Allow me to be dramatic.
Like you have a choice. Like you EVER have a choice.
It is so hot here I want to curl up and stuff myself in the refrigerator, hoping to drift off to sleep like a ladybug. (Have you ever seen those refrigerated bags of ladybugs they sell at gardening stores that wake up after they thaw out? Seriously creepy, traumatic childhood memory for me.)
In response to a comment in my epically long Blogher10 post below I mentioned, “Blogher could be in a landfill and I’d be happy if the high was 85.” Like, I mean, I might get disgusted by the smell, but it surely wouldn’t be as bad as the FLAMES OF HELL I step into every time I emerge from my house these days. NYC and it’s 88 degree highs, humidity included, felt like a leisurely walk on a breezy morning over a hillside next to a cold body of water compared to the oppressive temperatures here.
No. It shouldn’t come as a shock. I live in TEXAS. It’s AUGUST. I get it. That doesn’t mean I can’t complain about it.
Because you know what makes living in the ass-crack of hell even worse? Entertaining a child. There are basically 3 months out of the year that we must hole up, hunker down, and live off of what we have in the house- 1/2 of January, 1/2 of June, all of July, and EVERY SECOND of August. And you know what’s just perfect? Every form of “school” is out for a break this month (or at least half of it- the hottest half, I would argue).
It’s not fair, really. Kendall’s “Mother’s Day Out” program, which he attends 2 days a week so that I may accomplish things other than frequent potty trips and using my “calm” voice to discipline, is air conditioned, provides entertainment and adult caregivers who apparently *like* to paint with my child. WHY must they be out for “vacation” this week and next? Just WHAT am I to do with him right now?
I mean, let’s be honest. Most of those teachers probably have kids in the same set up. They are probably home now for this “vacation” and surrounded by their own hyperactive, scaling the walls children, wishing they were away from them or could send them somewhere air conditioned and stimulating. Why are these “vacations” not during October? That’s what I want to know. Let’s work with what we’ve got, people. Leave me to entertain my child 24/7 during a month when I actually *enjoy* being outside with him, when it’s feasible to take him to a grassy spot somewhere and let him run for hours, fearing not that he passes out from a heat stroke.
So now my options are this-
1. Take my child to an indoor location where he may run about like a wild monkey, like the indoor mall playground. Problem? That place is more packed than a Filene’s Basement during Running Of The Brides, and if one more 10 year old leaps over my kid as they bound from slide to slide (whilst talking on a cell phone– TRUE STORY), I might explode.
2. Take my child to a “park.” You know, those places outdoors? Problem? Uhm, OUTDOORS. Why every play structure in the state of Texas is not fully covered (like the ONE playground w/in a 20 mile radius of us that is – that we have been to eleventybillion times) is beyond me.
What boggles me even more? Outdoor malls in Texas. WHY would anyone think that’s a good idea? The only explanation is it was designed by a developer in Canada without access to the Weather Channel. Our closest mall happens to be an outdoor mall, complete with outdoor play area. I’ve dubbed it “Satan’s Playground.” Allow me to show you why:
Imagine, if you will, standing in a toaster oven… on high. Feel the BLAZING HOT of the metal play structures on your hands, the heat waves from the dark, hard ground penetrating your shoes. Now, look up. Notice there is NOTHING between you and the fireball 100 feet above you. This is where parents send their children when they’ve been very, very bad. THIS is Satan’s Playground (at least for a very good portion of the year).
What the hell kind of sense does this make?
Kendall is 2 and finally napping after a long morning being couped up and watching various Nick Jr. shows, and I’m 21 weeks pregnant (which makes all of this even worse).