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Baby Rabies

pregnancy & parenting

  • Start Here
    • About Baby Rabies
    • Baby Registry Top Picks
    • Favorite Pregnancy Apps
  • The Book
  • Pregnancy
    • Birth Stories
    • Perinatal Mood Disorders
  • Parenthood
    • Babies
    • Toddlers
    • School Age Kids
    • Parenting LOLZ
  • Photography
    • Photography

      6 Stunning Photos You Would Never Guess Were…

      February 11, 2019

      Photography

      Simple Tips For Editing Snow Photos On Your…

      December 13, 2018

      Photography

      I Wrote A Photography eBook And This Is…

      December 6, 2018

      Photography

      Creative Lighting Ideas To Help You Take Great…

      November 27, 2018

      Photography

      Learn How To Take And Edit Photos On…

      November 19, 2018

  • Reviews
    • Reviews

      The Answer To Last Minute Holiday Gifting For…

      December 19, 2018

      Reviews

      I Was Never A Barbie Girl Until Now

      October 1, 2018

      Reviews

      Finally! Jeans For My Jean-Averse Kids!

      August 22, 2018

      Reviews

      If Your Kid Loves Dump Trucks & Garbage…

      August 13, 2018

      Reviews

      Nobody Tell My Kids ABC Mouse Is Part…

      September 4, 2017

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InappropriateElf

Enjoy The Simple Magic. Write An Excuse Note For Your Elf.
InappropriateElfParenthoodSchool Age Days

Enjoy The Simple Magic. Write An Excuse Note For Your Elf.

by Jill December 16, 2014
written by Jill

15 minutes ago, I was tucking Kendall into bed, except not actually “tucking.” More like tossing a lump of a blanket rumpled inside a duvet cover on him. On the floor. His mattress is still on the floor because we still haven’t put his bed up after moving.

I snuggled up next to him on that mattress. On the floor. Under the lump of a blanket. To my right, my sweet 6 year old, still young enough to delight in me snuggling with him before his sister tonight, but old enough to tell me about the boy who yelled that he hated him on the playground today. To my left, a hideous little Christmas tree that we bought for him when he was just 3 years old.

Er… I mean, our elf, Jake, brought it for him.

The ugly little black and yellow tree (BLACK AND YELLOW SO UGLY OMG) sits in a corner, not a single ornament on it, which is a shame considering all the money we spent on them 3 years ago. Jake the elf brought one ornament a morning for him. One little sports themed ornament to go on his sports themed tree. (I love ya, Mizzou, but you make for an ugly Christmas tree.)

Instead, a large string of lights haphazardly wraps around it, and then snakes through a pile of laundry and over a disassembled bookshelf.

“Why do you think he said he hated you?” I asked him, his profile lit by the multicolored strand of lights in the dark. 

“I don’t know. I just… I caught him, I was chasing him,” he replied matter-of-factly.

“Did he want to be chased?” I worried aloud. 

“Yes, mom. We were playing chase. It’s okay. I still like him.” He seemed unfazed by this. 

“Well, sometimes people say they hate other people when they are embarrassed or their feelings are hurt. I don’t think he actually hates you…. but it IS so important that you are kind, you know? Even if he says that, ” I remind him.

“I know, mom. I am,” he assures me. 

********

We’ve opted out of a lot this holiday season. Our house is without outside lights for the first time since we became homeowners 7 Christmases ago. We got the tree decorated, and the mantle is set with our stockings and framed cards and Santa visit pics. But then we just… stopped. No more. That’s enough. We put the half-full boxes of decorations up in the attic.

There are no thoughtfully decorated little trees in the kids rooms, no string of lights above their beds. If I do any cookie decorating with them this year, it’s likely going to be thanks to this GENIUS little hack, via CoolMomPicks.com that just blew my mind last night.

There is no elf this year. None. Not on this blog, and not in our house.

I’ve got gorgeous moving announcement/Christmas cards from Minted sitting on my counters right now. I’ll mail them out eventually. I hope.

This scaled back approach to the holidays this year wasn’t a noble, conscious decision on my part. Don’t hail me as some wise soul. We struggled and lamented over the lack of lights outside our new house. I’ve felt tinges of guilt over the seeming lack of magic being crafted over here. This move, the timing of it, it’s been difficult in ways like this. (Though difficult isn’t a word I really like to use when describing the move to our dream home- one that I am very grateful to have.)

