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ParenthoodPopular PostsThe Story

A Letter To My 51 Year Old Self

by Jill July 6, 2012
July 6, 2012

Dear Me 20 Years From Now,

I wonder if you’ve become one of those women who briefly lingers around, a safe distance behind, young moms carting their babies and toddlers through the grocery store with that far-off look in your eyes. If you gently smile at the mom when she looks up and catches your glance, obviously frazzled by how challenging taking 2 kids grocery shopping is, as if to tell her it’s going to be okay. If you look at her and miss that time, want so badly to trade 5 minutes of the independence you have now that your kids are much older so that you can rest a toddler’s head on your shoulder, or buckle a baby in their car seat, mindful not to pinch any belly chub in the harness.

I have a feeling that you might be, and there are some things I want you to know, some things I’m willing you to remember.

I want you to remember that they were the hardest thing you’d ever done. They challenged you, and they kept you up at night. They pushed your buttons, and they were never, ever quiet… unless they were in trouble. I want you to remember that you loved them the hardest you’ve ever loved anything, from day one, and every day after that.

I want you to know that you were completely overwhelmed nearly all the time. The thought of taking them anywhere by yourself made you want to hide in bed all day. You were overwhelmed by the responsibility. You had NO clue what you were doing. You were overwhelmed by how much they trusted you and how much they needed you. You were overwhelmed by how much you needed and loved them.

I want you to remember how it felt to lay side by side next to your 4-year-old before he drifted off to sleep. How you talked face to face, nose to nose, about his day. How you told him you were excited to see how much he would grow by the morning, and how in the morning you’d lay in bed next to him and stretch his arms and legs out, exclaiming, “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU GREW LAST NIGHT!” How that put the biggest smile on his face.

I want you to remember what it felt like to hold your 18 month old on your lap, wrapping your arms around her and laying them on her bulging tummy. How the back of her head and the handful of baby curls at the nape of her neck felt and smelled when you rested your head atop hers.

I want you to know that you were acutely aware of how fast they were growing. Even though many days would pass in the blink of an eye, there would always be a moment when your world would snap to a halt, and you would look at them while they were doing something mundane and normal, and you would be painfully conscious that they were no longer the size they were last week, and that they would never be the size they are at that moment again.

I want you to know that you went to bed every night with one simple wish for the next day. To just do better.

Even though you were tired and challenged, exasperated and overwhelmed, you knew then that you would miss these days…most of them, at least. It was a truth that was hard to live with, and most of the time you ignored it because there was nothing you could do about the passing of time. If you spent your days mourning the ones that had gone by, you’d miss out on the days you were living in.

You knew you were on a light rail, moving at speeds you couldn’t comprehend. You had no control over the ride that brought you to where you are today, but believe me when I say you searched so very hard to find the emergency brake.

Please know, please remember that you tried to savor that time. Be at peace, knowing you spent late afternoons curled up with them on the couch, that sometimes you just sat and watched them move and run, that occasionally you took inventory of all the things they’d learned in the last week, and that you appreciated your time with them the best you knew how. Know that despite your very best efforts, there was no way to freeze time.

I promise you, you tried.

Love,
you


50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide
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127 comments

Jennifer @ Also Known As the Wife July 6, 2012 - 9:35 am

This strikes such a nerve with me. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that this time last year I had a one week old now I have a one year old. When did that happen and how do I make it stop??

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Diana Curran July 6, 2012 - 11:46 pm

Jennifter, be encouraged. You don’t want it to stop, even though keeping them small would be wonderful, They will bring you more and more adventures and happiness that you can only dream of. Take and lable lots of pictures for sweet memories. I alway belived spending time on the floor or wherever we could grow together was the most importand thing I could do. I promise that when they are two they will do things that will make your dreams come true. Just remember all the hard days pass and so much more injoyable days are jsut around the corner. Don’t rust them growing but praise God they do. Enjoy every moment>
Best of luck and a heart filled with love, joy, amazement, and change. It will be your biggest job.

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Becki July 6, 2012 - 9:51 am

It could be the hormones talking since I’m two weeks postpartum with my second son, but I’m ugly crying after reading your beautiful words and thoughts here. Funny how the second time around you take more time to stop and smell the roses, er, fresh clean baby hair. Already at two weeks old, I can see how much my son has grown since birth. And there is nothing like a teensy, tinesy newborn to make you see just how HUGE and independent your older child has become. I hope all young mothers have a chance to read this and remember to slow down before it is too late!

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Upstatemamma July 6, 2012 - 10:00 am

Jill, every word of this is so incredibly true. I, too, want to hide in bed all day at the idea of taking my kids out by myself. However, I want to share something with you that someone shared with me. I usually forget it but the words came to me as I was reading this. That overwhelmed feeling is what keeps us so keenly aware of the magnitude of what we are doing. Those of us who are overwhelmed by the mundane tasks are also the ones that are able to hold our baby’s feet in our hands and will ourselves to remember how that tiny foot felt. We are the ones who see the beauty in the mess our toddler has made. We are overwhelmed because IT IS overwhelming and it passes too fast. So, all those other people out there who are not as overwhelmed as we are – they are missing stuff. It is the taking note of it all that overwhelms us. 🙂

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Brandy July 6, 2012 - 11:22 am

Thanks so much for sharing that!!

