Can I just freakin sleep on the toilet??

I have contemplated this many nights. *Sigh* Long gone are the days of being the last one at the party to “break the seal”.  I used to have a bladder that cows would be envious of.  I could make it through road trips with hardly a bathroom break, and the urge to pee NEVER woke me from a deep slumber.  Sadly, I think those days flew out the window with my perfect C cup breasts with proportionate and not purple nipples.

As I sat on the toilet a few weeks back I thought to myself, “I could put a pillow back here…hmmm…and I could move that basket over in front of me…yes…turn it upside down..that could work…I could just sleep here.”  But the angle just would never work.  Now, if I had a reclining toilet and maybe one of those gross (but completely necessary in this situation) grandma style cushioned toilet seats, we may be in business.

**Note to all people wanting to make money off of vulnerable pregnant women – Invent a toilet you can sleep on.  Also, invent a 24 hour delivery service that will make ANY type of food at ANY time of day that is catered toward pregnant woman (for example, a 24 hour pickle bar on the menu would be a fabulous option that would make you loads of cash).

So…back to peeing all the time.  It’s ridiculous.  The baby is not even 3 damn inches long! Peeing every two hours during the day is tiresome, but manageable.  Peeing every two hours at night is torture.  Just when I go into a deep sleep I have to wake up.  And how do I know I have to wake up?  Because in my dreams, no matter what dream I am having, I will all of the sudden begin searching furiously for a bathroom.  I could be playing poker with Brad Pitt and be seconds away from convincing him that Angelina is seriously a blood sucking alien from another planet and seconds later I’m running into the jungle in search of a clean bathroom.  I never find the bathroom in my dreams, and I’m guessing that’s a good thing.  Who knows…maybe one night I will find it and wake up to a wet bed.  Perhaps I should look into adult diapers……………….nah.  I even get so desperate to get every last drop of pee out of me that I find myself leaning forwards, backwards and side to side just to make sure.

Unfortunately, this is one of those things that I KNOW will not get better until the baby is out, and even then I don’t expect a full recovery.  Yes, I have heard the horror stories of women who pee every time they sneeze after pushing out kids.  I am bracing myself (and trying to do my kegels…but that’s another story).

However, what would be great is if, from all of this, my body would take a hint that it would be nice to poop one of those 12 times a day I am peeing.  Apparently, one is only allowed one poop every 3-4 days when pregnant.  It becomes incredibly uncomfortable.  In fact, I was convinced at the beginning of this week that the baby must be going through some crazy growth spurt because my belly was so tight and felt so heavy and full and I was even experiencing some pressure in my back.  Turns out I just really needed to poop…it had been days.  When I finally did, I literally felt lighter and was in a much better mood : )

11 weeks 5 days

50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide
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  1. It does get a little better in the 2nd tri only to come roaring back in the 3rd (so I hear.) Hang in there.

    Oh! My sister-in-law says pre-natal vitamins can work like a diuretic, so if you’re taking it before bed, you might want to switch to mornings.

  2. I have those dreams too! Either I can’t find a bathroom, or I find one but it’s far too disgusting to use. Oh, and for the pooping….try prunes. I’m not kidding. I made DH go out and buy me some the other night, and I’ve been “normal” ever since. And they don’t taste near as bad as I thought they would. Kind of like a big fruity raisin. I got the individually wrapped ones, which were fresh tasting, highly recommended!

  3. Dawn, it’s so funny you say that because I just bought those ind. wrapped prunes the other day! My husband was making fun of me and calling me an old lady ; ) I’m glad to hear the work!

  4. Apples work really well too – as I have learned at work. I’m a teacher which makes it a little difficult when that apple from lunch has made its way through the body. Good times.

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