The magic of the season is so very important to me. I DO believe in Santa.. and in elves. I believe in the joy and whimsy they can add to this special time of year. I want to make magic happen for my children.

But tonight was magic. This month has been magic. The freedom that’s come from not stressing over the making of magic has been magic.

The holidays are not an assignment. Our to-do lists are largely dictated by only us.

Cookies don’t have to be made, nor trees beautifully and thematically decorated, and elves don’t have to be moved.

The magic is in the simplicity.

It’s in  the colors of the haphazard string of lights that illuminates my son’s face as we talk about what it means to be kind… even to people who don’t show us love. And I am present. I am truly there. I’m not worried about where I’m going to put the elf next, or if our cards will make it to everyone before the 25th.

It’s entirely possible that next year I will have it in me to craft and create more magic. It’s possible that the elf will come back, and that we will string lights so spectacular around our home that we will win some kind of neighborhood contest. Next year, or the next. But not this year.

This year, the simple magic is enough.

My heart sparked and leapt to write this when I saw the following picture in my newsfeed, posted by a long-time friend/ex-boss of a boss of mine.

ElfExcuseNote

If you’re feeling like the simple magic is getting swallowed up by the assigned magic this year, it’s not too late to just… stop. Browse ideas for family Valentine cards, put away those decorations you still haven’t hung. Write an excuse note for your elf. 

You’ve got 10 more days to let yourself breathe and enjoy the simple magic.

December 16, 2014 6 comments
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I Bet I Hate That Elf More Than You #InappropriateElf
InappropriateElfParenthood

I Bet I Hate That Elf More Than You #InappropriateElf

by Jill December 3, 2014
written by Jill

For the past 3 years, this blog has been home to a contest that encourages snarky fun with little elves, known as the Inappropriate Elf contest. It started when I jokingly posted some pics of our Elf On The Shelf doing some not so appropriate things, just to be silly and random.

InElf copy

That post went viral, and the contest was born because so many others had hilarious ideas for what to do with those elves that did not involve setting up miniature snowball fights and tiny cups of hot chocolate. It was a great outlet for many of us, especially when we needed to remind ourselves not to take everything so seriously this time of year, and that Pinterest doesn’t actually award any fun prizes.

2011 Elves
2012 Elves
2013 Elves

But I did! I’ve given away iPads and cameras to the winners. I’ve curated bad-ass panels of guest judges. I’ve spent my entire last 3 Decembers obsessing over this elf in a way that most, even the most devoted and crafty EOTS parents, do not.

He ruined the holidays for me.

No. Scratch that. It’s not the elf’s fault.

The complaining, and the arguing, the content theft, and the drudgery of all the details of such a huge undertaking ruined it for me.

I wanted to keep the tradition going because I know so many of you look forward to it, but as the time crept closer this year, I really just could not find any fucks to give about it. I don’t even know where our elf is in our half-packed house right now.

If I find him in time for some Random Act Of Kindness challenges for my own kids, I’ll be happy.

So, instead of forcing myself through another year of drama and angry emails, I’m just not going to do the contest.

BUT I would still LOVE to feature some of my favorite Inappropriate Elves throughout the season. Email me or tag me in yours! I won’t feature ANYTHING here that is not submitted by it’s original owner/creator so that I can give proper credit, but I’d love to post my favorites each week so that this place remains home of the #InappropriateElf without staying the reason-why-I-dread-December.

To kick things off, here are just a few of my favorites from the last 3 years-

FartLight #InappropriateElf | BabyRabies.com

FartLight Elves 

 Sh*tter's Full #InappropriateElf | BabyRabies.comSh*tter’s Full Elf

Alien #InappropriateElf | BabyRabies.com

Alien Elf

She Didn't Know #InappropriateElf | BabyRabies.com

She Didn’t Know Elf

I hope you all still have fun, and lots of inappropriate fun with your elves this year. I hope the absence of a contest from this mischief makes it more enjoyable for all of us. No more listening to me whine about major websites stealing my work, no more posts to my FB page about the unfairness of the pornographic elves being DQd from the contest.

I feel better already! And can’t wait to share more of your hilarity. I’m counting on you to bring it because I truly don’t know if I’ll ever find our elf again. You can email me via the contact form on here, or send to jill at babyrabies dot com.

