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Julie Forbes

What Preschool Teachers Wish They Could Tell You
contributorsSchool Age DaysToddlers

What Preschool Teachers Wish They Could Tell You

by Julie Forbes
written by Julie Forbes

Julie Forbes did some investigative journalism (aka had an honest talk with some friends) and got to the heart of what preschool teachers wish they could tell you.

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I know a few preschool teachers who aren’t just great at their jobs, they also have their degrees in early childhood education, and they’re cool chicks (and one is a parent to a preschooler too).  So, I asked them to dish with me, off the record, about what they really want to say to parents.

  1.  Your child is not special
    Of course your child is special and unique, but so are the other 20 kids in the class.  Teachers do not need to know every, single detail about your child, including what they are playing with that week or what their favorite TV show is.  Your child’s interests aren’t going to dictate what the rest of the class plays with.

    Helicopter parents: they’re looking at you.  One teacher said, “Your child can read?!?  Good for you.  But, so can lots of other kids in the class.  I think sometimes parents get caught up in their child’s uniqueness that they want to share every detail.”

    The teachers said they’ve received nightly e-mails from parents sharing everything from “the theme” of a child’s play that day to videos capturing their activities.
    “We care about every child in our program, but we can’t care as much as some parents want us to care,” they shared through giggles.

    It feels narcissistic to them, and they are not going to give your child special treatment.  That being said…

  2. Communicate
    Teachers need to know the very important things going on in your child’s life.  A new baby, a deployed parent, even a bad night of sleep can all affect the way your child may be acting.

    “We’ll have parents who won’t have told us that they have moved houses.  That’s relevant information!  If we know the grandparents have been in town, and they just left this morning, then we can make sense of your child’s behavior,” one teacher told me.

    Just don’t become an over-sharer.

    IMG_2126

  3. Keep toys at home
    If your child brings something to school, chances are its going to get lost, damaged or traded.  And, it’s going to cause a conflict.  It’s typically a distraction from the other educational toys in the classroom, and it’s difficult for the teachers to keep track of which toy belongs to which child.  Plus, you or your child may get upset if something happens to it. Keep it at home or in the car.

    If you’re trying to leave the house and your child won’t put the item down, the teachers say to blame them.  Tell your child that the teacher or school doesn’t allow it, one of the teachers said, “We have no problem being the bad guy.”

    The one exception is an item that a child uses for a transitional object. “The gross, grubby blanket or the stuffed animal that’s lost its nose are generally not desired by other kids,” says one teacher.  Those emotional items are fine for a child to bring in until they get comfortable in the classroom.

  4. If you volunteer, be helpful
    “Sometimes parents come in, and it makes more work for us,” they were embarrassed to admit.

    If you tell the teachers you want to come in to help with a project, then have a plan.  They say parents tell them all the time they want to do a project with the kids, but then they want the teachers to plan it, design it, and collect all of the resources for a project.

    “Teachers like volunteers, but volunteers who are self-sufficient,” sums up one teacher.  For example, if you are a baker and you want to make cupcakes with the kids, then tell the teachers how long it will take, what kind of supplies you will need, and when you’ll be done.

  5. They appreciate your thoughtfulness
    I’ll be honest, I was hoping they’d say they don’t care about gifts so I could cross Teacher Appreciation Week off my to-do list.  But, they do.  Those perfect Pinterest-inspired homemade crafts mean a whole lot to them.  

    “Maybe you don’t save it forever.  But, you get it, and you appreciate it for that moment,” one teacher said.

    Another teacher is thankful of how appreciative families seem to be of her job, “My fiance is a high school teacher, so I always feel bad around the end of the school year or Christmas, I come home with all of these cards, and he’s like, ‘I got ONE card.’  I think we’re lucky that we catch families at the beginning, and they really value us.”

    WhatPreschoolTeachersWouldTellYou

  6. Label your Stuff
     If you have ever asked your preschool-aged child to get something out of his or her drawer, you know that the entire contents of that drawer end up on the floor.  So, imagine when a classroom full of kids gets one item out of their cubby.  It looks like a 3T department store exploded.  Everything is all over the place, and the teachers have no idea what goes where.

    “Shirts, socks, even underwear.  Anything that could get thrown on the ground needs a label,” the teachers said.  One of the teachers said that with her son, she just stocked up on cheap clothes and kept them just for “school replenishing clothes.”  That way, when something came home wet or dirty, she had another labeled set ready to go.

    I asked for their recommendations on the best, most organized labeling system.  Their answer?  Sharpie.

  7. Read what they send you
    On that note, chances are you received an e-mail or paper instructions telling you to label your stuff.  Do it!  And, do the other things the teachers asked.  There’s a reason why they tell you these things.  In the case of labeling your clothes, they don’t want your stuff getting lost.

    “There’s nothing more annoying to a teacher than when you write all of this information about events, experiences and activities and the parents respond with, ‘What?!  We didn’t know about that.'”  They said they try to make it as user-friendly as possible; all you have to do is spend a few minutes reading it.

  8. Be on Time
    They get it, life happens.  So being late every once in a while isn’t a big deal.  But they say it always seems to be the same parents who are consistently late in picking their kids up from school.If you do happen to be late, don’t make a scene. 

    One teacher said “Our day has moved on.  Grab your child as quickly and swiftly and discreetly as possible.  You don’t get to have one-on-one with us at this point.”

