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Baby Rabies

pregnancy & parenting

  • Start Here
    • About Baby Rabies
    • Baby Registry Top Picks
    • Favorite Pregnancy Apps
  • The Book
  • Pregnancy
    • Birth Stories
    • Perinatal Mood Disorders
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    • Photography

      6 Stunning Photos You Would Never Guess Were…

      February 11, 2019

      Photography

      Simple Tips For Editing Snow Photos On Your…

      December 13, 2018

      Photography

      I Wrote A Photography eBook And This Is…

      December 6, 2018

      Photography

      Creative Lighting Ideas To Help You Take Great…

      November 27, 2018

      Photography

      Learn How To Take And Edit Photos On…

      November 19, 2018

  • Reviews
    • Reviews

      The Answer To Last Minute Holiday Gifting For…

      December 19, 2018

      Reviews

      I Was Never A Barbie Girl Until Now

      October 1, 2018

      Reviews

      Finally! Jeans For My Jean-Averse Kids!

      August 22, 2018

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      If Your Kid Loves Dump Trucks & Garbage…

      August 13, 2018

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      Nobody Tell My Kids ABC Mouse Is Part…

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Christmas

Pinterest Win! These Candy Ornaments Actually Work
Crafty!

Pinterest Win! These Candy Ornaments Actually Work

by Jill December 8, 2014
written by Jill

I pinned the idea for these peppermint ornaments a few months back, thinking they were so stupid simple that they had to be too good to be true.

PinterestWinOrnaments

The post that inspired me has been pinned over 685k times, so obviously I’m not the first one to think they are brilliant. Be sure to click over to read the full post on how to make them on Hello-Homebody.com

I have a few notes to add to the original post, so here’s a little more about how we made ours.

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It took my oven just about exactly 7 minutes each time (at 350) to get to just the right melting point. At 5 minutes, they didn’t look melted at all, so it happens really fast. Stay by the oven and keep an eye on them.

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I thought I’d try to make them look sparkly by adding sprinkles to them, but this DID NOT WORK. The sprinkles have a higher melting temp, I guess. They didn’t stick. I came up with another way to add some sparkle. Stay tuned for that.

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Ummmm… probably don’t use painted cookie cutters. Unless you want your ornaments to look like they’re bleeding. Also, you might have to make the holes for the ornaments a few times, as the candy will try to close back up on itself. Just keep poking at it until it stays.

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Some of the candy will probably seep out from under the cutter. This is fine! Wait until it’s cooled, then just break it off.

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Ours had lots of sharp, rough edges once we removed them from the cutters. This was easily remedied with a nail file.

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And then, time for some glitter! This stuff is what my Christmas dreams are made of- Krylon Glitter Blast in Diamond Dust.

I sprayed them outside on a cool, dry day, but the ornaments still got sticky. No worries, though. Once I brought them inside and let them sit for a few hours, they dried right up.

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Obviously, once you put glitter spray paint on them, they are no longer edible. But so glittery! And I think the spray paint helps finish them.

We won’t be keeping these for next year since we have to store our decorations in our attic, and we live in Texas. If you have access to cool, dry storage year round, you might be okay. I’d just make sure they’re not touching other ornaments when you store them, and put them between sheets of parchment paper.

Two thumbs up from me for this Pinterest project!

December 8, 2014 16 comments
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DIY No Sew Christmas Tree Skirt
Crafty!

DIY No Sew Christmas Tree Skirt

by Jill December 8, 2014
written by Jill

You know what’s an odd thing I’ve craved since having children? A Christmas tree of my own that will only have matching ornaments. Some of them even breakable! And none of them made from popsicle sticks and Elmer’s glue.

Listen, it’s not that I don’t love those little popsicle stick ornaments that my children lovingly paste together. I cherish them, I promise. I’m not heartless.

I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get a 2nd tree for our new house, though, since we have the space… and there was a really great Black Friday sale. So this one is alllllll mine.

Since I have to start from scratch, my budget was really limited, and I couldn’t spend a lot on the tree skirt.

