Blogging

Where Am I Now? Come Say Hi!
Blogging

Where Am I Now? Come Say Hi!

by Jill
written by Jill

A couple months ago, I asked if I could come back to this space, but fully me- not just a pregnancy and baby blogger. And you all were so supportive of that move.

And then I didn’t come back and this space just sat here, unchanged.

If you’ve solely been following me on this blog, you might be confused and maybe worried about me? LOL. 

I’m BLOGGING and I’m LOVING IT more than I have in a long time. I just decided to start totally fresh instead of coming back here and trying to turn it into a whole other thing.

Where Am I Now? Come Say Hi!

A dot com name change is actually kinda a GIANT deal, and it would put the money I’m making off the content here on Baby Rabies at risk. My ad network was basically like OMG NO STOP when I told them I was just going to redirect everything to JillKrause.com.

Photo of Jill Krause

So I listened to them because I like paying bills. 

If you didn’t know, now you do- you can find me at JillKrause.com now! And Baby Rabies is totally staying up as is, and I’ll probably keep adding new content here, too. I’ll be promoting both sites on my social channels, so make sure you’ve liked my FB page and you’re following me on Instagram- that’s actually changed to @JillKrau.se now. 

 

 
 
 
 
 
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Some of my fav. pieces on JillKrause.com have been:
Talking about how I’m managing all this late-30s gray hair
Lots of posts about my anxiety
And even a really open post about abortion and women’s rights

I hope you’ll come find me over there, and also check out my Google Doc! Oh yeah, totally making Google Docs a thing. Read all about how that works here, and find my doc here.

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Why “Baby Rabies”?
Blogging

Why “Baby Rabies”?

by Jill
written by Jill

First, whoa. The last week has been crazy fun. My “What (Not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman” video has officially gone viral (amassing over 1.4 million views so far on Facebook), and has been shared by The Today Show, US Weekly, Refinery 29 and so many more places. I’ve got a lot of new readers and followers, which is so rad.

What typically happens after a bunch of new people learn about my blog is I start to get questions about why it’s called “Baby Rabies” and that’s definitely been the case this time, too. Most are genuinely curious, but I also always get some people emailing or direct messaging things like, “Really? Baby RABIES?? What made you think that was ever a good idea?” 

It’s confusing if you don’t understand, I guess. I’ve even lost clients over it. One major brand kicked me out of a campaign because the higher ups thought it was “off color.” Okay.

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So here’s how I chose it and what it means:

In the summer of 2007, I was in between jobs, and basically living a quarter-life crisis. I decided to just go ahead and take advantage of the down time while I tried to figure out my life and get pregnant. Logical choice, 26 year old me.

This was SUCH a 180 for me, that nobody who knew me “in real life” would ever believe it (other than my husband, obviously), and I didn’t really want to talk to them about it, but I did want to document my thoughts, and I’d been active in online message boards for a couple years while planning my wedding. I thought I’d anonymously blog about it all, just to share with the people I talked to online and to keep for myself.

There was a lot of talk on the wedding message boards about “baby rabies” or what could happen to you if you became obsessed with getting pregnant- it was like incurable baby fever. We would see the girls graduate from the wedding boards and move on to the trying to conceive boards, and they would start talking about all kinds of crazy shit, like checking their own cervical mucus and taking their temperature every day, both classic symptoms of the rabies.

Once I realized I was becoming one of these women, I thought that would be a fine name for an anonymous blog about (at the time) trying to get pregnant, and I bought the dot com.

Read my first post ever here.

9 years later, and I’m not shaking it. I’ve considered re-branding, but the babies keep coming. I’m not saying it will stick forever, but it fits for now. I may continue to turn people off, and lose brand relationships over it. Meh. There’s no ill meaning behind it, and people who know me know that.

From the beginning, I’ve tried to laugh at myself when it comes to motherhood, and I think it reflects that.

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So THAT happened
BloggingParenthood

So THAT happened

by Jill
written by Jill

Last Friday I got a thing that’s kinda a big deal to me, and I hesitated blogging about it because I don’t want to come off braggy, but… wait.

Nah.

