Baby Rabies
  • Start Here
    • About Baby Rabies
    • Baby Registry Top Picks
    • Favorite Pregnancy Apps
  • The Book
  • Pregnancy
    • Birth Stories
    • Perinatal Mood Disorders
  • Parenthood
    • Babies
    • Toddlers
    • School Age Kids
    • Parenting LOLZ
  • Photography
    • Photography

      6 Stunning Photos You Would Never Guess Were…

      February 11, 2019

      Photography

      Simple Tips For Editing Snow Photos On Your…

      December 13, 2018

      Photography

      I Wrote A Photography eBook And This Is…

      December 6, 2018

      Photography

      Creative Lighting Ideas To Help You Take Great…

      November 27, 2018

      Photography

      Learn How To Take And Edit Photos On…

      November 19, 2018

  • Reviews
    • Reviews

      The Answer To Last Minute Holiday Gifting For…

      December 19, 2018

      Reviews

      I Was Never A Barbie Girl Until Now

      October 1, 2018

      Reviews

      Finally! Jeans For My Jean-Averse Kids!

      August 22, 2018

      Reviews

      If Your Kid Loves Dump Trucks & Garbage…

      August 13, 2018

      Reviews

      Nobody Tell My Kids ABC Mouse Is Part…

      September 4, 2017

  • Subscribe

Baby Rabies

pregnancy & parenting

  • Start Here
    • About Baby Rabies
    • Baby Registry Top Picks
    • Favorite Pregnancy Apps
  • The Book
  • Pregnancy
    • Birth Stories
    • Perinatal Mood Disorders
  • Parenthood
    • Babies
    • Toddlers
    • School Age Kids
    • Parenting LOLZ
  • Photography
    • Photography

      6 Stunning Photos You Would Never Guess Were…

      February 11, 2019

      Photography

      Simple Tips For Editing Snow Photos On Your…

      December 13, 2018

      Photography

      I Wrote A Photography eBook And This Is…

      December 6, 2018

      Photography

      Creative Lighting Ideas To Help You Take Great…

      November 27, 2018

      Photography

      Learn How To Take And Edit Photos On…

      November 19, 2018

  • Reviews
    • Reviews

      The Answer To Last Minute Holiday Gifting For…

      December 19, 2018

      Reviews

      I Was Never A Barbie Girl Until Now

      October 1, 2018

      Reviews

      Finally! Jeans For My Jean-Averse Kids!

      August 22, 2018

      Reviews

      If Your Kid Loves Dump Trucks & Garbage…

      August 13, 2018

      Reviews

      Nobody Tell My Kids ABC Mouse Is Part…

      September 4, 2017

  • Subscribe

newborn

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer
BabiesReviews

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer

by Jill May 26, 2017
written by Jill

A couple months before Wallace was born, I asked “Can this baby monitor change the game with our 4th baby?” about the Owlet Smart Sock.

I’m back for an update! Wallace just turned 5 months old, and I’m here to tell you the Owlet is, indeed, a game changer.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.com

Owlet is sponsoring this post. 

To refresh your memory, the Owlet Smart Sock uses technology called pulse oximetry to keep tabs on oxygen levels in baby’s blood – like when you’re in the hospital and they put that clip with the red light on your finger. And then it’s sending that information to your phone (with apps for both iPhone and a beta Android app), and also to the independent base station.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.comWallace’s fat feet outgrew the size 1 and 2 socks pretty quickly, but the size 3 sock has a bit of extra room, so I’m hopeful it will last a long time.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.com

This is the new Smart Sock 2, which is a universal fit- it can be worn on either foot so you can switch it as needed. It’s really easy to put on once you try it a couple times.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.com

He doesn’t seem bothered by the sock at all.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.com

He’s interested in it because, well, he has an obsession with his toes, but there’s no way he could pull it off, even when he’s not swaddled or in a sleep sack.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.com

I’ve been very open about my postpartum anxiety and OCD battles and how sleep deprivation makes it so much worse. This time around, even though the PPA/OCD has returned (like I expected and planned for), it’s manageable, in part, because I’m getting sleep. What I love about the Owlet is the app that lets me roll over in bed in the middle of the night and quickly check to be sure all is well with Wallace without having to hover over him to see if he’s breathing.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.com

If I want even more info, I can easily access his heart rate and oxygen levels within the app.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.com

I’ve only ever heard a disconnect notification go off, usually when I’m feeding him while laying on our sides if it’s the side his sock is on. But that’s almost peace of mind, you know? Knowing that it’s actually working and picking up even the tiniest disruption.

5 Months With The Owlet Smart Sock- A Game Changer | BabyRabies.com

So my official review is this: The Owlet Baby Care Monitor has helped ease my mind. The monitor itself is simple to set up and use, and the app is simple to understand.

