Purple Unicorns Poop Shrimp- Things I’ll Say To Get Them To Stop Asking Questions

What do you do when your child will NOT take “I don’t know” for an answer?

You guys, I think she’s been sent here by someone who thinks I know more than I do. Maybe an advanced civilization that trains our youth while we sleep?

“Mommy, where do shrimp come from?”
“The ocean.”
“No, where do they COME from?”
“Um… other shrimp?”
“What?! No. Where. Do. They. Come. From?”
“…..God???”
::blink, blink:: “NO. No. Mom, where do they come from?”
“I don’t know. I literally, like not even in the hipster sense, but literally do not know what you are asking. I don’t know.”

All these conversations escalate quickly to God or Santa or some kind of higher power, but she doesn’t get that OF COURSE I won’t know the answers they would know. She scoffs at my easy out.

At some point it’s all false admissions.

If I tell you a purple unicorn poops shrimp, will that be enough? WILL IT BE ENOUGH?? My God, I just want to pee. I’ll tell you whatever you want.

And it makes me wonder how much I once thought to be true that were merely the lies my parents told me to get me to shut the eff up. I won’t hold any of it against them.

There IS such thing as a real Teddy Bear Picnic, right?

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