I’m gonna brag.

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Thanks to Annie for the photo!

I won Personal Blog Of The Year in the 3rd Annual Iris Awards, an award ceremony for influencers in the parenting sphere, put on by the Mom2 Summit community, and voted on by my peers… my colleagues.

Previous year’s winners were Kristen Howerton’s Rage Against The Minivan in 2014, and Gabrielle Blair’s Design Mom in 2015. So, um, yeah. That’s incredible company, and the recognition and inclusion feels unreal.

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Jenny Ingram from Jenny On The Spot won Breakout Of The Year, Katherine Stone of Postpartum Progress won Social Campaign Of The Year, then there’s Alfonso, then Morgan Shanahan of Buzzfeed Parents, then me

But there are pictures to prove I met Alfonso Ribiero (our emcee for the evening- you may know him as Carlton), and there is video to prove I made it onstage and made a mostly coherent acceptance speech that started with mention of a lot of bodily fluids, including cervical mucus. I didn’t write a speech. I didn’t plan for that. My brain and my mouth just do these things to me.


Thanks to Charlie for capturing this.

I’ve transcribed the speech below if you’re interested. Mostly because I truly hope it’s a message that inspires anyone who finds themselves doing something others can’t understand… following a passion, making their own path.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve been dismissed by others who think what I do is a joke of a career, not because I’ve run out of fingers and toes, but because I don’t care enough to keep track. I refuse to give them space in my head, and I hope you deny them as much.

“I really think I’m going to puke and pass out right now, so if that happens, make sure Rent The Runway gets my dress, please.

I’ve been doing this for 9 years, and I started it because I thought my career was over.  I thought I was going to become someone who just became a mom, and all my work in journalism school was going to be for nothing because I didn’t make it to TV.

I started blogging anonymously about cervical mucus, and then my mom and dad started reading it so there was no point in being anonymous anymore.

You guys, this is so much more than about me. I am so incredibly humbled and grateful to be surrounded by everybody in this room, and everybody that we call colleagues. Because this is an industry, and I have a career. I didn’t give up a career, I got a new one that I didn’t even know existed when I went to the University of Missouri, the number one journalism school in the nation, to be the next Katie Couric.

I don’t even want to be Katie Couric anymore! I want to be all of you. Every single one of you inspires me, and pushes me.

You guys, this is so cheesy, but I’m so inspired by that song by Rachel Platten… ‘I may only have one match, but I can start an explosion.’ That is literally the epitome of every single one of us. You can have a Tumblr, an Instagram, a Snapchat, and all it takes is that little spark to ignite, and to move people to action, and I am so encouraged by all of us who wrap ourselves around these words, and these images, and these videos, and these stories. We are story tellers, and we move people to action.

So thank YOU. Thank you so much for being co-workers, and coming to my water cooler every day, and talking to me on Facebook and Twitter, and I hope that I can continue to encourage everybody as much as you have encouraged me.

Thank you to my family and to all of my very awesome friends. I love you.”

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And yes, that is me eating breakfast tacos with my award the next day. Because why not?

 

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This is FREAKING Awesome- The BabyRabies APP!!!!!!!
BloggingTechVideos

This is FREAKING Awesome- The BabyRabies APP!!!!!!!

by Jill
written by Jill

DA DA DAAAAAAA!!!

So when my blog was down for an effing month thanks to hackers I had a lot of time to turn lemons into lemonade. And the best thing to come out of that time, I think, was this— the BabyRabies app, available for FREE in both the App Store and Google Play.

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Here’s a list of some of the stuff that makes it OMG SO EXCITING I’M SO EXCITED

  1. Easily access all my posts, starting with the latest. Then either scroll through from the home screen OR flick left or right from within a post to see the one before or after it
  2. A powerful search function for that one post you have no idea when it was published, but you’re pretty sure I wrote it.
  3. A menu that divides my content into categories and also gives you access to all my social channels in one spot, making it easy to check in on my FB, Twitter and IG.
  4. A Favorites feature!! Love a post and want to save it for later? Favorite it by clicking the star at the top. It will show up in your list of Favorites that you can access via the menu.
  5. Reading available even without wifi! The posts that you’ve saved or are already loaded can be read even when you don’t have internet access.
  6. Super easy sharing, including to Pinterest with a feature that easily lets you pick your favorite image.
  7. SUPER easy commenting!
  8. Push notifications! If you’d like (and you can totally opt out if you don’t), you can get push notifications for all my posts, OR for just posts in certain categories!

