Like, a platonic crush on another mom? And I guess this question really doesn’t apply to dads… or lesbians… you know, if it’s not platonic because that takes this topic to a whole ‘nother level that I’m not trying to uncover at this point.
So, yeah, have you ever, like, seen another mom out and about, caught yourself watching her, admiring her, her style, her confidence, her charming kids? And then she sees you staring at her and you have to look away really quick and you realize you look totally creepy. And then you might strike up a bit of small talk and you confirm your beliefs that she seems way cool. And you’re like, “So… come here often? Yeah, we usually make our way out here once a week. Usually Thursdays.” And then you have to leave the bounce house/park/Chick Fil A because, dammit, it’s freaking naptime, and you don’t want to hang around and look all needy and weird. And you get the vibe that maybe she thinks you might be cool or fun or funny, too. And then you’re just like, “Uh, yeah. See you… later.” And there’s sort of that moment where you think maybe you could, I don’t know, give her your number… or your email… or, well, no, not your blog. Â But that’s WAY over the top and crazy. Right? And then you never see her again, and sometimes you wonder if she would have made a really great friend.
Don’t get me wrong. My life is FULL of really great friends. I just don’t have that many that live super close to me. I mean, I do have some that I’ve had the great fortune of meeting since moving to Dallas, which I am really grateful for, but it’s not like I’ve reached my maximum capacity for good friends. I think I still have room for more, especially those who can meet up on a weekday at 10 to gab while our toddlers tear apart the park. And every now and then I run across a mom who seems like a really awesome person, who I’d love to get to know more, but it never materializes.
For example, when I was pregnant with Kendall and working at Right Start in Virginia, there were two moms who came in quite frequently. They were just a few months ahead of me in their pregnancy, and we’d always chat for a long time while they were in the store. Unlike the awesome group of friends I have here in Dallas, I never had very many girlfriends up in VA, and I certainly didn’t know anyone who was pregnant at the time. Â Before we found out we were moving to TX, I used to really worry about what sort of support group I’d have after Kendall was born. And I’d talk to these moms and think, wow, it would be so cool to hang out with them, but I just never knew how to take it to the next level (or if they would even want to).
I think that’s why I worked really hard to get out and meet other moms when we got here. I formed a tiny moms group within our HOA, and started meeting a lot of the gals I adored on TheBump.com’s message boards at various functions. It’s been wonderful getting to know all these ladies, it really has. But still, every now and then I talk to another mom and there seems to be that tiny spark, you know?
Or do you not know? Is this totally weird and just reeking of desperation?
Kendall will be 23 months old in 2 hours. Sigh.
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I know precisely what you mean! Although I am blessed with many great friends here in LA, only ONE has a child, and it’s much younger than mine, and she works, etc, etc. I would love to have some more mom friends, especially crunchy ones.
One day at the park I met this really great lady who had a daughter the same age as mine, and somehow I found out she also used cloth diapers and I SO wanted to ask for her number or something, but I was with a childless friend and felt totally awkward. And I have regretted it ever since!
Yeah, I don’t know how to make friends. I have that conversation with the mom at the playground and we’re joking about babyproofing or something and then she or I dash away as one of our kids is eating gravel and then . . . we smile and go our separate ways. I feel like a dorky kid myself again, proposing, “Let’s be friends!”
You are NOT alone. I do this ALL the time! Maybe one day I’ll get the courage to talk to someone…
I totally know!! Until I decided to homeschool Big Brother I really did not have any friends with children my kids’ ages. In all fairness I worked a lot and I hardly ever got out – at least not without 10 kids in toe. And no one wants to be friends with the lady with 10 kids. 🙂 It is hard to not have that support. And I would go to the park, or wherever and I have definitely had this same experience. I tried going to my Gym with Big Sister when I enrolled Big Brother in school. I met some pretty cool moms – but no real friendships. I’m glad you wrote this. I am glad it is not just me that has had this experience. I’m not sure it is not desperate but it is not solely you. 🙂
Well, good. We can all be desperate together 🙂
Yes, I have had this situation happen. The first time we talked, it was good. Second time I sensed a bit of something that I wasn’t going to sign on for. My trolling for friends continues. I’m often not organized enough to have pen/paper/phone with me at the time which could be part of my problem. Note to self: get your shit together, you need some fresh views in your life. Love, me
You? Not organized? You have 14 years of MS Magazine in order. Come on now. You can do better ; )
Oh my, I thought I was the only creeper that felt this way. Lol.