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Michelle July 6, 2012 - 10:09 am

Waaaahhhhhhhhhh! So true.

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Erin July 6, 2012 - 10:20 am

This made me cry. I’m so acutely aware of this every day, too, and I already miss this time on behalf of my older self. I do all I can to savor every moment, even when it’s tough and frustrating and overwhelming.

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Vanessa July 6, 2012 - 10:35 am

Pass the tissue please!

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Jill July 6, 2012 - 10:52 am

yup, sniffing here too *sigh*

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erin July 6, 2012 - 11:10 am

Yea, I’m crying here, too. That was really beautiful. I’m 9 weeks pregnant with #2 and time went into warp speed as soon as I got pregnant with #1. That time phenomenon is a sad sad thing.

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Elizabeth July 6, 2012 - 11:27 am

Okay, my 2 week postpartum self is in a heap on the floor. Looking at my three year old, I feel as though I could have written everything you did. Just beautiful!

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Jen July 6, 2012 - 11:46 am

So true. So beautiful.

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Tiffany July 6, 2012 - 12:07 pm

Snif Snif :'(

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christine k July 6, 2012 - 12:44 pm

<3

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Angela Harrell July 6, 2012 - 2:04 pm

This made me cry.

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Courtney July 6, 2012 - 2:08 pm

Where’s the mascara warning?! Loved this. I think these things about my 2-year-old all the time. I try to savor the moments as much as I can, and I will with our newest little one in the fall as well. I know one day I will miss the crazy, exhausting moments of early childhood.

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Renea Champion July 6, 2012 - 2:30 pm

Oh man…that was beautiful, and oh so true. Love it!

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Abby July 6, 2012 - 2:54 pm

I am NOT hormonal, and this made me cry. I think this is my favorite line: “If you spent your days mourning the ones that had gone by, you’d miss out on the days you were living in.”

Everything you wrote her is so beautiful and so true. I hope my self, 20 years from now, can remember similar lessons. Every day of my life is a constant negotiation between the things that “need” to get done and the things I want to do. “Need” = work (home and the paying variety). “Want” = spend every moment soaking up the beauty of my children and their desire to be around me. I know in a blink their 3 and 1 year old selves will be replaced by teenagers who have no time for me and probably despise me. I am constantly, acutely, aware that every moment is slipping away. I need to remind myself to live “in the moment” rather than mourning the ones that just passed.

In other words, that is my very long winded way of saying thank you for the beautifully written reminder to live in the moment.

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Brandy O'Neill Riggins July 6, 2012 - 3:13 pm

This made me cry too. So sweet!

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Julie Piening Schmidt July 6, 2012 - 3:15 pm

LOVE.

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Kelly July 6, 2012 - 3:44 pm

TEARS all over the place! This was beautiful. Thank you for writing it. Thank you.

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Sallie Snyder July 6, 2012 - 3:50 pm

Beautiful *sniff sniff*

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Marnie July 6, 2012 - 5:03 pm

Thank you. I needed this reminder today.

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April July 6, 2012 - 7:24 pm

Thanks for sharing these thoughts! Today has been one of those extremely overwhelming days with my beautiful 3 year old daughter and I needed to read that. In tears over here too!! LOL

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Shari July 6, 2012 - 8:30 pm

This is so very beautiful, so very eloquent. <3

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Elizabeth Flora Ross July 6, 2012 - 8:31 pm

OMGoodness what an amazing post! LOVE!

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Good Girl Gone Green July 6, 2012 - 8:36 pm

This was so beautiful, Jill! Thanks for sharing! 🙂

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Susan July 6, 2012 - 8:38 pm

Thanks! You made my 56 year old heart well up remembering those long ago days.

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Chrystal July 6, 2012 - 8:53 pm

Thank you, Jill. That was beautiful!

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Kami July 6, 2012 - 9:19 pm

So beautifully written. Thank you for giving me a good cry.

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jenni from the blog July 6, 2012 - 9:27 pm

Yeah, this pregnant girl should not have just read that.

I can’t even believe this pregnancy with baby NUMBER THREE (OMG) is almost over. It just goes way too fast and I think all we can do is remember yesterday, enjoy today, and look forward to the memories we will make tomorrow.

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MommaBird July 6, 2012 - 9:39 pm

Brought tears to my eyes, beautifully written!

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Katie July 6, 2012 - 10:39 pm

stupid time and it not stopping. even for just a few minutes.

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NatalieJanette July 6, 2012 - 10:49 pm

My goodness. Beautiful. My heart is here too. Thank you.

