I keep making blogging harder than it should be.
I miss the days I used to just… write. Long, HUGE paragraphs. I mean, I cringe reading them now. The are so NOT meant for today’s shortened attention span. But back then they were exactly the kind of catharsis I craved.
I said a lot of things back then that I wouldn’t now. Not necessarily things I don’t still think, but I’m way more calculated about the words that appear on this screen now, the ones that represent my voice. And that is mostly a very good thing. Age and maturity have taught me to think carefully about how my words impact others on both sides of the computer.
But I do long for the days when I could dump my human, flawed brain onto the screen. And maybe 50 people would read it. And maybe 2 would be offended.
I don’t regret where I am now, or where this evolution has taken me, though.
I’m just… stretching my wings and they’re getting a little stuck along the way in this tiny box that I’m in. The walls are built with expectations about babies and explaining what I mean when I say rabies. And what IS it I do for a living? I do not have a real answer for this. I blog, but am I a blogger? I’ve been telling people I’m a digital content creator.
The other day, Leyna handed me a piece of wood she decorated with electrical tape. “It’s for you, mommy! It’s a content!”
And for all I know, that’s really the best way to describe what I do. I take blocks of ideas, and I add my own flair to them, and I present them to you.
I don’t know. This is me rambling AND I’M LOVING IT.
Oh, and this isn’t me quitting this. This isn’t my resignation letter. I’m just putting words to keyboard because I want to remember what this felt like (except this time with many more paragraphs because in 8 years our brains have evolved to only read lists).
I would/should add pictures to this, too, but something is wrong with my uploader blog thing right now, and I’m trying to fix it. It’s stopped me from blogging in the past, and that’s just dumb. I can WRITE without sharing pictures.
Except now this won’t have a “feature image” so it won’t be visually appealing on Facebook, and it won’t be pinnable. I mean, what is even the point?
I’m toying with dropping the Baby Rabies title of this blog. For one, it’s just getting exhausting explaining it to people and brands (and then brands ACTUALLY refusing to work with me because my blog name is “off color”). But also, I just want to write. I want to write about whatever. I don’t want to have to tie everything back into parenting and babies.
I’m still in that chapter of my life, but I just have so much less to say about it lately, and I don’t know why. I think I’m just averse now to adding to the online noise about judgement, acceptance, open letters to other parents. I don’t know.
I could totally change my mind tomorrow. You probably know this about me if you’ve read long enough. I am fickle and flaky and flawed. I have a million amazing ideas that I’m working on any given time, but the chances that any of them come to fruition are really slim.
So what I think I’m saying is, I know this place has been quiet and devoid of personality for a while. I would say I’m sorry, but I don’t think I should apologize for doing my best to navigate these waters. This place is for me, but it is also for you. I LOVE you. I do. This community means the WORLD to me. Yes, even you who has never commented and still checks in with me from time to time. I love you.
Wow. It’s crazy how fast I can write a blog post when I’m not sizing images and prepping them for Pinterest. I didn’t even take the time to hyperlink anything. I’m such a rebel! I think I’m done now. I shall go get some more coffee.
I hope you do something today that you haven’t done in a long time that makes you happy, too.