December 3, 2014 48 comments
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InappropriateElf

2013 Inappropriate Elf Winners

by Jill January 5, 2014
written by Jill

I AM SO SORRY.

Well, mostly just sorry I thought I’d announce this before Christmas when I was planning back in November. But not really that sorry that I took some time off from my blog over the holidays. Our last hurrah was last night. We wrapped up our holiday break fun times with a trip to cheer on MIZZOU at the Cotton Bowl.

M I Z!

Tonight, it’s back to business. The business of inappropriate elves.

The Judges

As always, I wind up with a kick ass panel of guest judges who vote on their top 2 favorites. Here’s this year’s rowdy crew:

Charlie & Andy, HowToBeADAd.com– They write for one blog, but they each submitted a vote. They are sorta like my male counterparts in this blog space, except much more successful, with bananas added for scale. 

David, TheDaddyComplex.com – I met David at a blog conference the beginning of 2013, back before he became all famous for the CTFD Method and got a book deal. I only hate him a little bit.

Ilana, MommyShorts.com – You’ve probably heard of baby mugging or seen her Evil Baby Glare-Off competitions circulating Facebook. Kind of a big deal.

Jamie, BabyGuideGearGuide.com– Jamie knows strollers, can teach you how to wear a baby, and guide you to the right sized flange for your nipple. He also has an Angry Baby sidekick with more Instagram followers than me, and my favorite kind of sense of humor.

Mary Mac, PajamasandCoffee.com– She’s written for important people like the Washington Post, and appeared on the Today Show for serious topics, but nothing is quite as serious as her hate/hate relationship with elves. She also totally agrees with me that claymation Santa from Rudolph is the biggest a-hole ever.

Roo, NeonFresh.com– Roo is like the effortlessly cool and hip person I wish I could be, but I’d just come off as an awkward poser. I simply don’t possess the gif curating powers she does. She is a gif whisperer. She also does professional stuff like write copy for stuff you buy in Whole Foods.

Sarah, ClickinMoms.com– This girl knows pictures. She’s the CEO of Clickin Moms, a super mega awesome photography forum for women. I puffy pink heart her and the forum.

Stuart, KTXD– Stuart is the Managing Editor of KTXD TV here in Dallas, and he’s had me on one of his shows- The Broadcast- several times, including segments all about inappropriate elves the last 2 years.

Tanis, TanisMiller.com– Tanis is my original blog idol, the very first blogger I stalked online AND NOW I’M HER FACEBOOK FRIEND. I really win at stalking. She is also so funny, and so real, and has a giant dog and… just go look at him.

Wendi, WendiAarons.com– Wendi was one of my directors for the Austin Listen To Your Mother show last year. She’s also a generally hilarious woman in the very smart kind of way. She writes for US Weekly’s Fashion Police. She is judging your fashion, celebrities. I hope you’re not making your own swimsuits. 

But enough about all of those people, am I right? You want to know who won!

All of 2013’s contest entries
2013’s Top 10 Inappropriate Elves

It was a tight race this year. SUPER SUPER TIGHT. The winner and second place were separated by only 1 point.

In SECOND PLACE, and winner of the Nintendo 2DS….

WreckingBall1

Wreck The Halls by LittleElise.com

And the WINNER, taking home the iPad Air….

elfyenorth-600x464 copy

Elfye North’s Bound 4 by DirtyDiaperLaundry.com

Thanks to everyone who entered this year! And thanks to Miley and Kanye for your questionable choices.

Happy New Year, y’all!

 

January 5, 2014 12 comments
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InappropriateElf

2013 Inappropriate Elf Top 10

by Jill December 24, 2013
written by Jill

This is late. I know. Here, have some eggnog as my apology.

Anna from HaHas For HooHas just helped me firm up the top 10 list for this year. It. Was. Hard. Because y’all make pretty freaking brilliant and hilarious inappropriate elves.

So I’m just going to get to it. Here’s the top 10 in the order they entered the contest.

