Postpartum Anxiety & Depression

My Tips For Preparing For Your 4th Trimester
Postpartum Anxiety & DepressionPregnancy

My Tips For Preparing For Your 4th Trimester

by Jill
written by Jill

There was a brilliant piece on Bust circulating earlier this year about why you should skip a baby shower and have a 6 week long Postpartum Party instead. It was mostly popular with my mom friends who had been there, birthed that, and knew how very real this advice was. The postpartum period- also referred to as the 4th trimester- can be REALLY hard, but moms are expected to “bounce back,” host visitors, and be so happy all the time because their baby is such a special gift and they are hashtag blessed.

Photo credit Kelly White Photography

Some things about having a baby got easier for me the more I did it, but the 4th trimester was never one of those. In fact, it only got harder. My last recovery period was so brutal that I wrote I wished someone would please take my ovaries out and EAT THEM so I would never experience that again.  You can read about that here.

I am really glad that by the 4th time around I realized I needed to stand my ground and put up some boundaries when it came to guests, and that I thought ahead to plan out what I’d need in the house to keep me comfortable and occupied. It didn’t shorten the time it took me to get through all of that, but it certainly helped me feel in more control.

Here are some things I recommend you do to prepare for your 4th trimester:

1. Make a postpartum mental health plan
I wrote about this for Today earlier this year, and I have an entire chapter of my book dedicated to it. Become familiar with the signs and symptoms of perinatal mood disorders, and share them with your partner and support people. Be sure they are watching out for them, too. Discuss with your medical provider before you have your baby about what you should do and who you should call if you begin to notice any symptoms.

By the time I had my 3rd and 4th babies, I had prescriptions already written for me that I could go fill because we knew to expect my postpartum anxiety to return.

2. Come up with a plan for visitors
If you have a lot of friends and family that live nearby, you’re probably going to have a lot of people who want to come over as soon as possible to hold your baby. I’m not saying to tell them no, but keep some things in mind:

  • You need to keep your newborn baby healthy. If it’s cold and flu season, you gotta be super strict about who’s coming around with the sniffles.
  • A happy visit can suddenly exhaust you, and you need to feel comfortable telling visitors you need to go rest.
  • Too much time passing baby around and keeping you separated can interfere with your baby sending your body cues to make milk if you’re trying to establish a good breastfeeding routine. At minimum, too much between feedings can make you engorged and uncomfortable.

If you’re going to have visitors over, I highly recommend having some kind of word or phrase you can mention to your partner that will signal to them that they need to come up with a reason to get everyone to leave. This shouldn’t have to be on you. If you discover that you just passed a clot that warrants calling your doctor about, or if you are just suddenly really overwhelmed, you shouldn’t have to tell that to everyone in the room if you don’t want to.

 

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Finally a sweet snugly #WallaceAustin pic with @kelly_skelly She’s been so busy cleaning and cooking and holy shit I owe her so big.

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Some guests may even want to come from out of town and stay at your house. No matter what anyone says, no matter how helpful they promise they will be, here’s what I suggest is your test for if someone can stay overnight with you those first few weeks: Are you required to be fully dressed in front of them? Are you okay with them seeing your nipples hanging out? If you blow up at your partner and scream-cry at them because you’re so overwhelmed and exhausted, would that be awkward for them to witness? There are exactly two people in my life who pass this test- my mom and my sister. Those are the two people who get to come stay the night with us in the weeks after I have a baby.

3. Stock your nest
While you’re filling your home with bottles and diapers and anything else for life post baby, don’t forget to think of yourself! Be sure to stock up on the following:

4. Plan ways to entertain yourself
Fact: Your baby will be the most beautiful baby ever created. Also fact: You will eventually tire looking at them while they sleep/eat. Make a list of podcasts and shows you want to binge and audiobooks you want to listen to. Consider asking for gift cards to your nearest movie theater when people ask if they can get you anything. Once you get the hang of feeding your baby and figure out their nap schedule, you very well could sneak in lots of new releases while your newborn naps and nurses or bottle-feeds through them. (Of course, sit near an exit so you can step out if they start crying.)


