Notes On Parenthood and Time

The moment you become a parent, time begins to whip by, increasing in speed with every passing day.

The moment your baby starts screaming the first night they show signs of colic, time slows to a crawl as you plod through, officially, the longest night of your life.

Time completely stops the first time you witness, in slow motion, your baby face planting onto a tile floor.

On days when naptime is skipped, bedtime will be delayed by 2 days.

On days when children nap, 2 hours will go by in 15 minutes. All you will accomplish in that 15 minutes is screwing around on the internet and cleaning 1.5 dishes.

“Free time,” or any time away from your children, consists of tasks like bathing oneself and enjoying some old school rap with the windows down as you drive to the store to buy stuff for the children.

While your children breeze through milestones in the blink of an eye, you will continue to be shocked when you realize that other people’s children are, in fact, also growing.

For every child you have, the amount of time it takes to get out of the house is multiplied by 17.

Daylight Savings Time will F you and your schedule so hard.

As a parent, there will absolutely never, ever, nope, not EVER be enough hours in the day. Nuh uh, not even next month. Not even when you finish that big project. Nope. Never. Never again.

Kendall is 3 years 5 months, Leyna is 9.5 months

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  1. I am petrified of the upcoming time change. My son is a couple weeks older than Leyna, and during the last change, he was young enough that it didn’t affect much (wasn’t STTN or on much of a set schedule). Now that he’s STTN, I have no idea how I’m going to make the time switch with him. Help me!! 🙂

  2. So true Jill, SOOOO true!! We recently just started over with babies, our older kiddos are 17, 13, 11 & 10. Christopher is 6.5 months. It is amazing how quickly the older ones grew, and yes how S.L.O.W all the bad things seem to go. I love how you shed light on this. Thank you!!

  3. Ok, this is TOO funny! I can’t agree more on the jamming out to rap thing. My parents had both our boys over night a few days ago. I spent the morning with my Pandora rap station blaring while cleaning and sitting my ass. I’m glad I’m not the only one!!

  4. I love your blog but that is some depressing stuff to read first thing in the morning. Don’t show this to people contemplating babies…

  5. Funny how I think this every single day…if only there were more hours in the day and more days in the week, I could get everything done. Like my wedding pictures from 4.5 years ago. Or the first year picture book of my son, who will be 3 in a month. Or how I look at my 4 month-old daughter and cringe at the thought that I have to start feeding her solids in a month-and-a-half because she can’t be that big already, can she? I’m afraid if I blink my babies will be grown and gone and I will have missed everything. But last night bed time lasted approximately 20x too long because someone wasn’t “twyed”. All of this I wouldn’t change though! Even though it is slowly driving me insane!

  6. Oh golly, there is so much truth in what you just wrote! (Particularly about how time changes based on whether they have or have not had a nap, and what you can get accomplished when they DO nap! Ahhh, that is my life EXACTLY!)

  7. …enjoying some old school rap with the windows down… This could not be more true! I almost feel like a rebel. Ha! And since I’m a first time mommy to a 6 month old with a perfect schedule you have just scared me to death about time changes. I haven’t even thought about it! Eek!

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