Self Admitted Pregnancy Psychosis

The following is coming from a psychotic, hormonal, emotional, state of rage and annoyance. I acknowledge that I’m being completely irrational. Now, allow me to rant.

I woke this morning at 6 am with my husband’s alarm. Instead of drifting back to sleep like I do any other morning, I shot up and began trying to rub my own shoulders, neck and back because they were on fire. I guess I slept wrong on the Snoogle (which- tangent alert!- has totally lost all fluff and support in the lower half and is not standing up to this second pregnancy very well, and that is CRAP considering how much I paid for it… should totally get more than 6 months use out of a $60 pillow… anyway…), and I was in serious pain. It was the kind of pain I couldn’t fall back to sleep with, but EVEN IF I COULD it wouldn’t have done much good because my husband stayed in bed for an hour hitting snooze every 15 minutes.

So, being the considerate wife I am, I figured he didn’t sleep well last night either, and I’d wait to ask him to rub my shoulders and back for me until he was awake for the day. One hour later and I finally poked him in the ribs and mumbled, “Uhm, are you planning on getting up for work sometime today?”

“Huh, oh… yeah… sorry. Tired.”

“Okay, well you’ve got to stop hitting snooze. And could you please rub my shoulders and back for me? They are killing me. It’s so bad I have a headache.”


He rolls over and half asses a one shoulder rub with his sleepy hands, and we all know sleepy hands give SHITTY back rubs. I told him this much. I said he was not doing a very good job with his sleepy hands.Β Β So he gets out of bed, gets dressed, and instead of coming back to give me a proper back rub after getting up and getting the blood flowing (like I thought he would), he goes to his office and starts the day.

I. cried.

I cried!

I laid in bed and fucking cried like a hormonal, psychotic pregnant woman. And then I tweeted about it.

I AM IN PAIN BECAUSE I AM GROWING YOUR CHILD AND I AM TIRED AND YOU DON’T CARE!! I took care of you when you were sick last week. I woke up in the middle of the night to check on you. AND YOU CAN NOT GIVE ME A DECENT BACKRUB?!

I got up and got Kendall ready for school. I packed his lunch and took care of the dogs and got us both dressed. There was much slamming of doors and passive aggressive huffing around from me, I will admit.

Then, right before I left the house, I lost it on him. I told him how he was insensitive and it’s HARD growing a baby sometimes and I’d just really appreciate a little support.

And he laughed.

He laughed at me!

This is not funny!! Yet.

Yes, we will all laugh at how ridiculous I am LATER, but not now.

I left, dropped Kendall off, grabbed donuts at the grocery store and then argued with the INCOMPETENT ROBOT Β that is self checkout and now I’m home.

And my shoulders are still sore. And yes, I know I’m crazy and this is stupid, and maybe I should give my husband a break for putting up with me… but NO… he could have given me a better back rub. Bottom line. Except now I’m too stubborn to let him touch me.

Excuse me while I go eat half a box of Krispy Kremes.

I am 24 weeks pregnant and a raving lunatic.

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  1. I’ve given up on sleepy hands long ago. I sleep on a heating pad every night. It’s for the best for all of us. Oh, and I’m not growing any humans. Hugs and Rubs. Wait, that sounds really wrong.

  2. I’ve given up on good husband massages a long time ago. A one handed back rub is just not great. I was lucky to have great health benefits when I was pregnant and went to weekly pregnancy massage therapy.
    All that Relaxin in my body made everything ache and hurt, right down to my toes. I’m sorry you can’t go in for a good pregnancy massage, it really can make such a difference in how you feel. Plus it gives you that hour of downtime where you can be still.
    No matter what…men will not really get the whole pregnancy thing. They just won’t. No matter how sweet or kind a husband/partner is…they don’t get the whole package. This is where sisterhood comes in!

  3. i would have been soooooooooo pissed off at being laughed at!

    then again, i don’t know what it’s like to actually have a husband massage, since mine didn’t come with the capability to give them. *le sigh*

    and…… for the record, i’d totally be too stubborn to let him touch me too! haha!

    • Yep. Husband sans capacity for backrubs. CHECK. I know how you feel on the half-assed backrubs. It’s more frustrating than not getting one at all. (I don’t know how you feel on the growing a human thing, but I don’t like being laughed at when I’m mad either).