5. Stock up on transition clothes
Promise me you won’t let yourself believe you’ll be back into your pre-pregnancy clothes anytime soon. If that happens, great, but it’s not that norm and you should plan for it to take a while. Hopefully some of your maternity clothes will serve you well as you shrink back down. Here are a few more items to see if you can buy or borrow from friends:

  • Inexpensive sports bras make great sleep-bras and nursing bras while your breasts are still engorged and leveling out. I like the V-neck ones. They wouldn’t support me in any kind of athletic activity, but they are great for nursing.
  • Black yoga pants or leggings are so multipurpose. You could get some really cheap ones sizes bigger than you usually wear, or you could invest in some awesome postpartum leggings, like these from BLANQI, that will stretch and shrink down with you, taking you all the way through that postpartum period and beyond.
  • Kimonos and cardigans are awesome to have on hand. You can easily throw them on over a clean nursing tank or regular tank top, pair them with your leggings, and you’re ready to look presentable!

6. Set realistic expectations
I’m not saying that everyone’s postpartum recovery experience is awful and hard, and I’m not trying to be alarmist about this. I just think it’s better to go into it with realistic expectations than to experience these real and valid feelings of being overwhelmed and exhausted and like you have no idea what you’re doing, and then wondering if something’s wrong with you.

Photo Credit Kelly White Photography

Yes, your baby is amazing, and yes, you are so blessed and lucky. But also, it might not feel magical, and that’s okay.  It doesn’t have to be. Feeling like the 4th trimester is in some ways worse than any other part of pregnancy doesn’t make you a bad mom. Hopefully you can spend a little time before you have the baby, communicating with your partner and support team, laying out clear expectations, and then prepare to take good care of yourself in those weeks and months after baby is here.

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Photos Are A Life Treasure
Postpartum Anxiety & Depression

I Thought I Was Dying, But I Had Postpartum Anxiety

by Jill
written by Jill

The Postpartum Support International help line phone number is 1-800-944-4733. Keep reading for more resources you can bookmark or share with friends and family.

If you’ve been reading this blog over the last 7 years, you’ve likely heard me at least mention my struggles with postpartum anxiety and OCD at some point. I’ve tried to be open about it for nearly as long as I’ve recognized it in myself.

I first wrote about it back in 2011.

I feel a sense of obligation to talk about this because I may have never sought treatment had it not been for the women who came before me and shared their own stories.

The Ultimate Baby Rabies Book Launch Giveaway

I never realized postpartum ANXIETY or OCD were real diagnosis. I didn’t ever feel “depressed” so it never occurred to me the anger and the worry and the obsessive fear I felt had anything to do with my mental health. I assumed that I was just a BAD MOTHER. How awful, right?

So you can imagine my relief when I read this and recognized, finally, that what I was feeling was actually something that could be treated. I wasn’t a bad mom, I was sick. PLEASE BOOKMARK THIS and share it and refer back to it!

THE SYMPTOMS OF POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION & ANXIETY (IN PLAIN MAMA ENGLISH)

I white knuckled my way through it with my first baby, and I regret that, but I didn’t even know something was wrong with me then. I finally got help when my 2nd baby was 9 months old. I had plans in place after the birth of my 3rd and 4th baby- prescriptions on hand and ready to fill.

It never got easier to get through it, but it did get easier to fill those prescriptions.

If you recognize any of these symptoms in yourself or someone you care about, please reach out to a medical care provider- your family physician, your OB, or even ask your pediatrician for a recommendations if you need one.

PLEASE NOTE that PPD/PPA does not always hit those first few weeks. Mine never hit until my babies were between 4-6 months old, long after I “aced” that 6 week postpartum screening.

