Inner Smug 24 Year Old Weeps While Toddler Mayhem Ensues

I saw this ad come across my Facebook feed this morning, and it couldn’t have been at a more appropriate time.

Remember how I told you all about how we used to meticulously care for our vehicles? How they were so shiny and clean, and how we so harshly judged parents who went rolling around town with a Goldfish cracker graveyard and sippy-cup asylum in their back seats?

Smug 24 year old vows to keep brand new, shiny Jeep shiny and fresh-smelling forever and ever.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

We just returned home from our road trip to Columbia and St. Louis, MO, and our Jeep… has seen better days. While this is a shade more extreme than the general state of things when we’re driving day to day, this is pretty standard for how things look after 15 hours of family fun on the road.

Yes, we give him gummy worms and “coffee” (chocolate milk) to quiet him while he watches endless DVDs. Do not judge. 15 hours is a REALLY FREAKING LONG TIME.

We aren’t sure what these mystery substances on his door and window are. Honestly, we don’t want to know.

I used to really take care to keep his car seat clean, washing the cover about once a month. Now I just take care to make sure there’s nothing that will mold or curdle left in the cup holders.

Toddler mayhem, it lives.

Kendall is 3.5 years old and Leyna is 9.5 months old. Can’t wait to see the level of destruction once she starts partaking in the sippy-cup tossing events.

50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide
Available now: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

  • 41


  1. LMAO! Someone posted that video on my wall a couple months ago and it has become a hysterical inside joke for our friends. That and then the Mayhem Raccoon video after my husband got attacked by a raccoon the night of our 4th of July fireworks in my mothers garbage can.
    I don’t think he will ever live it down.

  2. Ugh, +1 here. The worst part is that I got a new jeep after the first one was born and somehow still deluded myself into thinking it wouldn’t end this way. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

  3. “Now I just take care to make sure there’s nothing that will mold or curdle left in the cup holders.”

    My previously anal-retentive husband just read that, and said: “Why don’t we think of that?” You’re a step ahead of us.

  4. My father wants to get into my car later today, the car he bought me 12 years ago as university gift, the car he expected me to maintain forever and ever. Did I mention HE gets a new car every other year, has them professionally cleaned monthly, puts the fancy gas in and does not have any toddlers in his possession?

    I am FREAKING. My car is horrible. The trunk is stuffed full of extra clothes, a DVD player to quell the banchee screaming, 2 versions of portable booster seats, 2 “must be washed or perhaps burnt” sippy cups, 6 tons of toddler snack wrapper garbage and well, and some unknown things. The INSIDE of the car? Well it looks as bad as my purse. Bits of banana smeared on the car seat, the remnants of a animal cracker incident that happened so long ago I’m surprised the dust hasn’t just vaporized by now, and a few more tons of toddler snack wrapper garbage…not to mention the rogue french fries from eating on the go, an old coffee cup, packs of wipes and a few mysterious sticky things I should be ashamed of?

    I too thought “how could your car get SO gross, really?” long before I had kids of my own. And now? I’m just surprised that no one has invented a drive through car wash for the inside.

  5. IT IS SO TRUE! Coincidentally, I was just about to ‘push’ myself to clean out MY car from the mayhem the two boys I’ve got have done to it….granted I don’t let it get too bad, but seriously? Who can keep up with two toddlers and crumbs in the carseat every time!?

  6. I’m embarrassed to say that my car looks like that, or worse, daily. That is until yesterday morning when I cleaned it out completely to take it to the repair shop. My kids are 16yo & 9mo so I have no real excuse…no long trips…no sippy cup wars….just pure laziness on my part for not taking everything out of the car when I get home. Maybe, starting tomorrow when I get my car back, I’ll keep it clean.

  7. I can say without a doubt there are probably numerous science experiments growing in my car at any given moment. Over the hot, hot, HOT summer, Jules picked up a who-knows-how-old chocolate milk from Starbucks and took a big ol’ swig. You cannot imagine the mayhem that landed on his tongue. I almost called poison control. But, we brushed his teeth, and he learned not to drink out of containers that have been sitting in the car for two months! 🙂

  8. Bahahahaha !!!! I love it. Jill….my car looks like that right now and we have not taken any road trips recently. That’s just the result of carting around 2 little boys on a daily basis. You’ll never find judgment here !

  9. Yup my jeep looks like this most of the time. The two year is sadly not as responsible as I am for the mess. And the cheapo fabric they put in the 05 grand Cherokee shows every stain and water spot so that just compounds the problem.

  10. I haven’t vacuumed my car in 2 years. There, I confessed. I pick up the stuff off the floor boards from time to time. But I don’t go any further than that. And now I’m scared to do it anyway.

    After 15 hours with two kids? Yeah, that seems about right to me.

  11. I have to laugh at this! My poor car. I do try and clean out all the junk in it every day. But, damn. I have a 45 minute commute every frickin’ day with my 2 year old. There is no way my car isn’t going to have milk splashed on the backseat windows, dried up apple jacks in the door handles, and a layer of crackers and fruit snacks on the floor. About 2 months ago I had this horrific smell (like dog poop) coming out of the back seat. I think it was a rotted fruit leather piece of granola bar attached to the floor mats.

    There is no way I am ever the one offering to drive to lunch at work, or in between buildings. You better believe that I”m the one saying “nope, no room here!”.

    It does get better, right??

Leave A Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.