This definitely makes my list of Good Baby Stuff. It’s not cheap (on sale for $299, regular price $349, and refurbished models $199), but they make it easy to register for one or for people to purchase you gift cards for one. It also comes with a one-year warranty and a 45-day “peace of mind guarantee.”

May 26, 2017 2 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
We Didn’t Know We Were Missing Him Until He Was Here
Babies

We Didn’t Know We Were Missing Him Until He Was Here

by Jill April 28, 2017
written by Jill

“I am so lucky to have you. We are so happy you’re here!”

We Didn't Know We Were Missing Him Until He Was Here | Babyrabies.com

“Do you like us as much as we like you? I hope so.”

We Didn't Know We Were Missing Him Until He Was Here | Babyrabies.com

“You are the best surprise.”

We Didn't Know We Were Missing Him Until He Was Here | Babyrabies.com

“Thank you for surprising us!”

We Didn't Know We Were Missing Him Until He Was Here | Babyrabies.com

“I never knew you were missing until you were here.”

Those are all actual conversations I have with Wallace every day now. And yes, a conversation. He replies with coos and smiles and infectious giggles.

I found out about a year ago that I was pregnant. It was a HUGE surprise in the way that people will tell you, “We don’t know how this happened!” and you think, “But, of course, you know how this happened!” But seriously, they really don’t know. I still really don’t know.

And, honestly, I wasn’t happy about it. I spent a good part of the first half of that pregnancy pretty mad about it. I had plans for 2016, and they did not include gestating. I had plans for 2017, and they did not include breastfeeding and fighting off debilitating postpartum anxiety.

But he came anyway. He surprised us anyway. He made me white knuckle my way through last year so that I could re-discover how strong I am. He brought us joy and has cleared the fog. He put a lot of priorities in sharp focus.

Clarity.

There is nothing hazy or wishy-washy about his smile or his joyous presence. We didn’t know we were missing him until he was here.

We are so glad he’s here.

And in case you’re wondering, he’s 4 months old, 19 lbs, and 27 inches. I’ve spent about 70% of 2017 breastfeeding so far.

April 28, 2017 3 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them?
Stuff

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them?

by Jill February 16, 2017
written by Jill

The following photo is not intended to make you feel inadequate about what you did or didn’t do for your family on Valentines Day:

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them? | BabyRabies.com

I went a little nuts, but I’ll explain why in a bit.

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them? | BabyRabies.com

Valentines Day dinner was made up of the foods the kids told me they “love”- mac & cheese for Leyna & Lowell, cranberry sauce for Kendall, bacon for, well, everyone.

I did try to sneak some heart shaped zucchini in there…

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them? | BabyRabies.com

But they were much more interested in the heart-shaped bacon, and felt a little conned because nobody said they loved zucchini.

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them? | BabyRabies.com

I apologize for the horrid attempts at food photography here. These pictures are looking straight out of a 70s cookbook with recipes for SPAM & lime JELLO casserole.

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them? | BabyRabies.com

I surprised them with balloons, candy bouquets, and the cutest Valentine cards and buttons from this Instagram/Etsy shop I’m newly obsessed with- InkPug.  (We are SO that pug family now.)

Can we just have a moment for this card I got for Scott?

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them? | BabyRabies.com

Maybe you’ve noticed I’m running really short on time for all the things right now? I mean, this blog is pretty neglected lately.

I don’t have time to keep up with laundry. I don’t have time to keep up with our messy house. I don’t have time to keep up with emails. I don’t have time to write.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It’s like I forgot that newborns are SO SELFISH.

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them? | BabyRabies.com

I was like, just sit here and hold his hand so I can step away for 2 minutes and he won’t feel like I’ve abandoned him, okay? 

But I did take the time to do something special for Valentines Day, yes, for my kids, but also for me. I’ve felt so overextended. Making time to tuck the 2 bigs in each night is a huge ask of myself lately, and it used to be something I never let myself skip.

Christmas felt like a disaster to me. I know the kids won’t remember most of it, and they weren’t seeing it through postpartum hormone glasses, but I will remember, and I did. I needed a fun family do-over. I needed a home-run holiday. I needed to hear my kids say, “This was the BEST EVER!”

So I had some fun with Valentines Day, and it was exactly what my soul needed. And as much as I hope the kids don’t remember last Christmas, I hope they do file away a sweet memory or three from that time mom made bacon hearts and mac & cheese in a heart cake pan, and even pulled together some cranberry sauce in February for the best Valentines Day ever.