I also can’t find my sewing machine right now. So many boxes. So. Many. Unpacked. Boxes.

I did, however, find a lovely round table cloth at Target for $14, and I came up with a plan.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

I bought some Fray Check, and 2 spools of coordinating satin ribbon (silver and gold for my new grown up tree theme).

Then I busted out the iron and my trusty glue gun.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

Round table cloth
Fray Check 
Ribbon of your choice
Glue gun
Iron
Flat surface to work (ironing board works fine)

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

I started by laying the table cloth right side down on the ironing board, and folding a few inches in, then ironing a crease all the way around. This is simply going to help you when it comes time to glue it. Don’t worry if it doesn’t stay folded as you go. The crease line will still be there.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

Then just run a bead of hot glue at  the top of your table cloth and fold it over. I kept this a few inches deep so that I had plenty of space to work my ribbon through later. Since it’s round, you’ll have to make a sort of pleat every 8 inches or so. DON’T stress about keeping this perfect!

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

Don’t close it all the way up. Leave a small gap for now.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

Cut a slit, about an inch tall, in the right facing side of the table cloth, near what will now be the top (by the crease). This is hard to describe. Check out the pic.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

Make sure it doesn’t extend beyond where the hot glue will be on the back after you seal it up. Then apply the Fray Check to the edges and let sit for about 15 minutes. Don’t worry too much about this looking unfinished. The bow will completely cover it.

Tie a large knot at the end of your ribbon. This is what you’ll grab onto to help work it through the top of the table cloth. Since I used 2 ribbons, the knot was big enough. If your’s is too small, try pinning a large safety pin to the knot to give you something more to grab onto.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

Slip it into the open part of the fold, and begin to work it around the inside of the hem. This will take a little while, be patient.

Once you get it all the way around, bring both ends of the ribbon(s) through the slit you cut. Then glue the rest of the hem shut.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

Now, very gently, begin to cinch it up like a sack.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

Place it under your tree, and continue to cinch it all the way up around it, finishing it off with a big bow. You can trim your bow ends if you’d like, but I loved the look of the trailing tails.

EASY! No sew tree skirt from a round table cloth | BabyRabies.com

This isn’t a very big skirt, but we needed it to be smaller to accommodate the train tracks that my husband built.

If you’re looking for a bigger skirt, use a bigger table cloth. For reference, the one I used here was 70″.

Total cost for this project was about $20. Total time was about 40 minutes.

December 8, 2014 2 comments
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We’re Not Going To Get It All Done, And That’s Cool {Contributor}
contributorsParenthood

We’re Not Going To Get It All Done, And That’s Cool {Contributor}

by Jill December 1, 2014
written by Jill

Stephanie Totty is contributing today, and I LOVE this message. It’s certainly a great reminder for me right now. There is no possible way I’ll get everything done this crazy time of year. AND THAT IS OK. 

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This has always been my favorite time of year. For the most part, I grew up on the East Coast, and I always loved the leaves changing, going to the pumpkin patch, starting back to school (ahem: new school supplies), and the holidays. My parents always had something fun planned for us – something as small as the Fall Festival at my school, or as big as a weekend camping trip to the Appalachian Mountains.

I look back at my childhood and one huge thing resonates with me: how the hell did my parents have time for all of this, and more importantly, how the hell did they stay sane throughout?

No really, I look back at those years as an elementary-aged kid – at all the dance/gymnastics/ice skating/horse-back-riding lessons/Brownies, the weekend road trips, the extra “fun” stuff, the field trip chaperone time, and after thinking “gee, I had such a freaking charmed life”, all I can think about is how the hell my parents stayed sane in during this time in their lives when they were constantly barraged with crap to do, and how they stayed so calm during it all.

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Somehow, I must not have inherited their patience because: eff that noise. I am ALWAYS stressed out. Work, the commute, tee-ball practice, family dinners, homework, pumpkin patches, school book fairs, grocery shopping, hire someone to trim our trees, oops the water heater has exploded, car needs an oil change, clean the house, work trip, schedule family photos … all of this piles on top of itself in my brain and I have small (okay, huge) mental meltdowns at least twice a week.

