Pretty Things or Why I’m Not A Fashion Blogger

The first title was what I planned on using before I actually took the pictures for this post. The second is, well, obvious.

Blogher is sorta like back-to-school for me in that it’s the one time of year when I spend a decent amount of money on things like clothes, bras, shoes and accessories for me.

This year I was so excited to place an order with one of my very favorite Etsy jewelry sellers Polished Two (and no, this is not sponsored, she has no idea who I am, I just love her stuff that much).

I ordered a couple pairs of earrings from her, including these large, purple ones. Seen in this Blogher pic, me naturally modeling them while someone else takes my picture alongside all my beautiful friends.

I also got this beautiful bracelet, made from vintage, upcycled earrings. I wore it the day we spoke on our panel, but didn’t get any good pictures of it because, basically, I spent that whole day alternating between wanting to puke and drinking.

But I want to show it to you all because it’s so pretty! So I figured I’d just stage some pics of it here in the house.

Except how totally awkward is it to take pictures of your own hand while the other holds your camera, balancing it against the front of your face? I’ll answer that for you.

Awkward. Like how I added a prop there? It’s juice in a wineglass, not real wine. I wish I could blame real wine on the next pose.

 I was all, Maybe if I stand here, staring out the window, with one leg up like the captain of a ship and casually drape my hand on my thigh, that might not look weird.


I also wanted to show you all my new favorite nail polish color. I mean, it’s not like I try hundreds, dozens, or even a handful throughout the year. I probably get about 2-3 pedicures a year if I’m lucky, but I always get one for Blogher because I really like to hemorrhage money the last week of July.

It’s called Penny Talk by Essie.

No, I didn’t paint it on the feet of a corpse. Those are mine. There is real, warm blood pumping through them, I swear.

I thought maybe I should take the picture sitting down so all the veins in my feet would stop being angry (and maybe the dog hair on my floor wouldn’t show up so well).

Look how I naturally just lay about my house with nail polish between my feet! My toes take turns tossing it back and forth. The polish has obviously not been freshly applied because I got this pedicure over a week ago.

(Oh, how terrified I am of the foot fetish traffic this post is going to see.)

So just imagine THIS color on THOSE toes that I have strategically blurred out.

I was sorta hoping this could become a new “thing” around here, where I share little things that I really love with you all. Things that generally don’t have anything to do with kids or poop. You’re just going to have to hang in with me as I get past this awkward taking-pictures-of-myself-wearing-things phase.

Or maybe you won’t because, sitting here and thinking about it, I’m not sure I’ll have much more to show off until next July.

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  1. I definitely know that feeling of only buying pretty things for BlogHer. Maybe I will go again next year if only to be a grown up and buy nice things for myself again. Otherwise I’ll be wearing this year’s purchases for another 5 years (assuming my ass doesn’t expand too much by then)

    • Right?? Blogher is the one reason why I have a dress suitable for wearing to a club at any point throughout the year, which is super practical with all the clubbing I’m doing these days.

  2. This is why I started painting the boys’ nails, so I could take pictures of THEM 🙂

    I kid, I kid. Yeah, Sarah W wants me to start doing vlogs. I cannot imagine anything more excruciatingly awkward than taking video of myself. I have to go throw up just thinking about it. But I might challenge myself just to see how bad it really is. Your pictures ARE hilarious (the captions make it so.)

    • Oh, see, I could do Vlogs. I mean, I don’t because I’m lazy, but if I had the time and energy, I could. I would probably just laugh the whole time, though, thus making it really hard for anyone to understand me.

    • Don’t feel pressured to vlog. I never watch them. They take too long to download and are too attention-grabbing. I can read a ton of print blogs and my kid won’t be interested, but the second there is sound, she comes a running. It was the same as when I had a real job in an office and all. yes, there are headphones, but those aren’t discreet, either.

  3. omg, that is so me, with food. I even started a food blog where I planned on sharing some great recipes, stories, etc. I have a nice enough camera. Turns out it’s more than that.

    I am not a food stylist. I’m not good at hair or make up, so why should I be able to make arroz con pollo look good?

    I never published the blog.

  4. Hahaha, I like it better if the shots are awkward in some manner 😉 I like to see pretty things, and I also love to laugh, so why wouldn’t it be TWICE as great if I could do both at once? 😉 I vote you keep this up!

  5. Have you ever tried to take like a photo of yourself in an outfit? Christ, it damaged my self esteem for a good two years. And my daughter caught me and was all, “Why are you standing like that? In a dress?” Big ups to fashion bloggers.

    Also, the wrist draped over you knee like a captain of a ship made me LOL.

  6. BlogHer sounds like something I would totally want to join… like the cool kids’ club… However, I am not anywhere near qualified as I don’t have a blog… 🙁 Really sad as I too would like a reason to go shopping for nice things before an event and get out of my maternity pyjama capris (even though my baby is already 9 months) and nursing tank tops (which, as you may know, have next to zero support). Hmmmm… maybe that should be reason enough to start a blog… 😉

  7. Amanda Phrakonkham on

    This is hysterical and I often want to share my new loves but have the same issue you do. I take a picture of my hand showing off a new ring or polish color and I end up looking deformed! Thanks for the laugh and great polish reco. Keep’em coming ;).

  8. I blame you for that massive Etsy order I placed before BlogHer, thanks for sharing though. And bravo for being. Brave enough to put a picture of your feet on here!

  9. Love the toe color! You captain that ship like a champ! Swooning quite a few items by Polished Two. maybe she could hook your readers up with a discount 😉

  10. Love that Essie color. I’m an idiot at applying nail polish myself.

    Good luck with that foot fetish traffic. My blog is nicegirlnotes dot com but right when I bought it, apparently there was a porn site called nicegirl dot com. I accidentally sent traffic their way and they accidentally traffic my way. Womp womp.

    • Oh, I don’t even try to apply polish myself. Ever.

      I tend to get a lot of people looking for how to cure/kill rabid baby raccoons and such, but no porn yet, that I know of. Eek!

  11. I am laughing so hard at that window pose. And, your toes tossing the polish back and forth! Oh, I needed that laugh SO bad! Thank you.

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