10. His hands are fascinating.
9. He is actually a honey badger.
8. He’s trying to figure out how to eat the mattress.
7. He’s fantasizing of putting LEGOs and fistfuls of dog hair in his mouth.
6. I’m extremely tired and could pass out at any moment.
5. He never plans on sleeping again.
4. He’s chewing on a puff he stashed in his cheek 2 hours ago.
3. He can’t stop thinking about boobs.
2. He’s milk drunk, but like the kind of drunk where you just laugh at yourself and babble really loud and roll around and chew on your own tongue.
1. He’s solving world hunger…
Just kidding, he’s pooping.