Just Another Evening With The Krause Family

In the car with the whole family on the way to the store:

Kendall: “Oh dude! Look at all the blood and body parts coming out of that car!”
Me: “Um. What? No. No, that’s just probably oil… and I don’t see any body parts. I think everyone is okay.”
Leyna: “That’s a BIG exadent!”
Scott: “Yeah, that’s why you shouldn’t take a left turn at that light. I say it all the time. It’s dangerous. Jill, don’t ever take a left turn here, okay. You just go up there and turn around in that parking lot.”
Leyna: “Yeah mom! Or you’ll DIE. Exadents are when you DIE.”

10 minutes later, walking into the store:

Kendall: “Leyna, SHUT UP. You’re so annoying.”
Me: “Kendall! Do NOT talk to her like that.”
Kendall: “Leyna, I’m going to kick you in your balls.”
Me: “KEN.DALL. ::dramatic pause:: she doesn’t even have balls. I’m about to take you back to the car.”
Kendall: “Wait. She doesn’t have balls? How does she pee?”
Me: “Huh? Nobody pees with their balls.”
Kendall: “So she just pees out her butt?”
Me: “Her vagina? Kind of.”
Kendall: “HER WHAT?!”
Me: “Can we not with this discussion in Walmart?”

30 minutes later, back in the car:

Leyna: “NO! I do. not. need. help. I will DO IT MYSELF.”

2 minutes later:

Leyna: “MOMMMM! My buckle is twisted and I hate this car seat! Ugh. UGHHHHHH! HELP! ME!”
Me: “Okay, just calm down. It’s not twisted. Just put this over here…”
Leyna: “Make SURE the clip is high enough mom. THAT’S NOT HIGH ENOUGH. The police officer will get mad at me and shoot me and I will die.”
Me: “No. Noooo. No, that will not happen. The clip is fine, Leyna. The police are not going to get you.”
Leyna: “But YOU SAID the police would be mad if my clip was too low.”
Me: “Okay, yes, but I never said they’d shoot you.

40 minutes later at the dinner table:

Leyna: “Did you know that dogs go to heaven after they die?”
Scott: “Sure. That’s where Bruno is.”
Leyna: “Wouldn’t it be crazy if we all died?”
Me: “Right now? I mean, that would be crazy, but I hope we don’t.”
Kendall: “You’re going to DIE, Leyna.”
Me: “Can we all just STOP talking about dying while we eat?”
Kendall: “Leyna, did you know you don’t have balls?!”

Just another evening with the Krause family.

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50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide
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