And it’s not like I work any harder or have any special circumstances making things *really* hard – my kids are healthy, my family is stable and nearby for help, we have a small but nice house to come home to in the evenings. There are people out there with REAL reasons to be stressed out on a daily basis – I am not one of them.

All that said, as a working mom, I frequently get asked “Oh my gosh, how do you do it all? How do you juggle a long day at work, and then all the house and kid’s stuff?!”

The answer is: I don’t.

enjoying_life_parenting

We ditched my oldest’s tee-ball practice because it was the only night we were going to be able to get to the local pumpkin patch as a family. My yard is a freaking disaster zone. I haven’t dusted the furniture in our master bedroom in probably several months. My car is 3k miles overdo for an oil change. We don’t always have home-cooked meals at the table in the evenings.

But here’s the thing – in order to maintain my sanity, I have given myself permission to NOT do it all. When the mental checklist in my head is so long it’s now unraveled all the way to my toes, I just tell myself “this will not all get done, pick out the things that MUST happen, and ignore the rest until next week”. And when next week rolls around? Rinse, repeat.

In reality, I know my parents weren’t perfect, they didn’t always have it together. I know they got stressed, I know they argued, I know they had their breakdowns – but those aren’t the moments I remember as a now-grown adult. Hopefully, that’s what my boys will say when they grow up, that they don’t remember the things that didn’t happen, they only remember the fun things that did happen.

Some people might call this philosophy “half-ass parenthood”, I call it “enjoying life”. Which, in the end, is the most important part, right? Not hitting every single item on the checklist, but enjoying the ones that we’re able to make happen.

You can read more of Stephanie’s work at her personal blog FroggyAndTheMouse.com

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What are some things you will probably not get checked off your list this year? I’m giving up the dream of decorating the outside of our home to look like a gingerbread house, and putting up decorations in a freshly, fully repainted home. And also probably things like being able to park in the garage or walk through our playroom.

December 1, 2014 1 comment
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School Age DaysThe Story

My New Favorite Coffee Mug

by Jill January 22, 2014
written by Jill

In December, Kendall’s school offered a little store where he could buy gifts for family. I sent money with him, along with a list of people to shop for.

His attitude turned sour the night before when I asked him if he was excited.

“Ugh. I don’t even KNOW, mom. I don’t know what anyone wants me to buy them,” he huffed.

I think Kendall’s love language is gift-giving. He’s always telling me we need to buy friends, acquaintances, and that one kid he just walked past in the mall different toys and things he enjoys. But I’m guessing there was a conversation at school about the store and how it was important for the kids to think of who they were buying gifts for and what THEY would want.

“Oh! Well, I can help you with that,” I said as I tucked him in.

We talked about what each person in our family likes, starting with his brother and sister.

When we got to Scott and me, I said, “And mommy and daddy like…. we like to drink… coffee!” I emphasized coffee in hopes he’d gloss over my more obvious beverage of choice- wine- pretty sure they wouldn’t be selling any wine paraphernalia at the school store.

On Christmas morning, Leyna got a giant pen from Kendall because “she likes to color” and Lowell got a pair of glasses with googly eyes that pop off on little slinkys because….. well, I think they just probably had a nonexistent selection of infant toys at the school store.

Scott got a foam football so he and Kendall could play together.

And he got me a lovely patent leather clutch because I’m forever losing my tiny wallet.

And then there was a gift leftover, addressed to “Grandpa” in grown-up handwriting.

“Aww, you got grandpa a gift? Which grandpa is this for?” I asked.

“Ugh,” Kendall rolled his eyes. “I TOLD them that is NOT for my GRANDPA. They just wouldn’t LISTEN. It’s for you and dad.”

Scott and I unwrapped the box, opened it and found a ceramic coffee mug.

With “grandpa” written all over it.