    Let’s just ignore the obvious that it is incredibly rude, the teachers tell me that you’re just hurting yourself in the long run.  When you’re not on time, they’ve moved onto whatever comes next in their day, and they can’t debrief you about what happened in your child’s day.   They said it’s those same parents who end up being caught off guard about something that’s going on at school, and then they get upset that they haven’t been kept informed.

  9. They Don’t Expect you to be Perfect
    Cut yourself some slack.  They know that you are with your child all the time, and that sometimes your patience runs thin.  These particular teachers are only with their students for a few hours a day, and they said it’s much easier for them to always do things by the book – it’s their job.

    “If there is a moment at drop-off or pick-up where your kid is being a jerk, we get that, and I see sometimes, parents try to be perfect in front of us, and they end up letting their kid get away with something because they don’t want to look like they’re having a power struggle,” said one teacher.They said they can be there to help you deal with it, or to back up to let you do your thing.  

    This teacher summed it up perfectly, “We get it.  We’ve seen it all.  And we’re not fazed.”

  10. Saying Good-Bye
    Come up with a plan.  Be decisive.  Be consistent.If you think your child is going to have a hard time seeing you leave each day, let the teachers know in advance, so everyone can plan for that.  

    “There are some children, temperamentally, that take some time warming up to new faces and places,” says one teacher.

    But, they also note, that some parents are completely caught off guard when a child has a hard good-bye.  They say regardless of what type of child you have, have a plan for hard good-byes and let the teacher know where they fit.

    “Sometimes there’s this awkward dance where we’re ready to help, the parent says, ‘OK, just another minute,’ to their child, and what you do with that other minute reinforces to your child the ambiguity of that good-bye.  He or she wonders, ‘Are they leaving, are they not leaving?'”  

    That’s where teachers say you have to be decisive, and trust that the teacher or school will call you if things aren’t okay, “We don’t want to do damage to that child either.”

    They say the hardest good-byes are the ones where the parents had an ambiguous good-bye and came back after already saying good-bye.
    Predictability is key.  Do the same thing every day.

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Why We Should Encourage Our Kids To Share & Care, And We’re Not Just Talking Good Manners {Contributor}
contributorsSchool Age Days

Why We Should Encourage Our Kids To Share & Care, And We’re Not Just Talking Good Manners {Contributor}

by Julie Forbes
written by Julie Forbes

We all know it’s important to teach our children to share and to care for the feelings of others. Julie Forbes writes below what this could mean for our kids in the future, beyond just good manners, along with some actionable steps for those of us who feel like our kids could use some extra work in this area. I definitely took note.

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My little ones haven’t reached kindergarten yet, so I don’t even know if teachers hand out report cards in kindergarten.  But, if they do, I doubt I would have given it more than a passing glance.  An “S” in sharing can’t mean as much as an “A” in mathematics, right?  Turns out, it could mean even more.

A recent study published in American Journal of Public Health found a link between children’s social skills in kindergarten and their well-being in early adulthood.

The 20-year study found that children who were more likely to “share” or “be helpful” in kindergarten were also more likely to obtain higher education and hold full time jobs nearly two decades later. Students who lacked these “social competence” skills were more likely to face more negative outcomes by the age of 25, including substance abuse problems, challenges finding employment or run-ins with the law.

Janet Thompson is the director of the Early Childhood Lab School at University of California-Davis and has spent 30 years as an educator.  She says she’s not at all surprised, “that early social and emotional behavior indicates future success.”

Child Reading

How can you determine if your child is “socially competent?”  Thompson says to look for these three things in your child:

  1. They treat others with respect
  2. They treat others with kindness
  3. They care for property

If your child is lacking in these areas, don’t despair.  There is plenty of opportunity for growth throughout the years.  

“One of the most effective techniques I usually recommend is doing a lot of social role playing with you (the parent) primarily playing the role of a peer,” Thompson says.

This helps your child understand someone else’s perspective.  Ask simple questions like, “Huh, I wonder how he felt when A, B or C happened?”  Thompson says, “Just wonder together about something, rather than making a critical comment about it.  Then demonstrate what you would do.”

Thompson says parents can do this throughout the day, using a younger sibling in that role-playing scenario.  If your child takes a toy away from the baby, ask the older child, “how do you think that made the baby feel?” instead of saying, “Don’t take that away from her!”

This role-playing exercise helps children understand the consequences of their actions.  Another way to incorporate this into your daily routine is at story time.  After you’ve finished reading a book, ask your child how each of the characters may have felt in specific situations.

Thompson says the key in teaching your child to be respectful is to make sure rules and consequences don’t sound and feel arbitrary.  “A child needs to make sense of a rule or consequence to have it affect change in his behavior.”  You not only need to state the rule, but also the why.

“If it seems arbitrary or capricious or seems to be coming out of the anger of the parent or authority figure, it won’t make a difference,” Thompson says.  She continues, “It will generate fear.  It sometimes generates the desire to avoid that kind of punishment next time, but that can easily include hiding and lying as a child gets older, figuring out work-arounds, rather than incorporating the principles and values that you think you’re teaching.”

Thompson says some researchers think that considering the perspective of someone else before you act is the crux of developing pro-social skills.  And, according to this study, perhaps its the secret to future success.

