School Age Days

The Dream Gap & Our Daughters- Let’s Talk
ParenthoodSchool Age Days

The Dream Gap & Our Daughters- Let’s Talk

by Jill
written by Jill

I’ve lived 37 years and the only time Barbie has ever made me cry was when I stepped on one of her tiny hair brushes at a friend’s house. 

Until today. 

Okay, no. I take that back. Barbie made me cry back in May when the topic of the Dream Gap came up at our meeting at Mattel HQ for the Barbie Global Advisory Council, on which I am a paid member. 

The Dream Gap is based on research that shows that around age 6 girls stop believing in their biggest dreams. They become less likely than boys to see themselves as “really, really smart.” 

I cried when we talked about it because I can look back at the last 18 months with my nearly 8-year-old daughter and see this happening to her. She’s increasingly more afraid to fail. Getting her to read aloud to us wasn’t about teaching her to read, but about helping her understand that it’s okay to not blend the words right at first. She was afraid she’d “sound stupid.” 

“This phenomenon is called the Dream Gap. It rears its ugly head in myriad ways for girls and women around the world—from being unable to identify as very intelligent to being far less likely to picture their future selves as scientists, engineers or working in any STEM career role. This result persists even when girls perform just as well as boys on science and math tests. The erosion in their self-confidence is well underway at six, and they cannot imagine the possibility of another story.” – Mattel

Now watch this Barbie vlog (that’s right, it’s Barbie vlogging, and it’s one of the most emotionally intelligent things I’ve seen for kids in a long while), and tell me you didn’t just sob your face off.

Words matter. They matter, they matter. I tell my kids this all the time, and I feel like it’s such a crucial lesson for EVERYONE right now. 

We have to break down stereotypes, and we also have to teach all our children, but especially our girls, that it’s okay to “fail,” that it’s okay to dream big-even if others don’t understand those dreams, that making mistakes is how people get smarter, and that losses can be more important than wins sometimes. 

Mattel has some other suggestions for how to close the Dream Gap, including:

  • open-ended, unstructured play that fosters divergent thinking and innovation
  • independent exploration
  • personalized, adaptive learning-through-play opportunities
  • collaborative play
  • engaging play that teaches and supports key skills, such as coding as a 21st-century literacy
  • exposure to postive role models
  • challenge gender stereotypes
  • do confidence-building activities together

I want to know:
1. Do you see this happening to your daughter her?
2. If you have an older daughter, can you look back and see when she would have begun to feel this way? Or do you, as a woman, remember this shift happening to you?
3. What are you going to do to close the Dream Gap for your daughter?

My answers to those questions would be:

1. As I mentioned, I noticed a shift around the end of Leyna’s kindergarten year. I think it was when it was becoming more obvious in her school class who was learning to read quicker than she was. She became really uncomfortable trying to sound out words out loud and it halted her reading progression for a while.

2. Personally, I felt empowered to be the smart kid for a long time, thankfully. But around jr. high, I picked up the idea that girls weren’t expected to be good at math and science. While I still got good grades in both subjects throughout school, I lost any passion or excitement I had for both by the time I was in high school.

3. We are all about exposure to math and science. We just signed her up for a coding class through our homeschool program, and she’s LOVING IT. We are also working with everyone in this family on the way we talk about gender stereotypes. My son and I had a great conversation last week about why it’s not ok to say “the boys in our family are the science and math people.” Yes, my husband loves science and math, but I wasn’t ever bad at either, and Leyna can DEFINITELY be one of the “science and math” experts in our family, too.

I am a paid member of the Barbie Global Advisory Board, but I was not required to write this post and am not being compensated for it. I just think this is such an important topic to discuss and be aware of.

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I'll Never Apologize For These Selfies
PhotographySchool Age DaysToddlers

I’ll Never Apologize For These Selfies

by Jill
written by Jill

I was going through my camera roll on my phone over the weekend, doing my best to organize what feels like the entirety of my life on there, and something struck me like a blast of cold air.

I don’t take napping selfies with Lowell anymore.

 

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We simply don’t nap together anymore. He’s mostly outgrown the nap, though he still catches a few Zs in the truck to and from places. He’s sleeping in a tiny bunk bed these days that doesn’t have much room for me, and we don’t spend our days home alone or with a baby- just the two or three of us.

 

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Since we took off on this full-time family road trip, a lot has changed, obviously. And I get to experience so much with Lowell and the other 3 now that we are spending nearly every waking moment together exploring.