Postpartum Resources:

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My Biggest Parenting Mistake Ever
Baby Rabies on YouTubeParenthoodPostpartum Anxiety & DepressionVideos

My Biggest Parenting Mistake Ever

by Jill
written by Jill

Today is the day I re-launch the Baby Rabies Blog YouTube channel! Note: it’s not the “Baby Rabies” channel because someone else has that one, so if you search for it, be sure to search for Baby Rabies BLOG. Also, when I say “re-launch” I think that’s a little generous. I never really had much of a steady  YouTube channel before. It was more like a library where I stored videos that I intended to mostly promote on Facebook, but now that I’ve been doing YouTube for over 9 months for Happy Loud Life, I feel like I can handle a for-real YT channel for Baby Rabies, too.

Related: Your Baby Registry Doesn’t Have To Be So Stressful

I hesitated to start off with this video in particular because it makes me feel really vulnerable. My mind immediately jumped to all the awful things people would say about me in the comments, and I wanted to push it off and kick things off with something more… fluffy. But, the best moments with Baby Rabies readers have always come from raw and vulnerable moments when I’ve said what I needed to say, knowing some people would judge me for it, and doing my best to focus on the positive connections of shared experiences with readers who need to hear their own experiences mirrored in what I’m saying, or who genuinely learn from what I’ve shared.

So let’s talk mistakes.  What’s your biggest parenting mistake so far?

I think it’s important we talk about these things! Not to feel ashamed. And not to get into that weird thing where people try to one-up each other with how, no really, they are the worst parent.  Do you know what I speak of? Such a bizarre spiral some conversations get into.

But to just be honest with each other, and to talk about what we’ve learned from our mistakes.

I’ll go first. My biggest parenting mistake ever… so far, like 10 years into this, is over-parenting and over-disciplining my first child.

Oh how I miss that baby face!

When I say I over-disciplined, I don’t want you to think I mean, like, I abused him. What I mean is I didn’t give him space to learn the natural consequences of his bad behavior, and I treated all levels of “bad” behavior with the same seriousness.

I am certain that I experienced postpartum anxiety and OCD to a degree after he was born (something I’ve had after the birth of each of my 4 babies, but was first diagnosed with after my 2nd baby was 9 months old). The way my anxiety played out a lot of times was my paranoia about my toddler/young child misbehaving in public and other people’s perception of that.

In the video, I give the example of taking him out to eat, and then spending the whole time at dinner shushing him, correcting him, and generally feeling very tense and on edge. I would even shush his happy noises. And here’s the thing, I’m certain there will be people who read this and maybe comment or at least say to others, “Well you SHOULD do that when you take a toddler to a restaurant!” And those were the voices I was very, very concerned about when my son was younger. Not just in the restaurant, but in the grocery store, at the playground, literally everywhere.

Should children be obnoxious and screaming in public? In theory, no. We, as parents, have an obligation to teach them how to behave in public, for sure. I’m not excusing that. But by giving so much weight to those voices and those perceived judgements IN THAT MOMENT, we lost sight of the long-term lesson. My son came to expect that I would always be at level 10, stressed out, and correcting his every move. Always.

So now, when I do need to convey the seriousness of a situation, I feel that I have to escalate things even higher. And that’s something he and I are both working on. I need him to HEAR me without me having to yell at him. And I also want him to experience a mom who is relaxed and happy when we are out. That was a rare thing for him when he was younger.

Instead of over-correcting him and over-disciplining him, I wish I would have let the small things slide more, and not let my fear of other’s perception of me as a mother cloud my rationality when he did act up.

On the over-parenting front, I wish I would have let him be bored more! Y’all know I say that all the time now to parents of babies. Let them be bored! I remember feeling actual guilt over reading a magazine while he was crawling around the living room.

I think some of this came from being a fresh stay-at-home-mom, and feeling like he was my JOB. So I filled his days with Gymboree (which, admittedly, was more for me anyway) and playdates, and story time, and walks, and the playground. I loved playing with my little boy so much. I don’t regret that, but I do wish I felt more comfortable back then letting him explore on his own. I wish I hadn’t felt pressured to manufacture magic for him.

Over-parenting- that’s my biggest mistake… so far. I would love to hear what you think yours is if you feel comfortable sharing, Feel free to either comment on this blog post, or head to the YouTube video and comment there.

And I would LOVE if you’d hit the “Subscribe” button while you’re there! I’m aiming for videos on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Let me know what you’d like to see me talk about or review of show off!

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If You’re A Birth Story Junkie, You’re Going To Be Obsessed With This
BabiesBirth StoriesPostpartum Anxiety & DepressionPregnancy

If You’re A Birth Story Junkie, You’re Going To Be Obsessed With This

by Jill
written by Jill

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I couldn’t get enough birth stories. I stayed up all night, sitting in front of my computer, scrolling message boards and blogs and reading any and all birth stories I could find.

A lot has changed since those old timey days. We have smart phones for staying up late, scrolling the internet. And podcasts aplenty, so we can pour the wonder of collective online voices straight into our ears. The future is now. I like it.

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It’s Not A Big Deal, But That Makes It A Pretty Big Deal
BabiesPostpartum Anxiety & Depression

It’s Not A Big Deal, But That Makes It A Pretty Big Deal

by Jill
written by Jill

I just filled my prescription for Lexapro again for postpartum anxiety and OCD. It doesn’t really feel like a big deal, but I know that THAT makes it a pretty big deal.

The first time I drove home from the pharmacy with medication to treat my extreme irritability, anger, obsessive and intrusive thoughts, racing heart, and feeling of impending doom, I felt shame and sadness. I felt defeated. I vowed to stop taking it as soon as possible. I told myself as soon as I could exercise again, and as soon as I was eating and sleeping again I would be able to wean off of it.

This time, the 3rd time I’ve made that drive, I simply thought, “Okay, I’ll put this next to my toothbrush so I remember to take it tonight before bed.” And since I know that taking action helps ease my anxiety, I woke up today feeling GREAT because I knew my prescription would be ready to pick up, and I was taking some damn action and was going to fix. that. shit.

If you’re not familiar with my story, here is a very brief summary: I’m certain I had this after my first was born, but I never knew it was a thing, and since I never felt depressed or cried much or wanted to hurt myself or my baby I never got help. After my 2nd baby, I finally got help when she was 9 months old when I was in a really bad place and was lucky enough to finally learn that postpartum ANXIETY is a thing. I knew to expect it again after I had my 3rd, and was back on meds when he was about 6 months old.

So, of course, I knew to expect it this time, too, and I’ve been really paying attention to my mind and body. It seems it always sets in between 4 and 5 months postpartum, and that’s exactly what happened again. The last couple weeks have been more than my typical anxiety over stress and deadlines and having 4 kids, and some other big life changes we have planned. The intrusive thoughts and the obsessively worrying about things I KNOW are not true and not likely to happen have been my biggest warning signs, and honestly the things I just want to go away the most.

I spoke at the University of Texas, Austin’s Maternal Mental Health and Wellness Conference last weekend, and one of the questions I got was if I’d tried other ways to treat my anxiety before going on meds. I can confidently say I have. After having Wallace, I made a big effort to do all the things some well-meaning people say you should do to try to keep perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, like postpartum depression and anxiety, from setting in.

I’ve been going to Barre3 classes just as frequently as possible since my 6-week checkup. I’ve been making it a point to feed myself real, healthy food. We’ve been getting boxes of Hello Fresh delivered weekly so I didn’t have to stress about menu planning and grocery shopping. I’ve been drinking a lot of water. We’ve had a housekeeper coming semi-regularly. Scott has been a rockstar, as usual, and picks up, does the dishes and the laundry while I’ve been nursing Wallace and getting him to sleep. We’ve prioritized my sleep, and I rarely get less than 7 hours a night. I have an incredible support system.

And yet, my PPA/OCD does not GAF.

My baby is 4 months old, and this is just what my brain does when my babies are 4 months old. That may seem frustrating, but it’s also, oddly, comforting. There’s nothing I can do. It just happens. And I’ll just take the meds because I know they work. No big deal- not anymore.