I have a lot more planned for this app, but I couldn’t wait anymore to share it with you all!

So many of you have expressed that you love catching up with me when you have a few minutes, but that means you’re on your phone and the phone reading experience was just… blah. I totally agree. That’s why I set out to find the BEST reading experience for your mobile devices, and I totally think this is IT.

If you get a chance, check out the short video I posted above where I walk you through it really quick.

And then, OF COURSE, download it! (Free!)

Google Play- https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ml.BabyRabies

App Store- https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/babyrabies-blog/id1050105493?mt=8

A HUGE thanks to Privet for sponsoring the launch of the BabyRabies app!!

Privet Logo

PRIVET is a live mobile community that allows users to seek advice and support anonymously without judgement. Use PRIVET to raise kids, improve relationships, and find answers to what matters most – Life. Crowdsourced. – myprivet.com

Seriously, check it out. Download it! (App Store and Google Play)

Then invite your friends, and join in. Ask questions, confess, express concern, wonder anonymously (or not), just  be sure to keep it nice. For real. Privet is all about the judgement-free zone.

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Israel Trip, Part 2- An Afternoon With an Israeli Mother In Pictures
BloggingParenthoodPhotographyTravel

Israel Trip, Part 2- An Afternoon With an Israeli Mother In Pictures

by Jill
written by Jill

When the Vibe Israel team asked me what I most wanted to do in Israel, I thought for a few hours, then I knew exactly what.

I wanted to meet a local mom, and I wanted to photograph a small part of a day in her regular life.

Okay, sure, Jerusalem would be cool, the Dead Sea would be rad. But when do I have the opportunity to connect with a mother a half a world away, and document her in a way that is so meaningful to me, and hopefully to her?

Read Part 1 here

The journalist in me wanted to report on how similar and different motherhood is between her and me. The photographer in me craved new spaces and fresh faces. The blogger in me wanted all of YOU to connect with this woman and family the way I was hoping I would (and did).

Esin lives in Tel Aviv, in a small apartment, with her husband and 2 young children- a boy named Yuval, and a girl named Bar. They are currently building their dream home, which Esin is itching to move into for many reasons- one being that she’s an interior designer, and really looking forward to putting personal touches on her own space.

Though her current (adorable) apartment is certainly not lacking…
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We began our afternoon together with some divine Israeli takeout- the really yummy, healthy kind, I’m told. Hummus, falafel, dried fruit and nuts, and some cookies that Esin made out of probably 20 lbs of butter. The unhealthy part of the meal, but I wasn’t complaining.

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Or, a friend of Esin’s and straight up hilarious person, joined us, too. Her family lives too far from the city for me to meet her children that day, but I’m really happy she at least got to hang out with us and chime in.

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I did get to meet Or’s girlfriend for a short time who was pregnant and just had her baby yesterday! (Congrats Or and Ellie!)

We talked for over an hour, comparing cultures and questioning each other like we had just met at summer camp and wondered what the other’s town was like. We came to the conclusion that we are really quite similar in so many ways, from work-life balance struggles to how we are combining the internet, motherhood, and what we love to make a living.

Or does marketing for baby brands and products, and she blogs for a large Israeli parenting site. As for Esin? Here’s a little more about what she does, in her own words:

I am an interior designer, working from home. Mostly I design spaces and apartments and houses for families with kids, while paying attention to functionality and design. On my blog, I write about styling and about the process and the choices that I take with the family. It’s important for me that through my writing my followers will get to know me and my style. 

I could write about these women and our conversations all day, but I guess I should get to the pictures. There are a lot of them. Get your scrolling finger ready!

After our lunch wrapped up, it was time for Esin and I to head out and pick up her children from school.

