Having a baby changes everything… even your Christmas list.

One of many failed attempts at a picture for the cards

One of many failed attempts at a picture for the cards

Christmas list 2 years ago when I was happily child free, fetus free, and not even a touch of the Baby Rabies:

1. High heel, pointy toed, knee high boots
2. Gift card to Sephora for lots of Smashbox makeup – specifically really cool eyeshadows with sparkles and brow highlighters
3.  Fun funky jewelry – chunky necklaces, long dangly earrings
4.  Something silky from Victoria’s Secret
5.  A cute wraparound top that perfectly fit my just the right size and perky bosom.

Christmas list last  year when I was 5 months pregnant, bloated and had cankles, but still had no actual child to influence my decisions:

1.  Ballet slipper inspired shoes (fashionable yet comfy with room for sausage toes)
2.  Gift card to Sephora for lotions and potions because surely Sephora would have something that prevents stretchmarks
3.  A ring big enough to fit on my Shrek fingers.
4. Underwear from Victoria’s Secret that actually cover both ass cheeks because pregnancy is already uncomfortable enough with out a V-string stuck up your crack
5. Maternity shirts that somehow managed to fit my exploding bosom without making me look like a circus tent

Christmas list this year:

1. New running shoes so that I may a) chase my increasingly mobile child around and b) be prepared for the miles I will have to start running to keep the weight off once this kid weans.
2.  Gift card to Sephora so that I may buy some pressed powder foundation and concealer for these dark circles that have suddenly appeared under my eyes, which most days is about the only thing I have time to put on.  I would also love to get myself a Chi flatiron in hopes of making this mommy cut look a little more trendy and a little less frumpy.
3. A nursing necklace with Kendall’s name and birth date engraved on it.  I get to be sentimental, while he has something to distract him from beating the shit out of me while he eats.  It’s a win, win really.
4. Bras and underwear from Victoria’s Secret that fit this completely different shaped body I’m left with.  I don’t understand… are the mediums now too big on me, or is it just that what little ass I had has now migrated to my belly?  And I never thought 36D boobs would need a push up bra.  Damn you gravity!
5. Shirts that fit over my milk factory bosom and still manage to be long enough to not show off the stretchmarks when I lift my arms.  Being back to your pre-pregnancy weight or less does NOT mean you will be back into your pre-pregnancy clothes, ladies.

Kendall is almost 7 months and 3 weeks old, I think.

50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide
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  1. Man, do I feel ya! My daughter is only three and a half months old but I am already impatient to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I hear you on the bra size/type issue too. Kinda nice not to be the only one.

  2. Yup, I’m in the sausage toe and cankle stage. So, I identify with your list. 😉 So, so sad that my christmas gift to myself this year was $$$ European stretchmark cream!

  3. Your post depressed me a little. I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant and this whole “next Christmas is going to be different” feeling has been nagging at me this year. It hadn’t yet extended to the differences I’ll be facing with my body and personal upkeep needs though, and now I’m thinking about that aspect. Thanks for the reality check. 🙂

  4. Pre-pg, I asked for Rachel Ray pots and pans, and something sparkly from Shane Co.

    This year, I asked for a Bissel steam cleaner and my favorite show on DVD since I have no time to watch it because it’s on during DD’s bedtime routine.

    Everything changes, but it was sure fun watching Olivia tear open her gifts and try to eat the paper this morning!

    Your blog always makes me laugh, and this one really hit home. Merry Christmas!

  5. You really hit home with this one !! I know what you mean, even when you get back to your pre-pregnancy weight, it is all in different places. I also now have no ass in exchange for a spare tire around my waste ! Funny how shirts seem to all get shorter as they sit in our closet.

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