WreckingBall1

Wreck The Halls Elf – LittleElise.com

elfyenorth-600x464 copy

Elfye North’s Boud 4 – DirtyDiaperLaundry.com

CondomElf1

Job Security Elf- New Orleans Moms Blog

BuddyRonBurgandy1

Anchorman Elf Interviews Buddy- BuddyMeetsRon.Tumblr.com

SteviaBB1

HeisenbELF- JunebugPhotography.org

WhatsYourExcuse1

“What’s Your Excuse?” Elf- kimberlyersk1ne.blogspot.com

stickerelf1

Sticker Envy Elf- SheSpoilsAlerts.Tumblr.com

ElfWeekly1

Elf Weekly: Airbrushing Scandal- DewberryCinema.com

Dobbie1

Crafty Elf- ElfShaming.com

FartLight1

Turn On Your FartLight Elves- BradAbleson.Tumblr.com

These have been sent to our super secret list of judges, and the winners will be announced soon. Ish. Hopefully before Christmas. FALALALALALA DEADLINES ARE DEAD TO ME.

The top prize takes home a 16 GB iPad Air with wifi, and 2nd place gets a Nintendo 2ds.

Merry Christmas, you filthy elves.

December 24, 2013 33 comments
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InappropriateElfSchool Age Days

The Random Acts Of Kindness Elf Challenge

by Jill December 20, 2013
written by Jill

“Mr. Hall has had a rough year, mom. That’s what Jake said. That’s why we need to be extra kind to him. He is going to LOVE this,” Kendall said as he put the finishing touches on a secret gift for our neighbor.

IMG_9232

******************************

Last Saturday morning our elf made his return for the season. I know you might be thinking I’m anti Elf On A Shelf, but I’m not. I even enjoy watching all the elaborate set-ups my friends come up with for their kids. It’s a joy to watch their joy in doing these things.

Learn all about my love for Inappropriate Elves here.

Me, though, I’ve learned to edit my commitments to things like this, and then edit again. Each year since our elf Jake showed up 3 years ago, I’ve made his visit a little less elaborate, and a little shorter.

10 days. That’s all I can do right now. So he arrived on the 14th.

image-5

A few days before, I wondered what I would have him do for the kids. Should I try to do just a few funny, mischievous setups? Maybe he could bring them a new pair of socks and underwear each day? It would be funny AND useful. I have very little tolerance for non-useful stuff lately.

The first year, he brought Kendall a tiny new ornament EVERY. MORNING. I think that was rock-bottom of the hyper-new-parent-forcing-joy thing for me. Thank God Kendall was not old enough to remember that and expect it the next year when I had a 2nd baby and was less ridiculous more realistic.

This year I’ve been super sensitive to the entitlement around here. I can’t fault my 5 year old. For one, he’s 5. I think it’s natural for 5 year olds to mostly think about themselves. That said, 5 is plenty old enough to start learning to think of others.

I’ve tried talking to him about how fortunate we are, reminding him to be grateful for the things he takes for granted. Tasks to clean out toys to donate to the local shelter always lead to him negotiating and asking what’s in it for him. It is one of the biggest hot buttons for me as a parent.

If there is one thing my children will learn before they leave this house, it is to give from their heart to those who need it.

So on Saturday, Jake arrived with nothing more than a message on our iPad and a couple dollar bills. I will make this elf work for ME, dammit.

Day1BellRingers

As we walked up to the woman collecting money for a local women and children’s shelter, hot chocolate in hand, it began.

“But I want hot chocolate, mom! Is she going to give me a hot chocolate if I give her one? What is she going to give me?” Kendall whined.

“It’s not about you, Kendall,” I calmly responded, not yet realizing this would become my mantra for this challenge and I would say it often.

image-4

He reluctantly posed for the picture, then gladly took the balloon sword she offered him. She was selling them for $1 donations, so the money they donated meant they both got one.

As I tucked him into bed that night, I told him I was so excited we were able to give the woman hot chocolate and donate money to her cause. He pouted because his balloon sword popped.

I sighed… then I set up the next day’s challenge, laying 2 Angel Tree tags next to the iPad and Jake.

We shopped for 2 kids from the local Angel Tree program the next day, and I spent nearly the entire time in Target repeating, “It’s not about you, Kendall. This is not for you. We are not looking for you. We are not buying for you.”

He whined, cried at one point, pouted, demanded I add the items we were buying for the kids to his Christmas list. I forced him to stand next to the tree and smile for a picture.

image

And then I pressed on, setting up the next day’s challenge after bedtime, and after popping 2 Advil. I had a fever, a sore throat. I was exhausted.

On the 3rd day, Jake challenged Kendall to bring some coffee to the people who work in his school’s front office. I drove to Einstein’s to pick up a gallon of coffee while Scott got him dressed. He drove him to school and helped him deliver everything. I was too sick to even try.

