Poop consumes way too much of my life

While some bloggers are taking this time to look to the next year and predict what it might hold for them in terms of personal success, like my bloggy friend The Feminist Breeder (check her out on TLC soon, and no she’s not a little person), I am thinking of the next year only in terms of poop, pee, potties… potty training. Yes, I am hoping that 2010 is the year of the potty trained toddler in this house.

All signs are really pointing to potty training, I believe, starting with the trail of turds left on our living room floor “Christmas” morning at home (which was really Jan. 1st due to all our crazy holiday travel). Turns out he was so excited by all his presents that he crapped his pants, then, while out of view, decided he didn’t like the feeling of crap IN his pants and undid his diaper from inside his cute Christmas jammies. I noticed he was starting to stink so I called a present opening timeout and went to change him. As I removed his fleece bottoms, turdlets flew from them and across his room.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing none of them fell out in here,” I said as I brought him back to the living room.

“Uh… I think I see one… Yup, that is definitely poop,” Scott replied and he reached down to retrieve it with a piece of crumpled wrapping paper.

I immediately looked down and directly to my right was another one… to my left, another.

“Ewwwww!! Oh my God! DON’T MOVE. There might be more,” I said, and we all (including my dad and his wife) began searching through the litter on the floor to make sure we retrieved them all.

Later that day we drove to San Antonio for my brother’s wedding and checked into a hotel. Kendall crept to a corner of the room behind the bed and made lots of hilarious farts and funny faces. Yeah, I knew what he was doing, but I wasn’t going to interject and try to put him on the potty. I was too tired.  Seconds later he retrieves the bag of diapers and the wipes and lays them in front of me on the floor. Oh, so I see we are REALLY not liking the poop in the pants feeling, eh? This is a sign, no? A sign he’s “ready”? I think so.

We’ve tried sitting him on the little Baby Bjorn potty chair countless times. He’s never produced anything for us, though. However, he *has* learned that we will blow bubbles for him while he sits there in an effort to keep him there as long as possible, in hopes that something will eek it’s way out. He now has a really convincing act in which he sort of corrals us and runs to the bathroom door, making lots of desperate noises that cause us, in turn, to act like complete fools, shouting things like “Ooh! You have to go POTTY??!! Yay! LET’S GO POTTY! Let’s poo poo like a BIG boy in the POTTY!” He settles down on the chair, smiles and plain as day says, “Bubble?”

Scott even tries to get him into the spirit by showing him what a “poop face” looks like and grunting for him. His efforts are noble and hilarious at the same time, although I did tell him in the hotel that he was singlehandedly going to make potty training Kendall 10 times harder after this exchange:

Me:  “Ooh, I think Kendall has a dirty diaper. That stinks! Kendall, did you go poopy?”

Kendall: “No”

Scott: “Uhh.. no, that was me. Sorry.”

::a few minutes pass::

Me: “Damn, Scott. Did you fart again?”

Scott: “No. I swear.”

:: a diaper inspection proves this time Kendall is the culprit::

Me: “What the HELL? You two have the same foul smell coming from your ass. Is that genetic?”

This morning we pretty much had a repeat of “Christmas” morning. Kendall pooped, reached into his pants and undid his diaper, ran amok in the living room and dropped a turd right by the couch. It was a pretty raunchy diaper and I could see  more of it threatening to ooze out of his pants so I was faced with the dilemma of cleaning up the poop on the floor then or cleaning it up after I cleaned Kendall up. I foolishly opted to clean Kendall first. The dogs took care of the turd while I was gone. This was not the first time they’ve gone after such delicacies, but, to my knowledge, it IS the first time they succeeded in their quest.

Inspired by my best friend whose little boy is merely 6 weeks older than Kendall and already wearing “big boy undies” for most of the day with no accidents, I took Kendall to Target today and purchased his first package of briefs “just like daddy’s!”, except these have Elmo on them. I briefly wondered why they didn’t make grown men underwear with matching characters on them, thinking maybe that would make potty training even more “fun” for all involved. Then I realized how wrong that picture really was… on so many levels.

So we’ve got the “big boy undies”, the little potty, we’ve even got the Elmo Potty book (a fantabulous Christmas gift from the grandparents).  I *think* we even have a little bit of “interest” in the whole ordeal, or at least interest in not having shit stuck to his ass. I know it may seem early to some, but I’m going to run with it for now. January is a dreadful month anyway, and we’ll most like be stuck inside most of the time. Might as well take advantage, right? My friend has invited me to go through hell week with her as she employs what she calls the “naked bootie” method with her son. I’m game. I’m also open to any other suggestions you marvelous readers of mine might have. So spill it.