“See! It’s a coffee mug. Because you guys LOVE coffee. Isn’t it perfect?! I told them it was for my mom and dad who love coffee, and they kept telling me to give it to my grandpa, but it’s for you.” He was very proud of himself.

The lone coffee mug in the store, and he had to have it for us. Never mind that it says “grandpa” all over it, and the grown ups kept trying to tell him his intention didn’t match his choice.

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Details don’t matter. It’s the heart that does.

It’s my new favorite.

 

January 22, 2014 18 comments
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InappropriateElfSchool Age Days

The Random Acts Of Kindness Elf Challenge

by Jill December 20, 2013
written by Jill

“Mr. Hall has had a rough year, mom. That’s what Jake said. That’s why we need to be extra kind to him. He is going to LOVE this,” Kendall said as he put the finishing touches on a secret gift for our neighbor.

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Last Saturday morning our elf made his return for the season. I know you might be thinking I’m anti Elf On A Shelf, but I’m not. I even enjoy watching all the elaborate set-ups my friends come up with for their kids. It’s a joy to watch their joy in doing these things.

Learn all about my love for Inappropriate Elves here.

Me, though, I’ve learned to edit my commitments to things like this, and then edit again. Each year since our elf Jake showed up 3 years ago, I’ve made his visit a little less elaborate, and a little shorter.

10 days. That’s all I can do right now. So he arrived on the 14th.

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A few days before, I wondered what I would have him do for the kids. Should I try to do just a few funny, mischievous setups? Maybe he could bring them a new pair of socks and underwear each day? It would be funny AND useful. I have very little tolerance for non-useful stuff lately.

The first year, he brought Kendall a tiny new ornament EVERY. MORNING. I think that was rock-bottom of the hyper-new-parent-forcing-joy thing for me. Thank God Kendall was not old enough to remember that and expect it the next year when I had a 2nd baby and was less ridiculous more realistic.

This year I’ve been super sensitive to the entitlement around here. I can’t fault my 5 year old. For one, he’s 5. I think it’s natural for 5 year olds to mostly think about themselves. That said, 5 is plenty old enough to start learning to think of others.

I’ve tried talking to him about how fortunate we are, reminding him to be grateful for the things he takes for granted. Tasks to clean out toys to donate to the local shelter always lead to him negotiating and asking what’s in it for him. It is one of the biggest hot buttons for me as a parent.

If there is one thing my children will learn before they leave this house, it is to give from their heart to those who need it.

So on Saturday, Jake arrived with nothing more than a message on our iPad and a couple dollar bills. I will make this elf work for ME, dammit.

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As we walked up to the woman collecting money for a local women and children’s shelter, hot chocolate in hand, it began.

“But I want hot chocolate, mom! Is she going to give me a hot chocolate if I give her one? What is she going to give me?” Kendall whined.

“It’s not about you, Kendall,” I calmly responded, not yet realizing this would become my mantra for this challenge and I would say it often.

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He reluctantly posed for the picture, then gladly took the balloon sword she offered him. She was selling them for $1 donations, so the money they donated meant they both got one.

As I tucked him into bed that night, I told him I was so excited we were able to give the woman hot chocolate and donate money to her cause. He pouted because his balloon sword popped.

I sighed… then I set up the next day’s challenge, laying 2 Angel Tree tags next to the iPad and Jake.

We shopped for 2 kids from the local Angel Tree program the next day, and I spent nearly the entire time in Target repeating, “It’s not about you, Kendall. This is not for you. We are not looking for you. We are not buying for you.”

He whined, cried at one point, pouted, demanded I add the items we were buying for the kids to his Christmas list. I forced him to stand next to the tree and smile for a picture.

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And then I pressed on, setting up the next day’s challenge after bedtime, and after popping 2 Advil. I had a fever, a sore throat. I was exhausted.

On the 3rd day, Jake challenged Kendall to bring some coffee to the people who work in his school’s front office. I drove to Einstein’s to pick up a gallon of coffee while Scott got him dressed. He drove him to school and helped him deliver everything. I was too sick to even try.