“Did you remember to get a picture?” I asked when Scott walked back in the door.

“Heh. Yeah. He was… thrilled,” Scott replied. I could tell he was wondering why I was even bothering with all of this. Honestly, I was starting to, too.

image-3

UGHHHHHH. I wanted to growl, but I took a nap, instead. When I woke up, I wondered if I was trying to force something that wasn’t there yet. I wondered if 10 days of random acts of kindness was too much for a 5 year old. I wondered if I was wasting my time when I was already short on it and would rather be nursing this cold.

But I couldn’t back out. Jake already committed us to this challenge. If I changed things up or just stopped altogether, I undermined Jake.

That night I set up the challenge for the next day- a donation to the local animal shelter. Jake asked us to buy a bag of dog food and deliver it.

“What? Dogs don’t have homes sometimes? But why? I love dogs!” he said as we drove to the shelter.

image-1

Dare I say, he delivered that bag of dog food with glee. We got to spend a few minutes with one of the canine residents, and he left telling me, “Maybe on Friday, instead of playing video games, we can come back here and play with more dogs!”

“Maybe,” I smiled back and wrapped my arm around his shoulder.

I knew the next day would be super busy, and the random act of kindness would need to be simple. Jake showed up with a plastic bag and a challenge to fill it with trash.

Kendall leapt out of the car at Target, “Oh! I see some, mom. Come on!”

We spent 10 minutes picking up trash along the front of the store before heading inside for some groceries. He skipped along, barely getting one piece in the bag before running off for another. I had to cut him off when the wind started to pick up and the bag was mostly full.

image-2

Today, Jake asked him to help me make a small gift for our neighbor and leave it on his door-step. He told Kendall that our neighbor has had a rough year, and that I could explain more.

I told Kendall that our neighbor, an older man, lost his wife this summer and now he’s really sick. (Last we heard, they thought he had liver cancer.)

I wasn’t met with any eye-rolls or exasperated sighs about how “this is going to be booooorrrring.”

“So we need to be extra kind to him, right mom?”

“Right!”

*************************

IMG_9215

Tonight, my five year old and I put a soft blanket and a small gift card for a coffee shop in a gift bag. He wrote the card, and signed it “Secret Santa.”

We quietly snuck next door and crept up onto the pitch black front porch. We dropped the gift near the front door, then ran like crazy when we heard a dog barking inside. We gave each other high fives on our own front porch when we were in the clear.

Kendall beamed from ear to ear. “YES! WE DID IT!”

Tonight, I experienced the most joyous Christmas moment of my life… so far. We’re only halfway through our Random Acts Of Kindness Elf challenge.

Thank you, Jake, for showing my kid how magical giving to others can be, and for giving me the honor of watching him make the discovery.

December 20, 2013 36 comments
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InappropriateElf

#InappropriateElf Contest Extension Because The Baby Owns Me

by Jill December 18, 2013
written by Jill

Hey! Guess what I just decided?

The Inappropriate Elf contest will not close to entries until this Friday night. That’s December 20th at 11:59 pm CST, giving you 2 extra days.

Why? Because this.

ecc4c350678e11e3b63212d269f676eb_7

Does that look like the face of a baby who cares that I have a contest to moderate and promote and secure judges for?  I assure you this kid gives no fucks about any elves. He is side-eyeing this whole shindig. I can not even secretly tap on my phone while rocking him.

NOPE. EYES UP HERE, LADY. ON ME. ALL THE TIME. AND BOTH HANDS. I WANT TO FEEL THEM BOTH ON ME AT ALL TIMES.

And also because I’m sick because of course. (Though definitely not pregnant this time around for so many obvious reasons.)

I thought I had the flu again, but now I’m thinking it’s strep, which is actually worse because that requires a trip to the doctor unlike the flu that I could just complain my way through (since there’s no other real treatment for it at this point).

Lowell side-eyes me going to the doctor. LIFE laughs at me finding time to go to the doctor.

Doctors should do the house calls thing again.

Anyway, enough whining.

The contest appears to be going well, the little bit of time I’ve had to check in on it. But I want to see more entries!! Tell your friends!

dewberrycinemaelf

Entry from DewberryCinema.com

And if elves aren’t your thing this time of year, maybe you’re more of a Mensch On A Bench person? And if so, you also have until Friday night to enter the Mischievous Mensch contest on Morgan’s blog at The818.com. We’ll have the same judges, but each contest will be judged separately, and there will be separate prizes.