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Jenny July 6, 2012 - 10:49 pm

SCREW YOU for being inside my head. I moved through infancy like a machine fueled by to-do lists, and I often kick myself for working so hard through that time. It just so happens I slogged through my iPhoto library last night in tears for the first time over knowing I’ll never have those baby days back, and I’ll never know them again, worrying that I didn’t stop enough (because there is never enough) but knowing I did my absolute best.

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Kimberly July 6, 2012 - 10:58 pm

Oh the tears! This is so very true. As I sit here cuddling my 2 week old while watching my toddlers run around I have those same thoughts. I often fear that I am not living in the moment, enjoying it enough because I am so overwhelmed, but I know that I’m doing my best. And time? So not fair. It needs to slow down. Beautiful post!

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Betsy July 6, 2012 - 11:14 pm

WOW!!!! This is probably the very best blog post that I have ever, ever read . . . It is wonderful and I can relate to almost every sentence. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. A very good friend and mentor of mine once said, around the time I had my first child, that “When raising kids, the days are long, but the years are short.” She was right.

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Carrie July 6, 2012 - 11:21 pm

I love this.

I am glad I’m not the only one who lays awake at night hoping I will do better the next day.

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Sarah July 6, 2012 - 11:38 pm

Oh my god! Love this. Really makes me want to go lay by my four year old right now. It is soooo true that time goes by so fast. I REALLY need to stop and savor the moments.

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Amber Pelton July 7, 2012 - 1:00 am

oh mama. *sob*

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Allyson 'Middleton' Bostrom July 7, 2012 - 1:19 am

Very beautiful!

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Andrea Bates July 7, 2012 - 2:02 am

So beautiful. And heart-breaking. And real and raw. Love it.

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Morgan Shanahan July 7, 2012 - 2:15 am

This is so lovely, Jill.

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Jennifer J. Queen July 7, 2012 - 3:11 am

Soon true and bittersweet !!! 🙂

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Sarah Phillips Morris July 7, 2012 - 3:14 am

My feelings exactly….thank you for putting it into words!

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Miranda Marrs Collins July 7, 2012 - 3:54 am

Amazing. So much so that I believe I may print out parts of this to hang above my computer. Thank you. <3

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Nancy July 7, 2012 - 11:50 am

Yes, yes, all of this is true. …but then you wake up in your much older body and realize that you have another chance with GRANDCHILDREN! What a blessing! As a young mother, I was told to never mind the housework and spend my time enjoying my babies. I had to work fulltime and somehow the playtime was VERY limited. I now have an abundance of grandbabies and it is oh so wonderful. I can ignore the dust and the fingerprints because I know how quickly these moments disappear. Volunteering to babysit is a selfish request on my part because I don’t want to miss a second chance!!

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Katie July 7, 2012 - 12:42 pm

Wow…crying right now. This is beautiful and captures everything I feel so beautifully. Thank you for writing this 🙂 And I’m positive you are doing a great job!

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Zach Stewart July 9, 2012 - 3:54 am

this is sweet but unfortunately for me I felt no emotion for this since I don’t have kids but it made me think about my future children for sure.

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Kristin D. July 9, 2012 - 9:12 am

I want to thank you for this. As a mother of two boys – ages 5 and 4 – and 38 weeks pregnant, I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed these last few months and NEEDED to read this! Beautifully worded and touched my heart. Thank you for putting things back into perspective for me. I’ll now be stepping away from the computer for some snuggle time with my two favorite little men, and will remember be thankful that my boys still appreciate snuggle time with their momma. <3

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Kate July 9, 2012 - 10:07 am

Thank you for that! I needed that today more than I knew I did.

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Theresa Horne July 9, 2012 - 3:46 pm

LUV

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grace July 9, 2012 - 4:32 pm

beautiful. i love this.

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Missy Flannagan Sarver July 9, 2012 - 6:57 pm

Love this! Grandparents can relate to thiss,too, thinking about their grandkids!

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Janet Bran Bohne July 9, 2012 - 7:41 pm

I too cried. My daughter Casey linked me to this article on Facebook. She just had twins but she already gets it, what’s important in life and motherhood, and the boys are only 4 months old. I want to scream whewwww “we” did it and by “we” I mean my husband and I but also both of our families who helped our kids grow and thrive. A special thanks to my sister Jill who was always there for them through good times and bad. My kids are grown adults and they are healthy, happy and have made their own place and paths in life. I am a little older than 51 and my family is starting to grow again. I guess that is why grandchildren are so nice. Now you know that they really do grow up fast and you can slow down and just enjoy them. Casey, thank you for making me stop, read and reflect. Love Mom

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christina July 9, 2012 - 11:40 pm

SOB…… but a beautiful sob. Just shared this w/ my girlfriends, Jill. Thank you for the simple but brilliant reminders. <3

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rachael July 9, 2012 - 11:48 pm

omg. bawled.
my mom is in her early 50’s and still has kids at home. there is an 18 year age gap between me (the oldest) and my youngest sibling.
i often think OH HELL NO, i’d never do that. but then i realize she is so lucky. she got to got to raise my brother and i into the teen years, then get to have that toddler stuff all over again.
then again with my kids.
maybe she’s onto something here 😉

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Celeste Pav July 10, 2012 - 3:40 am

beautiful! yes, my simple wish each night is to just do better. 🙂 I loved this Jill!