Selective Memories- Can I Please Choose Them? | BabyRabies.com

February 16, 2017 0 comment
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
One Month Progress Report
Babies

One Month Progress Report

by Jill January 25, 2017
written by Jill

Okay, this is going to be quick because Wallace is sure to wake up soon SINCE I’M NOT HOLDING HIM. And I really want to update you all on how life with a one-month-old is. One! Month! Old! But? I also really need a shower because I can’t handle the smell of myself.

First thing’s first…

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

He’s the cutest. And so big! I don’t know how much he weighs, but I do know he eats all day and he’s outgrown his newborn sized cloth diapers. 

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

He does not sleep in his crib yet, though it is very cute, waiting for him with his new personalized crib sheet. He spends some of his naptime in his Dock-A-Tot. Yes, he loves it. Yes, we love it.

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

And some in his Rock N Play…

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

And half his nights in his Halo bassinet, but mostly he prefers us to hold him. Because newborn life.

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

Scott went back to work on Monday. Epic sad face. We loved hanging out with him.

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

But of course, we are so lucky that he was able to stay home with us as long as he did. He had enough leave banked to take a full month off.

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

Everyone is adjusting to baby brother and really loves having him around, even the dogs…

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

Well, we don’t really let Arlo get too close just yet. Not because we think he’ll intentionally hurt him, but he’s a 170 lb puppy. He’s excited and floppy and slobbery. So slobbery.  He knows to stay out of our room now, and only Rosie gets to come in on occasion.

As for me?

One Month Progress Report | BabyRabies.com

It took a good 3 weeks for those hives to clear up, and then a few more days for me not to get super itchy when I took hot showers or woke in the middle of the night in a sweat. One month was pretty much a magical turning point. Hives gone, night sweats behind me, nipple pain is mostly manageable, and breastfeeding doesn’t make me want to throw things.

We’re not quite ready to take over the world (or dominate my inbox), but we’re getting there. We mastered a baby wrap, so I think that’s the first step.

January 25, 2017 6 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
Bats & Balls- This Is Not About Baseball {Contributor}
Babiescontributors

Bats & Balls- This Is Not About Baseball {Contributor}

by Jill August 22, 2014
written by Jill

Remember very pregnant contributor Suzanne? Well, she’s very not pregnant now with a precious newborn baby boy. And today she’s telling us all about how she’s a total badass mom of 3/military wife/domestic goddess who is keeping it all together and all the balls in the air while her husband is far away in a submarine. Except not. Because bats.

(This might be the only post on this blog that will ever lead a Google search to something actually about rabies.)

***********************

When you have kids (or even just turn into a grown up) your life becomes a juggling act, a constant struggle to keep all the balls of life in the air so they don’t come crashing down on your head or foot or face. For every change you make – adding another kid, a dog, a job change, a business trip, whatever – throw another ball in the mix and try not to mess up.

As a military spouse, I pride myself in being an expert juggler. But this month I finally found the ball that sent the whole thing crashing down on my head – and that ball was shaped like a bat. A flappy, leather, furry, squeaking BAT.

A month ago, my third baby finally made his appearance. A few days later my husband left for a short but incredibly poorly timed work thing. And by work thing I mean he was on a submarine at sea, which isn’t the sort of business trip you can reschedule no matter how pissed your wife is at being left alone with 2 kids and an infant. The Navy ain’t got time for that.

To keep everyone entertained alive, the littles and I went to visit my parents for a few days, literally slamming the door and driving away from the laundry and cooking and cleaning and all the other things that I knew would start to pile up.

When we got home a few days later, I put the kids to bed, collapsed on the couch with a pint of ice cream and mentally shored myself up to get through another week alone.

And then a bat flew through the room.

I tried to pretend I was just delusional from exhaustion (I find denial to be a very effective parenting tool, but it flew through the room again, MOCKING ME with its gross battiness and TOUCHING THINGS with it’s disgusting wings.

BatMocksMom

I briefly considered just taking the kids to a hotel and burning the house down behind me, but figured the paperwork would be too much trouble.

I Googled animal control, but they didn’t have an after-hours number (or even an answering machine). I Googled pest removal companies but couldn’t find one in my town. I Googled “HELP THERE’S A BAT IN MY HOUSE” and got lots of articles about rabies. I realized I was on my own.

So I Handled It.

I chased it upstairs, locked it in the guest room until morning when I knew it would be sleeping, then punched the screen out of a window and hit the bat with a broom until it fell out. BOOM. LOOK AT THESE BALLS I AM JUGGLING.

That evening, another bat flew through the family room.

Unsurprisingly, I lost it. ANOTHER BAT. For all I knew there was a whole COLONY living in my chimney and I was going to have to fight off a bat every night for the next week until my husband came back and I could turn bat-chasing duties over to him. I couldn’t stand the thought.