Related: Reminder To Self: Don’t Compare This Baby To The Others

But I miss those sleeping moments when he would cuddle up under my arm, hand in my hair, and doze off while watching Netflix. It was just the two of us at first, and then he would cradle my pregnant belly. When Wallace was born, he would nap side by side with him.

 

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This is a blog post written by many a mom before me- you never know what ordinary moments will last be your last, and when they’ll transform from just another part of your routine into a memory on your camera roll.

I sure am grateful for all those selfies, though. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel vain or superficial or silly for snapping pictures of you and your little in a moment you will want to remember.

Related: The Treasure Trove That Is My Photo Booth Library

Last night, I asked him to climb up in bed with me and snuggle, and while he was way too chatty to doze off in my arms, we still took a selfie for old-time’s sake.

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I Was Never A Barbie Girl Until Now
ReviewsSchool Age Days

I Was Never A Barbie Girl Until Now

by Jill
written by Jill

I wasn’t a Barbie girl growing up. I was friends with quite a few as a child. They would always want to play with their Barbie mansions when I went over, and I would wrinkle my nose and suggest something else.

Not because I was some kind of early-blooming feminist, but mostly because Barbie’s shoes never stayed on and that annoyed me. I also think, though, it was because I didn’t have Barbies at home. She wasn’t a toy I was forbidden from. I can’t remember my parents speaking ill of her, but they never encouraged me to play with her, either. I kinda got the idea that they thought Barbie was a little silly.

And to be totally honest, that’s the attitude I’ve taken when it comes to Barbie and my own daughter. It’s just not something I wanted to push. She never asked, and I never bought.

And then Leyna started really getting into imaginative play. She fell in love with the Monster High dolls we got for a campaign, and was straight up sad we couldn’t bring the massive MH Deluxe Playset with us on the RV. (It would have taken up nearly all her floorspace.) We did agree to her bringing a few of her favorite dolls, though.

Earlier this year, we stopped to visit my dad and step-mom as we made our way through New Mexico. Leyna found my step-mom’s stash of Barbies and Ken dolls she kept for the grandkids, and played for hours. When thinking what to put in her Easter basket that would actually see some use and not take up a lot of space, I decided to get a Barbie Fashionista doll – one with a “curvy” body and a lavender bun.

When they announced those curvy bodies on Jan 28, 2016,  I took notice. It was a HUGE deal. That was not anything I really expected from this brand, and it pleasantly surprised me. It definitely warmed me to the idea of buying my own daughter a Barbie. While I was thrilled to give Leyna a Barbie with a more realistic body, I think she was mostly excited that her doll had purple hair.

Side note: The Hulu documentary Tiny Shoulders: Rethinking Barbie is INCREDIBLE and all about this massive risk Barbie took to introduce body diversity to their dolls. 110% recommend watching.

So fast forward, it’s like a couple weeks after Easter, Leyna loves her “Barbie with the purple hair” and I get an email from one of my personal heros- Jess Weiner– asking if I’d like to be on the Barbie Advisory Council for 2018.  I hadn’t even posted about Leyna’s new Barbie. It was bananas how the universe was aligning. I said yes. Had they asked me just a few months before, I would have probably turned them down because I’d only ever work with a brand in that capacity if I genuinely used or engaged with them. But now, I/we suddenly did.

This is where I pause to say, yes, I’m a paid member of the advisory board, but also, this isn’t a sponsored post. This isn’t a brand ambassadorship. I’m not required to write positively about them. What is SO bad ass is that my role is to give them totally open and honest feedback. And I had the incredible opportunity to do that back in May at the Mattel HQ.

Y’all, the members of our board (with careers in TV, education, science, politics, writing, and more) laid it all out during this full-day meeting. We discussed where the brand had been and where it’s going, and why it’s SO important for Barbie to keep evolving. I’m NDA-d beyond being able to say more than this: Barbie is up to some inspiring, progressive stuff that made many of us actually cry because of what a positive impact it could have on all children.

I believe the Barbie brand is already making many positive changes when it comes to embracing and celebrating diversity, and, you guys, have you SEEN the Barbie YouTube channel lately?? Check out the Barbie VLOGS playlist and tell me that is not AMAZING, highly thought out and emotionally intelligent. What other toy brand is doing this?!

I realize it’s coming up on that time of year when we start to think about what makes the cut for holiday gifts for our kids, and I can tell you that last Christmas, I don’t think I would have considered adding anything Barbie to Leyna’s list. But this year? HECK YEAH. I’m here for it.

Just probably not for this Dreamhouse.

Phtotgrapher Rafael Ortega Stylist Susan Kurtz

Because we live in an RV.
But she can watch all the Barbie Dreamhouse Adventures on YouTube.