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Milk Made My Daughter Eat Sand {contributor}
Babiescontributors

Milk Made My Daughter Eat Sand {contributor}

by Julie Forbes
written by Julie Forbes

If you’ve been around here for a while, you probably remember how I craved rocks and sand while pregnant with my last two babies. In fact, my daughter Leyna’s middle name- Lorelei- is also the name of a large rock on the Rhine river in Germany, and that was totally intentional. After reading this piece Julie Forbes wrote for us today, I wonder if cutting back my dairy while pregnant will help this time? 

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I remember being at the playground with my kids when my husband called.  He was deployed in Afghanistan, so I took his phone calls any time, any where… even if I was busy chasing around two toddlers at the playground.

I had the phone up against my ear as I was pushing my 3-year old on the swing and keeping my eye on my then-14-month old daughter.

She was playing in the sand and picked up a huge handful and put it in her mouth.

“Scarlet, yucky.  Don’t put the sand in your mouth,” I yelled to her.

“Does she do that often?” my husband asked through the phone.

“What?  Put sand in her mouth?  Yes, rocks, sand, dirt.  You name it, she eats it,” I told him.

“You might want to get her checked for an iron deficiency,” he told me.

“An iron deficiency?  Why, like she’s one of those pregnant ladies who eats sand?” I asked him.

I knew about pica because Jill had blogged about it.  And my husband is a doctor, so I thought he probably knew what he was talking about, but I didn’t give it too much more thought.  At my daughter’s next well-visit, I mentioned her sand-rock-dirt eating habit to her pediatrician.  She said she thought it was probably just normal toddler behavior, but we might as well have it checked out.

We had to get blood drawn from her tiny little arm, which was not fun.  But, it gave us the answers we needed.  The test results came back, and sure enough, she had an iron deficiency.

Quite honestly, I was shocked.  Because I am a vegetarian, and pretty much raise my children on a vegetarian diet, I had done a lot of research to make sure they were getting their proper nutrients.  I follow the Super Baby Food diet which consists of feeding your children iron-rich foods (spinach, broccoli, egg yolk, etc.) followed by a vitamin C fruit.  The vitamin C helps the body absorb the iron.  I also knew never to give milk to my kids while feeding them iron-rich foods because the calcium in milk blocks the absorption of iron.  What I didn’t know was that I also needed to be monitoring the amount of milk she was drinking throughout the course of the day.

I know there’s a belief out there that cow’s milk is not good for you.  Some people say it isn’t natural, it’s mucusy, etc.  That’s not what this post is about.

In our family, we stick by the old adage that milk does a body good.  And, because I’ve always been blessed with babies who sleep through the night, I’ve been afraid to tinker with what works.  So, when my children turn one, and I switch them from breastmilk to cow’s milk, I have always given them the same amount of cow’s milk as I was giving them breastmilk.  That meant, my 1 year old was drinking four 8-oz bottles of milk a day.  That’s 32 ounces of milk, which I now know is way too much.

Recent studies have shown that children should be drinking no more than 24 ozs of milk a day because of exactly what happened to Scarlet (and 16 ozs of milk is ideal).  When you are drinking too much milk, the milk’s calcium prevents the body from absorbing iron.  And, an iron deficiency develops.  And, in some cases, your body starts craving iron so badly, you try to find it in rocks, sand and dirt.

Fortunately, there was an easy fix.  Because my daughter eats cheese like I do (when there’s a bottle of wine in front of me), and lots of yogurt daily, I cut her milk intake back to one 8 oz bottle a day, and supplemented her diet with iron drops.  A month later, we had her iron checked again, and it was at normal levels.

Now the sand from the playground ends up in the car, in our rugs, in the bathtub, and in every other crevice known to mom… but not in my daughter’s mouth.

Scarlet in the sand

 

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A Tested & Approved Way To Keep Kids Safe In Parking Lots
contributorsParenthoodReviews

A Tested & Approved Way To Keep Kids Safe In Parking Lots

by Julie Forbes
written by Julie Forbes

When I reached out to Julie Forbes about trying out the Parking Pal for this sponsored post, she told me she’d already been using them for months. Y’all know I love when we get to work with brands that we already know and love. I think a lot of you are going to 1. totally relate to the humor of this and 2. find yourself wondering if this might be a good solution for you. I love when this combo comes together.

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Parking Pal- a tested and approved way to keep kids safe in parking lots | babyrabies.com

It was one of those days.  I woke up on a Sunday morning and realized we didn’t have a scrap of food in the house.  I was only half-way through my husband’s two-week out of town work trip, I figured it would be hours before any of our college-aged baby-sitters would be awake, and our closest family members live 2,000 miles away.  I put on my rally cap, and did what only the bravest of moms will do: I took all three little kids to the grocery store by myself.  Gulp.

We managed to make it through there relatively pain-free.  I only had to buy 3 of the 10 things the kids begged for, and only one carton of eggs got broken in the process.  I’ll call that a success.  Bonus points for the always-friendly Trader Joe’s employee who insisted on pushing my cart out to the parking lot.  I was nailing this!

In an effort to hurry things along, I decided that it would be better to trick the kids than actually give them a defiable instruction.   I walked out of the sliding doors with my one year old on my hip, and I excitedly said to my 2 and 4 year old, “Hey guys, who wants to show the grocery store employee where our car is?”  They took off running straight for the car.  Suckers.

I felt like I had it all together, when all of the sudden a 20-something year old dude, who kind of resembled Dax Shepard, yelled at me, “They’re going to kill themselves!  You can’t let them do that!”  Then, he turned to the kids, “You can’t EVER run in the parking lot.  You’re going to get hit by a car!”

