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      December 13, 2018

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      I Wrote A Photography eBook And This Is…

      December 6, 2018

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      Creative Lighting Ideas To Help You Take Great…

      November 27, 2018

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      Learn How To Take And Edit Photos On…

      November 19, 2018

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      December 19, 2018

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      October 1, 2018

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      Finally! Jeans For My Jean-Averse Kids!

      August 22, 2018

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naughty elf

InappropriateElf

#InappropriateElf Contest Extension Because The Baby Owns Me

by Jill December 18, 2013
written by Jill

Hey! Guess what I just decided?

The Inappropriate Elf contest will not close to entries until this Friday night. That’s December 20th at 11:59 pm CST, giving you 2 extra days.

Why? Because this.

ecc4c350678e11e3b63212d269f676eb_7

Does that look like the face of a baby who cares that I have a contest to moderate and promote and secure judges for?  I assure you this kid gives no fucks about any elves. He is side-eyeing this whole shindig. I can not even secretly tap on my phone while rocking him.

NOPE. EYES UP HERE, LADY. ON ME. ALL THE TIME. AND BOTH HANDS. I WANT TO FEEL THEM BOTH ON ME AT ALL TIMES.

And also because I’m sick because of course. (Though definitely not pregnant this time around for so many obvious reasons.)

I thought I had the flu again, but now I’m thinking it’s strep, which is actually worse because that requires a trip to the doctor unlike the flu that I could just complain my way through (since there’s no other real treatment for it at this point).

Lowell side-eyes me going to the doctor. LIFE laughs at me finding time to go to the doctor.

Doctors should do the house calls thing again.

Anyway, enough whining.

The contest appears to be going well, the little bit of time I’ve had to check in on it. But I want to see more entries!! Tell your friends!

dewberrycinemaelf

Entry from DewberryCinema.com

And if elves aren’t your thing this time of year, maybe you’re more of a Mensch On A Bench person? And if so, you also have until Friday night to enter the Mischievous Mensch contest on Morgan’s blog at The818.com. We’ll have the same judges, but each contest will be judged separately, and there will be separate prizes.

ScarfaceMensch1

And just for funsies and geeksies, here are some awesome visuals powered by the #InappropriateElf hashtag, thanks to my friends at Hashtracking.

They self-update!

December 18, 2013 6 comments
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InappropriateElf

2013 Inappropriate Elf Contest #InappropriateElf

by Jill November 29, 2013
written by Jill

Listen, elf. I know this job of yours is stressful this time of year. Parents are putting a lot of pressure on you to perform. They want you to MAKE MAGIC with cotton balls, sugar cubes, and dry erase markers!

They want you to make the kids believe in you so much that they can be stopped mid-meltdown in the aisles of Target with the mere mention of your “name.”

And sometimes it’s a really freaking ridiculous name.

“Sparkles the Elf is going to tell Santa you weren’t good today if you don’t stop that right now!”

“Sparkles”??? For fucks sake, your name is Adam. I get it. It’s enough to drive you to drink and take some pills.

DrunkElf

You’ve reached your breaking point. You’ve considered all the ways out.

psychoelf

And then you just gave up and went wild.

SpringBreakElf

This same approach happened over and over with elves across the world….

Inappropriate Elf Contest 2011
Inappropriate Elf Contest 2012

ending in some unintended consequences for a few.

SheDidntKnowElf

But now it’s really caught up to you, elf. I’m so sorry to tell you that Santa just informed me you’ve been demoted.

InappropriateElf2013

I have no idea what your new job will be, but here are a few examples of what’s happened to some of your inappropriate co-workers.

FoxSaysElf

He spends his days trying to figure this out for once and for all. Until then, he has to play the song on repeat. He twitches in his sleep, screaming out “Ring ding ding ding er WHAT DOES IT SAY?!” until he wakes in a cold sweat.

HumpDayElfPhoto credit: GEICO/You Tube

No more Marshmallow Mondays at the Candy Cane Bar. No more Fa La La La Fridays, throwing snowballs with the guys. Now it’s just a job of pushing paper in a cubicle next to this guy. The elf is equal parts terrified and curious to know how and why Santa removed his antlers.  It’s obvious that office work leads to bad posture and humps on your back. It’s rough, man. Rough.

MileysElfWith a little illustration help from HaHas For HooHas.