  4. I had one of those moments the other day when I scratched the crap out of myself on my desk and rather than ask if I was okay, the hubby just told our son that I was being dramatic. Dude, I was freaking BLEEDING! I totally lost it on him. I feel your pain.

    Oh, and I agree with you on the Snoogle. I was all excited to use it again with this pregnancy, and it is completely useless now. πŸ™

  5. Laughing is not cool, my husband has done that too and I’ve wanted to just kill him even more than for whatever I was originally mad at him for. Someone should really teach them to suck it up and be a little nicer to us pregos. It is NOT fun to be pregnant!

  6. Completely understand. I had pretty much the same story in pregnancy and yes my husband also finds it humorous. And at the moment it is never that funny.
    Men don’t get the pain of hormones, preggo pains, and stress of having constant kiddos around. My hubby is great just like yours but sometimes I think he needs a little empathy infusion.
    And once I went five days without him touching me- I was livid at his attitude. I have to say that time it was worth it- he NEVER repeated THAT mistake again.
    Although ironically- while I won’t let him touch me- I also kind of really want him too persist. I want him to be that hero and just follow through no matter what response I have. I want him to be tortured enough to NEED to touch me and regret not understanding my soul…yup… Fun imagination I possess:)

    I hope you can find someone to help you out there…

  7. LMAO !!! I’m not laughing at you..I just really feel you with the whole situation. When I was pregnant with Jack last summer I remember this horrible day where I called Matt at work and threatened to divorce him for moving James’ swingset under the carport. I was too huge to move it back myself and it ruined my whole morning. The funny thing was…I seriously was thinking about how I should leave him for being so inconsiderate to me !!! Crazy pregnancy hormones.

  8. I am so right there with you, seriously. Im 22 wks today with #2, and I told my husband to get used to the idea that this will be the last kiddo, cuz I cannot fathom dealing with his insensitive, inconsiderate ass thoroughout any more pregnancies while i tend to a toddler and work full time. I need a babymoon from everyone in my house…

  9. This is such a great post! I can’t stop laughing. I’m not laughing at you but at myself. I used to get angry with my husband all the time because he wouldn’t rub my back or be extra nice to me. Here I am growing his child, having to be the one that expands in all directions, and he can’t even give me a good 5 minute back rub? Not fair!

  10. Nothing like having the hubby tell you to “calm down” or “chill out” when you’re seething– but laughing right in your face? Man, there would be bloodshed. Hang in there!

    Have you looked for a massage college in your area? I get student massages for $18 here in Utah at the local college of massage, and they are still awesome! You should definitely look into that in your area, that is $20 well spent.

  11. I would be mad too! Of course, I’d be mad now–even though I’m not with child–if my husband didn’t give me a massage when I obviously hurt so bad! At least you can blame it on the hormones!

  12. I totally sympathize. No laughing until you laugh first at yourself. Them are the RULES. I know massages are expensive–maybe you could check with a massage school in your area? A local program here offers 50 minute massages in their student clinic for just $35 and you’re not allowed to tip, so it’s totally affordable. Or maybe just go sit on one of those stools at the mall and pay a dollar a minute for someone to rub your shoulders for 15 minutes? A good massage can make ALL the difference. Good luck!

  13. And as punishment you should go treat yourself to a pregnancy spa package, new pregnancy pillow (with the $50 shipping so you can have it tomorrow night if you can’t find one in stores) and maybe even a massage chair πŸ˜‰

  14. I would have been just as mad! I’d say ignore him and not speak to him for at least another day, but if he were my husband he’d think of that as a reward! πŸ˜‰

    Hang in there!

  15. Okay I am so NOT laughing! And my husband does that thing where he hits his alarm for an hour and I’m not pregnant and I still want to kill him. It is annoying.

    When I was pregnant I remember one night that I cried for HOURS because my husband went to sleep. You know like you are supposed to at night time.

  16. OK, it’s been almost a week, and I’m still laughing about this. Not AT you though. I just still remember what it’s like to have that same fight and feel like, “OMG I’m stark raving mad” and not care one little bit.

    You deserve a backrub.

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