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      February 11, 2019

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      December 13, 2018

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      December 6, 2018

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      November 27, 2018

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      November 19, 2018

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      December 19, 2018

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      October 1, 2018

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      August 22, 2018

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#blacklivesmatter

I Can’t Imagine How This Feels, So I Will Share The Voices Of Those Who Can
Parenthood

I Can’t Imagine How This Feels, So I Will Share The Voices Of Those Who Can

by Jill July 7, 2016
written by Jill

“I honestly can’t imagine, and that’s my reality. I have the privilege of not being able to imagine how this must feel. That’s why I want to amplify voices of those who are living this.” 

That was a conversation with a friend yesterday, a mother who identifies as a black woman. I reached out to her and a few others, asking them to share with me how they felt when they learned of Alton Sterling’s death. (Just hours after receiving many of their responses, we’d learn of Philando Castile’s death, too.)

It’s not that I have nothing to say about this. I’ll say that I am saddened and angered by racism, brutality, corruption among some police officers. I will say that demanding accountability and change does NOT make me anti-police, anymore than demanding negligent doctors lose their licenses would make me anti-doctor. I’ll say that I believe that every time someone responds to #BlackLivesMatter with #AllLivesMatter they are completely and totally missing the point.

That said, what I have to say about this is not nearly as important as the voices of people who are living this reality.

These are women who I love, admire, respect, and who have been there for me, to support me, as part of my village. I care deeply about how much they are hurting right now. Their feelings are valid, and they deserve to be heard. So today I’m handing my platform over to these voices of black mothers. Please, read with a kind and open heart. Their feelings are not open for debate.

Listen to our village. Just listen.

************************

Arianna Silver

It was just a few minutes after 4 a.m. when I picked up my phone, checked Facebook, and saw the video still of a man facedown on the ground, an officer’s knee in his back. The blurb below shouting, “NOT AGAIN…”

I clicked and read that he was selling CD’s outside of a convenience store. I read that police were called for a weapon threat. I read that the video showed him being subdued, and then shot, point blank, without reasonable provocation. This is nothing new. What I felt as I took in the narrative wasn’t shock. For me, it never is.

As I hear people rush to justify police actions and vilify the victim, it’s not even anger that I struggle with, but an overwhelming sense of guilt. Guilt because I feel like should have known better than to bring two little Black boys into this world. Guilt because I myself have been discriminated against, even as a child, for the color of my skin. Guilt because with these incidents happening as often as they are, how much longer are they going to be able to hold onto their innocence?

My reality is one where I constantly wonder how much longer I have before my almost-seven-year-old is perceived as a threat.

My reality is one where if my husband stays even a half hour late at work without letting me know, I call him in a panic, imagining the worst.

My reality is having spent all Wednesday trying to keep my boys distracted so that they wouldn’t see how I was struggling, my chest burning with grief and anxiety, not to shed tears for a stranger in front of them.

This time, with Alton Sterling, as it was with Sandra Bland, with Tamir Rice, with Eric Garner, or any of the many others, I’m holding out hope that this will be an actual catalyst for change. Because unfortunately, while this isn’t anything new, it’s really damn exhausting.

*****************************

Dawn Neufeld

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When I learned of Alton Sterling’s death, I immediately thought, “Not another one. Not another police shooting.”

As I watched the video of the police officer football-tackling Alton Sterling, who didn’t seem to be resisting at the time, I gasped. Then the gun shots. Too many gunshots.

As a woman of Black/German descent, I didn’t break out a “Black Lives Matter” or “F*CK the Police” shirt. No. My thoughts were about Alton Sterling’s family. Is his mother watching the news? Does he have kids? I was overcome with sadness at the thought of all the lives that would be affected by yet another police shooting.

I thought about my son and a nightmare I’ve played out over and over and over again in my head. My 11-year-old has autism, and I’m not sure that if he were ever confronted by police that he would comply despite many conversations and attempts to explain why it’s important to do so.

My guess is that if they yell “STOP” or “ON THE GROUND” he might get flustered or misunderstand their cues. What if he reaches for a cellphone in his pocket to call us? What if he runs? Then what? Will the police be justified in shooting a person with autism because he or she wasn’t compliant?

So when I heard about Alton Sterling’s killing, as a mother, I thought that being non-compliant should never be justification enough to ever take a human being’s life.

***************

Veronica

I’m tired. I’m tired of white “friends” feigning helplessness. I’m tired of friends using their voices for everything but oppression. Im tired of your thoughts, prayers, and continued inaction. I’m tired of wondering whether my husband, brother, friend, or child’s friend will be next. I’m tired of your apathy. You and your silence are complicit. You too are now my enemy. I’m really tired.

**********************

Dianthe Hall

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It was 2:58am. I’d stayed up late, working, but decided to scroll Facebook one more time before I went to sleep. That’s when I saw a friend’s status.

