humor

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman
PregnancyVideos

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman

by Jill
written by Jill

The guy walked up to me with a look of importance, like whatever he was going to say or ask had been thought out.

“When are you due?”

It was nearly a demand. I mean, I don’t mind sharing my due date, but people aren’t entitled to it, you know?

“Mid December,” I replied quickly and turned around.

Then, with a tone of superiority, and certainly pleasure that he had this information from me now, he responded, “Damn. You SURE it’s not twins?”  and quickly walked off. It’s clear he was set on saying that to me all along. Make no mistake, there was nothing kind about this exchange.

And yet, this is just… something people do? They just openly comment on the state of a pregnant woman’s body whenever they feel like it.

So for those who feel like they MUST say SOMETHING to a very visibly pregnant woman, let me offer you this suggestion.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

There are really only a few acceptable things to say, stranger who feels compelled to comment on the size of a woman incubating a child.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

Are you ready? Take notes.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

“You look amazing!”

It doesn’t matter if she actually looks amazing, okay.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

I don’t care if she looks like Jabba the Hutt incubating a small planet, you tell her she looks amazing, congratulate her, or you could even tell her she’s glowing.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

We know we’re not glowing. We know we sweat a lot while lugging around this enormous midsection that you are shocked by. We know we don’t look amazing.

LIE TO US ANYWAY.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

Because if you’re not going to lie to us, the ONLY other acceptable alternative…

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

Is to keep your mouth shut. Shhh! Say nothing.

Definitely DO NOT ASK US if we’re sure it’s not twins!

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

Or if we’re SURE we’re not having the baby sooner than we think.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

I promise, there are two things we are CERTAIN of, and it’s the number of inhabitants in our uterus, and when they are expected to GTFO.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

Oh yeah, and none of that is your business anyway, IF WE’RE BEING HONEST.

So if you’re not going to tell the pregnant woman that she looks amazing, is glowing, or congratulate her, then SHUT UP.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

Go back to the life you were living before a pregnant woman showed up and shocked you with the size of her belly to the point that you felt the deep desire to say something to her about it.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

It’s just not appropriate. It’s not funny. You’re not endearing. You’re not making small talk. You’re rude.

Listen, you think you’re shocked? We are VERY aware of how we look. Nobody is more shocked than us.

What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman | BabyRabies.com

We have to see ourselves naked.

Share this video on Facebook! 

21 comments
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
Pregnant With My 1st Vs. Pregnant With My 4th
Parenting LOLZPregnancy

Pregnant With My 1st Vs. Pregnant With My 4th

by Jill
written by Jill

When I was pregnant with my first baby, NINE YEARS AGO OMG, I worked part time for a few months in a high-end baby store, mostly for the discount. Obviously I interacted with a lot of parents every day.

On more than one occasion, a mom told me something along the lines of “Oh this is your first pregnancy? Enjoy! The first one is so special. There’s nothing like it after this.” And I didn’t really know how to respond to this. I hate when people say shit like “It doesn’t get better than this.” Give me a reason to live, people! If I’ve peaked, lie to me.

Some of these moms saying this would be pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd, and I would feel really sorry for them.

But they were right in so many ways, like all these ways being pregnant with my 4th child is different from being pregnant with my 1st.

How My 1st & 4th Pregnancies Compare

7 comments
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
AITKWK: Episode 2- Cement & Toddlers & Poor Choices
Crafty!ParenthoodVideos

AITKWK: Episode 2- Cement & Toddlers & Poor Choices

by Jill
written by Jill

Our first episode of Adventures In The Kitchen With Kids went so well and was so fun for the kids, that I promised we’d do another. And because I can never keep things under control, I decided to try and make cement eggs with all 3 kids, including the 2.5 year old.

Screen Shot 2016-03-24 at 3.46.48 PM

I pinned this a while back and thought it looked like a pretty easy thing to pull off, yielding results that the kids could have fun with, and some extras that I could decorate with.


Cement + kids- what could possibly go wrong? Actually, the kids were mostly fine, all things considered. As you watch this, keep in mind that Scott’s behind the camera and it’s like he’s a nature photographer. He can only observe and not interfere… not even when wet cement falls on the floor.

The biggest issue was that the eggshells were impossible to chip off and we wound up having to soak them in vinegar for 4 days. It was a long road to a very little and disappointing house.

But the video? Pretty funny. Keep your eye on Lowell. He has a lot of feels in this.

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
When Your Lingerie Isn’t Bringing You Joy
Fashion & FitnessParenthoodVideos

When Your Lingerie Isn’t Bringing You Joy

by Jill
written by Jill

I’ve not been a real sentimental person when it comes to things… possessions. I moved a lot growing up. We didn’t take unnecessary crap with us. Clutter makes me twitchy. I certainly have no problem getting rid of any piece of clothing I haven’t worn in years.

