Baby, My Baby, You Will Be Big Someday… Soon

He’s spent many hours staring out our front windows over the last 2 years, watching the neighborhood kids run up and down the street.

He grew up with a longing to join them someday.

He can finally run. It’s finally cool enough to play outside in the evening.

He gathers his favorite toys- his musical instruments. He teeters down the steep driveway with them busting out of his arms. “Fwiends!” he shouts as he chases them back and forth. They aren’t mean, but they are on roller blades and playing tag, too big and fast and busy to be bothered by playing with a “baby.”

He lays his musical instruments out on the driveway when his arms get too tired of carrying them.

He watches them whiz by, hopeful each time one approaches.

Sad each time they pass by.

Oh, sweetheart. One day you will be able to join them. One day you will be so big that you will wear rollerblades and whiz past all the houses on the street in a flash. One day you will be big enough to look both ways before you cross the street by yourself and join the rest of your “fwiends” in a rowdy game of tag. One day you will join the big kids and play until the sun begins to set, and I will yell your name from the front porch to let you know it’s time for dinner.

But not today, baby. Today you are still small. Though you’ve done so much growing, you have so much left to do. And until then, when your feet can keep up and your legs can make strides big enough to run as fast as those big kids you so admire, I will be your playmate. I will sit here and play instruments with you… because I know my days are numbered. I know that one day entirely too soon you will be too fast for me, you will be too strong for me, you will be too big for me. So please, lets sit here and play. There will be time to be a big kid someday… soon.

Kendall is 2 years, 4 months old, and maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, but I cried more writing this post than I ever remember crying writing any other.

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  1. Aww, break my freakin heart! My baby boy just turned 2 on Sunday, I know my days are limited, but right now, I’m trying to enjoy that he still wants *only* mommy to take him potty, and wants to hold my hand every time he sees someone he doesn’t know when we’re out.. I know too soon he will think that mommy is completely uncool and be off on his own :(.

  2. So sweet….yet so hard to accept that my little girl will be big enough to leave me to play someday. My pregnancy hormones are causing me to be teary-eyed too.

  3. It is seriously amazing how much their early years are jam packed with growing and change. I bet by the time the baby is here he will already be such a different little boy. It’s so nice to capture short video clips of them.

  4. What a beautiful, touching post! I’m not even a mom yet and I welled up. (Although I am a mom to 60 chickens, 12 goats, and 5 sheep, several of whom I helped deliver, and I think goat kids grow up even faster than human ones.) I remember my brother being born (I was 10 at the time), and now he’s a senior in high school. I changed his diapers and now he’s growing a beard. How crazy is this world?

    Thanks for inspiring nostalgia with your post. Or maybe you just infected me even more with the TTC bug, it’s catching… 😉

  5. How sweet, just hold on to every perfect moment. I love watching him and all his sweetness my son Landon would be 2yr 7mo but he passed away last year so it is so healing to see the things he would be doing through your little one.

  6. This post made me sad, for Kendall and then for you. His little face looking up for one of the big kids to show him some attention, and then looking on as they pass him by unnoticed. Broke my heart. To think that one day our babies will be running past us on the sidewalk, leaving us looking on as they race by us, unnoticed. I will not like that day.

  7. My boy turns 2 tomorrow and this post made me bawl like a baby. I totally know how you feel. Thanks for reminding me to keep him close while I can.

  8. My 3 year old watched your movie and he said, ” We bwetter hewp him becwause he’s finding a friends just like me.” So cute. If my son was there he would play instruments. All day he is going to be concerned for your little guy:)

  9. Blame it on the pregnancy hormones too or the fact that my 17 month old did not want me to sing to her today before nap but just wanted me to put her down in her crib…either way this made me cry too. I already see this happening for her as she says hi to almost every person she passes as she walks down the street and looks so confused when they don’t respond. There’s something about not just how fast they actually grow up but how fast they want to, even at this age, that makes motherhood so bittersweet sometimes.

  10. Oh the tears!

    My son Connor already does this, at 11 months. Last night we sat on the sidewalk watching the Big Boys throw the football in the street- he was desperate to join them! I could hardly believe that one day, he will be one of the Big Boys.

  11. I’m crying too… pregnancy hormones, maybe… but more likely just the tug of a 2 year-old turning into a big boy… how quickly they grow up and leave their babyhood behind! 🙁

  12. I have no pregnancy hormones, but my son is a bit younger than Kendall and I’ve got tears rolling down my face. It is so bittersweet watching them grow up.

