I think I have Impostor Syndrome, based on my discussions with Dr. Google who is the most trustworthy doctor of them all.
“Impostor syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence.” – Dr. Google
When people say things to me like, “You have it all together!” or mention anything about success, I just want to SHOW THEM. “Look! Look at how much I do not have together! Please! I don’t want to deceive you.”
And this time of year is weird, especially, because we’ll be spending a lot of time decorating (and cleaning) and having loved ones over, and we’re sending out cards that make our family look damn near perfect when really I can’t go 30 minutes without screaming at one of my kids to get out of the mother effing refrigerator SO HELP ME YOU ARE NOT STARVING OMG.
Every year, I consciously make a goal to do good things with this platform- things that bring people together and validate them. I am acutely aware that I am in a position where if I only post the stuff that I want people to marvel at, to aspire to, that I am part of the culture of unattainable perfection.
And so it is always- ALWAYS- on my mind… to be real. With you. With ME.
Listen, there is nothing wrong with blogs and social media accounts that only show the stuff you wish you could do, or you might try to do, or look like, or cook. Whatever.
I want to share things with you that make you want to do all those things! Except probably cook. Please move on to the next exit on the internet for recipes.
But here? Today? I just want to just share my normal Thursday afternoon with you. We have cleaner and more organized days and, yes, we have messier and more chaotic days. This day just falls in between.
Not to make anyone feel bad or for anyone’s pity. Just to put it out there. This is normal for us.
There are movies, and haphazard snacks, messes, dishes, laundry, crying, and whining.
We have a beautiful home that we’ve worked so hard for, and sometimes, a lot of the time, there is a pile of wet towels on my bathroom floor.
And the playroom looks like this nearly constantly because nobody can see that room from downstairs so WHY TRY?
It’s a really lovely home. We adore it. We are thankful for it. We hope nobody dies tripping on shoes at the bottom of the stairs.
Perhaps it’s weird or trite that I feel like “doing good things” here and sharing pictures of our lived in home on a Thursday go hand-in-hand. This isn’t going to change the world, and the world really needs some changing right now.
But I do hope you will remember that normal is grossly underrepresented in the media- online and off. And perhaps if I must be seen as having anything “together” it’s that I have not-having-things-together together? I mentioned in a convo today that I should aspire to be an Expert Non-Expert.
So if you see my house sparkling and my halls decked for the holidays, if you see the crafts I make and the pictures of happy children I take on my social accounts, please remember that my bathroom is in need of caution tape, and I consider this to be a clean shower door.