“Can you make a rabid baby for me?”

On Saturday I fulfilled my destiny to travel to NYC and stay in a hotel with strangers who might murder me amazing women I’ve met on the interwebs (this one, this one and this one, to be precise) when I purchased my tickets to Blogher 2010. In August I will fly to the greatest city to ever smell like piss and hot nuts, and learn all about how to be a grown up blogger. I will be hobnobbing and bumping laptops with some of the greatest bloggers ever, so you can understand the pressure to make a good, lasting impression is sort of up there with the pressure to not fart the first time you sleep with someone.

I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to come up with a cool idea for business cards – something that will leave everyone knowing exactly what “Baby Rabies” really means, at least in the context of me. I figured I’d start with a little field research on Twitter, and asked everyone what they thought of when they heard the term “baby rabies”. As you might imagine, I got a lot of “well, honestly? a baby foaming at the mouth… a baby with red eyes… an evil, rabid baby.”

An idea struck me, and in my 1-glass-of-wine-down state of mind I quickly Facebook messaged my sister in law Gabbi. She just married my brother, and they are both attending the Art Institute in Seattle, he for Photography and she for Graphic (or maybe it’s Digital?) Design. They are both crazy talented. For real.

Title: Can you make a rabid baby for me?

Like, not a real one. Ha! That title is very misleading. I mean, a cartoon one. Just a chubby, cute cartoon baby with rabies. Maybe foaming at the mouth a bit, maybe red-ish eyes. Nothing too complicated, I don’t think. I’d like to use it on my blog business cards for an upcoming conference.

Of course, I can pay you for it. Just tell me how long you think it will take you and how much you charge. And please, please, PLEASE don’t feel pressured to say yes. I know you’ve got a ton of work with school, so if you can’t fit it in right now, that’s okay.

Hope you two are doing well, staying dry and not starving!

So then, for some weird reason, I went back and looked at my sent messages. I was thinking maybe I sent it to her before I finished writing it after I glanced over at my empty wine glass and realized how quickly I’d sucked it down.

As soon as I opened the page I was all :: confused, squinty eyes:: “Who is THAT?!” ::heart stops:: *GASP* ::desperately searching for some sort of UNSEND button:: “Oh SHIT.” ::still looking for unsend button, WHEN WILL SOMEONE INVENT THE UNSEND BUTTON??:: ::slow laughter…shrug…harder laughter..snort…face is red…commence new message::

Uhhmmm… clearly I sent this message to the wrong person!!! OMG. LOL. Sorry! Ignore, please.

That person? Uhh… yeah… not quite sure who he is. I mean, I’m fairly sure he went to high school with me. I recall friending him in a mass friending around our 10 year reunion, which I was in charge of planning. Nice guy, it seems, although I’m not sure that we’ve ever even had a formal interaction on Facebook. And now he’s probably totally confused/alarmed by my request. The title alone might make him unfriend me, which truthfully, would save us both a lot of embarrassment.

What’s even funnier is that another guy I went to high school with, who was actually quite a close friend of mine, saw the name of this blog linked on my Facebook page last year and was all worried, thinking I’m blogging about my poor child’s plight, battling rabies, and what a sad, courageous thing to write about… you know, until he clicked on it and was all, “Agh! OMG, my EYES! She’s talking about her shredded labia and chunks of flesh missing from her nipples and cloth diapers!”

You see the need, then, for me to really come up with a great business card concept so that others at Blogher do not mistake me for the girl with the rabid baby. You may also see the need for me to stop drinking and writing things… of course, that would make this blog a lot less fun.

OH! OH LOOK WHAT I FOUND?!  Facebook DOES have an “unsend” button! It’s called DELETE! Fancy that. I need to sober up. <Edit: No, no that is wrong. It does not “unsend” it. It merely deletes it from your sent messages list. Gah. I realized this when the guy messaged me back saying he didn’t think he could help me out.

Kendall will probably be 22 months old by the time I get around to spell checking this bitch and hitting publish.

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  1. Totally cracking up. 🙂 I would SO do something like this!!

    If your bro/SIL can’t help, LMK. I don’t have a degree in designing, and do not pretend to be a designer, but have been known to toss together things like this if needed. I can’t draw you a rabid baby, but could make you a decent biz card.

