It’s sad that there is even a term popularly used for such bullshit. Working mom vs. stay at home mom, breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, home schooling vs. public schooling vs. private schooling vs. unschooling, cloth diapers vs. disposables, med free birth vs. epidural vs. c-section, I could go on and on.
As has been said by many a blogger before me more eloquently, all it does is divide us and pit us against each other at a time in our lives when what we really need the most is to rally, to get through this together, to sing each other’s praises, to drink wine together and say, “great job raising a kid who will probably not become a mass murderer.”
I’m not innocent. I get pangs of defensiveness every time I read someones opinion on how they could never just “sit around the house all day” and wouldn’t want to send the message to their kids that it’s okay to “waste” a college education by choosing not to work. I’ve also had to stifle my own judgements from time to time on many issues that I feel personally passionate about (which I’m not going to get into for fear of negating the whole purpose of this post).
I’ve struggled from day one with my own decisions. I am constantly questioning myself. Am I doing what’s best? Is the grass really greener? Is this what’s right for us? And, through much self exploration, I’ve learned that it’s my own insecurities, my own inner doubt, that makes me defensive when something I choose for me and my family is not something that works for someone else. I recognize that and move on and try to make a conscious effort to not let other’s life choices make me feel like less of a mom or even more of one, for that matter, because, really people, none of this shit matters 20, 30, 50 years from now.
Let’s stop with all the mommy war bullshit and focus. FOCUS. Our goal, no matter how we get there, is to raise a future society of fewer assholes. Really, that’s what it boils down to. I don’t care if you have a nanny, take your kid to daycare or stay at home as long as they don’t grow up to scam me out of my entire life savings in a Ponzi scheme. I don’t care if they are formula fed or breastfed, as long as they, 60 years from now when I am nursing a broken hip, will hold the door open for me at the grocery store and offer to help me out to my car. I don’t care if they went to public or private school or learned all they needed to know while discovering the great outdoors with no structured classroom curriculum, as long as they will be kind, generous, respectful people who not only are not murderers and/or rapists, but also do some good. I don’t care if you gave birth to them in a pool of mineral water, scented with lavendar while you orgasmed upon their exit, as long as they don’t set up a meth lab next door and kill my dogs when their house blows up.
Raising a productive member of society is a tall order. I am overwhelmed by the task nearly every day. We’ve got plenty of battles ahead of us to be caught up fighting each other. Now is the time when we need to be strategizing, having covert meetings, speaking in code, drawing maps in lemon juice. Now is the time when we need to put on the same colors. Now is the time when we all need to come to the same side of the line.
Kendall is 2 days shy of 14 months old