Buying a used car can be super stressful because you never really know if you’re getting the whole story. However, if you’re in the market for a 2005 Ford E350 passenger van, this Craigslist ad is as honest as they get.
First up, the seller (a dad from Texas) dives into a description of some of the physical damage the car has sustained at the hands of his family of eleven:
“The van is missing a speaker in the side door. My kids have been throwing random items in the speaker hole for years. So, you may end up with some very special treasures. Or really old chicken nuggets. Probably both.”
Related: The Zones Of A Filthy Family Car
The outside is also a bit damaged.
“One side of the van has a yellow scuff mark on it. That’s courtesy of me and a battle with a yellow concrete parking divider (I did not win). The other side of the van has a matching white scuff mark. That one is courtesy of my wife. She completes me. In related news, you know how most cars these days come equipped with a fancy backup cameras? This one does not.”
Inevitablely, when you have kids and ANY vehicle, this becomes your reality:
“Every one of our children has thrown up in this van at some point in the past decade… The van is clean now; but, it will probably always be inhabited by the ghost of vomit past.”
But it does come with an entertainment system:
“There’s a 20″ tv mounted to the ceiling. It works and is connected to an in-dash DVD player. This is a handy feature as it helps distract kids from the intermittent air conditioning and smell of decaying chicken nuggets.”
And just to cover all the bases:
“if you’re wondering if some particular part of the van works, just assume it doesn’t work in the way that Ford originally intended it to work.”
This speaks to all parents on deep, deep level.
“I looked the van up on Kelley Blue Book. $4,396. Unfortunately, Kelley Blue Book only allows me to choose between the following conditions: excellent, very good, good, and fair. I chose “fair” since “sad” was not an option. I’ve adjusted my asking price accordingly.”
A cool $3,800 and this baby’s you.
But maybe get one of these before you take it for a spin:
PS. Just incase this van sells before you make it to this post (because who wouldn’t want it, right?) here’s a pic of the whole post for the archives. Or whenever you need to feel better about all the rotten chicken nuggets and barf in your own car. 😉