I was stunned.  Surely, this must be a friend of the Trader Joe’s guy who was trying to make his friend laugh?  But, judging by the way the store employee was staring intently at the wheels of the cart, and refusing to make eye-contact with me, I realized that nope, he was just as embarrassed as I was.

parking lot

Sure, my kids were running through the parking lot.  But, the only other businesses in this parking lot are a Forever 21 and a college bar.  It was a Sunday morning.  In a college town.  The parking lot was deserted.  I had my eye on the kids, and there weren’t any other cars near us.  But still, it was mortifying.

Like anyone, I have my days when I don’t feel like I’m the best mom I can be.  Maybe I feel like I have been allowing too much screen time, or I haven’t been reading enough books, or I’m not watching the kids’ diet the way I should.   But, this… this was different.  Some know-it-all basically called me out for not doing the only real job you’re supposed to do as a parent: keep your kids alive.

I confided in my best friend and told her about my embarrassment.  She said, “Don’t give that guy another thought!  He has no idea what it’s like to be home with three little kids all day long, while you’re pregnant, and you’re husband’s always at work.”  She added angrily, “He wouldn’t last a day in your shoes!”

“Yeah!  She’s right!” I kept telling myself.  But, I couldn’t shake it.  After several fake arguments with this guy in my head (who I now fully picture looking exactly like Dax Shepard), I realized, ugh, maybe he was right.

Maybe I was so worried about the current dirty dozen list, getting my kids into the Spanish immersion school, and teaching them phonic blends, that I was missing the big picture.  I had never really talked to them about parking lot safety.  I purposely give my kids lots of freedoms, so that they’ll figure things out on their own.  But, when it comes to life and death, I realized maybe Dax  (as I am now calling him) had a point.  I was so busy sweating the small stuff, I was missing the big stuff.

Parking Pal- a tested and approved way to keep kids safe in parking lots | babyrabies.com

I remembered seeing a product on the internet that I thought could help me and the kids.  I googled, “parking lot circle magnet,” and up came exactly what I had been looking for, the Parking Pal Magnet.

The Parking Pal is a product designed by a mom who had kids about the same age as mine.  Just like me, she would stress when she was getting the baby in and out of the car, trying to keep track of the other two.  So, she designed the Parking Pal.  It’s a brightly colored circle magnet that you can stick on your car.  The kids put their hand on it as they’re waiting for mom or dad, and you have every child corralled in one spot.

Parking Pal- a tested and approved way to keep kids safe in parking lots | babyrabies.com

I bought two of them, along with the Parking Pal book, “Cars Are Big, and I am Small.”

When everything came in the mail, I read the book with the kids.  It was a great way to have the conversation about parking lot safety, and what they should and shouldn’t do.  The kids each picked out their magnet and we put them on the car.

They instantly got it.  I was shocked that I didn’t even have to remind them to go to it.  They were so excited to touch “their” sticker.  It quickly became a game of, “who can get to their magnet first.”  While walking, of course.

Months later, the kids are still into “their” magnet, and things are much calmer and safer in the parking lot.   Many other parents love the magnet too, and have been asking Parking Pal for a more permanent solution.  So, Parking Pal will soon be adding a Parking Pal decal to its website.  Like all of Parking Pal’s products, this too will be made in the U.S.A.

They have also come out with a Penalty Pal, so parents can designate a spot for Time Out.  My kids have grasped the idea of the Parking Pal so much, I may have to give it a try.

Parking Pal- a tested and approved way to keep kids safe in parking lots | babyrabies.com

 

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Shake Those Money Makers: Tax Write-Offs for Parents {contributor}
contributors

Shake Those Money Makers: Tax Write-Offs for Parents {contributor}

by Julie Forbes
written by Julie Forbes

We can always count on Julie Forbes to bring the intelligent and well-researched pieces to this blog. She doesn’t disappoint today! I had NO idea we could write off all the money Scott spent on the little league team last year! 

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Who says being a stay-at-home parent doesn’t pay the bills?

Everyone.  Because it doesn’t.

But, that doesn’t mean you can’t claim some tax deductions.  All parents, whether you stay-at-home or are working, have plenty of opportunities to itemize.

You probably already know that each one of those money-sucking life forms you pop out grants you another ~$1,000 tax credit each year, and you get to add another exemption.

But there are quite a few others that you may not be aware of.

Here’s a breakdown of some parenting chores, and how they can help you at tax time:

Breast-feeding

Your boobs are tax deductible!  Ok, so maybe your boobs aren’t tax deductible, but if your breasts are milk-makers, they’ve now become money-makers.  Just recently, the IRS softened its stance and said that even though breastfeeding isn’t “medically necessary,” (meaning, it doesn’t require a prescription) it can be considered deductible.

You may know that health-related deductions typically fall into a category that doesn’t help you out unless you have medical deductions that add up to more than 10% of your annual income.  That’s usually a pretty high benchmark for people.  Don’t count it out just yet though because, remember, in the year that you deliver a baby, your medical expenses are probably higher than most years, so you could qualify.

And, if you don’t, Chris Williams, Managing Partner of Green Valley Taxes Inc., in Napa, California says, “Frankly, I think if you work and you have to pump milk because you’re not with the baby, I think you could take that deduction in a different part of the Schedule A which is subject to the 2% floor of the AGI,” (adjusted gross income, or your total salary).