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I laughed because Esin lamented that they must pass by this snack shop every day on their way from Yuval’s school, and every. day. he begs for a treat. I KNOW YOUR STRUGGLE, ESIN.

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Between pickups and the apartment, there were a few carseat battles and Esin apologized more than once for her “messy” car. It was like I was home with my people.

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The children were delighted to arrive back. I think this could have been because there was a plate of buttery cookies on the coffee table. Not sure.

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Universally, toddlers just want to get naked.IMG_4374IMG_4366

While Yuval and Or took up a lively game of ping pong..

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I poked around and took more pictures. I was quite nosey, and in love with Esin’s decorating.

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You can not escape minions.

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She had strict instructions from me to not clean. I wanted to capture real life. Isn’t real life the most beautiful?

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I asked Esin to answer a few questions about motherhood for me.

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Do you think it’s easy or hard to be a parent in Israel? Why?

For me, its easy to be a parent in Israel!! First, we live in a warm country, our winter is short so we have a little bit rain and then a long summer with a lot of outdoor fun days with the kids. Tel Aviv is the biggest city in Israel, but compared to big cities around the globe, its very small, so everything is close and safe (more quality time with my kids), for example, my parents live 5 minutes walk from us, my husband’s work is 15 minutes drive from our home, and the beach is 5 minutes drive (my kids are crazy about the beach and the sand). 

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What’s your biggest fear as a mother? 

 My biggest fear as a mother is that my children won’t feel safe to tell me everything (good or bad). I would like to know all about my children and what they are going through so I can help them when they feel needed and be happy for them when they are happy.

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What are you most proud of as a mother? 

Mmmmm… nice question!  I think that I’m most proud of the values that I’m giving them. I would like my children to be caring and polite. 

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What was my takeaway from this? As cliche as it sounds, we have so much in common. The differences were there, of course, but through all the cultural barriers and the horrific and hilarious Google translations for words that were lost, we were mothers in a fast-paced world. We have technology at our finger tips, but we struggle to find the time to balance everything. We want the best for our kids, and we wonder sometimes what that is. We wrestle toddlers into car seats, and we have sippy cups on our floor boards.

We are driven by love… and a healthy dose of humor.

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I hope you all loved getting to know Esin, her family, and Or today! Tomorrow, part 3 of my Israel posts will be about overcoming the fear I had before I went- on more levels than just the “OMG, a 13 hour flight?!” fear. Hint: postpartum anxiety lost this battle.

 

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My Trip To Israel, Part 1
BloggingParenthoodPhotographyTravel

My Trip To Israel, Part 1

by Jill
written by Jill

Man, I’m overwhelmed right now.

To start, my blog has been down, off and on, for over a week, thanks to some kind of hack and malware. I’m so sorry if you got a warning when visiting here last week. I’m told by my host that it’s really, for real, totally fixed now. Seriously. They mean it. They better mean it.

I lost my first post about Israel, and I have SO much to tell you all about it! I don’t even know where to start.

I’m going to re-cap what I said in that post that was lost, I guess.

Basically, did you know I went to Israel for a week at the beginning of the month? I did! And it was life changing. Just beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.

So here’s how that came about. I got an email from Vibe Israel last spring, asking me to apply for a “mommy bloggers” trip. They could only bring a very small group of mom bloggers from around the world, so I thought my chances were really slim, and I was REALLY scared to actually get accepted. But I applied anyway.

And after a couple months of waiting and an interview, I got the email with the invitation. Eeep!

Why was I scared and why did I decide to go? I’ve got a whole other post for that coming up.

Who else went?  from the US- Jamie and Janessa, from the UK- Amanda, and from Australia- Kelly.

What is Vibe Israel all about? What was their intention in arranging this trip? This video explains it far better than I could.

To sum it up, it wasn’t for political or religious reasons. Vibe Israel is a non-profit dedicated to working with influencers to highlight the Vibe of Israel in all aspects.

Where did we go, what did we do? Here’s a rundown in pictures. I’ll elaborate more in future posts:

Day 1 was a travel day, ending with dinner in Old Jaffa in a building from the time of the Crusades.