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Nina July 10, 2012 - 10:46 pm

So true, Jill. Tears were streaming the whole time I read this.

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Jennifer July 11, 2012 - 9:46 am

i keep reading this over and over because it’s how i feel now – do i spend enough time with my little girl? It is truly amazing, the love you have for your child. Nothing like it.

Reply
You’ve Got A Friend In Me… And a Babysitter | Baby Rabies July 11, 2012 - 2:20 pm

[…] Letter To My 51 Year Old Self was unexpectedly very popular, and I had to take my site to a different server. It’s working […]

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laura @ hollywood housewife July 12, 2012 - 1:50 am

It’s not easy to make me cry, but this did it for me tonight. Thank you for writing this.

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grand-mom July 12, 2012 - 9:12 am

Alas, you also have a chance to relive all the fun and frustration, Moms. It is called grandchildren. They are wonderful as you get to enjoy your children all over again. If you enjoyed being a MOM, just wait for the fun and time you get to have with a grandchild. SO, treat your children and bring them up in love that they will want to share their children with you as a great payback to you. ”
the reward of not killing your teenagers are grandchildren”

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Diane @ DixieJulep July 12, 2012 - 1:04 pm

This brought tears to my eyes! Love it!

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Brendan BUSH July 12, 2012 - 2:50 pm

Brought a tear to my eye! But I was in the office! Glad the guy opposite is on leave!

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Susannah July 13, 2012 - 2:00 am

This was so beautifully written. Tears and more tears!

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Stormy Lynn Hamilton July 13, 2012 - 3:27 am

Perfect that I read this exactly a week before my son’s 2nd birthday. I wish I could just go back in time to the moment I first held him in my arms and relive every second of him being a baby. I’m so bawling my eyes out right now.

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Elisa Martinez July 13, 2012 - 3:28 am

This made me tear up. Yes, my babies can be a handful but i want to cherish ever moment.

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Bonnie Gray Richards July 13, 2012 - 11:30 am

WOW IS ALL I CAN SAY!! boohoo..

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annie July 13, 2012 - 1:02 pm

Oh my word. This is so true. Can I just leave work NOW and got get my son (2 years old) and just snug him all day.?!?!?! This is priceless!

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Megan at SortaCrunchy July 13, 2012 - 6:03 pm

I am sobbing my heart out over this. Thank you, thank you. I can’t even tell you how much I needed to read this.

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Whacamole Life July 14, 2012 - 8:29 am

Simply breathtaking. Thank you.

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How Quickly They Grow Up… « 4 Cats And A Baby July 16, 2012 - 1:34 pm

[…] had to remind myself that I need to savor the moment because they grow up so quickly. Last week this post by Jill of Baby Rabies made the internet rounds and I read it and started to bawl. Because it is […]

Reply
Christina Block July 16, 2012 - 10:53 pm

I simply want to say {thank you}…I tell my lil man everyday to stop growing…I try and do savor every moment with him…and thank you for reminding me that I am doing my life’s purpose.

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thedoseofreality July 17, 2012 - 3:59 pm

I absolutely adore this post. I will be saving it and reading it again and again. Thank you for saying so well what we are all thinking. 🙂
http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2012/01/06/the-magical-mommy-moments/

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Ashley Gatewood Taylor July 17, 2012 - 7:29 pm

So beautiful. Totally reduced me to the Oprah ugly cry. Thank you. 🙂
http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2012/01/06/the-magical-mommy-moments/

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Jennifer Bilbro July 17, 2012 - 8:21 pm

Thank you for this. From someone that questions being enough everyday, this is so powerful. (crying at work too!)

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Maria Jimenez July 21, 2012 - 2:17 am

I just hope my children remember that i always tried to do my best.

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Christine Berks July 24, 2012 - 2:01 am

Beautiful read…. Crying so bad…

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Ann webster July 25, 2012 - 6:43 pm

I am a 57 yr old women who thinks of this every day. I remember (like it was yesterday) the smell of my darling girl when she woke up. I remember her eyes as she watched me prepare her Dad’s breakfast. As I stumbled around praying for coffee, but I was nursing so I couldn’t have any!
I remember so much and miss it. You young girls that can’t believe one or two years have passed…take it slow cuz it is gone before you know it!

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Jill July 26, 2012 - 12:33 am

Oh, Ann. You just made me boo-boo all over my keyboard. Thank you for your perspective.

Reply
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Courage Lightflow October 17, 2012 - 11:40 pm

Nope. I’ll be the 50 year old Grandma with babes on her hips, so help me if I’m not I’ll be the crazy cat/dog lady and guilting my kids every time I see them not working towards making me Grandma! MWA HA!

