There was a time, just yesterday really, when I thought my kids were the only ones listening to the same song OVER AND OVER AGAIN on YouTube. I thought they found an obscure, dark hole and got stuck there. I thought the only way for them to get out was to listen to the “Finger Family” song on repeat for hours.
The YouTube Kids app made it’s way into our lives innocently enough. The giant surprise eggs and the Kinder eggs, the blind box openings, the Play Doh eggs and the toy reviews- was it quality kids programming? No. Did it make my kids want to hide all their toys in giant balls of Play Doh? There is that. But, did it keep my toddler’s butt on the couch for 15 minutes while I showered? Hell yeah.
Quickly, though, it became nothing but a string of videos singing the same song-
It’s the “Finger Family” song. Benign at first, I guess, but by the 487th time it makes me want to throw things. Oh, but it’s not that my children are listening to the SAME video 487 times.
No. There are probably 487 versions of THIS SONG (definitely probably more, actually). My kids didn’t get lost in an obscure, dark hole. These fucking Finger Families are a vast wasteland of the YouTube Kids landscape. It’s not just one channel producing this ONE SONG.
There are Play Doh finger families-
And candy finger families-
And actual walking fingers.. or hot dogs?
And this ENTIRE CHANNEL is nothing but Finger Family songs with cake pops. <<< DID I JUST TYPE THAT SENTENCE?
You when you think maybe your kid is just weirdly obsessed with something and he’s strange, and you sheepishly ask a friend about it, and then they are like “OMG WHAT MY KID TOO OMG YES THANK YOU!”?
That is exactly what happened on my FB page yesterday.
I truly thought I’d ask about this Finger Family song and a couple people would be like, yeah, I’ve heard that dumb song, too. And then the typical few would chime in about how they’ve never heard it because they don’t let their kids watch YouTube or breathe air that’s tainted with wifi or eat hot dogs.
Within seconds people were like
Hundreds of comments within an hour, finally talking about this out in the open and recognizing that our kids aren’t alone and weirdly obsessed with this one random song as much as they are being indoctrinated into some sort of Finger Family cult right under our very noses…. as we get other stuff done while they are watching YouTube Kids.
Listen. If your kid is walking around singing “Mommy finger, mommy finger, where are you? Here I am, Here I am, How do you do?” NOW YOU KNOW they are part of the epidemic affecting our children and not simply repeating some random song they found in an obscure place.
I’m just here to educate you.