  2. Jill, I totally knew what you meant the first time I stumbled upon your blog. I thought it was the best name ever, and you should’ve trademarked it. Maybe though, this was because I had the rabies too. Where did the name come from anyway? Different bottle of wine, different night? LOL.

    Oh, and good to know FB has a delete button. I would so do something like that.

    BTW, this story reminds me of your previous story where you called your ex-hairdresser instead of your friend. 🙂

    • Erin, it’s a popular “child free” term, and I’d seen it tossed around on a message board back before I even started TTC. I thought it was hilarious and appropriately explained just WTH happened to me when I decided to have a baby.

      Oh, I forgot about that story. I need to re-post that sometime.

  3. (1) I think that Baby Rabies is the best name of any blog I’ve ever come across;

    (2) If the “when it’s more than a fever” subtitle doesn’t clue in your BlogHer hobnobbing contacts as to the content of your blog, then they need to put down their 5th lunchtime martini and sober up enough to read;

    (3) your post is hilarious.

  4. I LOVE your site!! I mean you are way too funny for me!! I so want to head to BlogHer – I mean it is DRIVING distance from my house and everything!!! But I just don’t know what to do with the girls. Originally I thought I might bring them but at the moment I know that is too much. *sigh*

    • Upstatemomof3, When I bought my ticket last week, there was a box to check if you “require childcare” during the event. Maybe email them and see what that’s about?!?!

  5. I also always completely got the Baby Rabies thing. In fact I think if you made it a picture of a woman foaming at the mouth chasing a pregnancy test, or stroller, or baby…. No? Too Zombieland? Sorry. Ok. If you put the subtitle on it I think you’d be cool.

    Also, excited that I’m rooming with someone as good at emailing/FB messaging while drinking as I myself am. Because I am awesome at it.

  6. BWAHAHAHA! I think most of us have screwed up stuff with email at one time or other. For the record, I think babies with rabies are especially cuddly. There is something endearing about the whole ‘foaming at the mouth’ thing!

  7. Man, I would LOVE to go to Blogher. I really really want to go but my husband would flip. He doesn’t understand blogging or the internet for that matter.

    Speaking of flip (and totally off the subject). . . I finally completely transitioned to cloth diapers and based on your review I bought a flip diaper this weekend just to try. It works pretty well. I wouldn’t use them as my entire stash but would definitely purchase a couple more.

  8. Love this post.

    But maybe it is time to change your blog name. I know, I know – people LOVE it, and I do, too, actually.

    But since you do want to be a grown-up blogger having a new name might help that. I mean, right now, the title encompasses, what? like two months of your life two years ago.

    I think you (and your readers) could come up with a superfantabulous new name (like, what’s the medical cure for rabies?) and babyrabies.com could easily point to the new name. You have several months to make the switch before BlogHer.

      • agreed. i can’t back this.

        Jill’s “baby rabies” is WHY this blog is here. To change it would be silly and very tedious work for her.

        just my opinion.

        • I knew none of her loyal readers would like it, but I was thinking more about new readers. Those of us who love her would read her even if it was titled “Boring Blog.” 🙂

        • I’ve definitely thought about changing names, but it’s so much a part of me now. And, I’m not sure the “baby rabies” phase has completely passed yet. Now, if this blog is still a chugging 8 years from now, that might be another story. Plus, I can barely keep up on the Word Press plug in updates (SWEAR I’m trying to re-install the WP for Iphone update again). I can’t imagine the nightmare of rebranding right now.

  9. I guess I should go too seeing as I live in the ‘burbs of NYC and all.. just not sure I would know what to do with myself as I’m not as connected as you are to other bloggers.. maybe if I can tie myself to your hip? 🙂

  10. everytime i read your blog i laugh and realize that i’m not alone in this parenthood mess!! love the blog name, love this post…and baby is awake! thanks for the laughs!

  11. Let’s just be grateful that is said ‘Can you make a rabid baby for me?’ and NOT ‘Can you make a rabid baby WITH me?’. 🙂

  12. I’d love to see that business card when you get it done, because you just HAVE TO do it! That friend was pretty brave to open that message. If I’d seen a subject line like that I would have steered clear of it completely! 🙂

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