First, I want to thank all of you who have been beyond supportive since I told you all about my postpartum anxiety diagnosis last week. You all continually put smiles on my face, and your support means so much. I’m sorry to hear so many of you have been through or are going through the same thing, but I sure do appreciate you sharing your experiences.
I’ve had quite a few people reach out to me since then, wondering if maybe what they’re experiencing might be something similar… wondering what PPA looked like for me, what made me finally ask for help. So here’s the first part of that story.
Before:
My mind was nearly always racing. I couldn’t focus on simple tasks, and just thinking about what I hadn’t accomplished made my anxiety levels rise. It was a horrible cycle because my anxiety paralyzed me and made me so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start. So then I’d just do nothing, all the while feeling terribly anxious about doing nothing and knowing it’s going to bite me in the ass. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
It wasn’t just tasks I couldn’t focus on. I’d find myself holding Leyna and zoning out, or just staring at her on the floor, not knowing what to say to her. I didn’t feel connected to her. I loved her, I knew this, and I took care of her. I never neglected her, but I had to force myself to smile at her and coo back at her.
Shatters my heart to a million little pieces admitting that.
I was perpetually irritated. The sound of my children screaming or crying evoked a physical response in me. My heart would pound, my shoulders would tense, my teeth would clench. I could hardly control my urge to scream right back at them.
To be completely honest, most days I couldn’t control that urge at all. I was always yelling.
The simplest tasks seemed insurmountable. Leaving the house with one kid was hard enough. The days I had 2 to take care of, I simply didn’t want to go anywhere. But it’s not like we stayed home and made use of our time here, either. Kendall would easily get bored, and I couldn’t handle constantly entertaining him.
Even things like crayons seemed like enormous burdens, sure to make just another mess I’d have to clean up, which would be just another thing I’d have to do on the long list of things that were never getting done.
The days I was responsible for the kids while Scott worked at his office (he works from home 3 days a week), I would pace anxiously the last hour before he got home. Then I would beg him to please take the kids from me the moment he walked in the door. I felt terrible that I couldn’t even deal with them for 6-8 hours on my own merely 2 freaking days a week without needing assistance.
I’ll note that this got worse as Kendall dropped his nap. That royally fucked me. Hard. I NEEDED those 2-3 hours to recharge… even if Leyna didn’t nap at the same time.
Intrusive thoughts were a part of normal, every day life. It was completely common for me to envision dropping my baby when I picked her up from her crib, backing over my son when I pulled out of the garage (even though I knew he was at school or buckled in the back of the car), hitting other cars head-on as we drove down the highway, flying off the interstate overpasses, and so many other horrific scenarios.
It didn’t mean I wanted to DO any of those things, quite the opposite. I just COULDN’T stop envisioning those things happening. The visions were all very, very detailed and graphic in my head.
I was always thinking about what would happen if I died, or my husband died, or my babies died. All. the. time.
While all intrusive thoughts made my anxiety rise, some stopped me in my tracks, like the thought of accidentally dropping my kids over any sort of railing or balcony. People falling from great heights became a HUGE trigger for me.
One night I happened to be watching the evening news while writing. I looked up to see a man falling 20 feet after reaching out to catch a baseball at a Texas Rangers game. Immediately after the clip, the news anchor said they received word that that man died. He was at the game with his son.
I could not shake that image for weeks. I cried so hard, I wanted to puke. I kept envisioning what he must have seen on his way down, and could hear my own son screaming. I had nightmares. It was terrible, and it was enough to make me beg my husband not to ever sit that close to the railing at any sporting event.
When I went to L.A. at the end of October, I sat on the upper level of Pantages Theater for the Zelda 25th Anniversary Symphony, a few rows back from the front of the balcony. I could hardly focus on the show. The whole time I kept thinking about how easy it would be to fall over.
When we stood for applause, I panicked, worried the people behind me would somehow shove me over. I knew it was an irrational fear. I was a good 10 feet away from the front of the balcony, and they’d have to push me over 3 other rows of people, but there was no reasoning with my fear.