I can totally relate! I hate those kinds of situations….where you really want to give her your number but don’t know if she’ll think you’re a weirdo if you do. And then you chicken out and go home and wonder about it some more. Been there, done that!
I understand what you mean, but have been so thankful to find a fantastic group of girls through my local MOPS group. Had I not joined the group within a month of moving to a new town I’d have been miserable, lonely, & stalking women in the park…
I totally get mom crushes. I usually spot my dream moms at Target. That’s where they go! I look like a wild hippy pushing my cart while wearing Avery in a sling while super mom looks so put together but I know that on the inside we’re the same!
last week at the park, a mom was pushing her kid in the swing next to me and Harper. she said “i love your shirt.” and i was all “thanks!” then it was super awkward. like she was mom-hitting on me. but like i wanted to be hit on because i am desperate for mom friends in my area. but we didn’t continue our flirting so it went nowhere. sad face.
I bet most of us reading this have a bit of a mom crush on you Jill. But yes, I can totally relate. I just finished a baby class and was too shy to offer my number to another mom but did the whole, so you live near here right? ‘Cause I was thinking we could bump into each other while shopping or something….
And it was super awkward, especially since there were other mothers around that I was not asking to “bump into”.
Who knew meeting new people would be so hard when you’re sober.
Well, if any of you saw me out, I’d hope you’d say hi and give me your email address so we could have coffee sometime 🙂
And you’re so right about the sober thing. Maybe if we had more playgroups at happy hour this wouldn’t be a problem.
Looks like there’s a gap in the market for Playgroups catering to moms who like to drink in the afternoon ; )
Yeah, TOTALLY been there. I tried to make small talk with a mom in Target the other day… her boy was 5 months old and she did the “well, good luck with your daughter” thing and walked away.
Great post. I feel the same way, and I’m not ashamed to admit I’m desparate for mom friends! The hubs is always like: grow a pair and give her your number. UM, it’s not that easy.
Does anyone have any tips?!
Yep. Like the State Farm commercials says “I’m so there”. I joined a moms group but I haven’t really clicked with anyone just yet – they all have 2-3 kids it seems and they’ve all been hanging out together for years. Total Bummer. I really hate it when you are trying to chat with another mom and she’s all “good luck with your daughter, bye now”. I swear it gives me a complex sometimes. I was always socially awkward to begin with (nerd nerd nerd) so the whole lets make adult friends thing kinda terrifies me. I was always okay in the office when it came to making friends, but I am beginning to think that its wayyyy more difficult pushing my babe laden chicco around town. So while I’m going to probably remain desperate for a bit longer – I do have a suggestion for the whole can’t find a pen/paper to give number issue someone raised. Go to vistaprint (or somewhere like that) and get yourself a set of calling cards made up. Really. I did this when I was out of work and networking like a madwoman and I cannot tell you what a lifesaver they were – and I got a zillion positive comments (like why didn’t I think of that) on them. I have a pal that is pretty much a social superstar and she just had a new baby. I’m getting her cards that say “Billy & Grace’s Mom” and it will contain all her info so that will make scheduling a playdate easier. Just a tip. 🙂
I have cards like that! Got them from Vista Print for cheap and they certainly are handy. Thanks for sharing the idea. Hope you make a connection soon.
I have those calling cards, too. Check meetup – I met a great group of girls through there. One mom started it from people in a post-partum yoga class, and they just invited people they met to join as they saw “mom crushes” around town!
