The plan was I would write a post this morning while Lowell naps and Leyna watches Doc McStuffins all about how we FINALLY kicked the paci habit.
(Remember that time the “Paci Fairy” was going to come? She didn’t. She was like, nah, y’all can’t handle me yet.)
And now, Lowell is napping, and Leyna is indeed in my bed “resting” and watching Doc McStuffins. But, well, this is not a post about how we kicked the paci habit.
Tuesday night, Leyna came to our bed around midnight, then woke later crying because she couldn’t find her paci. Excuse me, because she couldn’t find her PINK paci. We tried to give her another one, but she wanted nothing to do with it. So she eventually fell asleep without any paci, and all was fine
So I thought, well, let’s seize this opportunity, shall we? I talked to her about trading in all her pacis for a new Doc McStuffins doctor kit. She was not under the influence of anything and seemed to fully understand what she was agreeing to when she excitedly said yes.
Ok, y’all. She told me she’d give up all her pacis for this Doc McStuffins kit. It’s been nearly 24 hours. FINGERS CROSSED AND WINE POURED.
I don’t know why I thought now would be a great time to take away her mute button when she never. stops. whining. but I was very committed to it earlier this week for whatever reason.
She went all of Wednesday and didn’t even really ask for it. Wednesday night, after a long, busy day, she fell asleep without it, exhausted, after about 10 minutes of mild whimpering.
I thought we were over the hump. I thought I could be like, YOU GUYS IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER THAN I FEARED.
El Oh Fucking El.
She BEGGED for it last night, SOBBING. Like, she reached into my chest, ripped out my beating heart, and poured her sad tears all over it while choking back her snot and crying “But just for nigh night, mommy! Just to go to sleep! I MEEEEEED IT!”
As I lay next to her in bed, trying my best to soothe her and distract her, the conversation in my head went something like this:
“Don’t give in, Jill. She’ll pass out eventually. She’s already getting tired.”
“You asshole. She’s getting tired because she’s violently sobbing. You are scarring her for life.”
“If you give in now, what kind of message will that send? That she can get anything she wants if she just cries enough for it?”
“If you let her cry like this, what kind of awful person are you? What is this paci hurting?”
“She’s too old for this! She’s never going to give it up on her own! You’re a fool to give in now.”
“You don’t know a single child going to kindergarten with a pacifier, do you? OMG, she’s so sad. You jerk.”
(This is what happens to your brain on too much internet. Don’t raise entitled children! But don’t let them cry! Teach them to self soothe! But be a “yes” parent!)
And on and on for about 30 minutes until I got out of bed, got it from the super secret spot in the office, gave it to her, and watched her pass out in my arms 3 minutes later.
Again, if you read this blog for expert parenting advice, you will never, ever find what you’re looking for here. I continually prove to myself that I will never figure this shit out.
Meanwhile, totally back to enjoying the silence and the sleep, and saving for orthodontic work.