When my in-laws were in town after Christmas, there was a moment when I heard Leyna and Kendall laughing so hard in our home office that I immediately knew there was mischief.
I quietly excused myself from the grown up conversation at our kitchen table and walked into the office to a fit of giggles coming from behind Scott’s computer. It was so contagious I had to turn around for a minute and re-boot Mom-Mode.
They are not supposed to play in the office, and absolutely not on our computers.
As they saw me walk in, they didn’t even do that thing where they freeze up and begin to apologize because THEY KNOW they are not supposed to be in here.
They’d passed the point of fucks given. The thing they had on the computer screen in front of them was such comedic gold that they truly thought I’d overlook the obvious rule breaking and join in the laughter.
“Mom! LOOK… it’s… hahahahahahahaha…. it’s….hahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHA” they couldn’t force any other words past their uncontrollable laughter.
As I turned to look at Scott’s screen, my face twisted and I tilted my head to the side, trying to process what I was seeing.
Then, TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH, I channeled Mom-Mode and and sternly said, “YOU. GUYS. NO.”
I think this is the part where many of you might think they uncovered a hidden folder of porn on my husband’s computer and that is not what happened.
Instead, there was a 25″ picture of my 5 year old daughter’s bare butt with her brother pointing at it and laughing while she looked over her shoulder with a look of pride.
They figured out how to work PhotoBooth on his Mac, so there was a series of about 10 of these.
AND IT WAS VERY VERY FUNNY, YOU GUYS.
I’m sorry, but that shit’s funny right there- their proud little faces, mixed with snapshots of them dying of laughter, all the while her bare butt’s playing the leading role, front and center. (It seems she’d perched herself on her dad’s office chair and dropped her pants, making her the exact right height for such poses.)
But I had to tell them no, NO NEVER WE DO NOT NO. I tried so hard not to let them see me laugh. I did that thing that I remember my mom doing when I was a kid- scolding through my laughter, confusing the shit out of them.
“No, seriously (hahahahah) I’m serious you guys. No. Guys…(internal snort) we do not (tears are welling up now) take pictures of our (laughing through my nose) NAKED BUTTS. (deep breath) And we ESPECIALLY DON’T PUT THEM (dying inside) ON THE COMPUTER.”
So next step, triple check to be sure it didn’t randomly upload to somewhere online, then delete that shit so fast so my husband isn’t arrested at some point for child porn.
I mean, it could definitely lead to not funny things, and of course I had the “no naked butt pictures, especially on computers” talk with them again later when I could better step into my Mom-Mode character.
But still, forever funny. Butts are funny.