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Day 2 was Jerusalem with a group of Israeli mothers and a phenomenal female tour guide (one of the very few women offering tours of Jerusalem).

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Photo by Tamar Avara

Then a traditional Shabbat dinner with 2 families in a Tel Aviv home (this was SO special!).

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Day 3 began with a visit to the first children’s museum in all of Israel (and a REALLY spectacular one, at that).

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

Then the Dead Sea!

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

Day 4 started with a visit to Google Campus Tel Aviv to meet and talk to local entrepreneurs and start ups focused on women and families.

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

Then an afternoon with my “Israel Buddies”- two moms who welcomed me, and talked with me in one of their homes for hours. I’ve got an entire post coming up just for this!

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Then dinner on a rooftop in Tel Aviv with 3 powerful and inspirational Israeli women and mothers.

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

Day 5 began with a visit to the Sarit Shani Hay design store, where we met with the designer herself, and got to play with all her creative designs. I NEED this massive alligator for our playroom!

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

Then it was time to drive north. We stopped at a kibbutz that’s home to adults with special needs, and those who need a little help in life. It’s a working organic farm!

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

We collected food and made a delicious dinner with Paula Rosenberg, an Israeli TV personality and natural lifestyle champion.

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

Day 6- After waking in our historic and stunning hostel in Nazareth, we took a walking tour of the city. This was the day a HUGE sand storm covered the country. It was pretty crazy.

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After that, we headed to a children’s boutique- Tuty- to chat with local child and baby brands.

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

And finished it off with an interview with a large newspaper! Did you remember the part about how we started the day walking through a humid city drowning in sand?

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That night we played with Mamanet, a sports organization solely for mothers, where they play something very similar to volleyball, except you throw and catch the ball instead of bumping and spiking it… which didn’t help me much at all. (But it was fun!)

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Day 7- A few of us walked through the local market in Tel Aviv, or “the shook.”

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Then it was off to the Daniel Rowing Center (had you any idea that Tel Aviv has a thriving rowing community?)

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for a final farewell cocktail party.

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Photo by Shani Sadicario

That last picture is me hugging Vibe Israel Founder/CEO Joanna Landau. It was an emotional goodbye. I so admire her and all the women on team Vibe Israel.

I feel like I have family there now. One that I fully intend to visit again soon.

I plan to blog about my trip for the rest of the week, and I’d love to hear if you have any questions you’d like me to try to answer for you! Did you know Israel is the #4 country to raise children, according to a 2015 poll by Internations, and the US isn’t even in the top 20. Why do you think that is? I don’t have the answers, but I have some theories I’ll try to get into in the coming days.

Look forward to a LOT more pictures, too! That is if I can finally finish editing them all.

Here’s a peek at what’s to come tomorrow- An afternoon in the life of an Israeli mother.

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The Post That Nobody Will Pin, But It Makes Me Happy
BloggingParenthood

The Post That Nobody Will Pin, But It Makes Me Happy

by Jill
written by Jill

I keep making blogging harder than it should be.

I miss the days I used to just… write. Long, HUGE paragraphs. I mean, I cringe reading them now. The are so NOT meant for today’s shortened attention span.  But back then they were exactly the kind of catharsis I craved.

I said a lot of things back then that I wouldn’t now. Not necessarily things I don’t still think, but I’m way more calculated about the words that appear on this screen now, the ones that represent my voice. And that is mostly a very good thing. Age and maturity have taught me to think carefully about how my words impact others on both sides of the computer.

But I do long for the days when I could dump my human, flawed brain onto the screen. And maybe 50 people would read it. And maybe 2 would be offended.

I don’t regret where I am now, or where this evolution has taken me, though.

I’m just… stretching my wings and they’re getting a little stuck along the way in this tiny box that I’m in. The walls are built with expectations about babies and explaining what I mean when I say rabies. And what IS it I do for a living? I do not have a real answer for this. I blog, but am I a blogger? I’ve been telling people I’m a digital content creator.

The other day, Leyna handed me a piece of wood she decorated with electrical tape. “It’s for you, mommy! It’s a content!” 