That weekend was actually the beginning of what lead me to get help.
I’ll share more about that and what things are like now that I’m starting to feel better next week.
If any of this sounds familiar to you and you’re wondering if you might also have postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression, please make an appointment to talk to your doctor. You can see your family doctor. Tell your family you’re due for a checkup if you don’t want to let them know your concerns yet. Though, I’ll say from experience, opening up about it to someone, face to face, makes a world of difference… or it did for me. Also, check out Postpartum Progress for more support.
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57 comments
It’s actually difficult for me to read this, because it brings me back to that place. (I had to start skimming when my stomach started twisting up in knots.) But I’m so proud of you for sharing this.
Moms really need to hear this.
Thanks, Maria.
I missed your post last week. Sorry. I feel like I missed everything while I was in LA.
But oddly enough, another mom and I were talking all about how we both, almost certainly, have some sort of anxiety disorder that could use a huge helping of medication. But we both flatly refuse to go down that road. I’m THRILLED that you’re braver than I am, and are getting the help you need. Frankly, I’m too traumatized by the one day that I was on Zoloft last year and felt completely suicidal to entertain the idea of pharmaceuticals anymore. But thoughts of dropping the baby? Every five minutes. Feeling like I’m going to fall down the stairs with her? Every single time I approach them. Fear that she’ll die for no good reason? Every time she’s asleep for more than ten minutes. And the images are vivid. V-I-V-I-D. And they don’t leave my brain for weeks. They torture me. But still… I cannot bring myself to try medication again – and talk therapy is for people who have insurance to pay for that sort of thing.
I want to support you, all the day is long. If I’m not commenting a whole bunch it’s because I’m having a really hard time facing any sort of indication that I should be medicating my manic thoughts. I just can’t deal with that right now, so I’ve decided that this is just what motherhood is for me. I’m not good at it. I do what I can. And one day… this will pass. That’s what I have to tell myself, otherwise I don’t feel like I’m left with any coping options.
Gina, reading this comment makes my heart break for you– and for all the other women who I know must be experiencing what you are, too. It makes me livid that we have such poor options for dealing with this stuff (from medications that sometimes work but with horrid side effects, to not viewing therapy as important enough to warrant full coverage, etc). It just… sucks. =(
Oh, Gina 🙁 You know, my doctor and so many others told me Zoloft takes a couple weeks to even out. And it did. That first day, I had some kuh-razy thoughts. Then I felt really, super, awesome (almost manic) the next few days, then I was super low and couldn’t get out of the house for a couple days. After that, I stopped taking it for a couple days, but after talking to my friends who’ve been on it, and a friend who is a psychiatrist, so many people urged me to get back on and give it time to level off. I’m not sure I’m even at that point yet, but it is getting better every day, and just typing out these symptoms now, from the place where I’m at today, I can tell I’ve already made some big improvements.
There are natural ways to go about it. I looked into that. Diet modifications and such, but for me to even get to a place to try any of that, I need the medicine. You know you can always email, call or text me if you need anything, and I certainly won’t read anything into your comments or lack of. I know your plate is way full, and I want to support you, too.
I remember a lot of people last year telling me that Zoloft takes time to even out, and that things just needed time to regulate. I was just afraid I wouldn’t make it more than a few days on it. Things were that bad. I really feel like that one day almost killed me. I laid on the floor in the hallway both numb and in excruciating pain, for two straight days. I slept through an ICAN meeting while the group stood out in the freezing weather developing a severe hatred for me (the group was so mad at me for leaving them in the cold that I ended up leaving ICAN for good – they weren’t interested in my excuse for sleeping through a meeting.) I do remember that my midwife got me on a huge helping of vitamins and supplements, and after that I felt much better. But I stopped taking them months ago because I forgot. I need to stop forgetting to take them! I know they helped. But you know how it is… you know what you need to do, but you get too overwhelmed, and then end up hating yourself too much to take care of yourself, wash, rinse, repeat. I’ll promise the both of us that I’ll at least start taking my supplements again tomorrow. Anything to take the edge off this.