“The Alton Sterling video is truly disturbing.”

I could feel the pit in my stomach. I went straight to Twitter and immediately saw the hashtag. #AltonSterling. I debated whether or not to Google. I should’ve just gone to bed. But I knew.

I think the first search result was from CNN. The search results were all from reputable news sites and they all had similar headlines. Baton Rouge police shoot black man. And there was video.

I clicked on one of the links and the article opened in a new tab. As I began to read the article, I heard the start of the video. I quickly scrolled thinking that would stop the video but then I saw it. A man pinned on the ground. Gun shots. A girl screaming. I went back to my friend’s Facebook page and typed these words.

“I just fucking can’t anymore.”

And then I went to bed.

I am tired. And scared. Make that terrified. And my heart hurts. Because I have 2 sons. Sons with beautiful brown skin. And at some point, very soon, I will have to explain to them that their beautiful brown skin may put them in harms way. It may make them a target. And it might even get them killed. And as their mother, there isn’t anything I can do to protect them.

July 7, 2016 1 comment
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@babyrabies

  • I haven’t taken many bump pics, but I’ve practically lived in the same three outfits since the beginning, and I’ve worn one of my three pairs of @blanqigirls Everyday Maternity Belly Support Leggings every 👏 single 👏 day 👏 for the past five months. 
They were great in the beginning when I was more bloated than bumpin’, and are lifesaving now that this bump has become a little more burdensome. I won’t shut up about them. Their Black Friday Sale is still going on, and these leggings are 50% off with code BLANQI50.
  • Five years ago I got this cute flannel dress for 80% off at The Gap. When the cashier was checking me out she said in a small voice, “um, you know this is a maternity dress, right?” I did NOT know that, but replied without skipping a beat, “yes, I’m expecting!” and spent the whole ride home wondering to myself 1. why it was her business if I knew what I was buying 2. why I blurted out a lie so quickly 3. if I’d ever actually wear it. 
I kept it. I wore it! Lots before getting pregnant, and for the first time as a “maternity” dress today. 
PSA - underneath I’m wearing @blanqigirls maternity leggings and support tank, which should be every pregnant woman’s uniform and they’re having a KILLER SALE right now.
  • No longer in the “could just be tacos” phase. 🌮 👏 🤰🏻
  • I just wanted to take a picture under the words GOAT SCALE, but I’m now realizing there were many, many missed opportunities for creative placement.
  • Starting all over with a new FB page! If you want to follow there, the link is in my bio. The blog will officially relaunch soon! #babyrabies
  • We haven’t purchased a single baby thing yet. I’ve meandered into the baby section at stores lately, but for some reason I feel silly even perusing the racks. But after my OB appointment this morning, I ran to Target for... literally no other reason than it drew me in with its gravitational force. I spent about 10 minutes looking for tops that fit that aren’t long sleeved or flannel tunics, but quickly gave up. On my way out I rushed through the baby section, barely looking, and out of nowhere I made the very first baby purchase... which felt surreal, but not nearly as surreal as feeling it move for the first time yesterday. I was worried I wouldn’t be sure when it happened, but it was pretty dang unmistakable, and odd, and... yup. I guess there really is a baby in there. Weird.
  • It’s the first day of Fall (or the first day of Summer Part Deux for us southerners) and finally, finally pregnancy is manifesting itself as something more than sheer exhaustion, boobs, and moods. My hair is magically happier this week despite literally months of straight up neglect (seriously I desperately need a chop), my nails somehow survived an out of state work gig that required lots of lifting and tinkering and my nails never survive events, my skin is behaving itself suspiciously well, aaaaaand I haven’t pooped in 3 days (which I’m much less excited about obviously). My bump still pales in comparison to some burrito babies I’ve had, but it’s nice feeling like exhaustion and titties are no longer the only thing I have to show for all this.
  • I do not take for granted that I work for myself and can nap when I need to, at almost any time I need to. 
I do not take for granted that the only beings I’m responsible for are four-legged and pretty chill. 
I do not take for granted that I have a partner who gladly cleans the house on Sundays while I nap for 70% of the day. 
And I definitely do not take for granted the tiny procrastinator I am housing who I’m pretty sure puts off all its growing for the week to the last 48 hours and crams it in at the end rendering me semi-conscious and starving every weekend. (Not pictured: the drool on the other side of my mouth)
  • We joke that @jillkraus.e had my child when she had her daughter Leyna. We have a lot in common, mainly our smirky face and love of all things pickled. But truth be told, she was SO suspicious of me when she was a baby. Like, I *looked* like her mom, but I wasn’t her mom, she didn’t trust this dark haired doppelgänger whose boobs were useless. (posting throwbacks because still not much going on over here to see besides exhaustion and looking like a kinda bloated porn star. 😳)

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50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide

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