“Did you remember to get a picture?” I asked when Scott walked back in the door.

“Heh. Yeah. He was… thrilled,” Scott replied. I could tell he was wondering why I was even bothering with all of this. Honestly, I was starting to, too.

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UGHHHHHH. I wanted to growl, but I took a nap, instead. When I woke up, I wondered if I was trying to force something that wasn’t there yet. I wondered if 10 days of random acts of kindness was too much for a 5 year old. I wondered if I was wasting my time when I was already short on it and would rather be nursing this cold.

But I couldn’t back out. Jake already committed us to this challenge. If I changed things up or just stopped altogether, I undermined Jake.

That night I set up the challenge for the next day- a donation to the local animal shelter. Jake asked us to buy a bag of dog food and deliver it.

“What? Dogs don’t have homes sometimes? But why? I love dogs!” he said as we drove to the shelter.

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Dare I say, he delivered that bag of dog food with glee. We got to spend a few minutes with one of the canine residents, and he left telling me, “Maybe on Friday, instead of playing video games, we can come back here and play with more dogs!”

“Maybe,” I smiled back and wrapped my arm around his shoulder.

I knew the next day would be super busy, and the random act of kindness would need to be simple. Jake showed up with a plastic bag and a challenge to fill it with trash.

Kendall leapt out of the car at Target, “Oh! I see some, mom. Come on!”

We spent 10 minutes picking up trash along the front of the store before heading inside for some groceries. He skipped along, barely getting one piece in the bag before running off for another. I had to cut him off when the wind started to pick up and the bag was mostly full.

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Today, Jake asked him to help me make a small gift for our neighbor and leave it on his door-step. He told Kendall that our neighbor has had a rough year, and that I could explain more.

I told Kendall that our neighbor, an older man, lost his wife this summer and now he’s really sick. (Last we heard, they thought he had liver cancer.)

I wasn’t met with any eye-rolls or exasperated sighs about how “this is going to be booooorrrring.”

“So we need to be extra kind to him, right mom?”

“Right!”

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Tonight, my five year old and I put a soft blanket and a small gift card for a coffee shop in a gift bag. He wrote the card, and signed it “Secret Santa.”

We quietly snuck next door and crept up onto the pitch black front porch. We dropped the gift near the front door, then ran like crazy when we heard a dog barking inside. We gave each other high fives on our own front porch when we were in the clear.

Kendall beamed from ear to ear. “YES! WE DID IT!”

Tonight, I experienced the most joyous Christmas moment of my life… so far. We’re only halfway through our Random Acts Of Kindness Elf challenge.

Thank you, Jake, for showing my kid how magical giving to others can be, and for giving me the honor of watching him make the discovery.

December 20, 2013 36 comments
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ReviewsSchool Age DaysToddlers

Trying To Fight Overdoing Christmas

by Jill December 13, 2012
written by Jill

I struggle a bit with this season, especially as the kids get older. I’m pulled between the urge (which I think is just engrained in me as an American) to buy up great deals and have many presents under the tree that will make the kids happy, and the sick feeling that comes from knowing that:

1. We don’t NEED a lot of it.
2. A lot of it won’t even be put to use.
3. It will break and be in the trash in a year.
4. I need my kids to grow up knowing how fortunate they are and to be appreciative of more than just all the “things” under the tree.

Phew.

This could get deep. But I’m not fully going to go there.

Basically, I want to find the balance where I can get the kids some of the things they really want, and still feel good on Christmas night about not going overboard and knowing what I did get them won’t end up in a landfill too soon.

Leyna’s big present this year – the Chalet Dollhouse by PlanToys USA– strikes that perfect balance, I think.

No, I’m sure. I pulled it out of the box, and it made my heart happy.

I set it up while she’s at school today, partly so we could get assembly out of the way, and partly so I could play with it.

This was already on my Amazon Wish List, and my one big idea for Leyna’s Christmas gift when PlanToys reached out to me to see if they could send me one!