ScarfaceMensch1

And just for funsies and geeksies, here are some awesome visuals powered by the #InappropriateElf hashtag, thanks to my friends at Hashtracking.

They self-update!

December 18, 2013 6 comments
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InappropriateElf

2013 Inappropriate Elf Contest #InappropriateElf

by Jill November 29, 2013
written by Jill

Listen, elf. I know this job of yours is stressful this time of year. Parents are putting a lot of pressure on you to perform. They want you to MAKE MAGIC with cotton balls, sugar cubes, and dry erase markers!

They want you to make the kids believe in you so much that they can be stopped mid-meltdown in the aisles of Target with the mere mention of your “name.”

And sometimes it’s a really freaking ridiculous name.

“Sparkles the Elf is going to tell Santa you weren’t good today if you don’t stop that right now!”

“Sparkles”??? For fucks sake, your name is Adam. I get it. It’s enough to drive you to drink and take some pills.

DrunkElf

You’ve reached your breaking point. You’ve considered all the ways out.

psychoelf

And then you just gave up and went wild.

SpringBreakElf

This same approach happened over and over with elves across the world….

Inappropriate Elf Contest 2011
Inappropriate Elf Contest 2012

ending in some unintended consequences for a few.

SheDidntKnowElf

But now it’s really caught up to you, elf. I’m so sorry to tell you that Santa just informed me you’ve been demoted.

InappropriateElf2013

I have no idea what your new job will be, but here are a few examples of what’s happened to some of your inappropriate co-workers.

FoxSaysElf

He spends his days trying to figure this out for once and for all. Until then, he has to play the song on repeat. He twitches in his sleep, screaming out “Ring ding ding ding er WHAT DOES IT SAY?!” until he wakes in a cold sweat.

HumpDayElfPhoto credit: GEICO/You Tube

No more Marshmallow Mondays at the Candy Cane Bar. No more Fa La La La Fridays, throwing snowballs with the guys. Now it’s just a job of pushing paper in a cubicle next to this guy. The elf is equal parts terrified and curious to know how and why Santa removed his antlers.  It’s obvious that office work leads to bad posture and humps on your back. It’s rough, man. Rough.

MileysElfWith a little illustration help from HaHas For HooHas.

He’s responsible for sanitizing her foam finger and wrecking ball. I think that’s all you need to know.

RobFordsElfPhoto Credit: Chris Young/The Canadian Press

Minutes after this picture was taken, Ford took a cue from this Inappropriate Elf  and peed his own name in the snow right outside the window of a children’s hospital as a holiday party went on inside. Then he told Matt Lauer he can’t be blamed because he was too wasted to remember. Apparently, he spiked the kids’ punch… then drank it all while his elf was passing out presents.

I sure hope you find yourself in a much more tolerable job, elf. Because, like I said, I get it. I can see why you and countless other elves get a little inappropriate this time of year. Maybe Santa will let you go to rehab instead? I’ll see what we can work out.

************

I have a feeling this isn’t going to deter the other elves from getting into a little trouble this year, though. So let’s see what they’re up to. Are you ready to submit a picture of your inappropriate elf?

First, MAKE SURE YOU READ THE RULES. 

Here’s what’s on the line.

InappropriateElfPrizes13

You have until 11:59 pm CST on December 18th to link up your elf picture. After that, HaHas for HooHas will help me narrow down the top 10, and a panel of guest judges (yet to be announced) will vote to determine the top 2.

I’ll announce the winner on December 23rd. More details and dates can be found in the rules. 

Follow the directions in the Linky Tools below. Good luck, and may the elves be ever in your favor!



November 29, 2013 104 comments
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InappropriateElf

It’s Time To Wake The Elves #InappropriateElf

by Jill November 26, 2013
written by Jill

InappropriateElf2013

He’s been a bad, bad boy. And he’s back for a 3rd year of inappropriate fun.

1st Inappropriate Elf Contest

2nd Inappropriate Elf Contest

This Friday, November 29th, the 3rd annual Inappropriate Elf contest launches. I can’t give you an exact time the blog post will go live and entries will be open because I’m a one-woman show running this thing, and it’s happening the day after Thanksgiving. I will do my very best to get it up before lunchtime.

But I might not.

