Misadventures of Our Traveling Family Circus

I’ve been MIA this week because we decided to take a mini family vacation down to San Antonio.  Having just got back late last night, I’m still wiped out, but thought I’d take a minute to share the highlight reel with you all.

1. Sea World is actually not open every day of the week until AFTER Memorial day.  Guess I missed that important tidbit when I was researching and planning for the trip (for the whole 5 minutes it took me to plan this last minute trip).  We arrived on Tuesday morning, swimsuits on and packed for the day only to find an empty parking lot and a security guard saying, “Sorry, folks… park’s closed.”  It was a very Walley World moment, and I was glad that Kendall isn’t of age to give a shit yet.

2.  When we finally did make it to Sea World on Thursday we were, of course, excited to take Kendall to the Shamu show.  We arrived just before the show was set to start, and I saw the best seats in the house available about six rows back from the tank.  Sure it was in the “splash zone” but a little water never hurt anyone and Kendall would surely be able to see the whales through the glass and up close.  I didn’t even think twice until a trainer came up to us in the program just before the big splash part and simply pointed to Kendall and said, “I don’t know… are you sure about this?  It’s pretty cold water.”  We just looked at each other like, “Uh.. yeah?  It’s just water, right?  Shit.  Are we neglectful parents?” Seconds later we were doused with a fucking TIDAL WAVE.  Kendall took it like a champ, though, even impressing the trainer.  No tears, just a face that so clearly said, “What the HELL just happened?”  I don’t blame us, though.  I blame faulty labeling.  The word “splash” is very misleading.  If they would have properly named it the “Brace yourself for eleventybillion gallons of water IN YOUR FACE zone” we may have chosen different seats. 

3. As much as I may have previously judged parents for putting leashes on their children in the past, I have to say that if there is ever an appropriate use for a kid leash, the Riverwalk is it.  In fact, I fully intend to purchase one before heading back down there again.  You can judge me all you want.  At least I’ll be able to fish Kendall out of the river if he decides to make a running leap into it.

4. Bed & Breakfasts are all well and good when you are on a romantic getaway, but their quaintness and charm quickly transforms into annoyances and hazards when you are traveling with a toddler.  We should have opted for something with a little less personality and a little more sturdy furniture, and better air conditioning.  (How a little detail like no central a/c didn’t stand out while we were booking is beyond me.  It should be illegal to not have central a/c in San Antonio.  The devil spits in the general direction of wall units.)

5. Trying to go out for dinner with a toddler is akin to giving a cat a bath.  It is loud and messy and unpleasant for all, especially when dinner happens to be at bedtime (but what are you gonna do when bedtime happens to be 7:30?).  Food was thrown, drinks spilled, and add to that the sheer exhaustion from being up since 6:30 am (since, apparently, toddlers think it’s awesome to wake up at the ass crack of dawn on vacation), and, well…. I really don’t think I need any more words to describe the following photo.

But, what would a family vacation be with out a few bumps in the road?  I mean, years from now, the stories we will most likely remember and tell Kendall and maybe his kids about our first family vacation won’t be about all the things that went right. They will be about all the laughs we had at the things that went wrong, even if we weren’t able to really laugh at them until we got home to our air conditioned, toddler proofed home, after a full night of sleep.

Kendall is 1 year, 1 week and 6 days old.

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