I knew it would get so much use in our house, not just from Leyna, but from Kendall, too. And the only reason it would be “for” Leyna is because Kendall already has a tree house in his windowsill that both of the kids love to play with.

All the pieces are made with non-toxic, natural and recycled materials. And this thing is mega sturdy. Those pieces of furniture can be thrown in many a crate and lost under plenty of beds without breaking.

I’m not saying every toy under the tree or in their stockings will be wooden and free of licensed characters. But it’s nice to fight back at so many of the commercials forced upon my kids and give them something I know will still delight them just as much as a pair of Stompeez, the newest baby doll that talks and creepily runs after you, or the giant Power Ranger.

Even better knowing this thing very well could be passed down to my grandkids someday, or at least passed down to someone else’s kids, and not the local dump.

Overall, I think my kids will be getting less this year than last, and I’m okay with that. While I didn’t spend much last year because I got so many “deals,” it still made me feel a little icky at the end of the day. And one of my Christmas gifts to myself is to try to avoid the ick when it comes to overdoing it on gifts.

Have you ever felt like you’ve gone overboard and regretted it? What are you doing to combat that this year, if anything?

PlanToys sent me the dollhouse at no cost to me. I was under no obligation to write a review about it, but I truly love it, and it really did make my heart happy. They have a wonderful assortment of toys at different price points, all are made and packaged responsibly. You can check them out at PlanToysUSA.com.

 

December 13, 2012 41 comments
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ParenthoodThe Story

Back In Time Series: Christmas Songs Are Condescending

by Jill August 2, 2012
written by Jill

This was only just last Christmas, so some of you may remember it, but it’s one of those stories that gets much funnier with age. I imagine I’ll tell it to my children and grandchildren for years to come.

Christmas Songs Are Condescending

Alternatively titled: A Scene From My Life, A Holiday Comedy, Coming To A Theater Near You

Yes we NEED a little Christmas!
Right this very minute!
It hasn’t snowed a single flurry
But Santa, dear, we’re in a hurry!

The Christmas carols blared through the speakers of our car as we tried to drown out the sounds of both of our over-tired children screaming in the back seat. The best birth control always comes in the form of shrieks from the rear of a vehicle at 70 mph. I should bottle this shit and sell it… like in a conch shell. Audible birth control.

Anyway, we were headed to go see Santa. It wasn’t our original plan. Originally, we were supposed to join friends and their children on a carriage ride through a rich neighborhood to look at expensive Christmas lights because nothing says “we live in the burbs and don’t get out past Chilis and the mall much” like having horses pull you through a wealthy neighborhood to gawk at all their festive decorations that they paid others to put up for them.

But then the weather decided to be crap and rain that day, which, you know, OBVIOUSLY, because we are in a drought, BUT OF COURSE it would rain *that* night. You’re welcome, Texas. We didn’t need to ogle rich people’s Christmas lights anyway.

Weather be damned. Non-napping children be damned! We were going to be JOLLY, dammit. So I dressed the kids up in their brand new Christmas outfits and away we went to see The Big Guy.

We WISH you a Merry Christmas!
We WISH you a Merry Christmas!
We WISH you a Merry Christmas!
And a happy. new. year.

By the time we arrived at the mall, both of the kids had passed out. We drug them both out of the car to the sound of the amplified holiday station over the parking lot loudspeaker and their cranky whines.

“Come on! It will be SO. MUCH. FUN. to see Santa!” I cheered, my fake smile plastered firmly from cheek to cheek.

“I’m sorry. Santa isn’t taking anymore reservations for the night,” the elfish receptionist said flatly and nasaly while gesturing to a long line ahead of us.

“Uhhhhh….. what? I’m sorry, what? It’s 6:20. Seriously?” ::blink, blink:: That was the only response I could come up with. She, apparently, wasn’t taking the bait. She just stood there, blinking back, so I walked away and sighed.

And then I had the super pleasant job of telling the already tired and cranky 3 year old that nope, no we were not to see Santa tonight… and no, no we still can’t ride the horsies to see the fancy Christmas lights.