I am a paid member of the 2018 Barbie Advisory Council, but all opinions stated here are my own, and I am not being compensated for this post.

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I Can’t Be Bothered To Care About A Pacifier In My Toddler’s Mouth
School Age DaysToddlers

I Can’t Be Bothered To Care About A Pacifier In My Toddler’s Mouth

by Jill
written by Jill

My 21 month old still mostly drinks from his favorite bottle, and I’m in no hurry to change that. Honestly, he’s the only baby to ever really use a bottle by choice. My first flat out, 100% refused. I made sure to fully wean the other two from their occasional bottle use by the age of 1, like a good mother.

I wish I could find a damn to give about my nearly 2, 4th baby still drinking his cow’s milk from a cheap stainless steel bottle we picked up at Walmart, but I just can’t. If a bottle of milk helps him sleep for 6 hours before waking and rolling over to me for an early, EARLY morning boob buffet snack, then I’m here for it.

He’s still sucking on that pacifier, too. We are trying to make it a “sleepy time” only thing, except when we’re in places where he’s sticking random disgusting crap in his mouth. A toddler sucking on a pacifier as we glide through Target seems better to me than a toddler picking up the flu from licking the cart handle, and then passing that on to the rest of us.

The fucks are non-existent when it comes to this issue. I overspent my fucks about pacifier use on my daughter, who was nearly inseparable from hers until she was 4.

We weaned her from it, FYI, by going on a cruise and “forgetting” them, except OF COURSE we actually brought them because we weren’t about to be in the middle of an ocean and realize that idea backfired. It didn’t, though, and she came home from the Caribbean without a MAM in her mouth.

Fast forward a few years, she talks all the time, and she inherited my gap-toothed smile, so braces are probably in our future anyway. All that stressing over the freaking pacifier was pointless. I’m just going to book a cruise again a couple years from now. I can not be bothered to care this time.

Maybe some of you are thinking, “Wow. That’s so sad that she’s, like, given up.” And yeah, there are probably some valid reasons why I should totally try to get my toddler to stop doing these things, or to go to bed earlier, or to sleep through the night, or think about potty training him.

(BTW, he’s going to have to come to me with a dissertation on why he’s ready for underwear before I put any effort into potty training this time.)

I know that I recently blogged about him not speaking as much as our others did at this age, so I want to clarify that he’s not walking around with a paci or bottle in his mouth ALL the time. We’ve worked to restrict these things because of his speech.

But also:
My 10 year old needs to really grasp what’s going on with his math lessons, and my 7 year old needs to get over her fear of imperfection and read aloud to me more, and my 5 year old needs many lessons about how he can get into serious danger if he wanders off and doesn’t tell us where he’s going.

 

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All of my kids need to learn about empathy, inclusivity, racism, sexism and history. They all need us to model healthy emotional coping skills, and they need to learn from us what porn is and why they actually can’t chat with people they don’t know online, even when they think they are “just kids” playing video games.

They need our help navigating friendships and hurt feelings. They need to know we will love them no matter who they love. They need to know why alcohol and drugs could hurt them or kill them, and they need to know that mental illness and suicide run in their family, and that they can always come to us with whatever struggles they have.

 

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I could look for fucks to give about the bottles, bedtimes, pacifiers, and other toddler challenges, but I’m too busy trying to deal with issues that make sleep training and weaning look as insignificant as teaching a puppy to balance a treat on their nose. Sure, if I had the time, that would be fun. Not much is going to come from worrying about it, though.

Bigger kids, bigger problems indeed.

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Finally! Jeans For My Jean-Averse Kids!
ReviewsSchool Age Days

Finally! Jeans For My Jean-Averse Kids!

by Jill
written by Jill

Abercrombie has a rad kids line that has earned a coveted spot in our children’s limited wardrobe this year. Not because this post is sponsored by Abercrombie Kids, or because I want to relive my youth, but because these jeans are the first jeans ever that both Kendall and Leyna will put on without complaining that they “hurt” or are “too tight” or “too buttoned” or “not stretchy enough.” 

Are anyone else’s kids as averse to wearing jeans as mine are? I swear, it’s like asking them to wear a tuxedo some days. 

Kendall, 10, has always- ALWAYS- worn sizes way bigger than his age, and being born into the era of the skinny jean has not made finding jeans for him easy.  I think I tried to squeeze him into skinny jeans as a toddler and I laughed and laughed and promised to never do that again. Bless his thick thighs. 

