AF

The StoryTrying to Conceive

Admitting defeat

by Jill
written by Jill

A pack of ovulation predictor tests, a bottle of Merlot, and a box of tampons…those three things in my grocery cart at Target could only mean one thing – the bitch is back.

I held out as long as I could, trying to convince myself I was one of those freakish women who would never actually think they are pregnant until the contractions sent them running to give birth in the nearest bathroom because I could have something that resembled my period all nine months. I mean, who knows, I could be three months pregnant at this point, right? Maybe on top of that, I’m also one of those mythical pregnant women who never gets a positive home pregnancy test, despite being very pregnant. I really must let go of this very strange desire though. It’s just not healthy to believe in so many pregnancy fairtytales. I lost. There…I said it.

Well, if I’ve got to live through another round of cramps from the bowels of hell, I’m going to enjoy it. I drank half my bottle of wine last night, and, being the optimist I am, began telling myself how great it is that I have another month of freedom to drink and eat whatever I damn well please. I swear, if I don’t get pregnant soon, I’m going to start looking that way with all the weight I’m putting on from eating (and drinking) like it’s my last day on earth. In the past two months I’ve consumed a ridiculous amount of sushi, wine and soft cheese. I know that once that stick says I’m responsible for growing and providing nourishment to my husband’s unborn child, I will be ushered into my plastic bubble where I will undoubtedly go crazy, causing me to be committed shortly after the baby is turned over to it’s germaphobe father who works for the FDA – double whammy.

But hear this, AF – I may have lost the battle, but I will not lose the war! Just to prove my confidence in this, I only purchased the 40 pack of Tampons, not my usual Jumbo 80 pack.

6 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail
The StoryTrying to Conceive

Game On!

by babyrabies
written by babyrabies

Last month was our first “official” month of trying to conceive. I spent a lot of time telling my husband and myself that it would be ridiculous if we got pregnant the first time around. I know that the chances of a healthy couple conceiving when timing is perfect is still only 1 in 4. I insisted that we just “have fun” with it, and that I wasn’t going to resort to any drastic measures.

Well, flash forward to a few days before the ideal window for peeing on a stick – I began doing just what I promised myself I wouldn’t. I was over-analyzing every little twinge and pain, and broke down and took a test every day for 6 days until I finally started my period again. I wasn’t terribly upset. I mean, it WAS our first month, and I had spent so much time convincing myself that it wasn’t going to happen. However, my Type A, slightly…well,very competitive and goal driven personality started to get a little irked. We definitely had the timing right….for about 14 days in a row. So just what exactly went wrong? I felt like Aunt Flo had challenged me to a duel…and I was going to KICK HER ASS the next time around!

I knew I couldn’t do it by just having fun though. No, I needed a strategy. I needed to be smarter than AF. After listening to the advice of many pregnant and pregnant to be Nesties (www.thenest.com), I charged into the Women’s Health section of Barnes & Noble and picked up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I immediately went home and read up on all sorts of things I never even had a desire to know about my body. I can tell you that the word “mucus” now has a whole new meaning beyond a runny nose and chest congestion. My next stop in my assault on AF was the pharmacy where I bought a special Basal Body Temperature thermometer. I was prepared for battle, and began charting the next morning. There are several other…um…techniques that I’ve embraced in this war, but I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say, I’ve resorted to drastic measures, and it’s only the second cycle. I’ve become the fertility sniper! That AF bitch is never going to know what hit her.

So here I am…in my second official Two Week Wait, which, for those of you not up on the trying to conceive lingo, is the two weeks in between ovulation and your next expected period or the first day you can test. Of course, I’m trying to convince myself that I won’t go down the slippery slope of peeing on too many sticks too early like last month, but I can’t make any promises. As much as I am Type A and competitive, I am even more impatient!

Hopefully I can keep myself busy the next couple weeks by ogling all the ridiculously expensive baby strollers and diaper bags that are all the rage right now. If I get started now, I may be able to come up with enough reasons to justify purchasing the funky, futuristic Quinny Buzz…my new obsession.

Quinny Buzz

2 comments
0 FacebookPinterestWhatsappEmail