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Dawn Marie October 17, 2012 - 11:45 pm

Crying my eyes out! I have four kids – ages 10, 6, 4, 1 – and I think EVERY day how I wish I could make time stand still. Since I know I can’t I cherish every moment I have with my babies. Thank you for this letter….

Reply
Seeing Him | Love Each Step October 19, 2012 - 9:11 am

[…] Uncertain of my point, unsure of what I was really feeling and wanted to say. And then I read this post this morning. And I know. I know when I look back at these busy, sometimes overwhelming years with […]

Reply
What she said | My Crunchy Life October 24, 2012 - 12:43 pm

[…] Exactly:  https://www.babyrabies.com/2012/07/a-letter-to-my-51-year-old-self/ […]

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Katie October 24, 2012 - 2:23 pm

I just found you and this blog thanks to Amber Dusick and her blog. As an almost 53 year old mom with grown kids and grandkids, I can tell you that this post is 100% spot on. I do look longingly at young moms with kids at the stores, offer a sympathetic look when they are looking frazzled, and envy them. A lot. I find myself looking at my grown children, and squinting my eyes really hard to try to see the adorable toddler they once were, and then wonder how they got to be adults so quickly. This is where the glory of grandkids comes along – you get to live the childhood stuff all over again, but this time you REALLY appreciate it even more than you did as a parent. The only difference is that you know that while you are important in their little lives, you are not the all-knowing-all-ouchy-healing-superwoman-that-can-fix-anything that their mommy is. You are second best now. But that’s okay, it’s still better than being without them and their glorious innocence, unwavering love, and super tight hugs. Plus, you get to spoil them – that’s every grandparent’s right for surviving their own children’s childhood!

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mommyharris October 24, 2012 - 2:48 pm

After I read this, my 5 year old ran in with chocolate cake all over her face and tears started running down my cheeks as I wiped it all off. I hugged her extra long after that. Thanks for laughter…..and the tears! (visiting from Crappy Pictures)

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Jessie October 24, 2012 - 4:01 pm

being 31 myself, just thinking of being 51 brings me to tears! lol

but this whole letter brought me to tears. it’s so true and at 2 1/2, i already long for my daughter to be a baby again. time goes by all too fast. thanks for reminding me to remember all the little things.

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Nora October 24, 2012 - 5:06 pm

I started tearing up before i even finished the first paragraph. I have an 8 mo old and there’s a pic of his first real bath on my fridge and I realized one day, he’ll never be that tiny..he’ll never have that huge grin when the water first ran over his body. It’s true, it’s been hard and tiring but I wish he’d stay tiny because I know time’s just coming and i can’t stop it. Beautiful post xoxo

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Karin October 24, 2012 - 5:35 pm

Just was sent here from Crappy Pictures… this was amazing. I too have a 4 year old and a 18mo old and just turned 32… I cannot express how much I loved this, or how much this means to me to read this. I want to print it and frame it and read it every day. I always say things like this to my husband and kids when it gets “overwhelming”… love it now, because soon enough its going to be so silent in here you can hear a pin drop… and then the house will be clean and boring. My sweet little 4 year old always tells me… mama I have to grow up, but I will still snuggle you.” (Lord I hope so! ha) Thank you so much for your amazing words. This was wonderful.

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Crunchy Cake October 24, 2012 - 7:15 pm

This rang so incredibly true for me today. My little one stuck her hand in a bowl of hummus, wiped it on me and then stuffed pita crumbs down my shirt. She then drank my water (which is now full of floaties, by the way). Maybe on another day, my patience would be tried but I read your post this morning (saw it on crappy pictures) and really all I can think about is how wonderful it was when she put her head on my shoulder when I carried her asleep from her stroller, that she wants to explore the world, and that I love this child more than I ever imagined I could. Thank you for writing this post – it’s beautiful and so so true.

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Nicole Carnuccio October 24, 2012 - 7:19 pm

A must-read for all the moms.

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Kathilee Porter October 24, 2012 - 7:25 pm

Crying and thinking about how much I love that I wrote a journal to my daughter who is now 10. It’s what I give every friend when I find out they’re expecting. A way to record what it was like cause even though you don’t believe it now – you will forget.

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Janessa October 24, 2012 - 9:01 pm

I too was directed here from crappy pictures, and after the day (and previous night) I have had, something told me that I needed to read it. I am glad, grateful, and genuinely thankful that I did. I had 1 1/2 hrs sleep in my own bed last night since I was up with my 4 month old son, and after a rough and cranky start to my day I urged myself to stay focused and patient with my 2 1/2 year old. By suppertime I felt defeated. After cleaning up mini disasters all day long, including vomit on a brand new fairy costume with built in, seizure-inducing mini lights, I had been reflecting on what I learned from the day (such as ‘don’t ever buy a costume that has a tag which reads: Don’t Wash’.)
But when I read your letter, I too succumbed to tears. After my son was born I knew already how fast the time was going to fly and I tried even harder to find that emergency brake. I vowed even harder every day to try better. I’ve had the tears about one day being an empty nester and how my daughter attending preschool means she is leaving the toddler stage. So in short, what I really learned today was that this is the good stuff, and some day I will pray to God to give me a chance to clean up just one more mini disaster or to have broken sleep because it means I am needed in a way that I never will be again. Thank you crappy pictures for directing me to this and thank you Jill for re-gifting me the wonderous sense of motherhood.