The kids were alive and fed and clean and happy (and SLEEPING) and the sink was empty and the laundry was drying and the toys were put away and I had only said “shit” twice all day and if someone had knocked on the door that minute I could have offered them coffee and fresh cookies. I was doing it all. Holding down the fort. Maybe I wasn’t winning any perfect parent awards but I was proud of myself.

But the bat caused all my well-managed balls to hit the floor. I just sat on the floor and cried. Stupid bat. Stupid house. Stupid laundry. Stupid husband who was gone. Stupid tears coming out of my stupid eyes. STUPID.

The crying made me feel better, or at least better enough to open a bunch of doors and windows and chase the bat out. I had to be the one to do it. There was no one coming to rescue me, no one to take care of my problem, no way to just ignore the crisis until it went away. This time the crisis was a bat. Next time it could be the plumbing (again) or the car (again) or someone falling down and needing stitches (again).

So I made another cup of coffee and put on my mom pants and kept juggling. Because that’s what we do, as wives, as moms, as women. We’ve got this. And that. And whatever else life throws at us.

My balls are back in the air.

For the record, I haven’t seen a bat since.

*******

You can find more of Suzanne and her adventures in bat-chasing and ginger-raising over on bebehblog.com or @bebehblog on Instagram.

 

August 22, 2014 9 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
BabiesThe StoryToddlers

The Circle Of Life

by Jill August 16, 2013
written by Jill

“When you’re deaded, and you go to heaven, can you see?”
“Yeah, buddy. I think so.”
“If you can see, then you’re alive, right? So you can be alive in heaven?”
“Well, no… not really? I… Kendall, I don’t know. You can see, and it will feel like you’re alive, maybe? But you can only be alive in heaven. You can’t come back to earth.”
“Then heaven is in outer space?”
“Kinda?”

::silence::

“So how did the baby get out of your belly?”

***********

When you put your dog to sleep the day after you have a baby, there are a lot of circle-of-life questions for your 5-year-old to work through.

Lowell was less than 24 hours old. I was sitting in the hospital room, and Scott stepped out to run some errands. My mom called him from our house where she was watching Kendall and Leyna. Bruno, our 10-year-old diabetic English mastiff, was having a seizure in our backyard. She couldn’t get him up.

This wasn’t the first time this happened. Bruno had been having seizures for the last few months. We’d often find him unable to move, in a puddle of his own urine, or laying in his own feces. The first time it happened, I knew the end was near. I started to brace for it. I took him out to a field of bluebonnets shortly after and took his pictures.

IMG_2035-3

I blogged it.

I cried. A lot.

And then I began talking to Scott about what the “right” course of action should be. I pushed to put Bruno to sleep a couple months ago. I absolutely did NOT want to see his life end, but even more than that, I didn’t want to see him suffer. I also didn’t want him to get lost in the mix of us having a new baby. I didn’t want to bring home a newborn, and then be forced to put him to sleep when his pain was so great we couldn’t ignore it anymore.

I didn’t want the kids to have to cope with the loss of a family pet at the same time they were adjusting to a new sibling. And yet, that’s exactly what happened.

Scott kept agreeing to put a date on the calendar for that sad visit to the vet’s office, but the dates would come and go, and he just couldn’t go through with it. Massively pregnant and hormonal, it wasn’t something I could do without him. So it kept getting pushed back and pushed back.

I found myself angry and annoyed with Scott every time Bruno had another seizure, every time we’d have to take him outside and hose him down in the blazing Texas summer sun to get the urine and feces off of him. What if something happened while Scott was traveling for work? I’d be stuck there, the size of a house, with Kendall and Leyna watching, and I’d have to figure this out on my own. I was mad Scott wasn’t letting us take control of the situation. I needed some kind of control.

But I couldn’t stay mad for long. I understood. We didn’t WANT to end our dog’s life. How do you look at a living piece of your family and make that decision for them? Scott needed more “signs.” I was convinced we’d seen plenty of them.

It broke my heart to see Bruno spend his days and nights sleeping on our couch, only moving to hobble outside a few times a day. He’d get lost in our yard because he was so blind and disoriented. I’d have to fetch him from behind the play fort during 2am potty breaks. It broke Scott’s heart more to have to be the ones to put his life to an end. So we were at a stand still for months.

The day after Lowell was born, Scott called me at the hospital as he drove back to our house.

“Your mom said Bruno is in the yard, he had a seizure, and she can’t move him. I’m going to pick him up. I’m taking him in,” he quietly and matter-of-factly informed me.

“Okay,” was all I could say.