Kendall is 20 months old

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  1. So we are potty training our toddlers too..me and my sister that is. She found out that blowing on a kazoo makes the pee come out. I found a book called Time To Pee peeks the interest of at least three toddlers I know. I also found that a travel magna-doodle + tracing toddlers hand = toddler not trying to catch her pee.
    Well good luck to you!

  2. When they are ready, they’re ready. If you think he is showing signs go for it! Having some nude time worked for my daughter. She was 2 1/2 and kind of started going on her own… so I figured it was time. It’s a journey but soooo nice to be changing one less child’s diaper.

  3. And all this time I thought I made up the word turdlet (but spelled it “turdlette” to make it look more exotic and fancy). This may have been your funniest post so far…. omg, dying. 🙂

  4. We’ve been doing EC from the beginning, but we’ve only got one kid and I stayed home 90% off the day. The bare-butt method seems to work well, though, since he’s naked most of the time, and when he’s not, he’ll pee in his pants. Thank GOODNESS he only poops once a day. Normally. Have to watch those oranges, though, let me tell you.

    I vote nakey-butt-weekend.

    • Wow! Kudos to you! EC seems intriguing, but I just don’t think I have the patience for it. Those damn oranges will be the death of me, I tell you.

  5. seriously? dying.

    and also? terrified of the thought of potty training. although my 14 month old already has a corner she exclusively poops in, that could be a good sign? but him bringing you the dipes & wipes? amazing.

  6. jesus. i just realized that made it sound like my daughter poops IN a corner. she stands in a certain corner and poops in her diaper. sheesh.

    off to refill my wine.

  7. We never went naked, but I will say:

    1) Stay away from Pull-ups. You’ll regret them later.

    2) Old fashion training pants (thick underwear) and plastic covers.

    Good luck!

  8. I’ve been trying to comment for an hour, that’s how hysterical this post has made me. Every time I would stop laughing there was something new and I couldn’t get any further for a while. Genetically Identical Smelling Father & Son poop/farts has got to be the funniest though. And yeah, that whole bringing you the dipes and wipes so you could get to poop off of his butt IS genius. I’d like to bring your son to the car dealership with me next time I need to buy a car, because I think he could really intimidate the dealer into giving me a great deal.

    • I have to say that while I find the fart thing very strange, it’s equally hilarious. Not so sure about the car dealership. He’s easily distracted and bought off with oranges.

  9. LMAO…and also dreading potty-training. Makes me appreciate my mom even more.

    Native_Momma, you cracked me up with your MagnaDoodle idea. The thought that a toddler would want to catch their urine never occured to me, but makes SO much sense, lol.

  10. O.M.G. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I’m sure it isn’t exactly funny to pick up baby poop off the floor though. I have no advice- K is just now beginning to understand what that “potty” means I just pooped and mom has to interrupt my fun and pin me down on the changing pad to change me. LOL. Good luck!!

  11. O.M.G! I cried laughing and then tried to read some of this to DH. He just shook his head. I loved the turdlet trail!
    Our DD is 18 months old and she goes to stand by the stairs and points up and says “go”. She hasn’t pooped yet, but is telling us she will need us to go upstairs with her to change her diaper. She has also grabbed a diaper and laid down on the floor before as well. I didn’t think we were near that time, but she obviously has a different opinion.
    Good luck!

  12. You’ll have to let us know how your friends naked butt week goes. We’re in kind of the same position-only our kid has a very obvious “tell” when she’s pooping. But doesn’t want you to do anything about it or she’ll stop. Hoping cloth diapers will help-kids know when they are wet then.
    Good luck & keep sharing!

  13. Well, I do not think it is too young at all. I totally think he can do it and it sounds just like the right time. That is absolutely the sign – being aware that they do not want dirty diapers. Big Brother was 15 months when he turned to me and told me he wanted to use the potty. I have a philosophy that when a child asks to use the toilet you say yes – no matter the age. So we went and he was potty trained within a few weeks.

    Just this week I have begun putting Big Sister (16 months) on the potty. And letting her run around naked – I decided that this made it easy enough to wear diapers whenever I wanted and not have that be a big deal. She holds it a lot of the time. Asks to go potty and if I understand her on the first time makes it – if she has to repeat herself it is another story. But my point is that I do not buy into the idea that they need to be 3 or 4 to use the toilet.