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Our Wiggwam — time of our lives October 24, 2012 - 9:04 pm

[…] are times when words capture my heart and slow down my world…like this article that my dear friend shared with me […]

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Colleen Cipolla October 24, 2012 - 9:40 pm

Okay, so I beat you all I am almost sixty. There will be a day you will turn 60 and you will reflect on your life not only looking back at your parenting skills but also your childhood, your adolescent years and the years you spent with your own parents. Regrets, yes, mistakes, many, but through it all you are stuck with the life you have and so thankful for all of those people who have stood by you through thick and thin and gave your life purpose. You will be thankful for those parents that gave you life in the first place and stood by you no matter how much you messed up. I am not perfect but I am at peace knowing that I have four great adult children who have wonderful partners and eight beautiful grandchildren. What more could a person want to show what they accomplished during their time on earth?

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Another Blogger’s blog that brought me to tears | j9photoblog October 24, 2012 - 11:33 pm

[…]  A Letter to My 51 Year Old Self  (please click the title or here to link to […]

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Terrie from Atlanta, GA October 25, 2012 - 12:59 am

Did you just happen to repost this in October? Oh, my ~ I’ve recently turned 51, and realized that I FORGOT TO HAVE BABIES! All too busy living the Life, in a city where it was okay to be single and I was around kids every day. After 25 years of teaching and an “newish” ex-husband who forgot his vows, 51 means something very different to me as it will to you. How smart you are to savor the memories now! Living with Intent . . . that’s the only way to ensure your dreams will come true. Xoxo

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Amy Sisco October 25, 2012 - 2:17 am

Just read this. Sobbed like a baby. I have a 21 month old that is growing too fast and too wonderful and it hurts and is amazing to see…

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Maggie Buckley Pinque October 25, 2012 - 2:58 am

Ah Jill…
As a 51 year old mom of two teens this brought me right back to the toddler years. THANK YOU TO AMBER for posting the link on her page today (with a hilarious accounting of your week).
When my kids were babies (15 months apart) my mom told me to enjoy it as the time flies by. I explained it was terribly hard to enjoy while I was in the midst of living it. You captured it perfectly.
Crunchy Cake (62) – I am happy you were able to regroup. Sometimes we just can’t.
I love the teen years. I know…I’m surprised too.
BUT – this is where all the hard work really starts to show.
Rock on Moms. We’re all just doing the best we can.
xo

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Kim Stanley October 25, 2012 - 3:43 am

I needed this so badly! Thank you for posting this. I started crying as soon as I read the first sentence.

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Leah October 25, 2012 - 5:09 am

I really enjoy your blog. It was just brought to my attention via facebook and I intend to make it a regular read. I also linked this particular article on my own blog. Its new, and I’m just learning, so I am probably not informing you of this trackback correctly. But, I know what a trackback is! Hope it brings you more traffic!
Thanks.
Leah

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Devan October 25, 2012 - 7:41 am

Just as everyone else, I was ALL IN tears!! I have 6 and 3 (next month) year old girls and with the impending birthday of my “baby” I have been groping madly for the emergency break!! I sometimes wonder if I was supposed to have kids, I get so overwhelmed! When I yell at my 6 year old for not listening to me (I take it so personally!) I feel SO SO SO guilty! But the snuggles, the cuddles, talks about their day, watching them grow and learn so fast the L.O.V.E….It’s all so awesome and I can not imagine my life without them, not even a little bit! I am bookmarking this to read often! I absolutely love it! Thank you! Devan (found you on Amber’s crappy pictures site) 🙂

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MrsFun October 25, 2012 - 11:45 am

I loved this!! It reminds me that all that time I spent holding my babies and ignoring the laundry and dishes were the right decisions. I am reminded that even though i had to hear rude comments about co-sleeping, I don’t regret it. I have no regrets of how much I loved on my babies. It still went entirely too fast.

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Darlene Wright Melkonian October 25, 2012 - 12:49 pm

Thank you!