I’ll be honest, y’all. I really thought I wouldn’t do this again. Last year was… a lot of stress. This is not worth it to me if I’m constantly fielding emails and angry messages from people who are complaining about it. It’s supposed to be for fun.

And it can be fun! I know a lot of you have fun with it, so I thought I’d give it another shot with a few modifications that will hopefully correct some of the issues we had last year.

1. There will be NO fan favorite. There is no way to vote your way into the top 10. No soliciting votes or likes on Facebook, no option to vote on the linkup. I’m just not able to police all of that.

2. So there will only be 2 prizes, and I am buying both of them. There are no sponsors. This is 100% MY contest.

3. I may feature a few entries throughout the season either here or on my Facebook page. Of course, I will always link back to the original source and tag the responsible Facebook page when possible.

For the rest of the rules, read the rule page here.

If you plan on entering, please read those rules.

I’m still working on my images of what happened to my elf when Santa found out how inappropriate he’s been and demoted him. Can’t wait to share them with you all on Friday, and see the hilarity roll in from all of you!

Oh? You probably want to know what the prizes are, yeah?

InappropriateElfPrizes13

Wheeeeeee!

And here’s the timeline:

Entries open Friday, November 29th and close at midnight on December 18th.
The Top 10 (chosen by me and HaHas for HooHas) will be announced on December 20th.
The winners (chosen by a panel of judges yet to be confirmed) will be announced on December 23rd.

#InappropriateElf – use this hashtag across social media! I look forward to featuring some of my favorites on my Facebook Page, Twitter, Instagram and a special #InappropriateElf Pinterest board.

(I also happen to have just few ad spots open at great rates. I’d love for your business to support my elf’s bad habits! Click here to see prices and availability.)

Experimenting!2013-11-24_22-21-51

How fun is that? It’s really cool when your sister owns a machine that makes .gifs, and brings it over so you can drink wine and make stuff like this. You should hire her to come to your next event in Austin because .gifs. Inappropriate Elves not included, but I bet she could work out something for you.

November 26, 2013 7 comments
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InappropriateElf

The 2012 Inappropriate Elf Winners!

by Jill January 1, 2013
written by Jill

It’s TIME! Time to announce the winners of the 2012 Inappropriate Elf contest!

Before we get to the grand reveal, I want to give a big thanks to the judges who voted on the Top 11 Inappropriate Eves of 2012, which Jen and Anna from HaHas For HooHas helped me compile.

The Judges

Jamie and Jacinda from Prudent Baby – Jacinda Boneau and Jaime Morison Curtis are the co-founders of Prudent Baby, the #1 destination for style, craft, travel and DIY inspiration for families. Join them as they search the globe and their own backyards to bring you tips, ideas, and projects that make life at home simpler and more beautiful. Visit the Prudent Baby Channel for their latest video! Jaime is also author of the award-winning book Prudent Advice: Lessons for My Baby Daughter (A Life List for Every Woman) (Andrews McMeel, 2010) and follow up fill-in journal My Prudent Advice (Chronicle, 2012)

Amber from Crappy Pictures – Amber is the author AND illustrator of Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, where she visually tells many stories of parenthood we can all relate to. She also has a book coming out early this year, published by Harlequin Nonfiction. She’s frequently featured on The Huffington Post.

Charlie and Andy from How To Be A Dad – Charlie Capen & Andy Herald are co-founders of “How To Be A Dad” an entertainment site for dads, moms,  and those with no plans of procreating, whatsoever. The site is not so much a “how-to”, but a “how-not-to” portal centered around two sleep-deprived friends with nothing left to lose but their sanity as they navigate fatherhood and try to look smart doing so. They’re not experts, but that isn’t gonna stop them from pretending. They’ve appeared on Babble.com, Huff Post Parents, Art of Manliness, BabyCenter, AOL, Neatorama, Laughing Squid, and a host of other websites that smell delicious.

Tanis The Redneck Mommy – When Tanis Miller isn’t twirling her pompons in the freak parade that is her life, she’s writing about it on her blog, Attack of the Redneck Mommy. She’s not really a redneck, she just plays one on the internet. She also just got THE CUTEST puppy, so you should really stalk her blog if you’re into virtual puppy breath.