Except….

Except when it comes to lingerie. Is it sentimental to me? No. Is it functional? No. Does it bring me joy? Also, no.  Do I even ever wear it? Yeah…. no.

Screen Shot 2016-03-10 at 1.29.02 AM

Listen, I am lucky to get dressed in actual clothes every day. And then I’m even more lucky to make it to bed that night in something that doesn’t have a combination of toddler snot and Nutella on it.

I honestly can’t even remember the last time I wore a bra and underwear that matched.

But what do you DO with lingerie?? I’m all for passing things on to the next person, but I mean… do people even want this? And if they do, I don’t think I want them to want it.

So this is a somewhat serious thing I want to explore, you guys. Am I the only one who has this guilty urge to hang onto it because… what? It’s like a bad omen, or something. Or like, you know, I COULD wear it if I wanted to. Okay? So maybe one day I might want to? But probably not.

I actually brought this topic up with some friends of mine last week, and then I joked that I should turn it into a memory blanket like people do with old t-shirts and their kids’ onesies.

And then I thought that would be amazing. And so I did. And I made this video. Enjoy!

(Funny side note: a lot of that is actually stuff I bought on clearance last week because I STILL couldn’t bear to part with all of my stuff…. that I will probably never wear again. But I am rewarding myself with matching bras and undies after this.)

5 comments
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
Just Another Evening With The Krause Family
School Age Days

Just Another Evening With The Krause Family

by Jill
written by Jill

In the car with the whole family on the way to the store:

Kendall: “Oh dude! Look at all the blood and body parts coming out of that car!”
Me: “Um. What? No. No, that’s just probably oil… and I don’t see any body parts. I think everyone is okay.”
Leyna: “That’s a BIG exadent!”
Scott: “Yeah, that’s why you shouldn’t take a left turn at that light. I say it all the time. It’s dangerous. Jill, don’t ever take a left turn here, okay. You just go up there and turn around in that parking lot.”
Leyna: “Yeah mom! Or you’ll DIE. Exadents are when you DIE.”

10 minutes later, walking into the store:

Kendall: “Leyna, SHUT UP. You’re so annoying.”
Me: “Kendall! Do NOT talk to her like that.”
Kendall: “Leyna, I’m going to kick you in your balls.”
Me: “KEN.DALL. ::dramatic pause:: she doesn’t even have balls. I’m about to take you back to the car.”
Kendall: “Wait. She doesn’t have balls? How does she pee?”
Me: “Huh? Nobody pees with their balls.”
Kendall: “So she just pees out her butt?”
Me: “Her vagina? Kind of.”
Kendall: “HER WHAT?!”
Me: “Can we not with this discussion in Walmart?”

30 minutes later, back in the car:

Leyna: “NO! I do. not. need. help. I will DO IT MYSELF.”

2 minutes later:

Leyna: “MOMMMM! My buckle is twisted and I hate this car seat! Ugh. UGHHHHHH! HELP! ME!”
Me: “Okay, just calm down. It’s not twisted. Just put this over here…”
Leyna: “Make SURE the clip is high enough mom. THAT’S NOT HIGH ENOUGH. The police officer will get mad at me and shoot me and I will die.”
Me: “No. Noooo. No, that will not happen. The clip is fine, Leyna. The police are not going to get you.”
Leyna: “But YOU SAID the police would be mad if my clip was too low.”
Me: “Okay, yes, but I never said they’d shoot you.

40 minutes later at the dinner table:

Leyna: “Did you know that dogs go to heaven after they die?”
Scott: “Sure. That’s where Bruno is.”
Leyna: “Wouldn’t it be crazy if we all died?”
Me: “Right now? I mean, that would be crazy, but I hope we don’t.”
Kendall: “You’re going to DIE, Leyna.”
Me: “Can we all just STOP talking about dying while we eat?”
Kendall: “Leyna, did you know you don’t have balls?!”

Just another evening with the Krause family.

Just Another Evening With The Krause Family | BabyRabies.com

 

 

 

2 comments
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
Butts Are Funny, BUT
School Age Days

Butts Are Funny, BUT

by Jill
written by Jill

When my in-laws were in town after Christmas, there was a moment when I heard Leyna and Kendall laughing so hard in our home office that I immediately knew there was mischief.

I quietly excused myself from the grown up conversation at our kitchen table and walked into the office to a fit of giggles coming from behind Scott’s computer. It was so contagious I had to turn around for a minute and re-boot Mom-Mode.

They are not supposed to play in the office, and absolutely not on our computers.

As they saw me walk in, they didn’t even do that thing where they freeze up and begin to apologize because THEY KNOW they are not supposed to be in here.