Iiiiii’m dreaming
of a whiiiiiiiite
Christmas…

I stopped to pause at how non-relevant this song is to all Texans. I don’t think I’ve ever met a single one who used to “know” White Christmases. Not that that should stop them from playing this song down south… just a random thought one thinks when they realize they have wasted an entire evening accomplishing nothing at all festive, just buckling and unbuckling crying kids in car seats all night.

But we will save this night! Dinner and cookies for all!

Except the children were still cranky and tired and the dinner sucked. The service sucked. I think the restaurant was being run by the cast of Glee, but with way less enthusiasm.

We threw in the towel. Done. We’re going home.

It’s the MOST wonderful time
Of the yearrrrrr…

As my favorite of all condescending Christmas songs came on over the radio, I at least felt some comfort that we would get home in time to put the children straight to bed and enjoy a glass of wine before turning in.

It’s the hap- happiest season
of ALLLLLL

“What was that??” I quickly turned to Scott, then looked behind us as we rapidly decreased speed. Cars were whipping by, and all I could hear was thumpthumpthumpthumpthump.

We had a flat tire. We then had to drive .5 mile to get off the highway and into a U-Haul parking lot so Scott could change it. In the rain.

As he popped open the trunk of his car, it hit me suddenly- the vision of that table saw I bought for him for Christmas, sitting there in the trunk, waiting for me to figure out a way to haul it inside and wrap it. I was sort of hoping I’d just tell him on Christmas morning to go retrieve it himself.

It was too late for such surprises. I leaned out of my door and shouted over the traffic, “MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Let your heart be-

I turned that shit off.

We laughed the whole way home about the unfortunate unfolding of the day’s events to nothing but the sound of our sleeping babies. All the while, I was secretly relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about getting that enormous box inside and could now make Scott carry his own present in.

And that is why God gave me a sense of humor, a handy husband and wine.

The end.

 

August 2, 2012 2 comments
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PregnancyThe Story

My Ghost Of Pregnant Christmas Past

by Jill December 26, 2011
written by Jill

Last Christmas I was massively pregnant, a day overdue, and a major bitch.

If one more person asked me if I’d had that baby yet…

I went from having a big baby in my belly last year to a big baby in my arms this year.

She turns 1 in 2 days! Her Christmas gift to us? Walking.

Leyna Walks <<Video… hopefully that works.

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December 26, 2011 12 comments
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ParenthoodThe Story

Santa & Screaming Infants: Is There A More Festive Combo?

by Jill December 22, 2011
written by Jill

I think not.We waited for 2.5 hours for this guy tonight, and that was with a reservation. But totally worth it.

This is The Big Guy that we’ve taken Kendall to every year of his life. He’s the real Santa, and the sweetest man ever.

Leyna wasn’t buying what he had to sell, but I’ve secretly always wanted a screaming baby/Santa picture, so it’s cool. Kendall was always so composed in his. (You can see years past in this post.) I mean, there’s just something so very Classic Christmas in America about handing over your terrified, crying child to a man who makes a living off a letting small children sit on his lap. And now I have one of my very own to frame and put on my mantle every year.

Ho, ho, ho! I love it.

Oh, and about those Inappropriate Elves… I know I’ve got to narrow down the top 10, and I’m about to dig into it now. I’ll probably save the announcement for tomorrow morning, so don’t wait up. Sorry folks. This Santa thing ate up our entire night.

Kendall is 3.5 and Leyna is *gulp* nearly a year old. 

December 22, 2011 10 comments
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Christmas Songs Are Condescending
ParenthoodThe Story

Christmas Songs Are Condescending

by Jill December 20, 2011
written by Jill

Alternatively titled: A Scene From My Life, A Holiday Comedy, Coming To A Theater Near You

Yes we NEED a little Christmas!
Right this very minute!
It hasn’t snowed a single flurry
But Santa, dear, we’re in a hurry! 

