in a hospital with a midwife.

That wasn’t the only time I’d have to leave a practice mid-pregnancy. Not even close.

We moved to Texas shortly after our first was born, and when I got pregnant again, I specifically sought out a practice that offered midwives who delivered in a hospital. I found one that came highly recommended. The midwife on staff had amazing reviews. At my first appointment, I learned she had left for a practice in Fort Worth, but the OBGYN who saw me instead assured me that they would be hiring a new midwife soon, and I’d be seeing her regularly by 20 weeks, for sure.

By the time 20 weeks rolled around, there was still no new midwife hired, and they could no longer say for sure they would have one. That, coupled with the many suggestions that I go ahead and plan to induce before Christmas (my due date was 12/24), made me uneasy enough to change practices again.

The good news is this lead me to a really lovely midwife who delivered at a hospital downtown. I saw her for the last half of my 2nd pregnancy, and I wound up with another wonderful med-free birth experience when she delivered my daughter. 

I saw her through nearly all of my 3rd pregnancy, too… until she was let go from the OBGYN practice she worked for because of a situation that, to me, was a clear case of a midwife doing what midwives do- striving to help mothers birth with as few interventions as possible in a safe way- in conflict with an OBGYNs office and hospital system that doesn’t always align with that approach.

I was nearly 35 weeks pregnant and faced with either staying in that practice that clearly did not support midwifery care and possibly wouldn’t support me, or find a new midwife at another practice. As stressful as it was so late in the game, the obvious choice was to leave.

For the 3rd time, the practice I began my pregnancy with did not end up being the one I ended with, but just like the last 2 times, the move was worth it. I had a 3rd med-free hospital birth with my midwife when I delivered Lowell. And then I got to keep that same midwife all the way through my 4th pregnancy, and she delivered Wallace, too! It was pretty nice to make it through an entire pregnancy without having to look for another provider for once.

Don't Feel Supported By Your OBGYN Or Midwife? Leave | BabyRabies.com

Posing with my midwife Jeanean Carter of Adriatica Women’s Health in McKinney, TX 

As I wrote Wallace’s birth story, I thought about how lucky I’ve been to have all the great birth experiences I’ve had. And then I thought, well, was it all luck? No. So much of that was because I advocated for myself, up to the point of leaving 3 practices when I felt they wouldn’t support me the way I needed them to.

Here’s the thing- it’s not ok for your OBGYN to brush off your wish to birth med-free. It’s not cool for a practice to pressure you to schedule an induction for no reason other than “You’ll be home in time for Christmas!” There are a ton of things that birth professionals do that may make you feel uneasy, no matter how many awards they’ve won, and no matter what kind of birth experience you want.

Yeah, advocating for yourself isn’t just for moms who want to birth med-free. I honestly can’t imagine that first OBGYN I saw would have had any kind of bedside manner after a c-section, either. 

If the OB or MW you’re seeing makes you feel uncomfortable, unheard, small, or stupid, I encourage you to think real hard about getting the hell out of that practice- right up to the very end if you need to. Go to the next town if there’s nobody else near you. I’ve driven as far as 45 minutes for my appointments and given birth at hospitals nearly an hour away.

And if all else fails, and you’re stuck, look into at least hiring a doula.

You deserve to feel supported and to respect and connect with, if not love, the person who helps you bring your babies into this world- no matter if they are an OBGYN or a midwife. I want you to have the best birth experience possible. You can’t control how it will happen, but you can surround yourself with great people.

February 23, 2017 5 comments
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PregnancyThe Story

Baby’s healthy! Now where should I deliver?

by Jill May 18, 2010
written by Jill

Great news, the baby looked healthy! Better news, there is only one (not that 2 would have been bad news, but 1 is PLENTY!). Scott’s been convinced that there were twins, and with the level of exhaustion and nausea I’ve had, I wouldn’t have been surprised, but no. I guess I’m either a wuss this time around or the baby is some sort of super ninja, zapping every last ounce of energy from me, leaving me with no choice but to recharge twice a day.

The new “official” due date, according to the office, is 12/24, even though the baby is actually measuring 9 weeks today, aligning with the ovulation date I predicted (based on, well, me knowing my body) and a due date of 12/22. *Sigh* On the one hand I’m happy to have a due date that’s later than the one I was going by because that gives me a couple extra days before people start getting antsy about inductions, but I also hate to think of the challenge of going into labor on or around the holidays (and I know an estimated due date has nothing to do with that).

For now, I’m staying with this OBGYN’s office, even though the midwife who I originally intended on seeing just left the practice and they are currently without a replacement. It’s a tough decision, and not one I’m sure I’ll stick with, but the OB I met with today was 100x better than the OBs I left in Virginia in favor of a midwife practice. She encouraged me to seek out a doula and talked to me about how they would handle a med free labor and delivery at the hospital. I really do like the hospital, it’s certified “Baby Friendly” and has a labor tub.  It’s the only one in the are that does. And while they don’t offer wireless monitoring, she did put my mind at ease telling me that they aren’t going to be pulling me in and out of the tub to monitor the heart rate often if everything is looking good.

Our only other option is to deliver at a birthing center (we did end up finding one covered by our insurance, though not our first choice) with a midwife. And while I have nothing against birthing centers and know so many women have amazing experiences there, I’m just not sure it’s for us. For one, this center is 10 minutes from a hospital, which is a little beyond my personal comfort level. And as much as I know I can do this without the epidural and will try everything in my power to do so, I just feel more comfortable knowing, if for some reason I really need it, it’s available, which isn’t an option at a center. Finally, and this is really the kicker for me, the moms who deliver at the birthing center are sent home 5 to 8 HOURS after delivering! I just. can’t. imagine. It’s not like a hospital is my favorite place, but I actually enjoyed my time recovering there the last time. Sure the food sucked, but that’s why I had my mom and Scott bring me takeout the whole time.  I was such a, well, a MESS that soon after having Kendall. I’m really glad it wasn’t my sheets I was ruining.

I don’t know, I’m certainly not meaning to knock the birthing center experience. I wish it felt like a comfortable option to me, and maybe it will with time, but for now I’m going to stick with the OB, hope they hire a midwife soon, tour the hospital and look into hiring a doula. In a fantasy world I’d have Scott take a 6 month detail back in VA/DC and I’d go back to my midwives (I’ve seriously proposed this). Maybe I’m romanticizing things, but I just feel like I had a nearly perfect birthing experience with Kendall and that nothing else is not going to live up to it.

I’m glad I have some time to figure this all out.

Nearly 9 weeks pregnant

May 18, 2010 19 comments
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