The guy walked up to me with a look of importance, like whatever he was going to say or ask had been thought out.
“When are you due?”
It was nearly a demand. I mean, I don’t mind sharing my due date, but people aren’t entitled to it, you know?
“Mid December,” I replied quickly and turned around.
Then, with a tone of superiority, and certainly pleasure that he had this information from me now, he responded, “Damn. You SURE it’s not twins?” and quickly walked off. It’s clear he was set on saying that to me all along. Make no mistake, there was nothing kind about this exchange.
And yet, this is just… something people do? They just openly comment on the state of a pregnant woman’s body whenever they feel like it.
So for those who feel like they MUST say SOMETHING to a very visibly pregnant woman, let me offer you this suggestion.
There are really only a few acceptable things to say, stranger who feels compelled to comment on the size of a woman incubating a child.
Are you ready? Take notes.
“You look amazing!”
It doesn’t matter if she actually looks amazing, okay.
I don’t care if she looks like Jabba the Hutt incubating a small planet, you tell her she looks amazing, congratulate her, or you could even tell her she’s glowing.
We know we’re not glowing. We know we sweat a lot while lugging around this enormous midsection that you are shocked by. We know we don’t look amazing.
LIE TO US ANYWAY.
Because if you’re not going to lie to us, the ONLY other acceptable alternative…
Is to keep your mouth shut. Shhh! Say nothing.
Definitely DO NOT ASK US if we’re sure it’s not twins!
Or if we’re SURE we’re not having the baby sooner than we think.
I promise, there are two things we are CERTAIN of, and it’s the number of inhabitants in our uterus, and when they are expected to GTFO.
Oh yeah, and none of that is your business anyway, IF WE’RE BEING HONEST.
So if you’re not going to tell the pregnant woman that she looks amazing, is glowing, or congratulate her, then SHUT UP.
Go back to the life you were living before a pregnant woman showed up and shocked you with the size of her belly to the point that you felt the deep desire to say something to her about it.
It’s just not appropriate. It’s not funny. You’re not endearing. You’re not making small talk. You’re rude.
Listen, you think you’re shocked? We are VERY aware of how we look. Nobody is more shocked than us.
We have to see ourselves naked.
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22 comments
A woman I work with told me I should probably check with my doctor because there’s no way my December due date is right. When I assured her that, yes, I am due in December she chuckled and said that I was probably having twins.
So to say I appreciate this post is an understatement! Thank you!
And just so you know, as a high school teacher I always tell my student that the only thing to say to a pregnant woman about her body is that she looks beautiful.
OMG! SO much! I actually had this happen a number of times with my second baby. It was SO infuriating. I finally started responding back, “when are you due?” to those asking who were clearly not pregnant. Was it nice? No. Did it feel good to see the look of shock on their face? Yes.
Our (rather portly, male) Deacon asked my mom if I was sure it wasn’t twins. She told him it wasn’t, and that he better not ask me that… Which he promptly did anyway. I told him “no, just one baby… What’s your excuse?!” PS- Congratulations, you look awesome, and you’re glowing! ?
This is FANTASTIC.
Sitting here 36 1/2 weeks pregnant with Baby #3 hysterical laughing. Thank you for that!! I wish you all the best the rest of the way and for a smooth, quick delivery.
THANK YOU for writing this. I don’t know if it’s because I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my second, back-to-back pregnancy, but I have no more tolerance for the comments. I work at a high-end wine store and I’m constantly getting rude remarks. One older gentleman eyed my belly, looked up in disgust and said “in my day, women wouldn’t be allowed to work here.” WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY TO THAT?
[…] Krause writes about all things mom, parenting, and relationships at her blog, Baby Rabies, and she has some words of advice for the non-pregnant segment of the […]
[…] Krause writes about all issues mother, parenting, and relationships at her weblog, Baby Rabies, and she or he has some phrases of recommendation for the non-pregnant phase of the […]
[…] Krause of Baby Rabies has a short PSA for people who aren’t […]
[…] What NOT to stay to a pregnant woman – be sure to watch the video at the end of the post! […]
[…] He then replied with what Krause described as "with a tone of superiority", "Damn. You SURE it's not twins?". "It’s clear he was set on saying that to me all along. Make no mistake, there was nothing kind about this exchange," she wrote in a post on her blog Baby Rabies. […]
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