I wish I could say that’s because I was overcome with sadness, but really, to be entirely honest, it was mostly anger. This was precisely what I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t get to say goodbye. This moment was lost in the mix of life. There was too much going on. Why couldn’t we have planned this better?

But if this was the sign Scott was looking for, I knew he needed to go with it. All my anger dissipated when he came back to the hospital late that night. He put our dog down all by himself, then he came back to me and a newborn and a night of broken sleep. I knew in my heart all his actions (and lack thereof) were fueled by love and a desire strike a balance he didn’t know the formula for. I didn’t know it, either.

I still haven’t cried about it since it happened. Scott remarked one day, “Wow. This doesn’t seem to be affecting you much.” It wasn’t a passive-aggressive statement on his part, just an honest observation. Still, knowing the truth behind that made me feel guilty.

“Well, you know, it’s a lot to process. And to be honest? I don’t have the TIME or the ENERGY to even think about it right now,” I snapped back. He apologized. Of course, he knew I’m dealing with a lot these days.

A conversation with my mom brought me some comfort, though.

“I think you already have processed it,” she said. “When you blogged about  it, when you took his pictures. I think you’ve worked through those emotions.”

And I think she’s right. There may still be a wave of sadness that comes over me, but I know I dealt with what Scott’s just now dealing with a long time ago.

I did tear up the first night we were home. I caught Kendall in our closet, behind the door, crying. I embraced him and reassured him that I loved him so, so much. That he would always be so special to me. That even though we had another baby boy in the family didn’t mean he wouldn’t always be just as important to me as he was the day he was born. He looked up at me, a little confused, then burst into tears again.

“I’m so sad that Bruno is deaded, mom.”

IMG_2065-2

It wasn’t about Lowell at all… or maybe it was? And maybe the two got mixed up? Maybe the two emotions got swirled around in his heart and bubbled up to the top. Maybe the easiest label for him to give them was sadness.

It’s been a long and short 2 and a half weeks. We’ve fielded many questions from Kendall that we have no idea how to answer, covering everything from heaven and cremation to vaginas and clarifying which hole the baby comes out of.

Bruno is back home with us now. We picked up his ashes just the other day. Scott and Kendall refer to them as Bruno-In-A-Box with laughter. So that’s a good thing, right? We’ve moved on to making jokes.

 

 

August 16, 2013 41 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
BabiesPhotographyPopular PostsThe Story

8 Days With Lowell

by Jill August 7, 2013
written by Jill

::sits on pillow, dusts off blog, adjusts breast pads::

Hi!

Lowell was born 8 days ago. Life is lovely and chaotic all at once. I’m ridiculously overwhelmed and happy all at once. I’m also getting my postpartum ass kicked by another horrific postpartum rash and some super sore and engorged boobs to go with it.

So.

Here are some pictures. I have no energy for many words. Though I promise the birth story is coming soon.

IMG_4846

He’s already so much bigger than this! Fresh from the womb here, not even 24 hours old.

IMG_4859 IMG_4862 IMG_4869

We took pacis with us to the hospital. Scandalous! He’s been a comfort sucker (like his sister) from the beginning. Of course, I was and have been careful to only offer it to him after he eats. I’m pretty sure he was a thumb sucker in utero, based on the feeling of him punching me in the bladder all day in there.

IMG_4896 IMG_4900I love this little sleep sack I bought for his coming home outfit (from BabyPint on Etsy). I packed a pink bow to attach to the hat if he was a she. It was adorable and snuggly, and then he peed all over it and we had to change him into a Target sleeper to actually bring him home in.

IMG_4914

IMG_4920

This girl suddenly grew to the size of a 12 year old the first night we were home.

IMG_4923 IMG_4929

First family morning, piling into the bed.

IMG_4942 IMG_4944

Lowell is a BIG fan of the mamaRoo. Huge. He’ll sleep for hours in it. Leyna’s reaction to seeing him in it the first time was priceless. Her reactions to a lot of things with him are priceless. She’s pretty much the cutest big sister ever.

IMG_4950

Aunt Kelly came up the week before Lowell was born (because oddly? I was afraid I’d go early LOLOLOLOHAHAHA). Then she had to go home a couple days before he made his appearance. Luckily, she kindly braved the drive up 35 one more time to meet him (and clean my dishes and get my other kids dressed and fed).

IMG_4993 IMG_5011

I’ve been spending a lot of time in our room, on our bed, with my boobs hanging out. I have no idea where to put any of his tiny clothes, and it looks like the laundry threw up  in there.

Oh well.

IMG_5017

He’s fitting right in, even hanging on his first family WiiU game night already.

He’s… different, this one. Kendall and Leyna seemed so similar in so many ways (and they still do). Lowell can resemble each of them from time to time, but there’s already something about his temperament… his being. He’s his own little person, for sure.