I’m glad to hear that. I hope that helps.
Wow… I know EXACTLY how you feel. And, it sucks. Completely.
I feel like I missed out on the baby stage with my oldest, because I was in a fog the entire time. I have very little memory of the first six months, actually… my memories of his babyhood really begin after I began treatment for my PPD. I realized I needed help when I kept feeling the urge to leave my son in a parking lot and drive off a nearby bridge. I called my dr.’s office sobbing, and made an appointment for the next day. I was diagnosed with Postpartum depression, as well as Postpartum OCD. I had my second child 10 weeks ago, and at 3 weeks I knew I was going down that road again, and my midwife prescribed Zoloft for me. This time around, it is soooo much better. I still have my moments where I know I am about to snap, but I’m living… not just literally. I am present in my children’s lives, instead of just co-existing with them. I am relishing the smell of a baby and how sweet a newborn’s smiles are for the first time. I am so full of regret that I missed that with my first, but I feel so blessed I am getting that with my second.
Jill- it takes a lot of courage to share your story. Postpartum depression/anxiety/etc. are a new mother’s dirty little secret. No one talks about it, yet so many of us go through this battle, and this silence creates a stigma. No one wants to admit that they have to force themselves to hold their two month old, or that they have uncontrollable, gruesome visions of their newborn falling off a balcony. We need to talk about it though… we need to help each other through these hard times, because our husbands sure as hell don’t understand. Maybe by sharing your story, another mom won’t wait to get help, or maybe the women who don’t experience this might understand, rather than judge. You’re an awesome mother for getting help, and you are most definitely not alone…. and it does get better. 🙂 Thanks for your openness.
Thank you. I’m so glad to have the freedom to discuss this now. I had no idea what to make of all of this that was going on in my head for so long. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better. Yes, I just really want to be able to live in the moment!
Why is it that my daughter is 16 months old yet I feel like you were writing about me? I had PPA after my first daughter (3) was born. I was on Wellbutrin for a while and felt great. By the time I weaned off of it, I was good to go. Didn’t think I needed anything after my 2nd pregnancy as I wasn’t staying up all night long watching her every breath, panicking every 30 seconds about something new, etc…. Yet as I read this, I’m wondering if I was wrong. I have such a short fuse now, get overwhelmed really easily and just generally feel disconnected often. I find myself stressing often yet I guess I didn’t associate it with anything until I read your blog tonight. Is it possible to have PPA at 16 months PP? Or I wonder if I have a general anxiety disorder? This really really opened my eyes and I’m sitting here in tears wondering if I’ve been fooling myself this whole time, when in actuality, I’m SO not okay. Thank you for opening my eyes Jill. Thank you thank you thank you! Now I just need to find the courage to talk to my husband about this. I’ve told him all along that I’m fine, even when he’s gently questioned me on an extremely rough day and I snap at him. He’s probably seen signs all along but I refused to admit it.
Oh, goodness. You’re welcome. I hope you reach out for help. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.
Thank you for sharing your story in a very honest and straightforward way. I pushed myself and pretended I was fine for almost a year, then my body physically broke down. The anger, the irritation, the lack of focus and the irrational intrusive thoughts I have also experienced. And when you look at them On their own, it’s easy to pretend nothing is wrong.
I started crying. In the grocery store, at work and while driving. I couldn’t stop the sobbing, and I mean big huge air gulping, snot dripping sobs. Then came the anxiety attacks, heart racing, sweaty, can’t focus, ears ringing and feeling like you have a ton of bricks on your chest. Another symptom I am just now identifying and not really good at explaining is my fear that everyone thinks I’m doing a horrible job at being a parent. So I lash out. I turn innocent comments into attacks in my head, and respond in kind.