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Alice October 28, 2012 - 1:28 am

I found this blog through Crappy pictures and read it this morning. I’ve been in tears on and off all day watching my 4 yr and 23 mth kids play and learn with your blog resonating in my mind. I often think to myself that I hope I remember this exact feeling this exact moment. So often the memory fleets. I do remember my first born at 6 weeks look up at me as I was feeding him in a parent room. We locked eyes for seemed like an eternity. I remember marveling at how two tiny cells could combine and create such a beautiful little person. How those big blue eyes are a part of me. I will always be with him through those eyes. I have never ever loved as hard as I have these past five years. When I had my second I wondered just how I could love another as much as my first – would the love split in two? No! I quickly learned that the love I have just grows- so much that it hurts and I feel I might burst. Thank you for sharing this amazing letter. I think I’ll write myself one too xxx

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corlia October 28, 2012 - 8:17 am

So beautifully written. Would love to share this with my friends on facebook if I can figure out how… Im a mother of a 9month old boy and Im already astounded by how quickly time goes and how fast he is growing. It really does scare me but makes me appreciate every single moment with him 🙂

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sarah October 29, 2012 - 2:48 am

I am an 80 year great grandma I can relate to your stories I was fortunae I had a grandmother age nieghbor, who came and babysat and helped when my children were toddlers 3 2 & 1mo,as my mother was miles away,You may not know thier are older women in the chuech or a nieghbor who would love to help you younger ones . The holy word saya older wemon teach the younger weman how to love thier husbands and children . My regret was I didnt know the one who sticks closer than a brother untill my kids were grown who I could call on when I felt overwhelmed or didnt know what to do. He was always thier I only needed to call on him. He is now my constant companion and friend. His name is JESUS He is the all wise knowing God and he has a wonderful plan for your chidren and you, seek him and you will find rest and peace Love Sarah

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You Can’t Freeze Time, But You Can Record It – School Years Giveaway October 30, 2012 - 5:48 pm

[…] in my possession for as long as I live. I imagine I’ll thumb through it and think back to my Letter To My 51-Year-Old Self often, recalling how I felt at 31… Please know, please remember that you tried to savor that […]

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The Inagural Post « A Space to Empty November 5, 2012 - 9:33 pm

[…] and toddlers through the grocery store with that far-off look in your eyes.” (- See more at: https://www.babyrabies.com/2012/07/a-letter-to-my-51-year-old-self/#sthash.g11sdVcL.dpuf) And yes, I will be one of those women.  In fact, I already am.  When I see a mom with her brand […]

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Dana November 6, 2012 - 9:15 pm

Thanks, Jill. You just made me cry while using public transportation. Now I, exhausted since my day started at 4:30 am, will go home and be all “nice to my kids”. Even with a headache. I blame you. (JK– love this and fabulous post.) Today is a test of endurance. This helped.

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On Passion. {And Fave Finds on Friday.} » Be True Image Design Blog November 9, 2012 - 7:12 am

[…] Grab a tissue or seven for this one: A Letter to my 51 Year Old Self https://www.babyrabies.com/2012/07/a-letter-to-my-51-year-old-self/#sthash.9EwtQYIc.dpbs […]

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Ericka November 15, 2012 - 1:06 am

My twins just turned 5 in October and my son just turned 6 in September. I have told numerous people that I can’t remember the last 5 yrs, it’s all a blur. I was so busy taking care of a 1 yr old and twin newborns and before I knew it I had 3 walkers to chase after and keep out of trouble. Then I had 3 talkers at different stages of language to decode. Now at their ages I have 2 Pre-K and 1 K and they are learning to read and can write. I held a baby in church today and just to hold his little 2 month old body, reminded me so much of my kids. My little girl wanted to hold him as he was asleep, she marvels at how small he is and when I tell her she use to be that little, she laughs cause she can’t believe she was that tiny. I can’t believe it myself most days, time is going by too fast, I want to slow the ride down and can’t find the stop button. They are my world though and I wouldn’t know life without them.

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kanda December 1, 2012 - 1:12 am

Thank you for this, it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you again

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What to check out this weekend: December 6, 2012 « Only A Few Minutes December 6, 2012 - 12:02 pm

[…] This was worth forwarding to a number of people when I first read it. (From https://www.babyrabies.com) […]

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mom of twins January 10, 2013 - 2:08 pm

Thank you for this, from a 40+ newbie mom of beautiful, energetic girls 🙂 Tissues, Tissues.

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Katherine Stone (@postpartumprog) January 29, 2013 - 12:57 pm

Beautiful. Thanks for reminding me to read this.

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Sara Miller February 14, 2013 - 3:51 am

Sitting at my computer trying to muster the energy to do the work that absolutely must be done tonight after an EPIC bedtime battle that drained me. I stumbled on this which I needed to read very badly. Thank you. Your words are so often brilliant, but these are some of my favorite. Hugs to you all from the all the Millers.