What he’s saying is that because the IRS has announced that it will now consider breast-feeding as a health deduction, the logic would follow that if you are breastfeeding to allow you to work, than its now acceptable to claim it as a work expense.

And, you can also assume that anything associated with breast pumps would also be included (the IRS doesn’t exactly elaborate on these subjects).  But, logic would tell you that breast pumps don’t just fall into this category (as long as you didn’t receive it for free from your health insurance company), you could also claim all of the pieces of equipment you need to make breastfeeding happen: breastshields, tubing, milk storage containers, a sanitizer, bottles, etc.

If you’re thinking, “Man, I wish I would have known about this when my child was a baby!” you can always go back and file an amended return for the past 3 years.  It’s not too late to make those claims.

Laundry

Your regular load of food-stained onesies doesn’t count as a deduction, but if you or your spouse are required to wear a uniform to work (and, no I don’t mean that pair of yoga pants you wear everyday) that counts as a deduction.  A “uniform” is a set of clothing that you wouldn’t wear outside of work.  Think: a firefighter, a police officer, or even someone who wears medical scrubs.

These are all considered uniforms, so not only is the cost of these items deductible, but so is the upkeep or laundering of these items.  If you get them dry cleaned, hemmed or pressed, save the receipts.  And, if you do the laundry at home, add up the water, electricity and detergent that it took to keep that uniform clean throughout the year.

What exactly qualifies as a uniform?  Again, the IRS isn’t really big on details, but Williams says, for example, he would consider the dress clothes a doctor wears underneath his or her white coat to be a uniform, if the doctor changes clothes before they leave work.  Williams says, “Because it’s a medical situation and there are real concerns of germs, the types of clothing you’re wearing underneath is considered a uniform because you’re concerned about cross-contamination.”

Cooking

If only every grocery store run could be considered a deduction, it would take away the pain of the large bill at check-out, but that’s not the case.  But the food you buy that is considered, “medically necessary,” is.  For example, if you are breastfeeding and having trouble keeping up your supply, whatever the doctor recommends to help increase your supply would be considered medically necessary.  Or, if your child’s doctor recommends certain foods be added to their diet for health reasons, those too would be considered deductible.

(And, no, the wine you need to maintain your sanity does not count.)

Spring Cleaning

Who doesn’t love cleaning out the toy room, and getting rid of some of the junk?  Instead of handing it to a neighbor or friend, donate it to a charity, and watch the savings pour in.  “You’d be surprised how much that adds up by the end of the year,” says Williams.

It’s one of the few deductions that is not dependent on how much money you make.

Williams recommends that you don’t just get a receipt from the organization, but also take a picture of the pile you’re donating.  But, Williams says, “Don’t let a lack of receipt completely blow you out of the water with a deduction.  You only need a receipt if you’re challenged and audited.”  Williams goes on, “If you made the donation, you’re entitled to the deduction.  Claim it.”

IMG_1227

Coaching the Team

If you’re the one who got talked into coaching the little league team, you’re in luck!  You can’t deduct your time, but you can deduct all of the expenses that go into it.  If you need to buy any balls, helmets or bats for the team, those are all tax-deductible.  All of the miles you travel to practices and games are also deductible.  And, if you’re the team mom, the snack you buy is tax deductible.

You can’t just form a baseball team with the neighbors and write it all off though; this does have to be with a qualified organization.

Childcare

Most families probably know that if both parents are working, or looking for work, they can claim their childcare expenses.  Daycare or nanny care probably comes first to mind, but, did you know this also extends to after-school activities, summer camps and preschools?  This isn’t a tax deduction, it’s a tax credit, which means, money back in your pocket.

You’re allowed to claim up to $3,000 for one child and up to $6,000 for two or more children.

All the Single Ladies (and Guys)

If you’re a single mom or dad, you will get a big tax bump because you’re not considered “single” any more, but you’re now the “head of the household.”  And, that will bring you into a totally different tax calculation.

Hopefully, this helps take away some of the pain come tax time.

Do you have any other parenting tax deductions to add?  Please share!

Of course, we are not actual tax professionals and we can not guarantee the accuracy of anything in this post. Please consult your own tax professional if you have any questions.

TaxWriteOffsForParents

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This Brain Surgeon & Mom Will NEVER Break This Rule {Contributor}
BabiescontributorsToddlers

This Brain Surgeon & Mom Will NEVER Break This Rule {Contributor}

by Julie Forbes
written by Julie Forbes

Contributor Julie Forbes is here today with something that tends to be controversial. And listen, I get it. We are all doing the best we can with what we have for our kids, right? The extended rear facing conversation can get heated and judgmental, and that is NOT what we’re after. Julie and I both struggled with whether or not to turn our children forward facing before age two. I actually did turn Kendall forward facing, and then turned him back around. We’re not here to preach to anyone, we’re just here to share some information with you.

I’m a rule follower, by nature.  Rules give me boundaries and guidelines.  So, when it comes to parenting, I do things by the book.  If the AAP says, “Back to Sleep,” my kids go to sleep on their back.  If the pediatrician tells me not to put any loose bedding in the baby’s crib, then a mattress and a fitted sheet is all they get.

But the one rule I always struggle with is keeping kids in a rear-facing car seat until they’re 2.  I try to justify it, like, “My kids are really tall.  There’s not room for their legs.”  Or, “The younger one can see that the older one is facing-forward, and she wants to see out too.”  And, “I’ve made it past a year (which was the old rule), that’s good enough, right?”