And for all I know, that’s really the best way to describe what I do. I take blocks of ideas, and I add my own flair to them, and I present them to you.

I don’t know. This is me rambling AND I’M LOVING IT.

Oh, and this isn’t me quitting this. This isn’t my resignation letter. I’m just putting words to keyboard because I want to remember what this felt like (except this time with many more paragraphs because in 8 years our brains have evolved to only read lists).

I would/should add pictures to this, too, but something is wrong with my uploader blog thing right now, and I’m trying to fix it. It’s stopped me from blogging in the past, and that’s just dumb. I can WRITE without sharing pictures.

Except now this won’t have a “feature image” so it won’t be visually appealing on Facebook, and it won’t be pinnable. I mean, what is even the point?

I’m toying with dropping the Baby Rabies title of this blog. For one, it’s just getting exhausting explaining it to people and brands (and then brands ACTUALLY refusing to work with me because my blog name is “off color”). But also, I just want to write. I want to write about whatever. I don’t want to have to tie everything back into parenting and babies.

I’m still in that chapter of my life, but I just have so much less to say about it lately, and I don’t know why. I think I’m just averse now to adding to the online noise about judgement, acceptance, open letters to other parents. I don’t know.

I could totally change my mind tomorrow. You probably know this about me if you’ve read long enough. I am fickle and flaky and flawed. I have a million amazing ideas that I’m working on any given time, but the chances that any of them come to fruition are really slim.

So what I think I’m saying is, I know this place has been quiet and devoid of personality for a while. I would say I’m sorry, but I don’t think I should apologize for doing my best to navigate these waters. This place is for me, but it is also for you. I LOVE you. I do. This community means the WORLD to me. Yes, even you who has never commented and still checks in with me from time to time. I love you.

Wow. It’s crazy how fast I can write a blog post when I’m not sizing images and prepping them for Pinterest. I didn’t even take the time to hyperlink anything. I’m such a rebel! I think I’m done now. I shall go get some more coffee.

I hope you do something today that you haven’t done in a long time that makes you happy, too.

 

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We’ve Still Got A Lot Of Fight Left- For My Fellow Warrior Moms
BabiesBloggingParenthoodPostpartum Anxiety & DepressionPregnancyVideos

We’ve Still Got A Lot Of Fight Left- For My Fellow Warrior Moms

by Jill
written by Jill

It’s June. It’s almost halfway through June! And I feel terrible that I’m just now writing about this, organizing, this, ASKING YOUR HELP for this.

See, I was going to get together a giveaway of some kind, where anyone who donates money to help me support Postpartum Progress– the organization that has helped me, changed me, saved me as I’ve struggled with postpartum anxiety and OCD- would be entered to win cool prizes.

But part of my self-care plan has been saying NO to a lot of things, and stepping away when I feel overwhelmed. So I am stepping away from the idea that I’m finally going to pull off that big, grand giveaway. The one I was sure would help me raise over $500 for Postpartum Progress’ Climb Out Of The Darkness campaign by June 20th. 

I’m simply asking you- YOU- and you, and any of you, all of you? Whoever of you can spare $5 or $25 or more. I’m asking you to just simply donate to my fundraising efforts.

Not because I have jazzy strollers to giveaway or fancy handbags, but because this means SO much to me.

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My postpartum anxiety peaked after I had my 2nd baby- Leyna. Here we are, in the thick of it. A picture I haven’t looked at in years. I remember thinking the answer to everything was to never leave the house again. I truly thought that was an actual solution.

It not only means the world to me because of what I’ve been through (read more here, here, here, here) but because I KNOW so many of you are, have, or will go through it, too.

1 in 7 pregnant & new moms will have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder.

One in SEVEN, y’all.

I want Postpartum Progress to continue to be the go-to resource for women who are struggling, who are up at 2 am, googling things like “I can’t stop these visions of my child dying,” or “I’m so angry and I don’t know why,” or “Why am I a terrible mother?”

