Ferber

BabiesThe Story

My Baby Is Crying It Out In The Car

by Jill
written by Jill

Because apparently 10 hours in a car is her cut off. Her “good baby” well has run dry. We’ve been road-tripping it all day and we have to press on if we are to get there before midnight.

She’s not going to take it. NO, she’s not going to take it. She’s not going to take it anymore.

She’s fed, she’s clean, she’s exhausted. She actually fell soundly asleep after dinner, just in time for my Party Like A Kid contributors conference call, only to wake, screaming at the sound of my voice trying to carry on a conversation with Mae like I’m NOT attempting to discuss business from a car full of unhappy children and the “wiggle, wiggle” song on in the background.

We pulled off to feed her again, check her diaper again, snuggle, cuddle, kisses. But we cant stay the night at a seedy truck stop. And so she’s still crying.

And this is why brief stints of crying for things like sleep training (at an appropriate age) don’t bother me. There are times in my babies lives that they are just going to have to cry. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them or that I’m not RIGHT HERE. Both my kids have cried for far longer in the backseat of a car then Kendall ever did when we did modified Ferber (sleep training) when he was 6 months old.

Annnnd… Now she sleeps. Shhhhhhh.

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BabiesThe Story

Confessions of a Ferber Flunkie

by Jill
written by Jill

So I made a promise to myself back at the beginning of the month to blog more and then broke it about a day later.   It’s pretty much impossible to blog more when your brain isn’t functioning,  and your child is screaming at you 90% of the time he’s awake.  I think all of that could be overcome, however, if he wasn’t also screaming at me ALL NIGHT LONG.  I have no idea what has happened in the last week, but it’s so bad that even Ferber can’t help us.  I think the only thing we can do is perform an exorcism because, clearly, my son is possessed.

Now, I completely understand that he was sick last weekend and the beginning of this week, and I know he’s also cutting molars (STILL…probably will be FOREVER), but now add to that his sudden discovery of the temper tantrum and a healthy dose of separation anxiety, and it seems we are in the eye of the perfect storm of infant irritability.

It is beyond me how one little person can make so much noise and carry on for so long.  He’s impossible to please.  He wants up, I pick him up, he pushes me and wants down, I put him down, he pulls on my pants and tries to bite the back of my knees, I sit to hold him on my lap,  I have even begun DVRing Sesame Street to show him Elmo, he flings himself backward and screams, I put him down with some toys, he climbs back up on my lap and proceeds to hit me.  WTF, little man, WTF?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!  Now, NOW would be an excellent time to learn to talk, sign, draw, mime, some form of communication other than the incessant screams that I can’t decipher.

We’ve been to the pediatrician and the ER in the last week.  No signs of anything unusual going on.  The virus he had last weekend is gone, no ear infection.  I’m ashamed to admit, I was actually a tad disappointed the pediatrician didn’t see an ear infection.  Not because I wanted him to have one, but because at least that could explain what is going on.  Nope, he looks perfectly happy and healthy to her.  Of course he was a sweet angel full of smiles and giggles and puppies at the appointment.  It’s a shame, really, that she doesn’t do midnight house calls.

Every night this week has been increasingly hellish.  He is waking at least 4 times, and will scream non-stop for up to 2 hours.  Now, WAIT…just wait… all of you about to jump all over my case for letting my son scream for 2 hours at night.  No. That is not what’s going on here.  I’m not just lying in my bed with the monitor off, sleeping all peaceful with my dreams of Justin Timberlake and clearance sales at Express.  Much of that time that he’s screaming we are in his room with him.  Yes, that’s right!  We are holding him, rocking him, rubbing his head, he is still screaming.  Please understand that when I say he’s screaming, it’s not an exaggeration, but it’s not like an “I’m in pain” scream.  It’s an “I’m so freaking pissed that you are making me go to sleep AGAIN” scream.  This is not the kind of cry or fuss that I used to be able to listen to for the 5-10 minutes it would take for him to fall asleep with the Ferber method.

I am such a Ferber Failure.  I’ve gone back to nursing him 2 times a night just so we can all get some sleep.  Even though, most of the time that still doesn’t do much to soothe him.  Co-sleeping is not an option for us.  NONE of us sleep well co-sleeping, especially Kendall, who tends to sleep crawl and headbutt me.  Plus, if he screams while we hold him and rock him, I doubt he will want to snuggle or cuddle.  We give him infant Motrin for teething pain, and teething tablets.  I have no reason to think he’s got any sort of tummy pain or gas.  I’m at a loss.  Each night I think it’s going to get better, and it only gets worse. What am I doing wrong?  Is it getting worse because we aren’t doing Ferber anymore?  Is it Daylight Savings Time?  Is he testing us?  Is this separation anxiety?  Is Freddy Krueger haunting his dreams?

Please.  Insight.  Help.

Kendall is 10 months, 1 week and 4 days old

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BabiesThe Story

God bless you, Dr. Ferber

by Jill
written by Jill

It worked!  Well, I guess I should say it’s working.  After speed reading some key chapters in Dr. Ferber’s book last week, we started implementing the modified version of crying it out this weekend.  After just a couple days, I slept for 8.5 hours, pretty much uninterrupted, for the first time last night in I don’t even know how long.  It was more peaceful than sleep ever was during pregnancy.  There was no back pain to deal with, no Snoogle to fight with, no trips to the bathroom, and best of all, NO FEEDING THE BABY!!