WhatABrainSurgeonThinks

Right around the time that my second child was about 18 months, and I was trying to come up with any good reason to turn my daughter around, my friend, Lola Chambless wrote a post on Facebook that got my attention.  She said that while she’s never one to dole out parenting advice, she can’t keep quiet about the importance of keeping your children in rear-facing car seats for as long as possible.  

I figured if anyone would have some insight, it would be her.  You see, Lola is not just a friend, she’s a mom to two little girls, and a Neurosurgeon with Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee.

Lola Chambless

Lola Chambless, M.D. and her two daughters

I had to ask her why this issue was so important to her.  And, just as I suspected, her story gave me goosebumps.  She said when she was in residency, she treated a family who had been in a fairly minor car accident.  The parents in the front were barely hurt.  The older child in the back suffered injuries, but would be fine.  But the one year old child, who was in a forward-facing car seat, died.

Lola Chambless, M.D., said, “I remember seeing those parents late in the night and talking to them about this injury and the fact that it was unsurvivable, thinking to myself how everyone in that car had been in a restraint.  These parents had their kid in an approved car seat that they thought was appropriate at that point.” (This was 10 years ago before the AAP updated its recommendations urging parents to keep their children in rear-facing car seats until at least the age of 2.)

She continued, “They were doing everything they thought they needed to do to keep their family safe.  They were in a car accident that was not incredibly severe, and their child had this horrific injury, and I just remember thinking… I wasn’t a parent at the time… but I remember thinking about the horrific guilt I would feel in that scenario, and the fact that these poor parents just didn’t know that there were things they could do to make that potentially safer.”

In the 10 years since Dr. Chambless had this experience (and others like it), the American Academy of Pediatrics has updated it’s recommendations on car seats, instructing parents to keep children rear-facing until the age of 2, or until they reach the maximum height and weight for their seat.   Dr. Chambless says the reason for it is simple.  “The rear-facing position is the safest position for anybody at any age.”

Have you ever noticed that flight attendants sit rear-facing?  It’s not a coincidence.  But while everyone in the car can’t be rear-facing, young children can be, and should be, for a long time.

“Until children are 4, they have significantly more laxity of the ligaments at the bottom of the skull, and the top of their spine and within the cervical spine, itself,” says Chambless.  This makes children more at risk of experiencing an Atlanto-occipital dislocation, which is doctor speak for an internal decapitation, which is deadly.

“The formation of the spine and the skull is very immature for long periods of time and that maturation process happens progressively and slowly.  So a child that’s 3 is more skeletally mature than a child that’s 2.  But really, up until the age of 4, there’s a much higher risk of spinal cord injury related to high speed car accidents.”

And that’s why in some parts of the world, like Scandanavian countries, parents keep their children in rear-facing car seats until the age of 4.  These practices have been studied, and the evidence is so convincing that Chambless plans to keep her youngest daughter rear-facing until she reaches the age of 4.

“To me, as a parent, there’s no possible thought in the world that is worse than losing a child.  And the idea of losing a child in a scenario that you could have prevented is just something I don’t know how I could survive.”

In this case, it does take a brain surgeon to figure out that the longer you keep your child rear-facing, the better (as annoying as it may be).

 

 

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A Doctor Tells You When To Worry About Your Kids {Contributor}
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A Doctor Tells You When To Worry About Your Kids {Contributor}

by Julie Forbes
written by Julie Forbes

In the thick of cold and flu season, Julie Forbes is here again to share an interview with a doctor/mother of 3. This is good, you guys. Save it for future reference. 

When & When Not To Worry About Your Sick Kids | BabyRabies.com

Do you know how many times I’ve lined up all of my kids, taken their temperature one right after the other, and determined they’ve all had fevers?  I was doing two things wrong, and had no clue (I’m married to a doctor.  You would think I would know these things, but I don’t.)  Here’s a little bit of what else I learned from Dr. Christie Romo.

Christie Romo takes care of patients from their first cry to their dying breath.  She’s been asked it all.  Not only is she a Board Certified Family Medicine doctor with Sutter Medical Hospital in Davis, California, she’s also a mom of three.  She breaks down when you need to see your child’s doctor.

Fevers

When Not to Worry:  A fever alone is not cause for concern if there is a clear sign of why your child has a temperature.  “If they clearly have a cold, if they are clearly throwing up, the fever itself is not concerning.  It’s just a sign that they are sick.”  Also, doctors don’t consider anything under 100.4 a fever.  “If your child has a temperature of 99 degrees, it doesn’t mean they’re not sick, but it doesn’t warrant worrying.  And it could just mean they are hot,” Romo says. (Here’s the first thing I was doing wrong… I used to think anything over 99 meant I needed to grab the Tylenol.)

If your child has an incredibly high temperature, like 103 or 104, it also doesn’t mean there’s extra reason for alarm.  Kids are more likely to get higher temperatures than adults.  “Kids can get temperatures of 103 or 104, and that doesn’t make them any more sick than a temperature of 102,” says Romo.  She goes on to say, “Kids just get higher temperatures than adults do.  Their immune system is just more immature, so it just responds in more flagrant fashion than adults.”

Also, did you know that digital thermometers need to reset back to room temperature before you can use them again?  If you have ever taken your child’s temperature in one ear, and then moved it to the other ear, you most likely got a different result.  That’s because the thermometer needs to readjust.  Give the thermometer about five minutes to get used to room temperature before you use it again. (And, there’s the second thing I was doing wrong.)

