Just because it’s not at Babies”R”Us doesn’t mean you don’t need it

Believe it or not, you can’t get EVERYTHING you need for a baby/toddler at those giant, overwhelming mega baby marts. I mean, for one, they don’t sell Holy Water, and that’s, like, totally necessary when your colicky newborn’s spinning head is projectile vomiting. They also don’t sell laundry baskets, which any parent can tell you are the world’s coolest toy. Warning, once you introduce the kid to the “Choo Choo Express” aka “plop the kid on top of the laundry and away you go”, your back will never be the same… until you figure out how to attach a belt to the basket and pull it instead of push it. Took us a good 8 months to figure that out.

Most importantly, they don’t sell fishnets. But make no mistake, you NEED a fishnet.

And you need to keep it next to the plunger.

And then when your husband gets home from a 2 week long vacation… excuse me, business trip, he takes over bath time routine for the first time in what feels like 50 f-ing years, and your kid rewards him by filling the tub full of turds just as your husband lifts his head from the water after blowing some bodacious bubbles, you can walk in, hand him the fishnet and leave… glass of wine in hand… cackling.

Just sayin’.

What other baby/toddler/kid necessities do you have that you can’t find at the “baby” stores?

Kendall is 21 and a half months old and GOD BLESS HIM for saving that for his father

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  1. When we were kids, my baby sister used to always wait till we were taking a bath together to drop one of those little nuggets. Nothing like seeing a floater that’s not your own.

    Love your blog and twitter, btw!

  2. So funny. My husband travels all the time for work…so I just closed my eyes for a moment and pictured myself in about a year and…yup…right about where you are. I’ll be putting a fishnet on my Christmas 2010 Wishlist.

  3. My son loved to nest bowls when he was younger. I headed to my nearest Tuesday Morning and bought some different sized plastic mixing bowls. I kept them in the lower cabinet and he LOVED to pull them out and nest and unnest his little heart away.

  4. LOL! Eh, how disgusted your DH must have been. I would have barfed in my mouth if I were him and laughed my butt off if I were you.

  5. Don’t forget the dogs! There are so many dogs in shelters that will be more than willing to eat whatever your precious baby throws on the floor, thereby saving you countless hours of sweeping, mopping and vacuuming.

  6. I nice big stack of tupperware is a must when you have a toddler and you have to make your kid think they cannot play with it and then let them find it in a cabinet. Hours of entertainment while you sip your coffee and play on facebook!

  7. I bought a bright orange set of measuring cups for $1 at a megastore. best $1 I’ve ever spent.

    Second best $1 is buying a lingerie bag to put baby socks in. That way, if you’ve got multiple colors/patterns, #1 they don’t stick to the other clothes and #2, as long as you get them in the bag, they stay there through wash and dry cycles and you can just dump them all back into the drawer, no matching required.

    You can also get a lot of mileage out of a wallet, flashlight, and cardboard boxes for toddlers.

  8. WD-40. Nothing made me want to rip my hair out more than FINALLY getting the baby to sleep only to have the squeaky nursery door wake him up on the way out. Also works to grease swinging mechanisms so that “good until 30 lbs” baby swing will keep working after your baby hits 15 lbs.

  9. A turkey baster is also a fun bath toy.

    And an essential tool that you can’t find at BRU: a cheap carabiner (hooks that climbers use). Keep it hooked on your purse or in your purse and if you get a balloon at the grocery store—it doesn’t fly away!

  10. Every parent should have a copy of my book Caution: Children Should Come With Warning Labels, to get the funny and real-life parenting lessons that other parenting books left out! Free shipping at http://www.urbanedgepublishing.com
    Also every parent needs a babysitter who doesn’t require a week’s notice for those times when they just can’t take it anymore, a third arm, and a good psychiatrist!

  11. Let’s see:
    Cat Toys
    Anything from the recycling bin
    Recycling bins/cardboard boxes
    Litter scoop (perfect when my son plays “let’s see what I can put in the potty)
    Live animals
    Furniture for climbing

    These have been our saving graces. I have no clue why we and relatives have spent so much on toys!

  12. Hilarious!!! Not so hilarious when your tub is full of turds like mine is at least once a week, but still. LOL I never thought of using a fishnet before. I usually just go to my happy place, grit my teeth and pull them out with my hand. I’ll definitely be getting a fishnet now!!

  13. As soon as I saw a fishnet in the picture, I knew exactly what you were going to say. My brother used to poop in the bathtub all the time and we used that same green fish net to get it out. It got more use in the bathtub than in the fishbowl!

  14. I’m with you on the non-baby stuff. Haven’t need a fish net with this one like we did with kid number one. But yes, there are very few baby things worth owning. My toddler’s favorite things:

    -Boxes to get in or stand on.
    -Old pots and pans with wooden spoon.
    -Real phones.
    -Big brother’s way cooler toys (he’s 6).
    -Mommy’s shoes.
    -Whatever sharp object I’m using in the kitchen.

    This past Christmas we told people to send either clothes or books and our house is looking much less full of stuff.

  15. Oh this post is hilarious! My son just pooped in the tub for the first time and I so wish I had a fishnet! Instead, I have a brave (or dim?) husband who decided to use his bare hands to fish out what was left of the turd (as of course some of it was grabbed by my son and then dropped on my foot!). Anyhow, when I asked my husband about why he used his bare hands he said he was all freaked that the germs would spread faster the longer it was in the water.

  16. I remember those days! Mine would always be amazed when they farted in the bath. They would giggle and turn around like “Look what I can do, Mommy!”

    Fishnet is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

  17. OMG. That fish net is so hilarious and so multipurpose too. How very timely because our 17 month old did his first #2 in the bath tub and hollered with great concern as he realized what had happen. We didn’t have a fish net and my husbands solution was to whisk it down the tub drain and then sanitize.

  18. OMG saw this post I know its from over a year ago but it got me laughing so hard. I’m crying I’m laughing so hard especially while envisioning you handing hubby a fishnet wine glass in hand laughing at his shocked and confused face when he lifts head from water to a bunch of floating turdlettes. LOL. Seriously to be a fly on the wall.

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