I want their New Mom Checklist to be accessible far and wide, I want their Plain Mama English Symptoms of Postpartum Depression & Anxiety to get seen by as many moms and dads and caregivers as possible. And I want them to continue to grow, to help parents in ways they so desperately want to, but need funds to do so.

My wish is that you’ll crank up your speakers and watch this video. These are women, families, CHILDREN who have already been helped by this immensely valuable organization.

I want you to share it with anyone and everyone. Not so people will donate (though, of course, it would be lovely if they did) but so anyone out there who is in the trenches of postpartum depression, anxiety, ocd or psychosis will have the chance to see that there is a way through this, to hear that we believe in them and in the fight that is left in them. 

And, momma? If that warrior is you? You got this. You do. There is an entire community out here willing and ready to support you and cheer you on.

Of course, I would also love if you’d support my fundraising efforts. You can visit my Crowdrise page here. Thank you a million times for donating, sharing, and supporting however you can. Even if there’s no chance of winning a fancy prize this time.

 

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When Parenting & The Internet Collide- What I’ve Learned

by Jill
written by Jill

The internet has never not been a part of my life as a parent. Some of the first people I told I was pregnant were a bunch of women I’d never met “in real life” on a message board.

Quite a few of those women are still my friends- REAL friends, whether I’ve met them in real life or not. (And I have met quite a few of them, and gone to their kids’ birthday parties, and spent nights in hotels with them.)

My time as a mom on the internet has been like a lesson in human psychology, and it’s taught me a lot about myself and others. Over the past nearly 8 years, I’ve learned a few things that have helped shape me as a friend and mother, both on and off the internet. And I think they are pretty key to thriving in this online life that so many parents have. (You’re probably one of them if you’re reading this.)

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1. Nobody has this figured out. No matter how confident a blogger or friend on Facebook or message board commenter appears about a certain parenting topic, I promise you they are struggling in other areas. Perfect parents do not exist- not off OR online.

2. But there are some people who desperately need to convince THEMSELVES that they are doing a good job at this, and there are several ways they may go about this:
a. They tell everyone what other people are doing wrong.
b. They emphasize what they are doing right.
c. They put others down to make themselves feel better.

3. In my own personal experience, the times I’ve been most judgmental of other parents have been times I’ve been the most insecure about my own parenting. I can’t speak for everyone, but I would venture to guess that’s kind of how it goes for a lot of people.

4. It’s probably not really about YOU when someone online gets defensive or judgmental with you.

5. But also? You need to check your own gut reaction, and try to understand why you think that person is judging you. Are YOU the one being overly sensitive and defensive? Have they touched on your insecurities inadvertently?

6. Conversely, when you find yourself wanting to point out what you perceive as others mistakes, is that coming from a place of love and concern? Are you doing it in a kind way? Or is it coming from your own desire to make yourself feel better.

Listen, the media is hell-bent on perpetuating this idea of “mommy wars,” but I truly think a very small percentage of parents online are intent on purposefully hurting and calling out other parents in damaging ways.

So we can either keep believing that there is a line in the digital sand that divides us into a fractured circle of millions of pieces, or we can take a deep breath, think about what we’re about to type, and embrace our diversity as a community while refusing to let other’s choices make us feel insecure about our own.

It took me a long time to come to this place, and I still have to catch myself before firing off a snarky response to comments that bring my judgement into question. I’m guilty of all of the above.

I see new parents coming to the internet for advice in Facebook groups, on Twitter, in comment sections, on Instagram, etc. And I want so badly for them all to learn these lessons quicker than I did.

The internet is an AMAZING resource for community, support, advice, and commiseration as a parent. The sooner you can figure out the human element of this technology the better.

I’d love to hear from some of you who’ve done some growing as a parent and person on this beautiful world wide web. In your experience, how have you evolved in terms of your tolerance and views of people who parent differently than you?

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I’m planning to talk about and expand upon this when I speak at Miami’s Ultimate Baby Affair on February 6th.  If you’re in the area, I’d LOVE to see you there! Tickets start at only $15, and VIP tickets include a Beco baby carrier! The Baby Guy NYC and Honest Toddler will also be there, and we are sure to have a lot of fun and candid conversations about kids and parenthood. 

 

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