When to Worry:  If your child is under 2 months of age and has a temperature over 100.4, you need to get your baby to the emergency room immediately.  If your child is under 3 months of age and has a temperature over 100.4, you need to call your doctor immediately.  “Little babies don’t have much immunity, and any kind of infection needs to be taken seriously,” Romo says.

In older children, temperatures over 100.4 are a concern if there is no clear source of that fever.  Dr. Romo says, “If your child (who is over 3 months of age) has a fever, but no signs of sickness, that is a concern, and your child should come in.”

When & When Not To Worry About Your Sick Kids | BabyRabies.com

Mucus

When Not to Worry:  Kids and runny noses.  The two are just as inevitable as the stains you’re going to get all over those white pants you want to wear.  Unfortunately, kids are bound to have runny noses, and to have them frequently.  Children are still building up their immune systems and often catch viruses.  It doesn’t matter if the snot is green, yellow or clear.  Despite the old wives’ tale, color and consistency are not an indication of an infection.

Colds

When Not to Worry:  A typical viral cold will last anywhere from 5-10 days.  It can include a runny nose, fever, and, or cough.  Your child may also have a decreased appetite.  If your child has what seems like a common cold, you don’t need to see a doctor.  You can run a humidifier, apply vapor rub, put a warm wash cloth on their face, or use a pediatric nasal rinse to help with symptoms.  Or, if you’re really brave, you can use a snot-sucker, like the NoseFrida.

When To Worry:  Be concerned if the cough from that cold is making it hard for your child to breathe.  You may notice their nostrils flaring, or the muscles in their neck straining as they breathe.  Also, a cold that goes beyond those 10 days can become a bacterial infection, like pneumonia or a sinus infection.  “Usually what happens is, you’ll notice a period of 2 or 3 days where you think your child is getting better, and then suddenly they appear much worse.  That’s what we call a secondary infection and it needs to be seen,” Romo says.  It may not require antibiotics, but you should still have a doctor check it out.

Also, if your child has an underlying condition, such as asthma, a cold can become more serious, more quickly.  If that is the case with your child, you should see your doctor before that 10 day mark.

You should also call your doctor’s office if your child has a fever that doesn’t come down with medicine.

Vomiting

When Not to Worry: Kids vomit all of the time (parenting can sometimes be gross).  Maybe it’s because they are crying too hard, or because they are coughing, or maybe because they are sick.  Vomiting alone is not a cause for concern.  You just need to keep them hydrated.  The goal is to give them a teaspoon of liquids every five minutes.  Romo says, “If they chug an entire cup of water, they may just throw it right back up.  Instead, give them a teaspoon at a time.”  She says it doesn’t matter if its water, Pedialyte, Gatorade or juice… just get them to keep down some form of liquid.  Dr. Romo says popsicles work like a charm with her kids.

When to Worry: If you see blood in your child’s vomit, you need to take them to the doctor.  (The same is true for adults.)  Or, if your child’s vomit is green, you should call the doctor.  “Vomit that is green can be concerning because the green stuff comes from below your stomach,” Romo says.  “So, it could mean that there is something obstructing their stomach.”  The green stuff could be bile, and that is a problem that needs to be seen by your child’s doctor.

Vomiting with excruciating pain is also reason for concern.  “If your child is continuously throwing up, and is complaining about pain in their belly, take them to the doctor, “says Romo.

Ears and Eyes

When Not to Worry:  Just because your child is pulling on their ear, it doesn’t mean your child has an ear infection.  Romo says, “Babies pull on everything around them.  Just because they are pulling on their ear, it doesn’t mean you have to worry.”  It could be teething, an itch, or just because it’s there.  Just like your hair or necklace, kids like to pull on ears.

When to Worry:  If your child has had a cold lasting more than a week, and has a fever while complaining of ear pain, you should see a doctor.

Dr. Romo says eyes are actually a better indication of a problem than ears.  “If your child has redness in or around the eyes, you should bring them to their doctor,” she says.  That is usually a good indication that a cold has developed into some kind of sinus or eye infection, and that needs to be seen by your child’s doctor.

Persistent Coughs

When Not to Worry: If your child has a cough that lasts two weeks, without a fever, it probably just means he or she is fighting a stubborn virus.

When to Worry: If your child has a cough that is lasting longer than two weeks, it’s worth having them seen by a doctor.  It could be an indication that they have an ongoing infection, or that something else is wrong, like asthma.

Falls

Here’s where things get tricky.

When Not To Worry:

A bump to the head doesn’t necessarily mean you need to rush your child to the emergency room.  Romo says, “If your kid hits their head, and they’re acting totally normal, they’re probably fine.”  If your child didn’t lose consciousness or if they fall from a low height (less than five feet), it’s not likely that the collision was hard enough to result in a skull fracture, and the risk of an epidural hematoma is very low.

An epidural hematoma is a fracture in the thinner part of the skull (not the top) that tears a blood vessel, which can sometimes bleed in a delayed manner after a period of a few hours.  Layman’s speak: the brain is bleeding.  If the collision was not particularly severe, and they didn’t lose consciousness, you’ll just want to keep your eye on them for 6-8 hours following the injury.

You may have heard that you can’t let your child sleep after they’ve hit their head.  It’s not that the sleep will cause any problems… it’s because if your child is asleep, you can’t check on them to see if they’re acting normally.