PPA is so difficult. It’s draining and sucks you dry. Its been 2 months now that I’ve been diagnosed, and I’m working it out. I am so glad that you are sharing your story. Women NEED to know they are not alone, and can get help.
And thank you for sharing yours, Lea.
Wow. This is almost exactly what I was going through. My babies are a year old but I only recently started taking Zoloft (right around their birthday) because I am so wary of drugs. But everything you described… that’s how I was. I’m not yet feeling 100% my old “normal”, but between the Zoloft and exercising more I’m feeling much better than I was a month ago. I wish I’d seen my doctor earlier instead of thinking I could handle it or I’d “get over it”. I was still only half convinced I’d need medication, but I think having my heart-rate be a steady 117 bpm throughout the half hour visit was enough of a tip off that this was affecting my physical health as well as my emotional health and I owed it to myself and my kids (and my poor husband) to do something about it.
Thanks for writing about such an important topic.
Thanks for sharing, April. I hope you continue to feel better.
Whoa, that brought back some memories. I suffered from PPD with a dash of PPA after both of my kids. I got help pretty quickly after #2, but it took almost 6 months for me to get help after Aidan. The instrusive thoughts, constant anxiety and panic over having to leave the house ruled my life. I still remember having a near panic attack in BRU when Aidan started crying at 8 weeks old. I started sweating and just about ran with him out the door, feeling like every eye was starting at me and judging me. I got to my car and sobbed for a good 10 minutes while he screamed in his car seat. I didn’t leave the house with him alone for another month.
I’m on Zoloft and it does take a few weeks to kick in, but when it does you’re going to feel like yourself again. Good luck.
Thanks! I’m still waiting for things to even out, and it’s hard to be patient sometimes, but it’s good to hear everyone’s reassurances.
*Tears*
Thank you for this. I am recognizing that I need to talk to my doctor and will need even more support once this second baby gets here in 2 weeks or less. Thank you again.
I wish you the best, Angie.
I think it is amazing that you are able to share your story with everyone. I have always had depression and anxiety, but I had severe PPOCD, and it has been a battle ever since. I am slowly opening up about my experiences, and it helps to read other moms stories too. Thank you for this post. I hope things are better for you and your family now. I know it takes time and can be a daily struggle,
Thank you, and the same to you.
Well this brings back some hard memories. I’ve been there lady and I’m glad you got the help you need to feel better.
Good for you for talking about it. You’re using your suffering to ease the burdens of others, and that is beautiful. I hope things continue to improve.
I agree with several other comments: This was difficult to read because it definitely brought back memories.
Noah’s actually a little younger than Leyna, but I got hit HARD with PPD/PPA shortly after he was born. And it was very similar to what you are talking about. I let it go on for WEEKS because I kept telling myself I was better than that, that I just needed to get a grip or that maybe I deserved all these terrible feelings because I was such a crappy mom (in hindsight, that was the REALLY alarming thought in that sequence).
My husband finally told me I was going to call my doctor, and I’m SO glad he did. I got a couple of estrogen patches that helped normalize some of the hormonal issues I was having, and I’ve been on antidepressants since around the end of May. I started the process of weaning off of those about a week ago.
I’m so glad you have sought treatment, that it sounds like you can already tell the difference and they are putting the story out there for other moms to read. I have been helped SO much by realizing this is something other people go through, and I’m not a freak for struggling.
Thank you for sharing your story, Misty. I”m so glad you’re feeling better, too.
:::hug:::
I didn’t read any of these posts before, thinking that, not being a mom yet, I wasn’t going to have anything worth sharing about anything postpartum, but the anxiety thing rings so true for what I’ve gone through for years, especially while I was towards the end of grad school and when I lost my job. I hope that you’re feeling better now. This maybe was the push I needed to acknowledge hat what I was dealing with is/was anxiety, so if it returns, you bet I’m going to make sure to get help with it. So thanks, and :::hug::: and I hope that you are enjoying mommy-of-2-hood much more now that the anxiety is in check. 🙂
I so feel for you! Listening to what you are saying about how overwhelmed you were feeling. Mind racing…tensing up when crying began (and all the other physical responses). Here’s the thing…I’m on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. I know something isn’t working right, but I don’t trust my family doctor to get me on the right one. I wish I knew a different, better equipped, physician to help.