He’s responsible for sanitizing her foam finger and wrecking ball. I think that’s all you need to know.

RobFordsElfPhoto Credit: Chris Young/The Canadian Press

Minutes after this picture was taken, Ford took a cue from this Inappropriate Elf  and peed his own name in the snow right outside the window of a children’s hospital as a holiday party went on inside. Then he told Matt Lauer he can’t be blamed because he was too wasted to remember. Apparently, he spiked the kids’ punch… then drank it all while his elf was passing out presents.

I sure hope you find yourself in a much more tolerable job, elf. Because, like I said, I get it. I can see why you and countless other elves get a little inappropriate this time of year. Maybe Santa will let you go to rehab instead? I’ll see what we can work out.

************

I have a feeling this isn’t going to deter the other elves from getting into a little trouble this year, though. So let’s see what they’re up to. Are you ready to submit a picture of your inappropriate elf?

First, MAKE SURE YOU READ THE RULES. 

Here’s what’s on the line.

InappropriateElfPrizes13

You have until 11:59 pm CST on December 18th to link up your elf picture. After that, HaHas for HooHas will help me narrow down the top 10, and a panel of guest judges (yet to be announced) will vote to determine the top 2.

I’ll announce the winner on December 23rd. More details and dates can be found in the rules. 

Follow the directions in the Linky Tools below. Good luck, and may the elves be ever in your favor!



November 29, 2013 104 comments
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InappropriateElf

It’s Time To Wake The Elves #InappropriateElf

by Jill November 26, 2013
written by Jill

InappropriateElf2013

He’s been a bad, bad boy. And he’s back for a 3rd year of inappropriate fun.

1st Inappropriate Elf Contest

2nd Inappropriate Elf Contest

This Friday, November 29th, the 3rd annual Inappropriate Elf contest launches. I can’t give you an exact time the blog post will go live and entries will be open because I’m a one-woman show running this thing, and it’s happening the day after Thanksgiving. I will do my very best to get it up before lunchtime.

But I might not.

I’ll be honest, y’all. I really thought I wouldn’t do this again. Last year was… a lot of stress. This is not worth it to me if I’m constantly fielding emails and angry messages from people who are complaining about it. It’s supposed to be for fun.

And it can be fun! I know a lot of you have fun with it, so I thought I’d give it another shot with a few modifications that will hopefully correct some of the issues we had last year.

1. There will be NO fan favorite. There is no way to vote your way into the top 10. No soliciting votes or likes on Facebook, no option to vote on the linkup. I’m just not able to police all of that.

2. So there will only be 2 prizes, and I am buying both of them. There are no sponsors. This is 100% MY contest.

3. I may feature a few entries throughout the season either here or on my Facebook page. Of course, I will always link back to the original source and tag the responsible Facebook page when possible.

For the rest of the rules, read the rule page here.

If you plan on entering, please read those rules.

I’m still working on my images of what happened to my elf when Santa found out how inappropriate he’s been and demoted him. Can’t wait to share them with you all on Friday, and see the hilarity roll in from all of you!

Oh? You probably want to know what the prizes are, yeah?

InappropriateElfPrizes13

Wheeeeeee!

And here’s the timeline:

Entries open Friday, November 29th and close at midnight on December 18th.
The Top 10 (chosen by me and HaHas for HooHas) will be announced on December 20th.
The winners (chosen by a panel of judges yet to be confirmed) will be announced on December 23rd.

#InappropriateElf – use this hashtag across social media! I look forward to featuring some of my favorites on my Facebook Page, Twitter, Instagram and a special #InappropriateElf Pinterest board.

(I also happen to have just few ad spots open at great rates. I’d love for your business to support my elf’s bad habits! Click here to see prices and availability.)

Experimenting!2013-11-24_22-21-51

How fun is that? It’s really cool when your sister owns a machine that makes .gifs, and brings it over so you can drink wine and make stuff like this. You should hire her to come to your next event in Austin because .gifs. Inappropriate Elves not included, but I bet she could work out something for you.

November 26, 2013 7 comments
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Prepare For The Inappropriate Elves
InappropriateElf

Prepare For The Inappropriate Elves

by Jill November 13, 2012
written by Jill

They’re coming. They’re growing restless in their dark boxes.

They’re whispering in your attic.