I know all you sleep deprived mothers are dying to know all the details, so here you go:

Friday night – Night 1
Kendall went down at his normal bedtime, 7:30, after his usual routine of bath, lotion, jammies, rock and nurse. (Yes, I’m still nursing  him to sleep or drowsy.  I will elaborate more on this later)

He woke for the first time at 11:30.  I had Scott go in and check on him right away.  He then left and we let Kendall cry for about 5 minutes.  His cries actually had started to taper off around 3 minutes, but then they picked backup so I had Scott go back in just to pat his back and reassure him.  The whole time I lay there in bed listening on the monitor, and this second visit pissed Kendall off royally.  It really escalated his cries and then I felt bad for even having Scott go in there a second time.  Scott said he was laying there, throwing his arms up in the air, demanding to be picked up.  I thought for sure we were in for a battle.  I was preparing myself for the heartbreak.  Then, to my surprise and utter delight, a few minutes after Scott left the room for the second time Kendall quickly calmed down and went right to sleep.  No drama, no vomitting, no choking on his own spit.  It was amazing.

He woke again briefly at 12:30, but only half assed the cries this time around and I knew he was too tired to fight it.  Sure enough, he put himself back to sleep in just a few minutes and we never had to check on him.

At 1:30 I decided to go ahead and feed him when he woke up, then he slept until 5:30 when I fed him again.

Night one was a relative success with us getting down to only 2 night feedings, which was a wonderful change for the 4 nightfeedings we had been dealing with for the last month.

Saturday night – Night 2
Kendall went down a little later than usual.  It was closer to 8:30, I think.  Again, we followed the routine of bath, lotion, jammies, rock and nurse.

After a few hours of quiet and no wakings, I decided to go ahead and top him off at 12 before going to bed with what they call a “dreamfeed”.  My theory was I was pretty sure he was going to wake up in an hour or so anyway and I’d rather deal with this now than wake up from a comfy sleep in an hour.  It was a good thing I did, because as I rocked him I kept thinking to myself, “Gah… your room smells FOUL!  WTF?  Is there a dirty diaper hiding somewhere in here?  Geez… I just cleaned your room really well.  Hmmm… wait a sec… that smell seems to be coming from…. ahhh, shit.  You have a dirty diaper.”  Yeah, I came to this realization right at the end of his feeding.  So I had to change his diaper and wake him up.  I thought we were doomed, but was totally surprised and relieved again when I laid him down awake in his crib and he put himself back to sleep in a matter of minutes.

He woke again at 5:15 and I had Scott go in to check on him.  He only had to check on him once this time and then Kendall was back to sleep within a couple minutes of Scott leaving his room.  Total awake time being less than 10 minutes, and the crying was really tame too.  More of a whine and fake cry than anything.

Next thing I know it’s 8:15 and am I being woken by the noise of a crying baby? No!  Instead, Scott is waking me and tells me that Kendall is playing with my sister (who came in for a visit) in the other room.  Was he starving?  No!  He was happy and playing.  Of course, I did insist that he nurse right away before my breasts exploded, and he did get down to business and seriously put away some boobie, but that was fine by me!

Sunday night – Night 3
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it… so I stuck with the same bedtime routine (although we were back at 7:30 instead of 8:30) and dreamfed him at 11:30.

He woke again at 5:30 as Scott was getting ready for work.  I think it was the noise that bothered him since his room backs up to our bathroom.  I vaguely remember Scott going in to check on him once, and I’m pretty sure he conked out shortly after that.  I’m happy to report that the details are all fuzzy because I was in and out of sleep.  Scott knew the drill and took care of everything.

At 8:15 I got up, refreshed, rejuvenated, ready to take over the world!  I found Kendall happily playing with his feet in his crib.  I promptly attached him to the boob that felt the closest to popping and then dreamed of all the many things I can get done today.

Now, maybe I’m totally jinxing myself (wouldn’t be the first time), but this whole process was far easier than I expected.  I would say that Kendall actually got more sleep and cried less than when I was allowing him to wake up and eat at will throughout the night.  We have all been happier, better rested, he’s resisting naps less, and I’m pretty sure that if I end up paying for his therapy in the future, this will not be the reason.

We are still nursing to sleep at night because it works for us and I like it (I KNOW!  I like it… I really am now one of those moms who will be sad when her baby stops breastfeeding).  I know we will eventually have to phase that out, but I’m waiting until we have all the nighttime feedings eliminated first and that will be the last thing we work on.

I guess we will stick with the 11:30 dreamfeed for now, at least untiil after the new year.  Then I will try to drop that, as well.  But, as it stands now, I am one happy momma.  He may not be the poster child for Ferberizing yet.  He is still nursing to sleep and eating at least once a night, but if I’m getting my 8 hours of sleep, I’m a happy camper.

I really hope that gave some of you a  little bit of hope!  Maybe for Christmas YOU’LL get a silent night, too 🙂

Kendall is almost 7 and a half months old.

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