Sara, are you on Twitter? You should check in with the #PPDChat hashtag and see if there is anyone in your area who can recommend a provider. I hope you get the help you need.
This is a great post. I suffer from anxiety and your descriptions above are so real to me. They describe exactly how I feel all to often. I am trying to get myself out of this cycle and have been blogging about it too. I was so surprised how much it helped to write about it and even more, have others tell me that I can get better. I will definitely keep reading your posts on it. I am so happy you have gotten help and are working through it.
I’m so proud of you. I know how hard it is to put it all out there on your blog. I do it almost every week. But admitting this crappy, awful stuff is like coming clean. It’s like being refreshed so you can start over.
I wish I had known about your intrusive thoughts when we were at BlogHer together. Surely you were having them at the same time I was. It’s strange that you’re having the balcony and heights fears as I am too.
We have a balcony walkway in our new house and until recently, I always envisioned losing my footing while holding Brigham and him going splat on the floor. I told my therapist about it. I told Katherine about it while I was at BlogHer. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible would happen. The car accident ones are bad too.
I hope your meds work quickly and well. I know Zoloft worked really well for me during my pregnancy with Brigham and for a little while after. I’m still trying to regulate my new meds to find a good place again. I’m not there yet and I want to fall apart because I just don’t know how much more I can take of doctor’s appointments and med changes. My poor brain and body!
But I just keep telling myself it’s all worth it. Our life is worth it. Our KIDS are worth it.
(((big hugs)))
Thanks Molly! You know, it wasn’t that bad back in SD. Actually, things really started to peak for me right after BH. I mean, I dealt with a lot of this since LL was born, but I really started to wonder if something was actually wrong with me in August. You are awesome and such an inspiration. I so appreciate your support.
I’m not trying to minimize this or say that you don’t actually have a disorder but this seems so prevalent lately.
I suffer from some of the same symptoms you are describing… particularly the vivid mental images and intrusive thoughts of my child suffering or dying, That article you posted about children dying in the cars has really been haunting me for the last few days; it’s actually made it very difficult for me to sleep the last few nights. (I’m not blaming you; I knew I should NOT have clicked on it).
But I’m wondering how much of this is really something that should be controlled with drugs or labeled a disorder or if a lot of it is because we have access to so much information. Everyone writing in probably spends quite a bit of time on the Internet, or even just a little time. There are so many horror stories that are so easy to access and creative minds are probably particularly susceptible because we write…. we envision things… And then there’s the news. Full of doom and gloom and horrible, graphic images that are right there in plain sight.
Maybe one way to help control this is to really start limiting the stuff we read or watch. I’m not at the point where I’m going to go to a Dr. but I’m definitely trying to stay away from things that I know are going to trigger me, or make me lose sleep at night, or make me lose joy during this beautiful time when my child is small.
I’m glad you’re feeling better.
I’m not minimizing what you wrote as a possibility, but I wanted to throw out there that I commented before and I do not watch the news (ever) and rarely read news stories. I sometimes feel bad about that, like I’m very out of the loop and have only a vague idea who that Casey Anthony person was, but I am pretty sensitive and know that hearing/watching details about graphic news stories would keep me up at night. For that same reason, I can’t watch shows like Law & Order.