The Christmas carols blared through the speakers of our car as we tried to drown out the sounds of both of our over-tired children screaming in the back seat. The best birth control always comes in the form of shrieks from the rear of a vehicle at 70 mph. I should bottle this shit and sell it… like in a conch shell. Audible birth control.

Anyway, we were headed to go see Santa. It wasn’t our original plan. Originally, we were supposed to join friends and their children on a carriage ride through a rich neighborhood to look at expensive Christmas lights because nothing says “we live in the burbs and don’t get out past Chilis and the mall much” like having horses pull you through a wealthy neighborhood to gawk at all their festive decorations that they paid others to put up for them.

But then the weather decided to be crap and rain that day, which, you know, OBVIOUSLY, because we are in a drought, BUT OF COURSE it would rain *that* night. You’re welcome, Texas. We didn’t need to ogle rich people’s Christmas lights anyway.

Weather be damned. Non-napping children be damned! We were going to be JOLLY, dammit. So I dressed the kids up in their brand new Christmas outfits and away we went to see The Big Guy.

We WISH you a Merry Christmas!
We WISH you a Merry Christmas!
We WISH you a Merry Christmas!
And a happy. new. year.

By the time we arrived at the mall, both of the kids had passed out. We drug them both out of the car to the sound of the amplified holiday station over the parking lot loudspeaker and their cranky whines.

“Come on! It will be SO. MUCH. FUN. to see Santa!” I cheered, my fake smile plastered firmly from cheek to cheek.

“I’m sorry. Santa isn’t taking anymore reservations for the night,” the elfish receptionist said flatly and nasaly while gesturing to a long line ahead of us.

“Uhhhhh….. what? I’m sorry, what? It’s 6:20. Seriously?” ::blink, blink:: That was the only response I could come up with. She, apparently, wasn’t taking the bait. She just stood there, blinking back, so I walked away and sighed.

And then I had the super pleasant job of telling the already tired and cranky 3 year old that nope, no we were not to see Santa tonight… and no, no we still can’t ride the horsies to see the fancy Christmas lights.

Iiiiii’m dreaming
of a whiiiiiiiite
Christmas…

I stopped to pause at how non-relevant this song is to all Texans. I don’t think I’ve ever met a single one who used to “know” White Christmases. Not that that should stop them from playing this song down south… just a random thought one thinks when they realize they have wasted an entire evening accomplishing nothing at all festive, just buckling and unbuckling crying kids in car seats all night.

But we will save this night! Dinner and cookies for all!

Except the children were still cranky and tired and the dinner sucked. The service sucked. I think the restaurant was being run by the cast of Glee, but with way less enthusiasm.

We threw in the towel. Done. We’re going home.

It’s the MOST wonderful time
Of the yearrrrrr…

As my favorite of all condescending Christmas songs came on over the radio, I at least felt some comfort that we would get home in time to put the children straight to bed and enjoy a glass of wine before turning in.

It’s the hap- happiest season
of ALLLLLL

“What was that??” I quickly turned to Scott, then looked behind us as we rapidly decreased speed. Cars were whipping by, and all I could hear was thumpthumpthumpthumpthump.

We had a flat tire. We then had to drive .5 mile to get off the highway and into a U-Haul parking lot so Scott could change it. In the rain.

As he popped open the trunk of his car, it hit me suddenly- the vision of that table saw I bought for him for Christmas, sitting there in the trunk, waiting for me to figure out a way to haul it inside and wrap it. I was sort of hoping I’d just tell him on Christmas morning to go retrieve it himself.

It was too late for such surprises. I leaned out of my door and shouted over the traffic, “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” 

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Let your heart be-

I turned that shit off.

We laughed the whole way home about the unfortunate unfolding of the day’s events to nothing but the sound of our sleeping babies. All the while, I was secretly relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about getting that enormous box inside and could now make Scott carry his own present in.

And that is why God gave me a sense of humor, a handy husband and wine.

The end.

Kendall is 3.5, Leyna is 11.5 months old and we WILL conquer Santa pictures this week, so help me.

December 20, 2011 15 comments
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