Letters From The Future I Wish I Sent

Dear  first-time-mom-Jill,

Try not to be such a super mom. Try not to read every book and have all the milestones memorized the month before he should reach them. Try not to drop everything every time he makes a noise that sounds like he might be slightly discontented. Try not to judge that mom of 2 in Babies R Us who’s letting her infant cry while she chases her toddler down the aisle. Try not to keep everything so clean. Try not to learn all the words to so many lullabies and nursery rhymes. Try not to buy so many toys. Try not to work with him so much on reaching with purpose, rolling over, and crawling.

3 years from now, you will not have time to read. You won’t have any idea if your second baby is hitting any of her milestones. You, frankly, won’t really care because, well, she seems healthy and happy, so that has to count for something.

Your second baby will cry. She will cry often. There’s really not anything you can do about it because the toddler who just pooped in his laundry basket and possibly smeared a little on his wall needs to be dealt with more than the crying baby. Her cries in public will not bother you as much because you’re too busy FUH-REAKING out at the 3 year old running away from you in a parking lot.

She will spend her days playing in an exersaucer and jumperoo that have a healthy layer of dog hair and baby puke on them. Her immune system is going to be AWESOME. The jumperoo doesn’t even have batteries in it. She does not seem to care.

You will have forgotten all those lullabies by now, but you will know the words to every Katy Perry song because your 3 year old son is slightly obsessed with her. You lull her to sleep with a slow version of California Girls.

Daisy dukes… bikinis on top

She will have about 5 toys… that are age appropriate. Your 3 year old will also shove Hot Wheels in her chubby hands, and she will chew on your iPhone. You will not have time to wave mirrors in front of her to get her to roll over. You will, honestly, not be in a big hurry to get her to crawl because crawling leads to walking, and before you know it, you will be chasing her in a parking lot. She will probably be running the opposite direction of the other one running away from you. You will want her to remain immobile as long as possible.

First-time-mom-Jill, try not to be so awesome. You might have a little less guilt the second time around, and you might save yourself a bit of sanity. Turns out all that stuff you are so neurotic about now is really not that important.


Jill from the future

Kendall is 3 years old and Leyna is nearly 6 months old

50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide
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  1. As soon as the Froggy starts to pull himself up, I plan on pushing him back down. LITERALLY. Like, his little legs will be shakily pushing himself to a raised position, and I’m going to walk by and just knock him over. If I do it enough, it should buy me another month or so. Yes?

  2. Completely true! I watched a video last night of my now 16 month old son standing up for the first time at 3 months and we were encouraging it. That will NOT be happening with my 3 month old daughter.

  3. Oh goodness!! So very well said. It is so amazing how much we learn with each child. I wonder what I would say now that I am on child number four – I may need to think about that some more

  4. Oh my goodness this post is PERFECT, Jill. And a PERFECT reminder that I don’t have to be perfect…because – well, I can’t be!!

    THANK YOU! 🙂

  5. Ditto on the ridiculous Top 40 lullabies. My almost 3 yr old daughter loves Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Cee Lo Green’s (clean, edited) “Forget You.” We are glad she sings “Oh, she’s a gold deer, oh yeah don’t ya know, dear?” instead of the actual lyrics… 🙂

  6. I love how you speak the truth Jill! I remember w/BG1 we didn’t even do lullabies because she was oddly obsessed with “Holler Back Girl” by Gwen Stefani so that was always on repeat in the stereo or phone. And yes, I have learned to drown out the cries, BG2 is a MAJOR crier, esp in the car when she can’t stand to be in her car seat, because I know crying is better than the alternative. I’m still alil crazi about the health and milestones thing w/BG2 though, TRYING to not be such a worrisome mother as I call the Pediatrician for the 10th time in a day. Finally, I agree, I would like them to remain immobile for as long as possible, my cute lil’ lump of chubb, because once they’re mobile, they never stop…unless we’ve walked 5 minutes in the mall and they’re saying “Mom, I’m tired. Can you carry me?!?!”

    Ah, the joys of parenting. =)

  7. love it love it love it. I wish I could go back to my pre-baby days or my sleeping infant days & slap myself for judging all the mothers out & about who had a toddler/preschooler screaming, who was dirty, or who was talking back.

  8. Every single word is true! Especially toys, songs, developmental milestones, only difference is it’s Lady Gaga here!

  9. I could have written this exact same thing for myself. It’s a comfort to know there are others out there that feel the same way I do.

  10. It’s amazing what we won’t freak over for the second and subsequent kids. I’m expecting #4, and the only thing I feel guilty about now is having been so uptight with #1.

  11. <3 Yes, I wish I had one of these letters from the future. I surely wouldn't have lugged all that baby crap around with my first. I mean, really, who needs that sh*t 24/7. Give me diapers, nursing pads and my baby wearing goods and I'm set! :)

    Oah, and about the lullabies! We have Rockabye Baby CDs in this house. It's the only thing that doesn't drive me batty. LOVE the Beatles and Queen CDs.

  12. Dear First time mom Donna,
    you are not now, nor have you ever been a doctor. MENTION L’s eye to the Peadiatrician, even just in passing. Don’t wait “assuming” it’s fine. It isn’t. Also stop being a paranoid Polly, he’s a kid, he will jump off the couch. L #2 will do everything her brother does, and it WILL result in blood loss. When she splits her lip that day on the fireplace, again, don’t “assume” it’s fine, she will need stiches, again, you are not an MD.
    Go out more, both alone and with C, you both need it. Don’t stress so much about money, you’re certainly not rich, but everyone is happy.
    Most off all, stop being so hard on yourself, you aren’t perfect, nobody is. Once you find your groove, you’ll be good to go. Try not to yell as much, and keep telling L and C you love them everyday. Thank C for working so hard so you can stay home.
    Cherish little L, once he starts walking, he wont stop.


    Future Donna

  13. I haven’t even had my 2nd yet (any day now!) but I can already tell this will describe me to a T! Just the pregnancy alone fits the same standards. 🙂

  14. I loved this 🙂 Sometimes I actually think that I am the most laid back first time mom – to the point of being too laid back and not attentive enough – but then I hear veteran moms write and say things like this and I think that I (my kids) will end up okay and well adjusted.

    PS: I haven’t commented in a long while…but Leyna is the most adorable baby I have seen in quite some time!

  15. Alexis Baker on

    I resemble this! I can’t help but laugh and cry since I am going through the SAME THING, but my son is 26 months and my 6 months!!

    THANK YOU!!!

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