Just because it’s normal for you, doesn’t mean that it’s within the realm of normality for the rest of the population. Meaning, I thought that what I was feeling was normal for a first time mom. So I never really stopped to think, “Oh hey, maybe other people don’t really think this way. I’m normal, so my feelings must be normal.” It wasn’t until something snapped back inside that I realized, “Holy cow was that messed up. I wasn’t even anywhere near what normal should be.” I also think it’s doing people who are actively seeking medical treatment a disservice to say that maybe they can manage without drugs. No, just turning off the tv and staying away from the news won’t cure them. In fact, telling people that will discourage people from seeking help they so desperately need. YOU don’t know their situation. YOU don’t know how they feel inside, and by gawd YOU have no right to spout such drivel to someone who has a medical diagnosis and is getting help.
Like I said in my previous comment, I’m not saying that there ISN”T an anxiety disorder or that medical treatment isn’t necessary. I’m just saying that there are a lot of mothers that have SOME of the same kinds of feelings who may NOT have anxiety disorders.
That you can have anxiety and not need drugs. That it might help to distance yourself from some of the media that is causing anxiety before seeking medical help.
I certainly wouldn’t want to discourage anyone who needs medical help from getting it. But I also don’t think women should panic and think, oh my god! I must have a disorder too! as I kind of do when I read about symptoms like these. I guess my comment is more about other READERS like me, not about Jill.
However, your comments *do* discourage people from seeking active help. Even if it remotely crosses their mind that something might be wrong, they should seek professional help. Even if nothing is wrong, they still have taken a step in the right direction to empowering themselves to listening to their bodies.
Your statements that maybe they are working themselves up for nothing are the reason that SO many women never go to the doctor. They read/hear those all the time. That it’s just hormones, that they can just remove themselves from the situation, and they’ll be fine! Too many of them won’t be fine. They won’t seek help. They’ll be stuck in an endless black abyss. Something that could be easily treated and managed.
Um… if you are unable to read or watch the news, because you have such intense anxiety you can’t sleep, something is wrong. Removing yourself from reality isn’t a cure for PP anxiety, and really, it isn’t any healthier than not seeking treatment. Not to mention that for women with PPD or anxiety, simply not watching the news isn’t going to stop the thoughts and feelings. This isn’t a boogey-man in the closet we’re afraid of… it’s a chemical/hormonal imbalance in the brain that causes it. Now, a story on the news *might* trigger a panic attack, but if there wasn’t the news, it would be something else. If limiting the news helps you, great, but the fact that you have to watch what you read or watch says volumes. You say you’re not at a place to talk to a dr… maybe you don’t think you are, but then again, no one does until they actually seek help. Check out the link Jill shared in her post, and look at their list of symptoms. If you’re opposed to drugs to treat it, therapy can be a big help.
The reason is seems more prevalent now is because we can talk about it! Women have always gone through this sort of thing- usually they just called it the “baby blues” and suffered alone. Mental illnesses carry a stigma today, but generations ago they were unmentionable. Even now, rarely do you hear women talk about it… it’s really only online that I see women open up about it. And comments like yours just encourage women to keep silent on the subject.
You know, I don’t blame you for thinking this or assuming this. I really don’t. I felt the exact. same. way. I was just exposed to too much, under too much stress, I was too sensitive. What harm were visions that I never acted on going to do anyway, right?
So I ignored everything. In fact, I suffered many of the things I listed above after I had my first, but I was able to work through it on my own (much easier to do when you’re the mother to only one who doesn’t yet talk back). I figured I’d do that again this time.
But the rage? The irritation? The physical things that started happening to me? That’s when I knew it was something I had ignored for too long. I’ll blog more about that next week.
I’m not upset that you wonder this. I think it’s what a lot of people think, and that’s a big reason why I wanted to be open about all of this. Because the way I view all of those things has drastically changed.
Love you lady! I’m at the place where I know that I had PPD, and I never want to go back to that time. Until you pull yourself out of that dark well of anxiety, and depression, you really don’t know how fucked up you really were.
It’s so, so true. Right back at you, gal.
Also, this is a good warning to anyone who thinks they might have depression…not even post-partum.
Thank you for being a voice for PPD and PPA. I shared on your last entry about it how much I have been affected by it. I think the more we talk about it the “normal” it will become and other women will stop being so scared to seek help.