Jamie The Baby Guy NYC – Jamie Grayson was named the “Best Baby Gear Guru” by New York Magazine in 2010, and writes extensively about all the latest baby gear on his blog Baby Guy Gear Guide. Don’t think you’ll be getting boring and lifeless gear reviews, though. Jamie peppers his honest and thorough posts with his wit and a dash of snark when needed. And he’s always down for dishing out advice on his Facebook page.

Chelsey The Paper Mama – When she’s not blogging on The Paper Mama about Photo Challenges, one of her many fantastic DIYs, or life as a mother to 3 year old Rauri, she’s busy working on custom illustrations she sells through her Etsy shop. She’s also a Pinning Pro for Better Homes and Gardens.

Morgan from The 818- Morgan Shanahan is a professional blogger and screenwriter living in Los Angeles’ San Fernando Valley (aka“The818”) with her toddler daughter, dashing hubby, and farting trio of dogs.In addition to over-sharing her personal life (complete with curse words) on The818.com, She’s BlogHer’s Entertainment Editor, a Babble Voices columnist, and occasionally writes about art and design for Cargoh.com.

Ilana from Mommy Shorts – Ilana writes Mommy Shorts, a humor blog about parenting which chronicles her experience raising kids in NYC. Turns out, when your toddler runs the show, your newborn keeps you up all night, and you never go out, it’s not that different from raising them anywhere else. She’s not afraid to poke a little Jewish fun at Inappropriate Elves or “Hanukah Helpers” either.

Mandy from The Haps– Mandy Morrison writes about life in the Pacific Northwest with her husband Scot with one T and her ridiculously adorable toddler Harper over on Harpers Happenings, a.k.a. The Haps. You can find delicious recipes and lots of creative DIYs, which have been featured on Apartment Therapy and Young House Love. Her Instagram is a must follow.

The Winners!

1st Place and winner of the Nikon 1 V2 and 10-30 mm lens from Adorama

Elf Enough by The Eco Friendly Family

2nd Place and winner of the iPad Mini from Passionfruit Ads 

Cousin Eddie Elf from The Leggy Files

Most voted/Fan Favorite and winner of the Nintendo 3ds from me

Whipped Cream Bikini Elf from Awesomeness Since 2002

Congrats to the winners! I’ll be in touch to arrange prize shipping. Thanks to all who participated this year, and another thanks for understanding all the delays due to unforeseen circumstances this past month.

 

January 1, 2013 20 comments
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The Top 11 Inappropriate Elves 2012

by Jill December 26, 2012
written by Jill

Whew. Dusting off the old computer with one hand while blowing my nose with the other. It’s been a doozie of a month. I found out I was (surprise!) pregnant a little before Thanksgiving, and just when I thought I was starting to get through the worst of that awful first trimester morning sickness, I got hit with the official flu early last week.

Between all that and Christmas (and the horrible sadness from the Newtown shootings), I decided to put the Inappropriate Elf contest on the back burner and focus on family and getting better. Thanks so much for understanding my realigned priorities over the last few weeks. Life has a way of putting things in perspective like that.

I’m happy to finally announce the top 11 Inappropriate Elves this year. Yes, I just had to add an extra one again. It’s SO HARD TO CHOOSE! I’m super glad I had the girls from HaHas For HooHas to help with this first big step toward picking our winners. I’ll stop my typing now and introduce you to the hilarious crew of rowdy elves.

Elf Enough by TheEcoFriendlyFamily.com #2 Most Votes

Lurker Elf from Tales of a Wanna-Be Supermom

Mrs. Claus, You’re Trying To Seduce Me from Random Acts of Coffee

Adult Diaper Wearing Elf by Dirty Diaper Laundry

Whipped Cream Bikini Elf by Awesomeness Since 2002 – #1 Most Votes

Cousin Eddie Elf from The Leggy Files

College Level Art Class Elf by Drea’s Dwellings – #3 Most Votes 

Magic Elf by Daze of Our Lives

Naughty Elf Haircut by Tyantiff.Tumbler.com

Maury Elf by A Life Examined

Ghost Elf by Suffikatie.tumblr.com

It was extremely hard to narrow it down to just these! I loved so many of the entries this year, and again, am super grateful that Jen and Anna from HaHasForHooHas.com helped make all these decisions for me! Now it’s time for the judges to weigh in. I hope to have the winners announced by this Friday.

Did you miss all the entries? You can check them out here. And here are the top 11 Inappropriate Elves of 2011.

Official contest rules

December 26, 2012 11 comments
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