Luckily, Abercrombie Kids has a wide variety of styles of jeans for boys, from super skinny to denim joggers. Kendall found a perfect fit with their roomy yet tailored bootcut style. They are soft and stretch with him. They are great for sitting down or running/jumping around. 

Leyna is the other one in the family who fights wearing jeans and has for as long as she could talk. The Abercrombie Kids pull-on jean leggings seemed to have tricked her! No zippers must mean they aren’t actually jeans, right?

Plus, what 7 year old girl can resist pants that look like this?

This style is a little long on her, but the hem is such that it would be easy to take them in to be tailored. We opted to simply cuff them, though, knowing that she probably has a growth spurt coming soon when she will get super long leggy again, giving this pair plenty of life and likely enough to get us through 2 seasons of wear.

Lowell has no opinion about things like clothes for now, but it’s key for us to dress him in clothing that stands up to dirt and activity because he is constantly busy outside, digging and running, and now riding his bike. 

The Abercrombie Kids classic fit jeans are well suited for his activity levels and his body type. They are a touch long on him because he’s between sizes and I sized up. He’s due for a growth spurt, too. Luckily, the elastic tabs inside the jeans let us get a perfect fit in his waist. 

I also took this opportunity to refresh their cold weather wear by getting them each a new jacket/hoodie. The simple ombre style on Lowell will wash well. Fun fact! It’s part of the Abercrombie Kids Everybody Collection– their gender neutral line.

Kendall’s camo jacket is a big upgrade in style for him, and he’s really starting to care about “looking cool.” (Or maybe not “cool” but whatever the word for that the kids say these days.)

And Leyna is SUPER into this  soft, pink, golden glittery, sherpa-lined hoodie. She put together her whole outfit around it. She felt this (crazy soft) unicorn shirt completed the look. I love her style!

I love that this post gave me the opportunity to get these kids into jeans! Seriously, I’m giddy. And I’m also going to sign up for the A&F Club (and get $20 off my next $50+ purchase) because we WILL be back for more jeans and super soft shirts. (They are SO SOFT, you guys, but also wash REALLY well. I know because we’ve washed them at least 4 times already. No joke.) Check out all Abercrombie Kids sales HERE.

Thanks to Abercrombie Kids for sponsoring this and giving me the best excuse to get pictures of our kids at our alma matter- MIZZOU! Scott and I both went to college there and it was so fun capturing a morning with them exploring the quad, the columns, and Jesse Hall. Such a surreal experience. I used to walk (actually probably run because I was always late) through this walkway everyday on my way to classes at the journalism school, but I never looked this good.

Now through August 28, 2018, you can get kids jeans BOGO 50% off and tees 2 for $15! 

Did you fall in love with any of the pieces the kids are wearing? Shop the links!
Kendall: Camo Shirt Jacket | black Sporty Tee | bootcut jeans
Leyna: sherpa-lined hoodie | Unicorn graphic tee |  Doodle pull-on jean leggings
Lowell: Icon Full-Zip Hoodie | dark green Sporty Tee | straight jeans

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If Your Kid Loves Dump Trucks & Garbage Trucks, They’ll Love These
Baby Rabies FavesReviewsSchool Age DaysToddlers

If Your Kid Loves Dump Trucks & Garbage Trucks, They’ll Love These

by Jill
written by Jill

Lowell, my 5 year old, has been obsessed with wheels since he could sit up. He was pushing trucks before he could crawl.

OMG it’s now been 45 minutes since I started writing this post because I just fell down a rabbit hole looking at widdle LoLo pictures! 

He quickly gravitated to construction and digging and building and trash-hauling toys, and has been playing with them for a solid 4 years and still going. I feel I’m an expert at having a construction and garbage truck obsessed kiddo now, so I’ve got some opinions to share with those of you with a child in your life into these things. They’re going to love all of this!

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TOYS

The metal Tonka dump truck will last forever and live up to anything they can throw in it or at it. We have two- the Tonka Classic Steel Mighty Dump Truck is a bit smaller (though still pretty big), but kept Lowell occupied for years. He actually picked it out for his first birthday!

We only recently added the Tonka Toughest Mighty Dump Truck when his grandpa found an old one in a barn, cleaned it up and gave it to him. It’s seen some use and it’s STILL going strong. I’d spend the money on a new one if this one disappeared.

We’ve had some luck with some of the other Tonka Classic Steel toys, but many of them are mostly plastic, and with such high price points, it’s disappointing when those plastic pieces break.