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I’m Not Alright With The Growing Up Thing April 26, 2013 - 12:18 am

[…] amount of picture taking or memory making can stop your kid from growing up. No amount of blogging about how much you know they are going to grow up, no amount of acknowledging that you can’t freeze time makes it feel ok to not be able to […]

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A Letter To My 51 Year Old Self- A Listen To Your Mother Reading July 10, 2013 - 7:40 pm

[…] a simple stage to help give Mothers Day a microphone. At nearly 30 weeks pregnant, I read my “Letter to My 51 Year Old Self” to an audience of hundreds. And I only cried a little […]

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Things to Remember Thursday July 11, 2013 - 3:40 pm

[…] two little ones.  In it, she shared a video of herself reading a post that she wrote last summer, A Letter To My 51 Year Old Self.  I remember reading the post last summer and I can’t remember what I did five minutes ago […]

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Best Way To Lose Weight - Fast Weight Loss July 12, 2013 - 8:32 pm

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Allison Holdman August 5, 2013 - 5:24 am

I just love this so much… I come back to this post all the time and always get teary… congrats on your new baby boy 🙂

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??????? ???? ?? ??? July 2, 2014 - 12:20 am

??????? ???? ?? ???

A Letter To My 51 Year Old Self

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Things I Love Thursdays-Being a Mom | Be The Difference | A Blog by Author Maria Dismondy March 5, 2015 - 3:32 am

[…] stop because I couldn’t hold back my tears. Check out this great letter one mom wrote to her 51-year old self. It’s an excellent reminder that the days are long but the years are […]

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Irma Gabriela Thomas-Fitch June 1, 2015 - 11:19 pm

Yep, I needed to read this cause I’m enjoying every second with my little ones and when it gets hard, I forgot how much I’ll love all this!

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@babyrabies

  • I haven’t taken many bump pics, but I’ve practically lived in the same three outfits since the beginning, and I’ve worn one of my three pairs of @blanqigirls Everyday Maternity Belly Support Leggings every 👏 single 👏 day 👏 for the past five months. 
They were great in the beginning when I was more bloated than bumpin’, and are lifesaving now that this bump has become a little more burdensome. I won’t shut up about them. Their Black Friday Sale is still going on, and these leggings are 50% off with code BLANQI50.
  • Five years ago I got this cute flannel dress for 80% off at The Gap. When the cashier was checking me out she said in a small voice, “um, you know this is a maternity dress, right?” I did NOT know that, but replied without skipping a beat, “yes, I’m expecting!” and spent the whole ride home wondering to myself 1. why it was her business if I knew what I was buying 2. why I blurted out a lie so quickly 3. if I’d ever actually wear it. 
I kept it. I wore it! Lots before getting pregnant, and for the first time as a “maternity” dress today. 
PSA - underneath I’m wearing @blanqigirls maternity leggings and support tank, which should be every pregnant woman’s uniform and they’re having a KILLER SALE right now.
  • No longer in the “could just be tacos” phase. 🌮 👏 🤰🏻
  • I just wanted to take a picture under the words GOAT SCALE, but I’m now realizing there were many, many missed opportunities for creative placement.
  • Starting all over with a new FB page! If you want to follow there, the link is in my bio. The blog will officially relaunch soon! #babyrabies
  • We haven’t purchased a single baby thing yet. I’ve meandered into the baby section at stores lately, but for some reason I feel silly even perusing the racks. But after my OB appointment this morning, I ran to Target for... literally no other reason than it drew me in with its gravitational force. I spent about 10 minutes looking for tops that fit that aren’t long sleeved or flannel tunics, but quickly gave up. On my way out I rushed through the baby section, barely looking, and out of nowhere I made the very first baby purchase... which felt surreal, but not nearly as surreal as feeling it move for the first time yesterday. I was worried I wouldn’t be sure when it happened, but it was pretty dang unmistakable, and odd, and... yup. I guess there really is a baby in there. Weird.
  • It’s the first day of Fall (or the first day of Summer Part Deux for us southerners) and finally, finally pregnancy is manifesting itself as something more than sheer exhaustion, boobs, and moods. My hair is magically happier this week despite literally months of straight up neglect (seriously I desperately need a chop), my nails somehow survived an out of state work gig that required lots of lifting and tinkering and my nails never survive events, my skin is behaving itself suspiciously well, aaaaaand I haven’t pooped in 3 days (which I’m much less excited about obviously). My bump still pales in comparison to some burrito babies I’ve had, but it’s nice feeling like exhaustion and titties are no longer the only thing I have to show for all this.
  • I do not take for granted that I work for myself and can nap when I need to, at almost any time I need to. 
I do not take for granted that the only beings I’m responsible for are four-legged and pretty chill. 
I do not take for granted that I have a partner who gladly cleans the house on Sundays while I nap for 70% of the day. 
And I definitely do not take for granted the tiny procrastinator I am housing who I’m pretty sure puts off all its growing for the week to the last 48 hours and crams it in at the end rendering me semi-conscious and starving every weekend. (Not pictured: the drool on the other side of my mouth)
  • We joke that @jillkraus.e had my child when she had her daughter Leyna. We have a lot in common, mainly our smirky face and love of all things pickled. But truth be told, she was SO suspicious of me when she was a baby. Like, I *looked* like her mom, but I wasn’t her mom, she didn’t trust this dark haired doppelgänger whose boobs were useless. (posting throwbacks because still not much going on over here to see besides exhaustion and looking like a kinda bloated porn star. 😳)

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