And I’m loving getting to know him.

It might be a while before I’m back here, but you can find me on Instagram a lot lately. I’m addicted to sharing all the little moments we’re living right now. Like this.

August 7, 2013 37 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
Popular PostsThe StoryToddlers

Giving Myself More Credit For Surviving Colic

by Jill March 22, 2011
written by Jill

You know how so many things in life are much clearer, make more sense once you have something to compare them to? What’s become clear after these last few months with Leyna is how really, REALLY hard it was to be Kendall’s parent the first 3 months of his life.

The clarity comes not from realizing that it was hard for me to cope the first few months because I’ve known that all along. It comes from realizing how unusually hard he was to deal with. In a way, it’s vindication. Maybe I wasn’t a terrible mother, as I often wondered at the start of his life. Maybe he just truly had colic in the purest form, a vague “illness” that we could never figure out how to cure, despite all our desperate, passionate attempts. Maybe his unstoppable screams that dug and stabbed at my very core, that caused me to shout “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” at him at 2 am after many hours of begging, bouncing, singing and sobbing, that sent me into deep pit of guilt… maybe those weren’t *our* fault entirely. Maybe he just really was a difficult baby.

People would tell us that, reassure us that he “just has colic,” that he would grow out of it, that he was sensing our stress, that we needed to calm down, that we needed to wait it out. But at the same time, I’d be hearing from people bits of advice like, “soak in every minute of this precious time, it goes so fast,” and I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I didn’t want to “soak in” any of it. I wanted it all to pass, fast! If 3 months was the magic age babies are supposed to grow out of colic, then I fucking wanted a 3 month old, stat. I didn’t care what I’d miss out on.

Truth be told, I didn’t cherish many moments those first few months. I have few pictures because I didn’t even feel like documenting it. And looking back, I honestly have few memories. There are vast expanses of time that I have no recollection of. I feel very sad if I think about it too much… about how much I wished away the first few months of Kendall’s life. I feel a little robbed.

Kendall at 10 weeks old, snuggled in my Moby Wrap in the Texas summer heat because it's all that soothed him.

Of course, having only that experience to relate to, I assumed my start with Leyna would be just as bad or worse, considering I’d have to split my time with her and Kendall. The first 6 weeks of her life, I waited, breath held, preparing myself for the fussiness to set in, the yelps to escalate to purple-faced screams. But, they didn’t. They never did. She is happy unless there is something tangible wrong. I then fix the tangible issue and she is happy again.

It took a long time for me to warm up to the idea of having a 2nd baby. I was still iffy when Kendall turned 20 months old and we started trying. I NEVER understood how women of babies and newborns could even contemplate for one second having another baby so soon. The 2 under 2 club boggled my ever loving mind, and the 2 under 1 club made me want to rip my ovaries out. When people would ask when we were having another one, for the longest time, I wanted to make the Scream face and run in the other direction.  And feeling like this made me think something was wrong with me. Perhaps I just wasn’t that maternal, maybe I was an awful mother for not loving my newborn so much that I wanted another at any point in the next 15 years?

But now, I get it. I totally get it. Leyna is the kind of baby that makes me love babies. Leyna is the kind of baby that bathes me in momnesia, causing me to rapidly forget the intense pain it took to bring her into this world.

Leyna at nearly 12 weeks, full of smiles and coos.

Leyna is an EASY baby. Kendall was not.

Now, don’t interpret this to mean me saying I love one child more than another (that was already covered in the blog world last week). I love them both equally, both with all the love I have to give, from the bottom of my toes, always have. But it took me a few months to really start to like Kendall. And while it’s easy to feel guilty about that, especially compared to how much more I liked Leyna from the start, how much easier it’s been to bond with her the last 3 months, this experience the 2nd time around has also helped alleviate some of the guilt I was still carrying around.

Our experience with Kendall was tough. It was NOT typical. Colic was traumatizing. Looking back, I know we did the best we could with what we had and what we knew. And after 3 months passed, I really did start to like my sweet little boy a whole hell of a lot. In my blog post from when Kendall was 12 weeks old, “I’ve Always Loved Him, But I’m Really Starting To Like Him,” I said:

You can’t fully appreciate and enjoy the good things in life unless you’ve experienced the bad, and I believe motherhood is no exception.

Oh, how wise I was as a newbie mom. In a way, I’m grateful for the rough start we had with Kendall. I think it’s shaped the way I look at motherhood for the better, knowing what we’ve been through and that we came out the other side alright. I’m just going to take this opportunity to give myself a huge pat on the back and a little more credit for dealing with all of that right out of the gates of parenthood.