They’re plotting their naughty adventures.

They aren’t just here to watch your kids and threaten them into good behavior.

They’re here… for the party. And they are ready to be inappropriate.

Yes, friends. The 2nd Annual Inappropriate Elf contest is launching soon.

And prizes? You bet there will be prizeS! WITH AN S! AS IN MORE THAN ONE!

Not only am I giving away an iPad Mini from Passionfruit Ads this year, but my favorite camera store Adorama has stepped in with an even bigger prize – the newly released Nikon 1 V2 mirrorless camera and lens! Also, the elf with the most fan votes will win a Nintendo 3Ds, provided by me.

 

Mark your calendars and prepare the elves!

Entries will open Saturday, the 24th of November, in the evening. 

I will have more details for you then with the official launch post.

What you need to know for now is:

  • Each blog may submit ONE photo (not a collage, not a video, not a drawing) of an elf being “inappropriate.” You can, of course, put as many pictures up on your own blog (to tell your elf’s story if you’d like) but you need to select only one to enter.
  • You don’t have to have kids or even celebrate Christmas to participate. You don’t even have to have “that elf” that is pictured above. All you have to do is get an elf and take a picture of them that will make people laugh. That’s it.
  • If you don’t have a blog, I recommend setting up a Tumblr account. It’s free and super easy. Your photo will need to be hosted on your blog or tumblr to submit it. It will also need to be viewable by the public.
  • Keep your elves PG-13. These are inappropriate elves, not racist, ignorant, or pornographic elves. Use your discretion. I can tell you, the winner will NOT be something beyond “inappropriate.” In other words? Use your head and get creative, like last year’s winner Cut A Hole In A Box Elf by Adventure Mama


Here’s a description of what the MPAA considers PG-13.
 (Please note this contest is not at all intended to be viewed by children. This is adult fun.)

If you are looking for an elf, I have seen them at Target (in the book section), Barnes & Noble and on Amazon (affiliate link).

Remember how much fun we had last year? If you need a refresher, are new to this whole Inappropriate Elf thing, or you just need to get your hilarious elf fix between now and the 24th, check out these posts from last year:

  • The one that started it all! 5 Highly Inappropriate & Traumatizing Elf On The Shelf Ideas
  • The one where I launched the contest – Inappropriate Elf Contest, Starring Inappropriate Elf
  • And the winner was…. – The Moment All Inappropriate Elves Have Been Waiting For

To make your elf easier to pose amidst their mischief, check out this tutorial from Dirty Diaper Laundry.

And for even more elf fun, check out Elf Shaming!

I can’t wait to see what your elves have been up to this year!  And don’t worry, you don’t HAVE to enter ON the 24th. Entries will be open until December 18th, and voting won’t start until December 7th.

Follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, along with the #InappropriateElf hashtag to keep up with all the fun! 

 

November 13, 2012 10 comments
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Blogging

#InappropriateElf In July

by Jill July 4, 2012
written by Jill

#InappropriateElf wanted to be sure you all have a safe and happy holiday.

He’s enjoying his time off, and is taking advantage of the off-season by grilling, lounging in his private pool, working on his tan..

And doing wine-box stands to stay hydrated.

He also wanted me to remind you that he’ll be back this year for the 2nd Annual #InappropriateElf contest, and promises more awesome prizes. (Remember how last year the winner got an iPad 2?)

You can’t participate unless you adopt an Inappropriate Elf of your own… or just a regular elf that you turn to the dark side. If you take one in now, you should have plenty of time to corrupt them.

You can get one on Amazon. 

The contest opens for entries this year on Saturday, December 1st.

I’m only telling you all this because Inappropriate Elf thought it would be a nice reminder. I’m back to respecting the turkey, and the jack-o-lantern, and the Texas State Fair, and the rest of summer now.

Not familiar with #InappropriateElf and all his inappropriate co-workers? For shame! You have catching up to do.

5 Highly Inappropriate & Traumatizing Elf On The Shelf Ideas 

Inappropriate Elf Contest, Starring Inappropriate Elf

The Top 11 Inappropriate Elves of 2011

The Inappropriate Elf Winners of 2011

Happy 4th, y’all! And God bless a country where I’m free to photograph and exploit an Inappropriate Elf.

July 4, 2012 4 comments
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