I’m kind of ashamed to admit this but I have mom crushes on some of the mom bloggers that I read. Um yeah, that’s people I’ve NEVER met IRL. People like, um, you Jill. When I hear people talking about going to BlogHer I am insanely jealous. It just sounds like so much fun to get together with a group of women who love doing something as much as I do.
I do not have that wide of a readership. I only wish I did. But it would be nice to connect with people that I FEEL like I know because I’ve read about them for years now.
Does that make any sense? Or am I crazy for feeling connected to total strangers?
I totally get you! I was the same way a year ago, and I still do have crushes on other mom bloggers, but I find it’s easier to reach out via the internet and social networks online, than in real life. I’ve actually been able to make a lot of great personal connections with some mommy bloggers I’ve been crushing on via Twitter.
Forgive me, because it’s hard for me to keep Twitter names and IRL names and blog names all matched up, but are you on there? If not, you should give it a try 🙂
And, if you really want to go to Blogher, just make it a goal of yours. About this time last year I promised myself I would go in 2010. I’ve planned for it for a year now, set aside money, and made it a point to get to know other girls who are going. You can definitely make that connection!
OH! Upon further investigation I now totally recognize you from Twitter.
I just wrote a post the other day about how I’ll be making my bikini waxer my new BFF because she has a 2 year old and a 3 month old. She’s such a cool person and seems like such a cool mom (although, I obviously haven’t seen her parent…but we seem to have a lot of the same philosophies) and I must make her my friend.
The Husband thinks it’s bizarre that I’d make friends with a woman who tears hair from my vag, but whatever, nothing about me can shock her now, right?
I’m totally slipping her my email and phone number at my next appointment.
LOL! Talk about an “intimate” friendship 🙂
Absolutely. This happens to me all.the.time. Every time I go to a group event there’s someone there I get to chatting with and then at the end of it? it’s like, “bye”…and that’s all she wrote. so disappointing. if you figure out a good way to “make the first move” by all means please share!!
Actually, YOU would be MY crush!!! LOL. You are waay cool, very attentive and down right GORGEOUS! But I can’t even get you to follow me on my blog dammit! heehee! Anyhoo! I DO know what ou are talking about, and it actually has nothing to do with a “sexually” crush, it is all about the femininity of it all! Too bad you didn’t live a little closer. We would get along famoulsy. I could surely use some “normal” friends in my life. If you ever move closer to PA, look me up!
1. You are very sweet. Thank you 🙂
2. Admittedly, I suck at keeping up with blogs. I do my best, but my Google Reader is anxiety inducing sometimes with all I try to keep up with. But I promise to stop by and check it out!
I do the “admire from afar” thing sometimes, but I’d NEVER NEVER say Hi because I am socially awkward in that way.
I joined a moms Meetup group 2 years ago and it was the greatest thing I ever did. They totally keep me sane. I made all the mom friends I have now through that group. When I had Julesy, they all came over and brought me freezer food so we wouldn’t have to cook for a week. I love my moms group ladies!
You happen to be one of mine 🙂
I hope that doesn’t creep you out considering we’ll be sharing a bathroom come August.
Aww, no… it’s all good as long as you don’t try to spoon me 😉
Yes. I have mom crushes too. Most recently on an actual friend who’s a total supermom and puts us all to shame. All of our friends think so and one of us goes so far to crush on her boobs too. She’s pretty open about it – it’s an ongoing joke. No, it’s not me, my boobs are perfectly fine thanks! 😉 I did crush on a stranger mom once though. She was tandem nursing out in public and I greatly admired her courage.
If you lived in the STL area (still? can’t remember if you ever did) and I saw you at a park or something it would probably be you! I hope that doesn’t sound creepy or anything.
You should totally start asking for numbers. I finally decided to suck it up and ask when I met a new mom who seemed cool and now a couple of my good friends are random people I met at the grocery store and park. 🙂 Once in a while I still chicken out and I always regret it.