They’d passed the point of fucks given. The thing they had on the computer screen in front of them was such comedic gold that they truly thought I’d overlook the obvious rule breaking and join in the laughter.

“Mom! LOOK… it’s… hahahahahahahaha…. it’s….hahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHA” they couldn’t force any other words past their uncontrollable laughter.

As I turned to look at Scott’s screen, my face twisted and I tilted my head to the side, trying to process what I was seeing.

Then, TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH, I channeled Mom-Mode and and sternly said, “YOU. GUYS. NO.”

I think this is the part where many of you might think they uncovered a hidden folder of porn on my husband’s computer and that is not what happened. 

Instead, there was a 25″ picture of my 5 year old daughter’s bare butt with her brother pointing at it and laughing while she looked over her shoulder with a look of pride.

nopicture

They figured out how to work PhotoBooth on his Mac, so there was a series of about 10 of these.

AND IT WAS VERY VERY FUNNY, YOU GUYS.

I’m sorry, but that shit’s funny right there- their proud little faces, mixed with snapshots of them dying of laughter, all the while her bare butt’s playing the leading role, front and center. (It seems she’d perched herself on her dad’s office chair and dropped her pants, making her the exact right height for such poses.)

But I had to tell them no, NO NEVER WE DO NOT NO. I tried so hard not to let them see me laugh. I did that thing that I remember my mom doing when I was a kid- scolding through my laughter, confusing the shit out of them.

“No, seriously (hahahahah) I’m serious you guys. No. Guys…(internal snort) we do not (tears are welling up now) take pictures of our (laughing through my nose) NAKED BUTTS. (deep breath) And we ESPECIALLY DON’T PUT THEM (dying inside) ON THE COMPUTER.”

So next step, triple check to be sure it didn’t randomly upload to somewhere online, then delete that shit so fast so my husband isn’t arrested at some point for child porn.

I mean, it could definitely lead to not funny things, and of course I had the “no naked butt pictures, especially on computers” talk with them again later when I could better step into my Mom-Mode character.

But still, forever funny.  Butts are funny.

5 comments
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
Doing That Video Thing… Again
ParenthoodVideos

Doing That Video Thing… Again

by Jill
written by Jill

I tried to get into the Vlogging groove last year, but it was pretty tough to keep up with. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to come up with super creative stuff. I do that a lot.

But then, in the spirit of done is better than perfect, I started up again. And now I’m just… talking… about (mostly parenting) stuff (so far). Literally that is my only objective.  Granted, I hope it’s stuff you find funny or relatable. Hopefully both. Perhaps as I get better at this, I will find time to also brush my hair for you. No promises.

Screen Shot 2015-11-05 at 9.47.08 PM

So I’ve been posting these videos to my Facebook page and to my YouTube channel, but since it was something I got back into when my blog was down I never posted any here.

Now it’s back up. (WITH A SHINY NEW APP!!! High fives if you’re reading this from the app! Did you get the push notification?) And I thought I’d share the two I’ve done so far here. For people who are just, like, only blog readers. I’m told this rare breed does still exist, and I do adore them…. you.

The first video of Stuff I Want To Talk About is Stuff I Miss From Before I Had Kids

The second video is Stuff That Is Strangely Satisfying For Parents

Hopefully there will be more at some semi-regular interval that is shorter than a year apart. I can’t imagine I’ll run out of stuff I want to talk about.

3 comments
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
How To Fold A Fitted Sheet… kinda
Home Decor & DIYParenthoodVideos

How To Fold A Fitted Sheet… kinda

by Jill
written by Jill

I know I’m really bad about coming up with big ideas and then not following through. Trust. I know. These things eat away at me. I still have monthly reminders that pop up on my iPhone, asking if I’ve completed and blogged my “12 in 12” yet. And no, I haven’t. Obviously.

But I really, really, really have the best of intentions. I’m a big thinker, and sometimes I think up lots of things and they all bubble out, and then eventually one of them grows big enough that I actually tend to it. Like this blog. And hopefully my YouTube channel.

I told myself I’d do one video a week, and I’m 2 for 2 so far. A little too proud of myself for that, I’ll admit. They say I need to be publishing these weekly videos at the same time on the same day every week in order to build a loyal audience. I don’t know if I have that in me. For now, I’m happy with weekly-ish new videos. I’ll aim for Thursdays. No promises.

It could be said my approach to all of this is very similar to my approach to housekeeping. I aim for clean-ish. No promises. If that’s your style, too. I think you’ll dig my video on how to fold a fitted sheet.

If you like this and want to see more, be sure to subscribe to the BabyRabiesBlog channel here! 

TitleFinal

14 comments
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest