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On The 10th Day of Christmas My True Loves Gave To Me The Flu

by Jill
written by Jill

Kendall didn’t feel well all last weekend. I chalked it up to another cold, and even sent him to school on Tuesday because he seemed to have moved past the worst of it, with just a nagging cough lingering. And because on Tuesday I really needed for him to be at school because I was becoming miserable.

By Wednesday, I was so miserable I couldn’t even muster the energy to take the kids to school. But I did manage to get us all to the walk-in family clinic that day, where I tested positive for Flu A.

“OMG, what is Flu A?!” I asked, expecting the doctor to be like, “Oh, it’s the kind of monkey flu they had in Outbreak. Sorry, this is actually the end of the world for you.”

But instead he was just like, “Oh, it’s just a strain of the regular flu. You’ll have it for about 5 days.”

I don’t think I’ve ever actually had THE flu. At least not using this experience as the baseline. Or maybe it’s so much worse because I’m 9 weeks pregnant.

And so I’m trying to keep myself hydrated and maintaining some sort of caloric intake, but the whole time my fetus is like, “Ewww! Chicken soup is gross! You need KFC MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY RIGHT THIS MOMENT.”

And then 10 minutes after I eat the potatoes it’s like, “Why did you listen to me about the potatoes? My God. They were so gross! Who actually eats food from KFC? As. If.”

All the while I’m coughing up a lung and my entire body aches.

Oh, and then there was this. Because the only grown up thermometer stopped working, and I wasn’t going to use the other kind of kid thermometer.

Turns out the kids probably had/have it, too, but theirs is much milder because they got the flu shot this year. Something I didn’t really make a priority for myself because I’ve never had one, and then once I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t want to get one while pregnant.

So, all of this is to say sorry for my absence lately. The Inappropriate Elf contest has been put on hold until after Christmas. I am starting to feel a bit better today, but since I haven’t been able to function all week, we are mega behind in our prep for the big day, and I hope to be enjoying family time this whole weekend.

I hope you all have a happy, safe holiday. I’ll see you back here next week.

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Inappropriate Elf Voting And Stuff

by Jill
written by Jill

Voting is in full swing for the Inappropriate Elf entries, and I’ve had quite a few emails and comments with questions. So here’s the breakdown.

1. You can still enter until I close entries at midnight CST, December 18th.

2. You don’t have to ask people to vote for you. The top 10 will include the top 3 voted for and 7 chosen by me and HaHas for HooHas. 

3. Technically, the system does allow for more than one vote. And I’m okay with people voting for more than one elf, or voting for themselves once a day. That said, the developer is keeping an eye on IP addresses, and any suspicious activity, like multiple votes for the same elf on the same day from the same IP, will be flagged, and that entry is at risk of disqualification.

Simply put, play fair. Santa is watching you.

(Go here to see entries and vote!)

Now that that’s out of the way, let me remind you we are selling Inappropriate Elf cards and mugs with all proceeds going to a Hurricane Sandy relief 501 c3 charity!

And finally, here’s Inappropriate Elf’s TV debut on Texas Living last week!

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Even Inappropriate Elves Can Help People

by Jill
written by Jill

The ladies from HaHas for HooHas are really… special. I love them for their humor and talent (and Jen’s mad dance skillz), and am so happy they are helping me pick the top 10 Inappropriate Elves this year because I do NOT want that job all to myself.

They’ve also come up with a couple other ways to celebrate Inappropriate Elf season, starting with these cards and mugs in their Zazzle store that will help those affected by Hurricane Sandy

All the proceeds from the sales of these hilarious cards and mugs (perfect for that special sarcastic someone in your life), will go to a Hurricane Sandy Relief 501 c3 charity.

Buy a mug!
Buy a card!

Tell your friends! Especially the ones who are oh so creeped out by the idea of an Elf that watches and reports on your behavior.

And the HaHas for HooHas girls came through big time on an Inappropriate Elf video trailer. It’s hilarious. My favorite part is the happy ending.

Behold!

Don’t forget, you can enter your very own Inappropriate Elf until December 18th, but voting will start on December 7th. You can read all the rules and details here.

Here are the prizes that are up for grabs!

Click through to see even more Inappropriate Elves!

While we’re on the subject of charitable giving (?) I wanted to plug my friend Gina’s fundraiser. She’s trying to help low-income, urban families get baby carriers from Onya Baby to make life with a baby and public transportation a little easier. I think it’s a fantastic cause. 

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2nd Annual Inappropriate Elf Contest #InappropriateElf

by Jill
written by Jill

It’s the moment some of us have been waiting for since we put away that sly little elf last year. Visions of inappropriate elf scenarios have been dancing through many of your heads for weeks or months.

Oh sure, these elves may help us persuade the children to behave between now and Christmas, but I’d argue they’re more effective at providing the grownups some much-needed comic relief between bedtime and breakfast throughout this chaotic season.

It seems our elf – Jake- has been watching a bit too much cable TV since last Christmas. He got into lots of TV-inspired mischief at our house recently.

Honey Boo Boo Elf greets the kids with a breakfast of Sketti and Go Go juice.

Spring Break Elf breaks into your liquor cabinet and does body shots off Barbie.

She Didn’t Know She Was Pregnant Elf presents you with a great opportunity to talk to the kids about unplanned pregnancy when she pushes out a baby in your bathroom.

Gangnam Style Elf will teach your kids to… be awesome… and call everyone “sexy.”

 What began as 5 Highly Inappropriate and Traumatizing Elf On The Shelf Ideas in 2011, has morphed into the hilarity that is the Annual Inappropriate Elf Contest, and now it’s your turn to play!

I can’t wait to see all the elves you’re going to link up below between now and December 18th at 11:59 p.m. CST when we will close entries and let our amazing panel of guest judges (to be announced soon) decide who takes home first prize (a Nikon 1 V2 mirrorless camera from Adorama!!) and second prize (an iPad mini from Passionfruit Ads!) from the top 10 elves, selected by the girls from HaHas for HooHas and me.

The 3 elves with the most votes/likes in the linkup will automatically make it into the top 10.

The elf with the MOST votes/likes- Fan Favorite- will automatically make it into the top 10, and win a Nintendo 3ds unless they win first or second prize. 

For more info on how the prizes will shake out in that case, and to read ALL THE RULES (which you’re REQUIRED to do before entering), head to the official 2nd Annual Inappropriate Elf Contest Rules Page. 

Then come back here to link up below! Voting doesn’t start until December 7th.

Be sure to follow and post with the #InappropriateElf hashtag on Twitter and Instagram! And you can always like me on Facebook, and follow me on Twitter and Instagram so you won’t miss a single Inappropriate Elf update.



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Prepare For The Inappropriate Elves
InappropriateElf

Prepare For The Inappropriate Elves

by Jill
written by Jill

They’re coming. They’re growing restless in their dark boxes.

They’re whispering in your attic.

They’re plotting their naughty adventures.

They aren’t just here to watch your kids and threaten them into good behavior.

They’re here… for the party. And they are ready to be inappropriate.

Yes, friends. The 2nd Annual Inappropriate Elf contest is launching soon.

And prizes? You bet there will be prizeS! WITH AN S! AS IN MORE THAN ONE!

Not only am I giving away an iPad Mini from Passionfruit Ads this year, but my favorite camera store Adorama has stepped in with an even bigger prize – the newly released Nikon 1 V2 mirrorless camera and lens! Also, the elf with the most fan votes will win a Nintendo 3Ds, provided by me.

 

Mark your calendars and prepare the elves!

Entries will open Saturday, the 24th of November, in the evening. 

I will have more details for you then with the official launch post.

What you need to know for now is:

  • Each blog may submit ONE photo (not a collage, not a video, not a drawing) of an elf being “inappropriate.” You can, of course, put as many pictures up on your own blog (to tell your elf’s story if you’d like) but you need to select only one to enter.
  • You don’t have to have kids or even celebrate Christmas to participate. You don’t even have to have “that elf” that is pictured above. All you have to do is get an elf and take a picture of them that will make people laugh. That’s it.
  • If you don’t have a blog, I recommend setting up a Tumblr account. It’s free and super easy. Your photo will need to be hosted on your blog or tumblr to submit it. It will also need to be viewable by the public.
  • Keep your elves PG-13. These are inappropriate elves, not racist, ignorant, or pornographic elves. Use your discretion. I can tell you, the winner will NOT be something beyond “inappropriate.” In other words? Use your head and get creative, like last year’s winner Cut A Hole In A Box Elf by Adventure Mama


Here’s a description of what the MPAA considers PG-13. (Please note this contest is not at all intended to be viewed by children. This is adult fun.)

If you are looking for an elf, I have seen them at Target (in the book section), Barnes & Noble and on Amazon (affiliate link).

Remember how much fun we had last year? If you need a refresher, are new to this whole Inappropriate Elf thing, or you just need to get your hilarious elf fix between now and the 24th, check out these posts from last year:

To make your elf easier to pose amidst their mischief, check out this tutorial from Dirty Diaper Laundry.

And for even more elf fun, check out Elf Shaming!

I can’t wait to see what your elves have been up to this year!  And don’t worry, you don’t HAVE to enter ON the 24th. Entries will be open until December 18th, and voting won’t start until December 7th.

Follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, along with the #InappropriateElf hashtag to keep up with all the fun! 

 

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Inappropriate Elf Contest, Starring Inappropriate Elf

by Jill
written by Jill

He’s baaaaAAAAckk! After the smashing success of the first 5 Highly Inappropriate and Traumatizing Elf On The Shelf Ideas post, I’m back with 5 more.

But WAIT, there’s MORE! Be sure to read all about how your inappropriate elf can help you win an iPad2 after these pictures.

5 More Highly Inappropriate and Traumatizing Elf On The Shelf Ideas

Hoarder Elf

You awake to find him in a corner littered with piles of magazines, dirty dishes, nick-nacks, animal feces, and a flat-cat. You think you see his bed under that large mound of laundry.

Arsonist Elf

He’s lighting your toys on fire. The Christmas tree is probably next.

Peeping Tom Elf

 

He’s in your bushes. Watchin’ the babies.

Psycho Elf

He surprises you in the shower.

Hump Your Leg Elf

He’s as excited as a horny toy-poodle about Christmas! You find him humping your dad’s leg.

Now it’s YOUR turn.

Go HERE to read the details and rules. 

Yes, VERY IMPORTANT, there are rules. So make sure you read them.

Voting has started! That doesn’t mean you can’t still link up, though. You can link up all the way up to the close of voting at midnight on December 20th. Keep the entries coming!

Once voting closes, the top 3 voted through by you and 7 others chosen by me and maybe a friend or 2, will go on to our guest panel of AH-MAZE-ING judges.

Shutterfly Photo Books 300x250

BEHOLD! THE AMAZING JUDGES:

The Bloggess– Uhm, yes, you are not hallucinating. It’s not too late to come up with entries that incorporate dead animals and giant metal chickens!

The Redneck Mommy– Because this contest is officially the coolest thing to ever happen to me in the blogging world, and not only did The Bloggess say yes, but so did The Redneck Mommy… I. Die.

How To Be A Dad– You know, crazy famous, hilarious dads? You and 71,800 something others may be familiar with them on the Twitter.

The Next Martha– Twitter superstar, Halloween goddess, Target Champ, one of the funniest people I’ve ever built something with.

Harpers Happenings- One of my internet besties, Mandy, who also happens to be so funny she makes me pee my pants. She also produces THE. CUTEST. spawn. I’ve urged her to contact Mattel about licensing a Harper doll. CHAPSTICK! (N0 really, you have to watch that.)