  13. Ok Ms. bucket-o-hormones, some of us don’t have an excuse to be crying at their desks at work so knock it off!

    I don’t know who I’m sadder for, Kendall wanting to play with fwiends or me for knowing that Jasper won’t want to play with me soon 🙁

  14. Totally made me cry, too. My son will be 15 months next week, and I can’t believe how fast he’s growing up and how much more independent he is becoming. Recently, he wont go for rides in his wagon or buggy – he wants to walk and push them. He wants to be a big boy!

    I couldn’t help but feel sad for Kendall wanting to play with fwiends.

  15. Waterworks over here! I feel the same way about my boys and have moments where I just cry thinking about them getting bigger, growing older and sometimes I just worry that they won’t always be my little boys. 🙁 I know that they will, but it definitely won’t be the same. Like today, not the first time he’s done this, but when I drop Hudson off at MDO he runs into the door, greets his teachers and friends and immediately starts coloring, etc. and doesn’t even stop to say bye-bye or I love you to his mama. He’s SO excited to be at school that he doesn’t even notice me in the background, holding his little brother, looking on and feeling like he’s a million miles away and that I am invisible. It’s really hard, but I know it’s what’s best for him and it’s totally normal. Makes me kind of sad though.

  16. My boy who just turned two last week walked up while I was watching this adorable video and keeps asking “watch the little boy?”. So when you see that the video has been watched waaaay more times that seems necessary, it’s because of us. (me: surfing facebook while letting him watch Kendall over and over and over and over)

    And, the post also brought tears to my eyes. Cute.

  17. Totally what I needed – yet did NOT need – to read as I get ready to celebrate my boy’s first birthday this weekend. One of the best blog posts I’ve ever read, anywhere.

    I have such conflicted feelings about my son growing up. Unlike my daughter, with whom I always figure will be close as we’ll have shared similar life experiences, feelings, bonding and such, I feel like at some point there’s going to be more of a symbolic “break” as he grows into a man. So I’m hanging onto his babyhood so much tighter than I did hers. I feel like he won’t be “mine” forever…at least not like he is now. Thanks for the reminder to cherish every chance I get to be his #1.

  18. I’m teary too. It is so wonderful to think about all the fantastic things your son will do when they get bigger, but its also sad that one day that the tricycle will soon be a bike, that far sooner will be a car and then a car that will drive him off to college. And then a car that will drive him away from his reception with his beautiful new bride….Aww Jill now I’m bawling! Thanks a lot 🙁 Phoenix don’t ever grow up please!!!!

  19. I have an 11 month old son and all I could think of that this will be him way to quickly. This made me bawl! Where in the world does the time go?

  20. Doesn’t it break your heart?!? I watch Brock desperately longing to play with all the “big kids” and they want nothing to do with him. It kills me inside for him. *sigh* our little ones are growing up.

  21. Oh my gosh!!! I have tears in my eyes right now. Now I want to go get DS out of bed and just cuddle him. I completely know how you feel…they grow way too fast. I wish DS could stay this age forever, but I am sure there will be other wonderful things to come.

  22. Tonight was my oldest son’s first night in a “big boy bed” instead of a crib. This post really hit home. I can’t believe how quickly they grow *tear*

  23. My son is exactly the same age (he was 2 on May 24) and I think we are at about the same stage of pregnancy (due 12/29), so I get everything about this post. Everything. We go through this almost every night too…I need to stop and enjoy our play time together more because you are right, it will be gone too soon. Thanks for this post!

  24. That made me tear up as well. My little Sophie is 2 & 2 months and she is always watching & wanting to play with the “big kids”. Although I can’t wait for her to be able too I also cherish this time with her all to myself.

  25. Must be the postpartem hormones as I sit here crying my eyes out reading your post with my 4 week old in arms. I dread the day she leaves me.

  26. I have tears in my eyes as I write. This post hits home for me as I tell myself every day to enjoy every minute…good, bad or ugly. I know that far too soon Brady will not need me or want me so while he does, I will play a million games of peekaboo so I never forget those moments.

  27. Rest assured it is not just the hormones cause i am most definitely not pregnant and still bawling like a baby.

    They grow way too fast. My first born will be 6 in less then 6 months and my middle child will be 5 in 7 months, and on top of it all my baby will be one in 2 months.

    That day where you are no longer their bestest playmate comes way to fast and way to soon. They run and play and jump and forget about the times that the only one they had to play with was mommy. And when it comes it is heartbreaking but at the same time joyous.

    When they say growing up is hard to do they dont tell you it is harder for the parent than the child.

  28. Ok, this made me cry too. My son is 3 1/2 and wants to play with the big kids all the time on our street. It is heartbreaking sometimes to watch…

  29. Ohmygoodness just clicked over from today’s post… my son will be 4 next month and this made me bawl. At work. Thanks a lot. <3

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