But plastic toys have their place, and we have bought THIS SET of Caterpillar Mini Machines probably 5 times in 3 years. Not because they break easily (they are pretty tough), but because he hoards them. He requests these often when he’s allowed to pick a reward from the toy aisle. They are his water toys and dirt toys. He packs them  in his backpack for overnights at NaNa’s,  and I used to have to stop him from sneaking them to Mother’s Day Out.  You can buy them on Amazon for less than $13, but we also regularly picked them up at Target for closer to $10.

SHOWS

We are all SO EXCITED for TOMORROW’S  (August 14th, 2018) launch of season 3 of The Stinky & Dirty Show on Amazon Prime Video! It’s a show about a garbage truck (Stinky) and a backhoe (Dirty) and their adventures that come from asking “What if?” We came for the adorable animation and stayed for the awesome message about success and growth from failure.

Fun fact: Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift Of Failure: How The Best Parents Learn To Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed (it’s SO good, read this if you haven’t yet), consults for the show.

I strongly feel that giving our kids permission to fail and even celebrating their failures is so important, so I love that this show is not just Lowell’s favorite, but one that even the big kids will watch.

We now call all these construction and digging and trash-hauling things MIGHTY MACHINES because of the show that used to be on Netflix. (It looks like it’s not on there anymore, which is such a shame! It was our best babysitter for almost a year.) The concept of the show is they follow around these mighty machines doing what they normally do- picking up trash, digging ditches, planting fields, etc. And all of the machines have voices. The narration is pretty cheesy sometimes, but it’s cute and definitely educational.

If you’d still like to watch full episodes online, you can find some on YouTube. I recommend the YouTube Kids interface for safe(er) YouTube watching for kids, but I also think YouTube Kids needs adult supervision.

You can see more of Lowell’s construction-themed 4th birthday party, complete with lots of simple and quick DIYs here.

We wound up buying a Mighty Machines DVD for Lowell’s birthday last year, and it’s one of his favorite shows to zone out to when he needs some chill-out time.

BOOKS

When we moved into our RV for our year-long American road trip, we had to scale way back on books, but we were able to pack all of our very favorites. Every one of these made the cut.

Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site


And Where Do Diggers Sleep At Night are two popular bedtime books in our family.

If you have toddlers, I highly recommend getting the board book version of each so they can “help” turn the pages.

We have been Anna Dewdney fans since our oldest was a baby when we fell in love with her Llama Llama book series. Sadly, Dewdney passed away in 2016 from brain cancer, but her book Little Excavator was already in production and was released in 2017.

Just like her Llama Llama books, it’s a fun and catchy book to read, and the message is all about how being small doesn’t have to mean you can’t do special things.

This isn’t a comprehensive list of all the machine toys and books and shows Lowell has loved and still plays with, but these are some solid favorites. I hope I get to come back and add one more thing to this list soon- DIGGERLAND! We have plans to hit it up in 2-3 months when we make our way over to New Jersey.

Have you been to Diggerland? Any tips? Also, chime in with what YOUR machine-loving kiddo loves! I’m always on the lookout for new bribes  rewards.

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How To Talk To Your Preschooler About Sexual Health
ParenthoodSchool Age Days

How To Talk To Your Preschooler About Sexual Health

by Jill
written by Jill

Sex Ed. for your preschooler? YUP. That’s a thing!

Did that just make you uncomfortable. That’s ok. I think that’s normal. The thought of talking about sexual health with my kids makes me uncomfortable, too.

I’ve been spending time on Amaze.org recently, learning about how to approach the subject with my older children since they have a wealth of info and videos helping parents of 10 to 14 year olds tackle this sometimes tricky topic. So when they told me they have a 10 new videos aimed at helping parents of 4 to 9 year olds and they wanted to work with me on this sponsored post to spread the word, I excitedly said YES!

The video series, called the Parent Playlist, is 10 short videos (less than 5 minutes each).  The goal is to help parents of children ages 4-9 engage in open, honest conversations about sexual health in engaging and age appropriate ways. They really want parents to be THE primary sexual educators for their kids.

Here’s one of their Parent Playlist videos about talking to young children about where babies come from:

I love how Amaze takes the weirdness out of these topics by coming at them from a very factual and science based approach, but also acknowledges that many of us probably feel awkward talking about this, and explores why we feel that way and how we can reframe that.

I chatted a bit more about it on IGTV today!

The Parent Playlist is written with the help of sexual health expert and author Deborah Roffman, and there are great resources beyond the videos when you want to dig deeper on a topic, like these conversation starters…

Amaze.org is a great, free resource for parents of kids ages 4-14. Personally, I am so thankful for them and the way they are empowering me as a parent to make these important conversations easy and effective.

Amaze.org sponsored this post and my IGTV video.

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