Parenting- Illustrated With Crappy Pictures– She draws pictures of my life. I think she watches me. I forgive her because she is a comedic genius.

Rachel Devine– Representing the professional photography aspect here. She’s in this because 1. I love her, and am inspired by her and 2. she has an eye for amazing pictures. And this IS a photo contest, so…

Jason Lynes– Passionfruit Ads founder with a kick-ass sense of humor and the passion to change how you sell and manage ads on your blog. Also a graphic design super star.

The Baby Guy NYC– I just got Jamie’s Christmas Card. He is TOTALLY up for this challenge. I’m just going to leave it at that.

Inspired to enter now??? Use the linky tools below to link up. Want to vote? Just click “like” under the picture you want to vote for. You can vote for as many entries you like, once a day.

Already entered? Here’s a handy button you can put up on your blog to drum up votes. Or if you’re the Photoshop-toting type, here’s a PSD so you can insert your own inappropriate elf into the badge.

Link it back to: https://www.babyrabies.com/2011/12/inappropriate-elf-contest/

RELEASE THE ELVES!

The Land of Nod, design for kids and people that used to be kids

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5 Highly Inappropriate & Traumatizing Elf On The Shelf Ideas

by Jill
written by Jill

This Elf On The Shelf thing, have you heard of it? My mom says she had an Elf that watched her and her sisters before Christmas growing up, and apparently it’s made a resurgence because you can now buy your very own Elf, complete with book in commemorative box from Target.

Of course, that’s where I got ours, being the cliche suburbanite that I am.

Okay, so the deal is this Elf is to watch the kids every day (from about Thanksgiving until Christmas) and report back to Santa every night. That’s how he knows if they’re naughty or nice… so the tale goes.

Oh, but it’s not that simple.

Because we all know that “Christmas Magic” doesn’t just happen on it’s own without the help of Elf Mom and Elf Dad. And really awesome Elf Parents don’t just move the Elf every night so that the kids can look for it the next day. Really awesome Elf Parents come up with really creative, cute, funny things for their Elf to “do” every night. There are TONS of ideas out there. Some are quite elaborate and messy.

But what if you want to move beyond simply “creative” into “traumatizing”? What if you want to really give them something to talk to their future therapist about?

I present to you…

5 Highly Inappropriate & Traumatizing Elf On The Shelf Ideas

Elf on a Bender
He’s sick of Santa not believing in his dream of becoming a Vegas Showgirl, so he drowns his sorrows in your mom and dad’s booze and pills and plays hookie from work.

Closet Crossdresser Elf
 Oops! You caught him playing in your mom’s lingerie.

Hangover Elf
He woke up in a pile of lacy satin with a raging headache and had to make a mad dash for the john. (Bonus for creativity if you make the puke look like peppermint swirls.)

Crime Scene Elf
Blitzen got word that he was on his way to murder Santa, so he had to gouge his eyes out with his antlers, throw him to the floor and step on him.

Toe Tag Elf
Because nobody from the North Pole is going to claim a cross-dressing elf who drinks too much, has a pill problem, and tries to kill Santa.

Since I am nothing if not a really awesome Elf Mom, I had HUGE plans for all the adorable, creative things Jake (that’s what we named ours) would do every night. Oh yes, I was going to post a picture every day on my Tumblr blog (the one I abandoned 3 months into my 365 project). I was committed to seeing it through… until I 11:35 pm the first night.

Now, every night before I drift off to sleep, I sit straight up in bed in a panic. “Ugh, that fucking elf,” I huff as I throw the covers off of me and go to move him to another boring spot. The good news is my 3.5 year old doesn’t know any better.

It occurred to me last night, that I might have more fun with Jake if I could do things with him that would really make me laugh. It should be obvious to you all by now that I am immensely sarcastic and probably not best suited for motherhood in this respect.

Oh well.

 

 

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