So I’m in a bit of a funk lately, and I don’t really know why, but I have a feeling it has a lot to do with the impending arrival of my second baby.
I’m going to have two babies.
I said that last night, out loud, for what felt like the first time, and I started crying.
I’m not ready for this. I don’t think I want this. Can I take it back?
Here’s the thing, our life is pretty great. My son is MY WORLD. And how on earth can I have two worlds? How can I bounce back and forth between the two without letting one drift away. What if one gets out of my reach, what if I neglect one, what if one is more comfortable than the other?
What if I’m about to screw everything up? Not that I have everything figured out as it is, but at least I’m starting to find balance.
I laid in bed last night and truly wondered why I wanted this, why I would ever do this to our family dynamic. And then, of course, I felt guilty… because who wonders that about their unborn baby? Their PLANNED unborn baby?
I’m a giant wrecking ball of hormones. I wish I could write something more inspiring, more witty, something funny. But I can’t seem to claw my way out of this funk. I can’t keep from thinking and worrying. It’s all I can do to keep from crying.
My son, my world is 2.5 and I’m 35 weeks pregnant