    I hope it all goes well for you and pretty soon we can swap stories – because those are the fun part. Well, telling the stories later is the fun part – being in the moments of dirty clothes while you are at the grocery store with no way of getting out without making a bigger mess and wondering where you can hide is not the fun part.

  14. Have you tried putting his poop in his potty then showing it to him? That helped my daughter grasp the concept of *this* is where it is supposed to go – not on the floor!

  15. I am totally desensitized to poop and pee after having a Very Old Dog.

    I *was* planning on taking the week between Christmas & New Year’s off to do the 3-day nekkid thing, but then I got sick and didn’t have the energy. We’ve had one illness after the other – I’m still struggling with a stomach bug which is why I could not even deal with reading this post yesterday.

    Anyway, I found this link on babycenter.com helpful.


    I read one guy describe it as the “3 day and $75” potty training. meaning you just know that your carpets are going to need a cleaning after.

    Good luck!

  16. I also think that my nearly-20-mos old is showing the signs, but I thought that with his brother too, who sits here next to me at 3.5 yrs old wearing a diaper because he 100% refuses to poop anywhere but in his pants. It’s so out of hand. I told myself I’d start trying the sit-on-the-potty-every-15-minutes method again once the holidays were over, but I’m really just not up for failure again. I feel like this is one thing I have absolutely no control over. It doesn’t matter how much I take him to the potty – he’ll just wait until he gets off to poop. Everyone tells me boys are like this, but my dad (a boy, obviously) was potty trained at 18 mos (my grandmother remembers every single last detail of every one of her 7 boys’ childhoods.) My friend April couldn’t get her boy potty trained until 4 and a half! Nearly 5!

    I dunno. I give up. But if you manage to get K trained, maybe it will renew my hope. Good luck.

    • So funny you say this. I was just telling Scott that more than anything else so far, potty training leaves me completely befuddled. I have NO idea what to do. I’m trying to follow his lead, but it’s very fuzzy.

      I potty trained before I was a year! But I know boys are different. My mom says with my brother there were basically two windows of opportunity. The first was when he was about Kendall’s age. He was really showing interest, but she was advised not to potty train him because he was scheduled for a surgery at age 2 that would put him back in diapers. He didn’t end up potty training until after 3.

  17. Um, so sorry about the errant doodies during Christmas. But seriously, THANK YOU for being willing to share these stories! It relieves me that a certain level of yuck is normal when dealing with kids.

    And I agree with the other members of the peanut gallery. It sounds like he is ready to potty-train, or rapidly getting there!

  18. Shannon Kieta on

    This is all so funny! My son was 4 1/2 when he finally pooped on the potty. He has been peeing on the potty for years, but the pooping…forgettaboutit! Just a few months ago he finally said, “Mommy, I am going to poopy on the potty like a big boy!” I swore to God I was going to marry him off in a pull-up!!!
    My daughter is 15 months and is ready to start potty training. The only downfall is, she doesn’t want to wear any pants at all…EVER!!! It’s freakin’ -10 degrees here in PA. and way too cold to be running around butt-naked! SO, I cranked up the heat, and we are all roasting so she can run around “born-free” God-Help us all!

  19. I just have to say that this is one of the funniest posts of yours that I’ve seen. Maybe I just really enjoy potty humor, but OMG I saw myself in a lot of the scenarios you were describing. That and I know my hubby’s farts already stink so it’ll be fun to try and figure out who did it from now on.

  20. BrieLikeTheCheese on

    My son is just 19 months and is a picky pottier. He will only poop in a clean diaper (which I hope ends up to be positive in the end), and he has to have a book in hand to do #2 (picture squatting down to the floor while enjoying Peekaboo Baby). He goes to daycare with 4 toddlers about 5 months older and I toy with the idea of letting him get on the potty to try to go. I worry that I will foil myself with the wish full thinking that he is ready.

  21. My son is 25 months old and has no interest in the potty. We occasionally try it out. He is very very resistant and not even opposed to the feel of crap in his diaper. He knows the entire alphabet, but fails big time in the personal hygiene department. 🙁

    I’m guessing it just happens when it happens and we’re going to stick to the diapers until he’s ready to be out of them or edging to close to age four!

  22. Pingback: Toddler potty training progress is laughable | Baby Rabies

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