 When to Worry:

If your child hits his or her head and becomes unconscious, take them to the hospital immediately.  Duh.

If your kid takes a bump to the head, there is an unlikely chance that an epidural hematoma can progress.  In this event, your child will get drowsier.  If this happens, rush them to the emergency room.  The only way to rule out an epidural hematoma is a CT scan of the head.

If your child suffers a high energy collision or falls from a considerable height (more than five feet) onto a hard surface, it’s probably worth having them checked out just to be on the safe side.  The rules are a little different for kids under the age of 2.  For small children, it takes less energy to cause a skull fracture and a very small amount of these skull fractures can “grow” over time (something not seen in older children).  In this group, have a slightly lower threshold for a trip to the hospital.

In falls that don’t involve the head: “If your child falls and isn’t using a limb afterwards, hate to say it, but it’s probably broken,” Romo says. “Kids are pretty resilient and they don’t let anything stop them.  So, if they’re not walking or not using an arm, you need to have it x-rayed.”

Take comfort in knowing that all of these days filled with wiping noses and putting up with whiny, sick kids could eventually pay off.  The hygiene hypothesis is an often supported theory that suggests the idea that it’s good to get kids exposed to germs and to other kids.  Romo says, “Kids who are in too clean of an environment, and don’t get exposed to infectious agents and germs early on, their body may create an autoimmune or allergic reaction because their immune system is trying to work.  It’s trying to find something to fight.”

Take solace in all of those kids at the daycare who are running around with runny noses.  They’re helping you out in the long run.  Sigh.

Above all, Dr. Romo encourages you to use your parenting instinct.  You know your child, and you know when something is wrong.  Don’t hesitate to seek medical attention, if you think it’s necessary.  Dr. Romo says, “Doctors are here to help.”

******

Note from Jill- We don’t wish any of you to take this over medical advice from your child’s doctor. If you have questions or concerns they are ALWAYS the ones to consult, not Dr. Google.

 

 

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The 5 Best Ways To Workout When You’re a Parent {contributor}
contributors

The 5 Best Ways To Workout When You’re a Parent {contributor}

by Julie Forbes
written by Julie Forbes

Julie Forbes is back again today with some awesome suggestions for staying active while juggling parenting. Also, that bike? Yeah, I want that in a Zombie apocalypse. 

Remember the days when you would wake up on a Saturday morning, leisurely sip coffee and wait around for enough energy to work-out?  Yeah, I barely remember that either.  Now, you have to schedule it around your work schedule, your husband’s work schedule and the kids’ schedule.  But, if you make it a priority, it can happen.

1. Rise and Shine

5am alarm clock

The early bird catches the worm.  I love to wake up before the kids get up, go for a run, and shower before they wake.  Unfortunately, this always sounds like a better idea when I’m setting my alarm at night, than it does when my alarm clock goes off in the morning.  But, if you can find the inspiration, go catch your warm.

If mornings aren’t your thing, there’s always naptime (if you’re still that lucky).  I have a friend who is lobbying her husband real hard for a spinning bike, so she can take classes from home.  With technology, anything is possible, and it may even cost less than a baby-sitter in the long run.

 2. Make Your Commute a Workout

Yuba Mundo Lux

 

Check out my ride.  Yeah, we turn heads, and I take it as a compliment.  I recently bought* the Yuba Mundo Lux, and now I can easily get all three kids on the bike with me (there’s even room for a 4th child on the handlebars).   They love it because everywhere we go is an adventure.  And, I love it because I don’t have to carve out extra time for a workout.  With the bags on the side, we can carry all of our library books, groceries and school projects.  If we have a short trip, we take the bike now, instead of the car.  This way, I don’t have to fight for a parking space at school drop-off and pick-up.  Better for the biosphere, my budget and my buns.

3.  If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em

kid workout

 

Pop in a workout DVD or find one on the internet, and get your kids to join in on the workout.  Our kids love to dance along to kickboxing or P90X.  Plus, they don’t make fun of my uncoordinated moves.

4.  Find a Gym with a Daycare

Have you seen some of these places?  There’s a gym in a town near us that has a splash pad, a bounce house and art classes.  (Ummm, would the daycare workers notice if I dropped the kids off and sat in the locker room sipping wine while reading Facebook?  I’d be doing butt clenches while I was doing it, so technically, it would be a workout.)  Seriously, I have friends who plan their workouts on date nights, so they can shower and do their hair and make-up in peace.  Oh yeah, and you can exercise while you’re there too.

5.  Get it in When You Can Fit it in
feet on stairs
Playing on the ground with the little ones?  Do some stomach crunches while you’re at it.  At the playground?  Do some pull-ups.  (Who am I kidding?  I haven’t been able to do a pull-up since the 3rd grade.  But, if I could, I would.)  Playgrounds are full of places to do arm workouts, strengthen your core and stair climb.  Plus, the mere act of playing burns calories.
If all else fails, just chasing your kids is quite a workout.  I have a fitness tracker, and I can’t remember the last time I had under 10,000 steps (and it’s all within our 2,000 square feet house).  The hourly reminder to stand up?  Not needed when you have kids at home.
 
*I bought the Yuba Mundo Lux at a discount, in exchange for a blog post.  Not because they asked me to, but because I begged them.  I coveted this bike like most women yearn for a designer handbag.  It’s everything I thought it would be.
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