I didn’t plan for this to coincide with the first day of Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week because this is not a kind of thing you plan for, but indeed, it is. If you’re wondering if you’re struggling with a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, this is a great list to reference, and the one that changed my life for the better.

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Share This Video With All The Moms In Your Life Because They Just Might Need To See It – Postpartum Progress PSA
ParenthoodPostpartum Anxiety & DepressionVideos

Share This Video With All The Moms In Your Life Because They Just Might Need To See It – Postpartum Progress PSA

by Jill
written by Jill

I saw some pictures come up in my Timehop app last week, and I caught my breath.

There was a photo of the Pantages theater in Los Angeles. I was there for a media event, and I spent the entire symphony trying to convince myself nobody was going to push me over the edge of the balcony from 6 rows back.

Then a photo of me holding my then 10 month old daughter. I had a bruise on the front of my leg from rubbing an imaginary “tumor” over and over, convinced I would need my leg amputated, and that I’d probably die and never see her go to kindergarten.

She started kindergarten this year, and I was there.

Share This Video With All The Moms In Your Life | BabyRabies.com

5 years.

5 years ago I was sinking, drowning, felt like I was dying. Literally. I was rock bottom in the pit of postpartum anxiety. And I had no idea that I would ever be able to sit here today, and look at that from a distance. I had no idea what it would feel like to say that was something that happened to me, not who I was, who I am. I didn’t think I’d ever feel any differently.

Then I read The Symptoms of Postpartum Depression & Anxiety in Plain Mama English from PostpartumProgress.com, and to say my life was changed would not even begin to cover it. I was not a bad mother, I was not dying. I was sick, and I could get better.

AND I DID.

(And then I got sick again, and then better again. Click here if you want to read through my journey with postpartum anxiety.)

I will forever be indebted to Postpartum Progress for helping me get out of that incredibly dark place, I’ve been dedicated to helping them share their mission with mothers ever since.

So, for the 2nd year, I am honored to team up with Cotton Babies, a sponsor of the Postpartum Progress Warrior Mom Conference and supporter of all moms, to create a video PSA that we all hope will get seen by countless people all over the world who need to know that there is help for all moms who feel this way.

See last year’s video here.

I wanted the tone for this year’s video to be uplifting and full of hope. 1 in 7 mothers (at the very least) will deal with a perinatal mood & anxiety disorder, like postpartum depression, anxiety, ocd, and psychosis. Our goal is for every single one of those mothers to know that she can get better, she can rise up, and that this does NOT stop her from being a good mother. There are so many of us who have made it through to the other side, and we’re here to throw you a lifesaver.

We are more than the news stories. We are changing lives- our own, and mothers and children around us. We will not be quiet. We will keep shouting about this until all mothers and people who love mothers know that Postpartum Progress is here to help, and to smash the stigma and the shame.

On to the video! I hope you’ll consider sharing this with anyone and everyone you know.

I’ve seen first-hand how few major voices are willing to speak out on our behalf. And by that, I mean brands, pharmaceutical companies, corporations. There are SO MANY people who will NOT touch this cause with a 10 foot pole. I have been behind the scenes, pitching them to sponsor Climb Out Of The Darkness and the Warrior Mom Conference. Many will say they choose to focus their resources on causes that “help children.”

You want to “help children”? There is nothing more important than supporting their mothers. 

Share This Video With All The Moms In Your Life | BabyRabies.com

So it is incredibly moving to me when a brand that I have long loved and used and aligned with steps up and makes a PROUD stance supporting Postpartum Progress and all mothers. I can not thank Cotton Babies enough for their part in all of this. I hope you’ll consider supporting them, too.

Finally, a special thanks to this year’s Warrior Moms who participated in the video.

Share This Video With All The Moms In Your Life | BabyRabies.com

Jessica is a home schooling mother and dedicates herself to being the best she can be for her 3 children.

Share This Video With All The Moms In Your Life | BabyRabies.com

Heather is a mother of 2 who also runs a postpartum support group and leads a Climb Out Of The Darkness climb in her city. 

