Thoughts From A The Walking Dead Binge-Watcher

It took Scott and me 3 tries to get through the first episode of The Walking Dead. Within minutes into it, a cop blows a little girl zombie’s head off, and we both looked at each other the first time and were like, YEAH NOPE.

The show is disgusting, horrific, makes me want to vomit, and now we’re on season 4 and we’re OBSESSED. We’re binge watching it as fast as our anxiety will let us. We haven’t slept well in over a month. We lie awake at night, thinking about how we would prep our house for a zombie apocalypse, or wondering what’s going to happen to that one character we love who did that one jack-ass thing at the end of the last episode.

Photo credit- AMC.com

Sometimes we try to find a palette cleanser of a show – something happy and silly with no death or anyone running away- to watch before we head to bed. This is futile. The only way out of this is through it.

As parents, there are thoughts that run through our head… that we both then scream out loud at the TV. Let’s just state the obvious: a zombie apocalypse with children would… there are no words. I was going to say it would be a nightmare, but a that’s what one without kids is.

Here are some thoughts we’ve screamed at the TV through the sheets pulled up over our eyes. Things we think as parents, as viewers, as anyone who is watching society dissolve into pools of zombie blood and intestines in a fictitious show that they can’t stop watching.

(Scott comes home today from a week long business trip and it is HAPPENING. Can’t get the kids to bed fast enough.)

Wait, that’s the guy from Love Actually! It was just as amazing to realize this as when I realized that other guy from Love Actually plays Snape.

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CROSS CONTAMINATION!!! This zombie disease, it must be viral, right? It’s clearly contagious in some way. And yet, nobody seems alarmed when zombie blood splatters on their face. They aren’t sterilizing weapons. One second they are shooting a bow into the forehead of a Walker, the next minute they are shooting it through a squirrel for dinner. They’re making out with each other in blood soaked clothes. LaDiDa.

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On that note- GATHER THE HAND SANITIZER! We have yet to see them pick up gallons and gallons of hand sanitizer on supply runs. This especially disturbs Scott (germaphobe, FDA employee).

 

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NO DON’T LET THEM GO OFF ON THEIR OWN!! These parents, you guys, they just, like, let their kids walk off to get stuff or play or whatever. I can’t understand how they don’t actually have a leash on their children tied to their own waist.

 

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OMG NOT A BABY! At the risk of  spoiling something, I’ll just say… people still have babies in the zombie apocalypse. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE STRESS??! Actually, it’s not even the baby part that would be the worst. A TODDLER? A TODDLER! When/if it grows to a toddler?! I just. No. Can you… no…. these people don’t have easy access to anxiety meds. I don’t even. No.

 

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KILL THEM ALL! WHERE IS YOUR KNIFE? Oh yeah, I’m totally over feeling bad when these zombies get killed. Even the kid zombies. Kill them all, rip their tiny heads open. Why are you walking away? I don’t think you shot that one in the head! Smash it’s skull in!

 

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Helloooooo, Daryl! (Okay, that’s just me) At the beginning of the series I was repulsed and annoyed by this guy, and now I want to have all his zombie apocalypse babies… wait, that’s a total exaggeration. No way I’d have a baby in the zombie apocalypse. Not enough Lexapro in the world. Literally.

 

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I mean…. right?? ^^^^^

So, as I mentioned, we are only on season 4 (just started). Please, NO SPOILERS! But… tell me, if you are also obsessed with this show, um, do you sleep? How?