I peed on a stick.

Don’t worry.  It’s negative… thank God… it’s negative.  I wasn’t too concerned.  We would pretty much have a snowball’s chance in hell of that happening right now, but it’s a chance nonetheless, and I had a dentist appointment yesterday and knew they would want to x-rays and such.  Since I don’t really have evidence that I’m NOT pregnant (a fabulous side effect of breastfeeding – no period) I decided to use up the last of the three pack I bought last year.  And you would think I never peed on a stick before.  I forgot to have the damn thing ready to be peed on when I sat down.  So I had to hold my pee (which is proving harder to do post vaginal delivery… guess I need to brush up on my Kegels) while I feverishly tried to tear the wrapper off the test.  It’s funny how the time it takes the pee to travel up the stick and through that magical window can really tell you a lot about how ready you are for a baby.  The last time I took a pregnancy test, and many times before that, I waited with hope, straining my eyes to see that second pink line as soon as possible.  It made me know I wanted it.  This last time I sat it down next to me, took a couple deep breaths and prayed that all I would see was a single, solitary, lonely pink line.  I did and the feeling I got from that made me know I’m not ready for another one.

Not that I really needed a pregnancy test to tell me that.  I honestly can not fathom having another baby right now, and it’s beyond me how all these couples we know with babies a year old or younger are already talking about how they itching for another!  Although, I must admit that I’m at least past the phase where I was convinced Kendall would be an only child.  His cuteness is starting to do it’s magic on me and I’m afraid I even have a touch of the mom-nesia.  I can’t, for the life of me, recall the horrible stinging feeling that I know I felt as he tore me up upon exit.  I can recall the pain of breaking my arm when I was 13, but I just can’t remember just how bad squirting out a nearly 9 lb baby was.  Before I know it, he’s going to have me thinking that all babies are born all sweet and cooing and wanting to snuggle with their mommies for naps.  I bet it’s only a matter of time before he zapps the memories of bawling my eyes out while he sucked the life out of my battered and abused nipples or his marathon screaming fits of colic right out of this head of mine.

So… yeah…. it’s been over a year since I’ve had a period.  And while I’m loving the absence of such an annoyance, I’m doubly afraid of it’s return.  I’m afraid when it does come back it’s going to be something a little like this YouTube video of one of the funniest SNL skits I’ve seen in a long time.

16 weeks 5 days

50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide
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  1. That skit is too damn funny. Congrats on your SINGLE pink like and an adorable munchkin! I just found your blog and am not proud to admit that I read it in it’s entirety. At work. For 3 hours. But it was just that good. I can completely relate to wanting to kick AF’s ass if she even THINKS about darkening our doorstep this month. LOVE LOVE LOVE your honesty. Truly appreciate you putting it all out there!

  2. OMG! That clip was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My first post baby period was brutal but it’s okay, we all live through it. if your not bf’ing anymore, than go on the pill, it’ll help make the first one easier on you. Congrats again on the one line! May you always have children when ever you are ready in life.

  3. Hey, post-partum thyroid problems can crop up well after delivery, typically after the baby is 6 months old, and that can cause no periods. I’m just mentioning it because that happened to me, and I thought I was pregnant, too! Just worth a mention to your doc if you’re feeling tired or out of sorts. I thought it was typical new-baby fatigue, but it was actually a thyroid thing. Fortunately, it resolved itself on its own, but if not, I would have had to taken some meds daily to keep myself in order.

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