Hi Jill,
I’ve been reading your site for a while, but have never commented before. I just had to thank you for sharing this. I went through post partum anxiety with my first, and it was JUST like you describe. The hard thing for me was feeling like I didn’t need help, because I didn’t fit the profile of post partum depression (crying all the time, etc.). But thankfully I did get help, and I have a plan with my doc for the second round.
The most important thing you said is that it doesn’t have to be like that! It was only a couple of weeks after I got on my meds that I started to feel like myself again, which was something I thought might never happen.
Thanks again. By putting yourself out there, you most certainly have helped another mother see herself in this post and know it’s okay to get help.
Best,
Andrea
Thank you for this post. I had never heard of Postpartum Anxiety before. My doctor gave me a brochure on PPD and asked me if I was depressed at my 6-week checkup. I’m not depressed. I get very frustrated, very easily. My son’s crying bothers me more now (nearly 7 months PP) than it did when he had colic several months ago. I’m stressed out and have difficulty concentrating. I thought I was just having a difficult time adjusting to motherhood. Now I realize that it’s not being a bad mom, I need to seek help. I’ll be calling my doctor on Monday. Thank you again for this.
Oh, Kristin. I’m sorry you’re struggling, but I’m so glad you’re going to get help.
[…] To read more about my postpartum anxiety diagnosis, go here and here. […]
is it possible to experience this even after you child is 5 years old? because what you wrote describes me pretty well
For those of you curious about post partum anxiety and/or depression, this particular blog post really explains it well. I have experienced nearly all of these feelings, in particular the ones about intrusive thoughts, getting anxious about doing nothing, and being perpetually irritated.
Thank you for sharing your personal journey. I’m feeling a lot of these symptoms as well and I will call a doctor to schedule an appointment now. Just yesterday my DH listened to me when I said I couldn’t control the worry or the intrusive thoughts. I’ve always been a concerned/worried person, so he thought it was just a hyper me. but its much more. Thank you again!
Wow, this really explains a lot. I’ve been having a lot of anxiety and focus problems since I’ve had my youngest. I haven’t really talked to the doctor about it. I’ve been suffering from panic attacks too. This. Wow. I just can’t explain how happy I am that I’ve stumbled upon this.
[…] I know that some, possibly most, of the stress I am feeling is due to my poorly functioning body chemistry. People say that postpartum anxiety is normal, possibly even primal and will pass in about a year. My youngest just celebrated her 3rd birthday, so people, you were wrong! Although I no longer worry about draconian aliens kidnapping my children, or that the strange lump in my baby’s foot is an alien implant, I still feel the nag of anxiety given the perfect mixture of worry and stress. Think I was off my rocker, well, yea, I was, but I’m grateful my altered realities were ridiculous, keeping a sane vantage point was easier for me because of them. Some Mothers aren’t so lucky. […]
Hi. I’ve always been thinking that I have this postpartum anxiety… Having 3 kids in 3 consecutive years.. They’re 2, 3 and 4yrs of age. I always want to shower them with love, grace, and forgiveness.. I know I can only do that with tons of patience and a happy heart. But right now, for 3 years, I am always anxious and yelling and angry… I’m tired.
I don’t know who to get help from… If you could tell me what kind of doctor should I seek.
I am so sorry you’re struggling. 🙁 I started with my family doctor the first time. The second time, I talked to my midwife/OBGYN office.
An…so sorry 🙁 try finding a psychiatrist. If there isn’t one available start with your family doctor.
[…] I literally thought I was dying from a heart attack, which turned out to be a panic attack, and the lowest point for me when dealing with Postpartum Anxiety. She asked about my sleep patterns and I was […]
I read all of these blogs about PPD or PPA and they are so insightful and helpful. It’s nice to not feel alone.
But then I feel worse in a way too… You mention not being able to do anything but being able to write, to blog, is a HUGE achievement. I find it often impossible just to return emails or do any of the million things I should do, yet alone want to do.