Kendall is rapidly approaching 3 (I know! Right?!) and Leyna is almost 3 months (and that’s as precise as I can get until I put one of those tickers on my blog again to help me keep track).

March 22, 2011 39 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
BabiesThe Story

The Rumors Are True. I Have An “Easy” Baby.

by Jill February 3, 2011
written by Jill

Come here.  Closer. Lean in, I’m going to say this in a very soft whisper.

It’s true. This baby? She is…. easy.

She sleeps! A lot. Her cries? Not bad.

No signs of colic. None.

::KNOCKING ON ALL PIECES OF WOOD::

Oh, I really, really hate to blog about this. I’ve waited over 5 weeks to reveal this to you all, because I’ve been TERRIFIED of jinxing it. But I feel like I owe this much to you, especially those of you who were so traumatized by all the stories I told about Kendall, and ESPECIALLY for those of you who went through something similar with your first and are searching for a tiny glimmer of hope when it comes to the 2nd.

Of course, I can’t make any promises that your second will be such an angel. As much as people like to soothe parents of colicky, high needs first babies by telling them the 2nd will be a breeze, I know it doesn’t always work out that way (and for those parents, I sob for you into my fat glass of wine).

It might have to do with the name. Leyna means “little angel,” you know. After dealing with a baby with colic, I pulled out all the stops, including a wishful name. I’m not really sure what Kendall means (something about a bright valley?), but it should be something like “he who will REALLY challenge you and drive you to drink more.” Clearly I didn’t research it enough before we settled on it.

So, how easy is she?

Well, she only cries when she actually needs something, and I can usually diagnose what that is and stop her not-too-terribly-loud-cries within minutes.

She’s really nice to my boobies. She had a small adjustment phase in the beginning with her latch, but, unlike her brother, she hasn’t sucked off any chunks of flesh from my nipples. Breastfeeding stopped hurting after about two weeks this time, not two months. And she’s efficient. She gets on and gets to business. None of these 45 minute, sip and sleep marathon nursing sessions. (However, my letdown this time is CRAZY intense. It feel like I’m sprouting samurai swords from my nipples every time. Is it supposed to be worse the second time around?)

The very best part? She SLEEPS. Folks, for the last week straight, if not more, she has slept at least one solid 4 to (get this) SIX hour stretch each night. Then she’s up to eat and for a diaper change and back down for another 3ish hours. I can usually manage 7-9 hours of sleep with only 2-3 interruptions. I couldn’t get Kendall to sleep this well until he was 7 or 8 months old!

In fact, she’s slept 4 hour stretches since she came home from the hospital, we just had to wait a couple weeks until she cycled these from day time to night time, but the only time I’ve ever been up every 2 hours with her at night were the first 3-4 nights until my milk came in.

I’m not saying she’s maintenance free. I mean, let’s be real, it’s not like I gave birth to a ficus tree. She’s still pretty needy and demanding. She only wants to nap snuggled close to one of us or while being physically bounced by one of us. She cat naps a lot during the day and eats a lot during the day (I’m guessing because she sleeps so great at night). She’s had rough nights, like after I had buffalo wings for dinner. Epic sad face for no more buffalo wings while breastfeeding.

But, I think this experience is much more in line with what a “typical” newborn experience is. It’s just that it comes off as really easy in comparison to the hellish colic nightmare that was surviving the first few months of Kendall’s life.

And speaking of colic nightmares, I feel that I have some residual PTSD from it the first time around. There have been a few times Leyna’s been fussy and I begin having flashbacks. I get sweaty and start freaking out.

“OH MY GOD. IT’S COLIC. IT’S STARTING. GET THE GRIPE WATER. GET THE VACUUM CLEANER. GET THE WINE!!” I run around screaming before I fall into the fetal position and begin rocking.

But then we figure it out (and swear off broccoli, which isn’t nearly as sad as no more buffalo wings), and she gets better and the next day is fantastic.

I don’t really know if I can give her all the credit here, though. Sure, she’s a “little angel,” but I am also a much more confident mom in a much less stressful place in life than I was 5 weeks in last time around. Some of you may remember when Kendall was not even a month old I flew to Texas with him by myself, drove all over the state of Texas, found a house, flew back to Virginia and then we packed everything and moved ourselves down here 3 weeks later. Oh, and we had temporary custody of our 4 year old niece. It was a clusterfuck of stress with a colicky newborn thrown in the mix.

Plus, this time I’m much better at relaxing and listening to my instincts. From the beginning, I haven’t stressed about schedules or “rules.” I don’t feed her every 2 hours. I feed her when she’s hungry, whether thats 15 minutes from the last feeding or 5 hours. (I eventually began feeding Kendall on demand, but it took me a couple months to really know what his hunger cues were… and it took a couple months for my nipples to not retreat back into my chest every time he came at me to latch on.)

