Toddlers and oranges. Every single time.
“What are you doing? No! Let mommy peel it. Don’t bite it!”
::toddler continues to press teeth into peel of the orange before spitting it out, appalled at the taste of bitter peel::
::toddler hands slimy, messy orange to me::
::begin to peel orange::
“NO momma! I DO!”
“No baby. We’ve been over this. It will take me two minutes. Hold on.”
::toddler implodes into a puddle on the floor::
“Look! Look. It’s done! Here. TAKE IT IT’S FINE SEE.”
::hand toddler full, peeled orange::
“No momma. Sticky.”
“Ummm… can I… put it on a plate for you? Here, let me break it up for you. Is that okay? Can I break it?”
“Yeah!”
“Okay, mommy is going to break it and put it on a plate. Okay?”
::move very slowly, no sudden motions, begin to pull apart orange while maintaining eye contact with toddler the whole time::
“NO MOMMY NO BWEAK NOOOOOO!”
“OKAY! Oh, it’s fine! Look. Not broken!”
“No! Bwoken! Nooooo!”
::implode, puddle, sad face::
“No, no, it’s fine. I fixed it! All back together now. All fine!”
::tantrum continues::
“Okay, well, guess I’m going to have to throw it away then.”
::slow walk toward the trashcan::
“No mommy! I want. Pwease? I want.”
::hand over orange like a live grenade::
::toddler squeezes the orange with both hands, dissects it, eats nothing::
Like clockwork. Every time.
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10 comments
Mine fight me over peeling bananas. They take the entire peel off and the banana usually breaks in half. When I try to help out, they get angry and break it anyway. They just throw their oranges. I feel like I live in a cage at the zoo with all the fruit on my floor.
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