Share This Video With All The Moms In Your Life | BabyRabies.com

Graeme is a Postpartum Progress Warrior Mom Ambassador and blogs at The Postpartum Mama.  (Photo by Maria White & Matthew Mebane)

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Talk About Postpartum Anxiety, Then Talk Some More
Postpartum Anxiety & Depression

Talk About Postpartum Anxiety, Then Talk Some More

by Jill
written by Jill

“Ugh. She’s blogging about that again?!”

I don’t know, sometimes I worry that this is the reaction I’ll get when I write about postpartum and perinatal anxiety on here. I worry for a second, and then I remember how many women have reached out to me since 2011 to say that they had no idea they were dealing with this until they read what I wrote. I would say, on average, at least one a week- some weeks are much more than that.

So yeah, I’m writing about it again.

Mostly, I’m writing to tell you to read this Huffington Post piece I was interviewed for- “Postpartum Anxiety Might Be Even More Common Than PPD.” But also, I want to add a little more to what you’ll read in that article.

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  1. I’m currently NOT being treated for anxiety, though I started my pregnancy on Lexapro. I wound up weaning off of it about a month in because I worried it was causing me to feel depressed. I’ve been doing pretty well without it so far, but I do have a prescription filled and ready to go if I feel like I need it. Clarifying this because at the beginning of my pregnancy a few of you asked if I was still on medication and I said yes because I was at the time.
  2. If you recognize this in yourself, put a call into your OB/midwife or a family doctor. This is also a great list of support groups from Postpartum Progress. PP is also a tremendous resource. Follow them, read them, they even have a private forum you can join.
  3. Talk about it. Talk with your friends about it. The thing about this information is it’s here on the internet. It’s on blogs and on Facebook. If the internet isn’t a place you immerse yourself frequently, if your mom and and your aunts are who you’re counting on for mothering advice (and there’s nothing wrong with that), you’re likely not going to know about it. Make this a topic of conversation at moms groups, and with childhood friends over coffee. Talk, don’t just share on social media.

 

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Postpartum Anxiety Will Happen Again, And I’m Going To Be Fine
BabiesCharitableParenthoodPostpartum Anxiety & DepressionPregnancy

Postpartum Anxiety Will Happen Again, And I’m Going To Be Fine

by Jill
written by Jill

“Aren’t you scared it will happen again?”

That’s a question a few have asked since announcing my 4th pregnancy. I’m not offended by it. I’m open about dealing with postpartum anxiety and OCD. This is a part of my life, and many people know that.

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I pretty much know it will come back because it always does. I think it was there after my first, and I was able to manage it without a diagnosis because… I guess I just white knuckled my way through it with only one child to take care of.

I know it was the worst it’s ever been after my second. And then? I found Postpartum Progress, and I recognized the symptoms in me, and realized this had less to do with my ability to mother and more to do with needing help.

After my 3rd, it came back, and I knew it. I saw it. I looked it in the face, told it to fuck off, and called my doctor. I was on Lexapro within a day.

And this time, I’m just as prepared all because I KNOW what it looks like, I know where to go, I know I have support.

I’m not scared because I’m empowered. I’m empowered because of Postpartum Progress.

So here I am, for the third year, asking you to help me support this organization that does more than anyone to empower and educate people about maternal mental health, and then moves those people to take action.

ClimboutofDarknessHeader

It’s time for the 3rd annual Climb Out Of The Darkness fundraiser, and while I’ll be climbing from the elliptical at my local gym, it’s not too late for any of you to find a team near you or start your own!

If you can’t participate in that way, I would love for you to consider donating to my COTD page. My goal is $500, and this year I’ve teamed up with the lovely Samantha Auburn of Auburn Jewelry to give one custom sterling silver pendant to one donor, to be drawn at random on Jun 30th.

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I’ll leave you with this video I created for Postpartum Progress last year, with the help of their 2015 & 2016 Warrior Moms Conference sponsor Cotton Babies.

Postpartum Progress is saving lives. Please help us reach more people by supporting the Climb today! You can read more about Climb Out Of The Darkness here.

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