I don’t log all her dirty and wet diapers, I don’t obsess about how many ounces she’s eating. She’s pooping and peeing and filling out her clothes, and that’s all I need to know.

And I let the girl sleep where she wants to sleep. 99.9% of the time that’s either in her bouncy chair (set inside the co-sleeper next to the bed) or in bed with us… on her side. I don’t stress about making her sleep on her back in the crib or the co-sleeper. That’s not to say I let her sleep curled up in a ball in a pile of laundry and stuffed animals, we practice safe co-sleeping, but I’m not trying to force her to sleep in a cold, vast crib or Pack & Play. For US, it’s been the best choice. I also mastered side-lying breastfeeding from day one this time around and it has saved me MUCH sanity and plenty of sleep.

Now that I’ve shared all this with you, I’m sure she’ll wake tomorrow as challenging as her brother ever was. Hell, she’ll probably start teething next week as a result of this little bit of bragging. I’m so screwed, I know.

Kendall is 2 years 9 months and Leyna is 5.5 weeks


February 3, 2011 54 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
BabiesPregnancyStuffThe Story

You know what I’m not looking forward to?

by Jill July 12, 2010
written by Jill

I really haven’t thought much about what life will *really* be like with another newborn in the house. I mean, I’ve fantasized, perhaps. I’ve envisioned the tiny clothes and the cute pictures I can take of Kendall and his new brother/sister. I’ve thought about how I might want to decorate the nursery and about the baby gear I need to stock up on.

What I haven’t really let my mind settle on,  though, is all those things that I did a really good job of erasing from my memory last time, like the flush and sweat that came over me when my baby woke from a nap in the farthest aisle at the back of Target, while I was grabbing something like Tucks hemorrhoid pads and a can of Dermaplast, and began screaming his head off, not to be soothed by any shushing or jiggling of the infant seat, and drawing all eyes on me as I waddled (as quickly as I could considering the still healing stitches and enormous pad between my legs) to the front of the store to purchase only 2 of the 15 things on my super important shopping list.

Or the meltdowns that came after 8 hours of what seemed to be non-stop crying/eating/crying again. Me laying on the bed next to him, begging, pleading, cursing at 3 in the morning to please, Oh MY God, please just sleep. Like that one time that I snapped and yelled at my 2 week old to “just SHUT UP!” and then left the room bawling my eyes out, thinking that I’ve already lost the battle of motherhood and that at this rate I’ll lose custody of him by the time he’s 1.

Or the cruel joke that is a soundly sleeping newborn and my inability to enjoy it because of my anxiety and need to check his breathing every 5 minutes. The way I’d jolt from my bed any time he made a strange gurgling exhale while sleeping to check to make sure that wasn’t his last breath. The way I’d jolt from my bed anytime he slept more than 2 hours between feedings, heart racing, yanking him out of bed and startling him from a deep sleep, only to curse myself for ruining a perfectly good long stretch of rest.

I like to tell myself I’ll be less neurotic this time around, less anxious, but I honestly don’t know if that will be the case. I still check on Kendall at least twice before I go to bed, and the mornings I don’t hear him stir on the monitor by 7:30, I have to stifle the urge to run to check on him, rarely able to drift back off and enjoy the extra sleep.

Thinking about it all just exhausts me again. How on earth am I going to have the energy to be this way with TWO kids? And sleep? Oh, I’m going to miss sleep. After all the hardships we endured through the days and the nights mixed up, the colic, the frequent night feedings, we are at a GLORIOUS place with sleep now. I almost hate to tell people that my 2 year old sleeps 10 hours a night and then another 3 during the day. I always follow it up by telling them how sleep challenged we were the first 9 months of his life in an effort to save myself from the knives they probably want to throw at me. I hate to think about hitting the restart button, or even worse, the challenge of getting 2 kids to nap at the same time. Moms of two, give it to me straight. I need to be prepared. How do you do it?

Kendall is 2 (and still in my custody) and I’m just about 17 weeks pregnant.

P.S. Today is the LAST DAY to vote for me for the Social Luxe Blog Luxe awards. I would really, really appreciate your vote if you think I’m deserving 🙂 Baby Rabies is up for Funniest and Blog I’ve Learned the Most From.  Go here to vote, even if you already have. You can vote once a day. Thank you so much!!

July 12, 2010 34 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
Newer Posts
Older Posts

@babyrabies

Instagram did not return a 200.

Buy Jill’s Book

50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide

Up Your Phone Photography

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

©2019 | BabyRabies.com


Back To Top